Christ Church

How to Be a Christian Kid #2

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INTRODUCTION

As we examine the Scriptures on this topic, we find that the central duty that Christian offspring have is the duty of honor. This honor has different manifestations depending on the time of life, but there is always honor at the center. And this means, in its turn, that learning how to be a Christian kid means learning how to honor. 

THE TEXT

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Our text is the fifth commandment, first given to the Israelites at Mount Sinai in Arabia (Ex. 20:12). The commandment is repeated again in the second giving of the law, near the end of the forty years in the wilderness. In this second giving of the fifth commandment, the language is a little more expansive. “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Deuteronomy 5:16). This version refers back to Sinai, and it promises a good quality of life, not just a long life. 

When Paul quotes this commandment in Ephesians 6, he is referring to the form of it in Deuteronomy because he includes “that it may go well with thee.” He calls it the first commandment with a promise. As came out in discussion with one of you, the word for first is protos. This can mean first in a sequence, but it cannot be the meaning here—the second and third commandments also contain promises. The word protos can also mean chief, or preeminent, or best, or principal. In Luke 15:12, the robe that is brought out for the returning prodigal is the best robe, and the word used is protos. And so this fifth commandment is the chief commandment with a promise. It is the key to many of God’s intended covenant blessings for us.  

TWO STAGES OF HONOR

Scripture requires that children honor their parents, and this is a commandment that does not diminish in force as you grow older. The honor is rendered differently according to your time of life, but it does not 

When you are a dependent child, your honor is demonstrated fundamentally through obedience (Eph. 6:1). The word for obey means to heed, or to listen. So Paul says, “children, obey,” and the reason they are to obey follows in the very next verse, which is Paul’s reference to the fifth commandment. More on this in a moment. 

When you are grown up, what then? How do grown children show honor to their parents? They are to do it through practical financial support.

“For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye” (Mark 7:10–13). 

So when children are little, living at home, and mom and dad are paying the bills, the appropriate response is simply obedience. And after children are grown and independent, they are not independent of the obligation to honor, which they render by means of practical support. This is a design feature. It is how things are supposed to be.

WHAT THIS OBEDIENCE LOOKS LIKE

So if you are dependent on your parents, you are to honor them through obedience. And remember that the commandment includes your mother. Sons, you are to obey your mothers. “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother” (Proverbs 1:8; 6:20). This is the one part of your life where the patriarchy does not apply.

There are three elements to this that I would point out. 

The first is that you are to do what you are told. “But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matthew 21:28–31). 

 The second is that you are to accept the discipline they apply to you. “Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?” (Hebrews 12:9). 

The third is that you are to learn how to work hard. A lazy son is one who brings shame to his parents, and it your task to bring honor to them, not shame.  “He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: But he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame” (Proverbs 10:5). “He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, Is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach” (Proverbs 19:26).

If you do these three things as a child, you will be in a good position to do what you are called to do as an adult child. 

DOUBLE PORTION

Scripture teaches that the oldest son, even if he is the son of a less-favored wife, is to receive a double portion of the inheritance. This was because he had the primary responsibility for caring for his parents as they aged. “But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his” (Deuteronomy 21:17).

But this is a cycle. Parents lay up for children, so that the children have the wherewithal to care for them . . . and then some. “Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children” (2 Corinthians 12:14). A righteous man should receive from his parents and be willing to care for them, and also to leave an inheritance for his grandchildren. “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children: And the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just” (Proverbs 13:22). 

But life is messy, and there are times when the oldest son is unable or unwilling to do what he is called to do. What then? The rest of the family is still involved. “If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed” (1 Timothy 5:16).

“But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God” (1 Timothy 5:4, NKJV). 

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8, NKJV). 

THE GOD WHO BLESSES THROUGH CHRIST

When confronted with our responsibility to treat this commandment as the chief commandment with a promise, if we try to shy away from it all as somehow “unrealistic,” we need to confront our own unbelief. This is the chief commandment with a promise, and so our reluctance is unbelief in Christ. “For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.” (2 Corinthians 1:20). If all the promises are amen in Him, then how not the chief of the promises?

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How to Be a Christian Kid #1

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INTRODUCTION

“Growing up Christian” is a process that revolves around a relationship between people. In most cases, you have the parents on the one hand, and you have the child or the children on the other. And, as the Scriptures plainly teach, growing up Christian is a cooperative effort. It is something that the parents are actively engaged in doing, but it is also something that calls for godly and intelligent responses from the child. And so it is that we are going to spend a few Sundays on how to be a Christian kid. 

