Christ Church

Decluttering Your Marriage #2

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Introduction:
In the message last week, we addressed how the problem of how pride and a lack of self-reflection compounds the problem of cluttered relationships. In this message we are going to focus on practical steps that will help you get things picked up, and will help you keep it that way. As things stand now, you are contemplating moving to the Swiss Alps to start your own signature ministry—you could call it Debris.

The Text:
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

Summary of the Text:
The text contains an overt teaching about confession and the blessing of God. But there is also an unstated assumption about time which we can make explicit in paraphrase. “He who covers his sins for any length of time shall not prosper for that length of time. But whoever confesses and forsakes them immediately shall have mercy immediately” (Prov. 28:13).
This is one of those things that you might think goes without saying. And it does go without saying in any area where the prideful heart of man is not messing with us. Suppose you burned yourself, and a doctor gave you some ointment for the burn. He said, “Put this on.” Would you ask, “Should I start applying it next August? Or perhaps after the first of the year?” No. You got burned now, and so you put on the ointment now. Stop covering up your sins now and receive the blessed prosperity of God now.
One more thing, since we are talking about “covering sins.” Sins must be covered. It is not a bad impulse to want to cover them. They are shameful, and cry out for a covering. Our own lame efforts to cover them with lies, bluster, and moralistic furniture polish are not wrong because they cover, but rather because they don’t. The only thing that really covers sin is the blood of our great High Priest. Every other way of dealing with sin has to be done constantly, repetitively, over and again. And like the woman with that discharge in the gospels, the more the doctors treated her the worse it got. When we cover, the problem is that we can’t. But knowing the need for the covering is not the problem.

A Tale of Two Houses:
Those of you who have gone through my pre-marriage counseling have almost certainly heard this illustration. But given the nature of the world, I give it to you again with no apologies.

Imagine two families living side-by-side. They are good friends, the husbands work at the same company, they drive the same kind of minivan, and they have the same number of kids. The only visible difference between the homes is that one of them is apparently spotless and the other one is knee-deep in clutter.

Now life happens in both of them. And the kind of life that happens is at least comparable. The same number of tee-shirts get put on in the morning and taken off at night. The same number of shoes are worn. The same number of breakfast bowls are used. The difference between the two homes is not the rate at which things get dirty. The difference between the homes is the rate at which things get clean. In the clean home, the philosophy is “it must be done, so let’s do it now.” In the cluttered home, the philosophy is “let’s postpone this until it is bad enough to be thrown into the fright room.”

This is a parable. Your marriage is one of those houses. Which one is it?

Why Not Now?
The Bible tells us to confess our faults to one another (Jas. 5:16). This is something that should characterize life generally, but it is most obvious when done in the home. And when people refuse to do this in the home that is also glaringly obvious. Something just spilled. Wipe it up now. Something just go knocked over. Pick it up now. Something just got dirty. Rinse it out and put it in the dishwasher now.

What this is about is the confession of your own faults, period. You can confess other people’s sins all day long, and your joy still doesn’t come back. And if confess your own sin, but you are doing it only to “prime the pump” of their confession, and then you get mad because they didn’t take the hint, it should hardly be a news flash that you are doing it wrong. And if you wrap up a barbed accusation in the thin filmy gauze of an inadequate confession, this is also a problem. “I am sorry for being mildly annoyed at your egregious behavior just now.” When you confess, confess as though you are the only person in the history of the world who ever did anything wrong. You know theologically that this is not the case, but your emotions need the practice anyhow.

A Few Rules of Thumb:
We all need reminders to help us “do it now.” When Nancy and I were first married (or engaged, I forget), we agreed on some basic rules that would govern our behavior in this respect. And if you were to ask me for one bit of advice on marriage and one only, this is what it would be. Keep short accounts. Pay it down now. Rinse it now.

This is what you do when you get out of fellowship. And by “out of fellowship,” I mean annoyed, irritated, bent, frosted, angry, ruffled, agitated—with the barbs directed at the other. You have such an episode, the kind that we called “bumps.” And a bump is not a simple difference of opinion.

1. When you have had a bump, do not separate, do not part company.
2. When you have had a bump, do not let anybody into your home.
3. When you have had a bump, do not go into anybody else’s home.
4. When you have had a bump in the presence of others, use your pre-arranged hand signal.

