The temptation for Christians is to think of marriage as a mundane, everyday, ordinary topic about which books and articles and seminars will never end. Give in to that temptation because it is true. The reason so many writers can turn a profit on marriage is twofold. One reason, the true reason, is that marriage is rooted in what Francis Schaeffer calls True Truth. Marriage reflects a reality that was established by God. The other reason is that marriage involves two beings completely unlike the other and thus, marriage is fraught with problems. This second reason is where the money can be made because every shrink or pastor offers the “solution” to the troubled marriage. And, despite all of this being true, our Holy Scripture calls marriage good. Malachi puts it this way- “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.”
In this exhortation we will approach marriage covenantally. Because our God is a covenantal God, and marriage was His idea after all, given as a good gift to humanity, marriage is therefore covenantal. When two kids around the age of twenty take vows before God and His people how is it that we all can keep a straight face? Think about this- they are barely out of the house that raised them, released to the world to discover what they are made of and… taking lifelong vows is their best and brightest idea? The modern man laughs this all to scorn but what he doesn’t realize is that if the parents have faithfully raised these children in a Godly, covenantal home, then this is the next natural step in their lives. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
The covenant of marriage is a great protection then for this young couple. And why? Because what they are doing is committing themselves to one another “til death do them part”. This means that no matter the mood swing, haircut, weight gain, change of habit, or attitude they are pledged to do one another good all the days of their life. But far from being “stuck” as some would see this arrangement, what should these godly restraints of commitment do? They should conform us into the image of Christ. Think about Paul’s words in Ephesians 5. In verses 25-31 Paul walks through marriage dynamics and how husband and wife ought to relate to one another. But then in verse 32 he says all of this is actually about Christ and his church. Christ in his life and death, burial and ascension is clearly committed to His bride. He does not abandon her, He does not treat her poorly. Rather, because He loves her he is committed to perfecting her. It is the same for us in our marriages. We have committed ourselves to our spouses. If we do not like something that we see (that is to say, something sinful in their life) we don’t get to hit the eject button. Rather, we who are spiritual ought to restore them. And you can guarantee that this correction is going to flow in your direction as well.
We have already seen that marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and His bride, but what else is marriage for? Scripture says that it is for the procreation of children, sexual delight, and protection against sin. We will handle these in turn.
We have already seen in our Malachi text that our God is after Godly seed. It is not enough to just be fruitful and multiply though that is certainly part of it. Rather, what our God wants is for Christian parents to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). This means for you married couples that part of the in-home instruction for your children is for them to see you hugging, kissing, laughing, holding hands and drinking wine together. Why? The answer is so that they have a picture of what Godly marriage looks like. When they are full grown then, they too will know how to walk with their God and their spouse and then, have their own children that they raise up in the Lord.
Back to the hugging, kissing, and laughing for a moment. Christians have been embarrassed for a long time about what happens behind closed doors all the while pretending that the Bible does not include an entire book about what happens there. The Song of Songs is an erotic love poem and in it we see the sexual relationship unfold between Lover and Beloved. In God’s kindness to us He has given us sexual delight in which married couples return to their garden state of naked and unashamed. And what the couple is doing there in the marriage bed is confirming their covenant before God. The lovemaking taking place is akin to saying “once again, I commit myself, body and soul, to you.”
Finally, covenantal marriage is a protection for us as we seek to live holy lives. 1 Cor. 7:5 says that satan is seeking to tempt us because of our lack of self control. Paul says because of this reality, do not deprive one another sexually. We can take this principle and expand it though. We ought not to grow distant from our spouse. This means there needs to be regular time spent with and around your spouse. God has given you your spouse to enjoy not only sexually but as your closest companion. Go on walks, hold hands, go on dates and eat and drink together, confide in one another, plan vacations together for the family. Know how she likes her coffee, and know which is his favorite bourbon. The list goes on and the devil hates this kind of fun loving creativity.
The covenant of marriage contains all sorts of life. It contains delight and sanctification and lots of good stories. Satan would love to rip all of this apart so remember: your spouse is not your enemy. There is a real enemy seeking to destroy the marriage covenant but it is not your spouse. Therefore treat one another with honor, love, and respect and give thanks to the God who gave this wonderful institution to you.
Joshua Dockter – June 16, 2024