THE TEXT

“Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right” (Proverbs 20:11). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

We will begin with the obvious meaning of this passage, which is that even children are to be considered moral agents. While we do need to make some adjustments for age, a fact recognized by Scripture in the use of that word even—“even a child”—the fact remains that young children live in a moral universe. There is an up and a down. There is a right and a wrong. There is purity and impurity. Even a child is known by his actions. His actions can be pure or impure, and his actions can be right or wrong. And this being the case, at bottom, there can be love for God and His ways, or a distaste for Him and His ways. Even a child is attracted or repelled.

THE FIRST DISTINCTION

If we are going to talk about being a Christian kid, as we are, the very first thing to do is define what that means. What do we mean by Christian? We are dealing with two senses of the word here.

The first sense has to do with the fact that, like it or not, you are part of the visible church. You are baptized. And when you were baptized, it was in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You are in the church. You are a member of the covenant. That is the first sense. You are a Christian in the same way that you are not a Muslim, and not a Buddhist. You are being brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). But to put it crudely, you are a Christian here because someone brought you here, and you didn’t really have a choice. And when you were baptized, right here, we all stood up and said, “and you, still, know nothing of it.” Nobody asked your permission.

And this brings to our minds what Corrie ten Boom once said, which was that “a mouse born in a biscuit box isn’t a biscuit.” This has a good point to it, and it is one we should always remember, but it is still a tad simplistic. A traitor born in America isn’t an American . . . ah, but he is. That’s what makes him a traitor. A husband who cheats on his wife isn’t a husband . . . ah, but he is. That’s what makes him unfaithful. 

So the second sense of the word has to do with whether your heart is right before God. Are your loyalties in the right place? It was possible, for example, to be a Jew in the sense of not being a Buddhist, and yet still to not be a true Jew. A true Jew was one who was one inwardly, who had been circumcised in the heart, by the Spirit (Rom. 2:28-29).

Now, since everybody we are talking about (in this message) is in the covenant, in the visible church, how are we supposed to tell the difference? So, just to be clear, as a Christian kid, you are not required to have a convulsive religious experience, in which you hear all the angels singing, and your mother cannot even approach your bedroom because it is suffused with a numinous and golden glow. And if that ever did happen, she would probably pound on the door and say, “Honey, stop it! We’re Reformed.”  

EVEN A CHILD

So when we are evaluating the actions of a child, we should make sure to use the biblical weights and measures. And when you are evaluating your own actions, as a child, you should be doing the same thing. Don’t measure with the wrong yardstick.  

If someone is truly converted to God, this shows up in their thinking and actions. We do not produce such fruit in order to become the fruit tree, but if we have been transformed into a fruit tree, then there is going to be fruit. Make sure you get this in the right order. First the tree, then the fruit, and then the fruit inspection. This being the case, what should you be looking for? The problem with morbid self-examination is not that people check their own hearts (2 Cor. 13:5). That by itself is a good thing to do. The problem with morbid self-examination is that it uses standards of evaluation that are entirely made up—e.g. “I must not be a true Christian because I was tempted to sin once.”

LOYALTY AT THE CENTER

So let me ask you a few questions in three basic areas. 

The first is this. Do you love Jesus Christ? Are you loyal to Him? “Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory” (1 Peter 1:8). In short, what do you make of Jesus Christ? What do you think of Him? His name is on you—what do you make of that? Is that what you want?

The second has to do with your attitude toward Scripture. Are you hungry to hear about the things of God? “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). When you were born physically, you were born hungry. That is a good sign of life—a desire for food. When the people were first converted at Pentecost, they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching (Acts 2:42).

And last, do you love and honor your folks? This is a command from God, and it is a command with a promise. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1–3). Notice that he says more than that you should simply do this. He says you are to do it “in the Lord.” We will have more to say about this passage in the remaining messages.

You are a Christian kid. You are part of this body. Moreover, you are an essential part of this body. It is our desire to have all of you, as part of this body, to be a healthy part of it, and not a neglected or diseased part of it. And as part of the body, it all goes back to your relationship to the Head, who is Christ.