Remember the Relationships:
These are not the rules that “nice” people follow. These are just simple reminders for sinners to pick up after themselves. And to constantly remember that apart from Jesus Christ, there is no way to pick up after yourself. He is the third party in your marriage relationship, and so do not treat Him as an abstract principle. What do you want the aroma of your home to be? You want people to walk in and feel like Christ is there.

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Decluttering Your Marriage #1

Ben Zornes on

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Introduction:
Many of you have been married for quite a number of years now. This can be wonderful, like aging wine, but before anyone says awwww, it can also grow seriously un-wonderful, as bad spiritual habits compound with interest. Marriages can get badly cluttered, like a neglected garage, attic, or basement. And when things get cluttered, they also get people into a position where they really don’t know what to do. Where should they start?

The Text:
“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Gal. 6:1).

Summary of the Text:
We are going to begin with this text because it lays down some important principles for the process of decluttering any relationship, but particularly your relationship with your spouse.

Say that someone else is overtaken in a fault. You see a problem over there. Who should correct it? Paul first states what the qualifications are for the one undertaking the job of correcting another. He says that the task is limited to those “which are spiritual.” If you are annoyed, bothered, frustrated, exasperated, you are the one person on the planet who may not correct the problem. And the problem is that when you are qualified, you are not motivated. And when you are motivated, you are not qualified. But say that someone is overtaken in a trespass, and suppose further that you are qualified to say something. Paul has additional cautions. The first is that you are there to administer a restoration, not a beat down. The second is that you must conduct yourself in a spirit of meekness, gentleness, and humility. The third is that you must keep one eye on yourself, remembering that you too are susceptible to temptation.

So the presenting problem is that somebody else sinned, and you might be a person who could help. If you already succumbed to temptation, you need to stay out of it. If you cannot come with restoration in your heart, stay out of it.

If you are not functioning in spirit of meekness, then stay out of it. And if you are not mindful of your own frailty in these things, then stay out of it.

Considering Yourself:
I want to begin by helping you to “consider yourself.” This is coming from four decades of marriage counseling—and I want to assure you that I have pretty much seen it all. What creates intractable marriage problems? The answer to that question is not sins, but rather one sin—the sin of pride—the opposite of the spirit of meekness. Particular sins would be things like alcohol, porn, financial irresponsibility, and so on. One of you does something wrong or foolish, you recognize it as a sin, and then work with your spouse on reconciliation and forgiveness. Things can be messy but are pretty straightforward.

But what gets your marriage stuck right up to the axles? What creates marriages that are just impossible? This feat is accomplished by means of pride. “Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?” (Eccl. 7:16). In other words, you destroy your marriage with what you think are your virtues. You don’t repent of virtues, do you? Many Christians are marital Pharisees, flatly convinced of their own righteousness and of the ungrateful unrighteousness of everybody else under the same roof, not to mention the obtuseness of the counselor who fails to recognize the evil you must contend with daily. This is a common problem in the church, and it is why Jesus used to think it was important to say crazy stuff. “Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matt. 21:31).

You call it righteous indignation, but God calls it the wrath of man. You call maternal concern, but God calls it manipulative worry. You call it prudent input, but God calls it a critical spirit. You call it decisive leadership, but God calls it financial irresponsibility. You call it theological precision, but God calls it neglecting the weightier matters of the law. But whoever repents of righteous indignation, maternal concern, prudent input, decisive leadership, or theological precision? Nobody repents of those things, which is why many pastors wish there were a counseling equivalent of SWAT teams.

How to Approach a Pile of Clutter:
Now if you are at an impasse in your relationship, then you need to recognize that your pile of clutter is almost certainly the result of two piles of clutter that merged. And if you come to the realization that you have a significant amount of unconfessed sin in your life, then—returning to our text—do not start with the other person’s pile of clutter.

If they need to be motivated, if they need to see how easy it is to do, then here’s an idea. Show them how. You’ve got your own pile. Confess your own sins. Astonish the world.

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

A Third Party
We need to realize that moralism doesn’t work in marriage any better than it works anywhere else. Moralism is a bust. High standards and traditional values are the ropes that sinners use to throttle one another. A spiritual home is a home full and overflowing with grace. And it is not possible for a marriage to be overflowing with grace unless it is overflowing with Christ.