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The Meaning of Contentment (
Philippians #16)

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INTRODUCTION

We come now to the conclusion of Paul’s letter to the Philippians. The theme of this passage is the importance of contentment, in the context Paul’s gratitude for the financial support that the Philippians contributed. Because the kingdom of God does not run on air, the Scriptures do talk about finances and financing kingdom work. But there is a striking difference between how Scripture addresses it and how worldly professionals do.  

THE TEXT

“But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction. Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity. Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account. But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Salute every saint in Christ Jesus. The brethren which are with me greet you. All the saints salute you, chiefly they that are of Caesar’s household. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen” (Philippians 4:10–23). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The Philippians had supported Paul earlier, had then been denied opportunity to help, and had now resumed their support. This was an occasion of joy for Paul (v. 10). Paul brought up money, but he hastens to assure them that it was not because he was hinting for more (v. 11). He notes that he had learned contentment in whatever condition he found himself (v. 11). But take note of that word learned. He knew how to be abased, and how to abound, how to be full and hungry both, and how to abound and how to lack (v. 12). In what kind of situation? Well, he says “everywhere, and in all things” (v. 12). I can do all things through Christ who provides strength, meaning that he had learned how to be content in all circumstances (v. 13).

Nevertheless, their support for him was well done, relieving his affliction as they had done (v. 14). When he had left Macedonia (where Philippi was located), they well knew that they had been Paul’s only support at that time (v. 15). They had done this when Paul was in Thessalonica (v. 16). Paul then repeats that he is not talking about this as a sneaky way of getting more from them (v. 17). He actually wants them to have the blessing of becoming givers. He has everything he needs from them via Epaphroditus—which he calls a sweet-smelling sacrifice to God (v. 18), and well-pleasing to Him. God will make a return to them, supplying all the needs of these givers (v. 19). This is according to His wealth in the glory of Christ. Praise and glory are then offered up to the Father (v. 20). Salute all the saints there, and the brethren with Paul send greetings (v. 21). All the saints salute the Philippians, particularly those who are in Caesar’s household (v. 22). The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all, and amen (v. 23).  

CONTENTMENT, NOT STOICISM

That famous phrase—“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”—is not primarily about doing well at Christian school track meets. The “all things” Paul is referring to is the ability to remain contented under the providences of God, even when those providences are hard.

Now Christian contentment is not stoicism. Stoicism teaches that whether you are experiencing pain or pleasure ought to be a matter of utter indifference. But Christian contentment is not a matter of “not caring.” It is not the absence of caring, but rather the presence of something—faith in the God who apportions all things for His glory and our good.

But the Christian still knows which direction to pray, and which direction to go. When Paul was in need and afflicted, the Philippians knew to relieve him. It would have been odd for them to try to confiscate some of his food when he was well-fed.    

NOT ANGLING FOR THE GIFT

Paul is grateful for their support, and he makes sure to thank them for it. But it is important to note that the apostle feels awkward about it. He twice brings up the fact that he is not trying to manipulate them for more (vv. 11, 17). At the same time, while talking about their financial support for the work, it is equally important to note how important giving is. This is not because everything would fold if we were to stop giving. Rather, it is because we would wither up if we stopped giving. Paul describes their financial generosity in the terms of the Old Testament sacrifices, which provided a sweet-smelling aroma to God. This is a big deal.

And incidentally, both sides of this are why our offering box is hard to find, and also why the presentation of it has an important place in our liturgy. The gift to God is crucial. The collection of the gift is more susceptible to abuse, and so we take care with that. 

GLORIOUS SUPPLY

God sees your generosity, and He sees it as He describes it. It is seed that goes into the ground, and when we farm according to biblical principles, God is the one who sees to the harvest—“my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Our task as Christians is to glorify the name of Jesus Christ, and this is one of the means assigned to us.  

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That Passes Understanding (
Philippians #15)

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INTRODUCTION

Paul is following his typical pattern here. He loves to conclude his epistles with a set of rapid-fire exhortations, which is what he is doing here in our passage. The two larger themes to take away from this would be peace and purity—the peace of God, and purity of heart. These are the two main points to take away with us today. God wants His people protected from anxiety, and He wants them to cultivate purity of mind. 