And so Christ must be present in order for a marriage to be blessed. He need not be present for entropy to govern everything. He need not be present for your attic to fill up with useless clutter. He need not be present for pride to take over the atmosphere at the dinner table. He need not be present for conversations to grow snark and criticism the way gardens grow thistles. But He must be present for us to see all these things rightly.

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Christ Entire

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Introduction:
You may have picked up on “one of the things we say around here,” which is “all of Christ for all of life.” But what do we mean by that exactly? It may sound very spiritual, but if it doesn’t mean anything, it can’t mean anything very spiritual.

The Text:
“And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence” (Col. 1:17–18).

Summary of the Text:
Jesus Christ is our entry point into everything. He is before all things (v. 17), prior to all things, antecedent to every contingent mote of material reality. He is the Head of the body, His own body, which is the church. We as believers make up that body, and so it is that He is the head for us. Paul then says that Jesus Christ is the arche. The translation here says beginning, but do not think of beginnings as measured by stopwatches. It is the same word that is used in John 1:1. Rather Paul is saying that Christ is the ultimate unity, the integration point for all things, the cornerstone and capstone both. He has been manifested as the heir of this position by His resurrection from the dead (Rom. 1:4), or as Paul puts it here, He is the firstborn from the dead. The end result is that we are to see Christ as having the preeminence over absolutely everything (v. 18).

The Fragmentation of Death:
Now I used the phrase integration point. Why is this important? As naïfs schooled in the catechisms of modernity, we tend to think of death as cessation. If something dies, that means it konked. If someone dies, that means their atoms return to the great cosmic slurry, and “they” cease to be (whatever “they” were). Even if we deny this formally as Christians who believe in the resurrection, we are still too much affected by the assumptions that swirl around the idea of death as cessation.
But death is actually separation. When our bodies die, the soul and body are separated (2 Cor. 5:8). When our first parents took the forbidden fruit, they were separated from their fellowship with God (Gen. 3:8). This was spiritual death, which is spiritual alienation. “And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world” (Eph. 2:1–2).

So intellectual death is also separation—intellectual fragmentation. You have so many opinions, but they are all shattered on the floor. Nothing ties them together, which is why the Christian task is to bring all those thoughts into submission to Christ. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). Before they are brought to the obedience of Christ, they—like the thinker generating them—are dead. And if you manage to get them published, and into libraries and bookstores, that just makes them deader.
Only in Christ can we find life, which means that only in Him can we live in a universe. Only in Christ can there be such a thing as a university. If Christ is not raised, then all our thoughts are nothing more than ten thousand tons of confetti dumped into an F-5 tornado. And the tornado really is a poor image of this, in that it exhibits far too much order.

A Ministry of Reconciliation:
Now if death is separation, then restored life is a reunification. Resurrection means reconciliation, and the message of the resurrection is the ministry of reconciliation.

“And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation” (2 Cor. 5:18–19).

This is the grand project. Notice that phrase—in Christ, reconciling. That is as much as to say in Christ, resurrecting. This is what God has determined to give to a world that did not deserve its restoration. This is the word that we have had entrusted to us. This is what we are talking about.

“That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him” (Eph 1:10).

“And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven” (Col. 1:20).

Grace and Peace:
Now all of this should rejoice every believing heart. But let’s push it into the corners, shall we? In what ways have we among the Reformed made their accommodations with the ideology of death? Systematic theology is one of the glories of the church, but done the wrong way it results in us going into the mausoleum instead of the museum, and results in us sorting out bones instead of studying the exhibits. What do I mean by “the wrong way?” I mean separating things instead of making distinctions between them. The former is the death of the mind; the latter is the life of the mind.

Our temptation is to separate the doctrine of God from God Himself. It is to separate the graces of God from God Himself. It puts the truth about God here, and God over there, somewhere. But God does not store love, joy, peace, patience (or any other grace) in vats. They are not impersonal spiritual fluids running down to your deep sea diving suit through a hose. If you have anything at all from God, then you have all of Christ for all of life. Christ is not parceled out to us in bits and pieces.