THE TEXT

“Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” (Philippians 4:4–9). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The Christian has a solemn obligation to live a life of joy (v. 4). Paul tells the Philippians to rejoice in the Lord all the time, and then he anchors the point a second time—rejoice (v. 4). He then says that Christians are to be steady people, and that their steady moderation should be visible to others (v. 5). Why? Because the Lord is at hand. One of the things that interferes with joy is anxiety, and so he then says to be anxious for nothing (v. 6). Rather than be anxious, he says that we are to present our requests to God with “prayer and supplication”—with thanksgiving. If you do this, then the peace of God—beyond our understanding—will protect your hearts and minds through Christ (v. 7). Thus protected, what are we supposed to do then? We are to set our minds to run a particular course. We are to think (logizomai) on certain objects. What should those objects be like? They should be true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, if there is any virtue or any praise. Pay attention to how wide ranging this is. Look at the “whatsoever” and “if there be any.” Those descriptions should be applied across the board. Paul then pronounces a blessing on those who do what they have learned, received, heard, and observed (v. 9). If they do this, then the peace of God—the guardian of their hearts and minds earlier—will accompany them. 

FREEDOM FROM ANXIETY

Worry is a basic challenge that many Christians struggle with. One of the reasons we have so much trouble is that we have a tendency to take this verse and pull it inside out. We have an anxiety and so we pray and pray and pray. What we are doing actually is worrying on our knees. This happens because we imagine the peace of God to be down inside us somewhere, and we try to arrange and configure our hearts and minds so as to protect that deep, inner peace of God. But this is exactly backwards. Notice that Paul says the peace of God protects our hearts and minds, not that our hearts and minds protect the peace of God.

The peace of God is the armor we must put on. The peace of God is the helmet that protects your head. The peace of God is the breastplate that protects your innards. Your head is not the helmet. Your stomach is not made of bronze. 

So how do we put the armor on? Paul tells us the basic steps here. 1. Don’t exclude anything. If it is big enough to trouble you, it is not too small to bring to God—“in every thing.” 2. Present your requests to God. Lay them all out. 3. With thanksgiving. This is often the missing piece. When you are done laying out your worries before God, find a place where you can sing a hymn of thanksgiving. You don’t simply thank God after He answers your prayers. You should thank Him, really thank Him, before He does. Remember that you are dealing with two things here—your prayer about “the issue,” and your “anxiety about the issue.”

TRUE AND LOVELY

Now this next part of the passage—whatever is true, whatever is lovely—applies to absolutely everyone here. We all must take it to heart. But I want to take a moment to address you young people on this topic. This is because you have been flattered into thinking that none of this applies to you, and yet it actually applies especially to you.  

If your Spotify playlist has at least one song that has that explicit warning attached, then you are not nearly as wise as you think you are. And this applies more broadly as well. It applies to the books you read, the TikTok videos you watch, the movies you take in, and the web sites you visit. And of course it applies to porn and almost porn. It is a bad business for someone to gunk up his brains at any time of life, but your brains are still growing into a particular shape—the concrete is still wet. Do you really want a patio with that many dried waves in it? And whether or not your folks were too careless in letting you run feral in cyber-space, you are still Christians with your own set of responsibilities before God. Stop putting dog doo in your salads, and then feeling virtuous because you know how to eat around the worst bits.  

C.S. Lewis made the point this way:

“Literature exists to teach what is useful, to honour what deserves honour, to appreciate what is delightful” (The Discarded Image, p. 214).

CHRIST IS THE PEACE OF GOD

In verse 7, it says the peace of God will do its guarding of our hearts and minds through Christ. We are told in Ephesians to put on the full armor of God. The helmet of salvation—well, Christ is our salvation (Eph. 6:17; Is. 59:17). We are to have the belt of truth (Eph. 6:14). Well, Christ is the truth (John 14:6). Our breastplate is righteousness (Eph. 6:14; Is. 59:17), and Christ is our righteousness (Jer. 23:6). Our feet are shod with the gospel of peace (Eph. 6:15), and Christ is the gospel. We have the shield of faith (Eph. 6:16), and we are saved by the faith of Christ Jesus (Gal. 2:16). When we put on this armor, we are putting on Christ. When we walk in this way, we are walking with Christ, who always accompanies us. 

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Likeminded at the Pinch Point 
(Philippians #14)

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INTRODUCTION

Everybody thinks that likemindedness is a wonderful thing, and everyone approves of it in the abstract. Behold how pleasant it is when brethren dwell together in unity. Oil in Aaron’s beard, and all that (133:1). But we then get caught in what might be called the likemindedness dilemma. We approve of likemindedness when we are not in need of the virtue that makes it possible. And when we are genuinely in need of that virtue, we start to feel like likemindedness is not really “realistic.”

THE TEXT

“Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved. I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life” (Philippians 4:1–3). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul is now gearing up for his conclusion to the epistle. And so he addresses the Philippians as “brethren, dearly beloved and longed for” (v. 1). In addition, he calls them his “joy and crown,” just before he urges them to stand fast in the Lord—and then he calls them “dearly beloved” again (v. 1). He says something very similar to the Thessalonians (e.g. joy and crown): “For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?” (1 Thessalonians 2:19).

Paul then turns to a very practical problem in the church. Two women—who had been co-laborers with Paul in the gospel—had had a falling out. We know their names—Euodias and Syntyche—and we know that they were dear to Paul, and that their names were in the book of life, together with some others (v. 3). What we don’t know is what the quarrel was about, or who was in the right. Paul doesn’t go into that, and yet urges them to like-mindedness anyhow (v. 2). They were good Christian women, and had helped Paul, together with Clement and others. The dispute was apparently one in which it was not necessary to go into the details.

THE GALATIONS 6:1 DILEMMA

Here is a basic principle to remember. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

Quarrels erupt when a brother is overtaken in a fault, or when we think a brother is overtaken in a fault. But whether he is at fault, or we only think he is, the injunction that Paul gives us here applies. The erring brother should be restored by someone who is 1. spiritual 2. coming in a spirit of meekness, and 3. mindful of his own vulnerabilities.

The problem is that when you meet these requirements, you are qualified to correct—but have no motivation to correct. And when you are motivated to correct, it is usually because of a disqualification in one or more of these three areas. You are not spiritual, not meek, or not considering yourself. 

This applies to child rearing, by the way. When you are motivated to let the kids have it, you are not qualified. And when you are qualified, it does seem like kind of a hassle to get out of your chair and go deal with it. When you feel like yelling, you aren’t qualified, and when you are qualified to be yelling, you don’t want to. Child discipline must therefore be a matter of obedience, and not be something that runs on an emotional platform.  

FAULTS, REAL & IMAGINED

Now these situations are tough enough without us adding extra temptations to the pile. With this many sinners in the room, and in the community, there are bound to be thousands of bumps and bruises. Not only are there actual bumps and bruises, there are also the self-inflicted bumps and bruises. These occur when you imagine why your friend didn’t text you back, after you had texted her three times. You get yourself worked up into a state over it, because if you didn’t text somebody back after they had texted you three times, it would be because you were furious with them. Or perhaps it was because they went boating, and she dropped her phone in the lake (Prov 18:17).

We have enough work to do when we limit ourselves to real offenses. The Lord said that each day has enough trouble of its own, and so we shouldn’t create new and unnecessary ones. So in the same spirit, every relationship has enough troubles—sufficient unto the relationship are the grievances thereof. Love hopes all things, believes all things (1 Cor. 13:7). This means that before you know the whole story, the only speculation you are allowed to indulge in would be the speculation that is exculpatory. You should busy yourself making excuses for the other person. You will not always be correct, but the number of your quarrels will go down.

But when the offense is real, what then? When your brother or sister really has sinned against you, how do we avoid quarrels then? The first way is to let love cover it (Prov. 10:12; 1 Pet. 4:8). This is to sweep things under the carpet . . . but it must be a magic love carpet. This kind of carpet dissolves anything that is swept under it. The carpet doesn’t get lumpy over time. But if the sin is significant enough that it wouldn’t be healthy for anybody to let it ride, then what you do is follow the process laid out in Matthew 18:15-17. These are the only two legitimate options—cover or confront. What isn’t on the table is complaining about it to others.

AVOIDING QUARRELS AS GOSPEL PROCLAMATION

When we stay well away from rancor—whether over promotions, parking spots, or politics—we are doing so on the basis of gospel imitation. 

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31–32).

How are we supposed to be toward one another? Kind. Tenderhearted. Forgiving. Then we are told this is the way Christ was with us. Because Christ was kind to us, because He was tenderhearted toward us, and because He forgave us, so we also as Christians are called to a life of imitation. As the master in the parable forgave his servant an enormous sum (Matt. 18:21-35), so also we are to forgive those comparatively small amounts that we owe one another.

As we do this, we are showing the world what the aroma of forgiveness though Christ is actually like. And that is a gospel aroma.  

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