Remember that virtually every New Testament epistle begins with “grace and peace” from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. This is not a separation of these graces from two persons of the Trinity, and an exclusion of the Holy Spirit. As Jonathan Edwards argued, this is likely saying that the Holy Spirit is that grace and peace, and proceeds from the Father and the Son. And this makes wonderful sense. As C.S. Lewis put it once, “He has, in the last resort, nothing to give us but Himself.”

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Easter 2017: A New Kind of New

Ben Zornes on

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Introduction:
We have all heard about the new life in Christ. It is not possible to function in Christian circles without hearing that phrase. It is not possible to read through your Bible without realizing that Christ says that He makes all things new (Rev. 21:5). And if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation—old things have passed away (2 Cor. 5:17). But our hearts are slippery, and so we often miss the point by equivocating on the meaning of the word new.

The Texts:
“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin. Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him” (Rom. 6:1–8).

Summary of the Text:
Paul has started to answer objections to the gospel that he laid out in the first chapters of Romans. If we are saved by grace, plus nothing, what is to prevent us from becoming morally dissolute? The answer to that question is that grace comes to sinners in one form only, and that form is the glory of death and resurrection. Sinners cannot take advantage of grace, because when grace comes near the sinner dies.

Shall we abuse grace by continuing in sin (v. 1)? God forbid it, Paul says. How can people who are dead to sin continue to live in sin (v. 2)? Do you not know that everyone who is baptized into Christ is baptized into His death (v. 3)? That is what baptism with the water of grace means. So if we were baptized into His death, this means that in an analogous way we are raised up from the dead by the glory of Father, in order that we might walk in newness of life (v. 4). If we have been planted in the pattern of His death, this means that we will also be planted in the pattern of His resurrection (v. 5). We know this. Our old man, our body of sin, is both crucified and destroyed, so that from this point on we might no longer be slaves to sin (v. 6). Freedom from sin is attained by those who die (v. 7). So if we are dead with Christ, it necessarily follows that we will also live with Him (v. 8).

Union with Christ:
As you have heard many times before, Jesus did not die so that we might live. It is appropriate to say that in a form of shorthand, but only if it is shorthand, and only if you know what it is shorthand for. The truth of the gospel is here: Jesus died so that we might die. He was buried so that we might be buried. He was raised from the dead so that we might be raised from the dead. He ascended into Heaven so that we might reign with Him from the right hand of the Father. The gospel is the gospel to us only through true union with Christ.

In this short passage, Paul makes this profound point three times. If we share His death, then we will share His resurrection (v. 4). If we have been planted together with Him in the likeness of His death (which is what baptism is), then it will be the same with the resurrection (v. 5). If we are dead with Christ, we will also live with Him (v. 8).

Different Kinds of New:
There are two ways that we could take the word new. One is quantitative and the other is qualitative. A new day would be a quantitative illustration. Today is Tuesday, not Monday, but it is another day just like the previous one. You got a new car, but it was a used new car, meaning that it was new to you. New to you, but not new. But there is another sense we need to have if we are to understand the potency of the gospel. Jesus rose from the dead on the first day of the week, on Sunday. But this day was qualitatively different. There had been a previous Sunday, just seven days before, but this Sunday was entirely and completely different. The world had been born again. The times of regeneration had been inaugurated. Jesus really had made all things new.

Water New or Spirit New?
Paul is explicit here on what our baptism means. We do not have the authority to contradict the meaning of our baptism on the basis of the meaning of our carnal logic. In other words, we are not allowed to say that grace means liberty to sin when our baptismal grace says that it means death to sin. Look down a few verses (Rom. 6:14). If we persist in contradicting our baptisms in this way, it will not be long before our baptisms rise up in order to contradict us. If Tyre and Sidon will be able to accuse Capernaum on the last day, then the baptisms of hollow Christians should certainly be able to rise up to accuse them.

“But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit [same word for newness], and not in the oldness of the letter” (Rom. 7:6). The newness that indicates salvation is a spiritual newness.

Both Kinds of New:
Someone can move into Christianity the same way you might move into a new house, or buy a new car, or take a new job. It is new in the quantitative sense. This is not a sinful thing, and it does apply to everyone who comes into the faith. Someone might be truly converted, and still need to get used to the ordinary new things. Christians form an actual subculture on the earth, and the lingo and the customs and the government might be new to you in the same way that the analogous things would be new if you joined the Navy. But those who are actually planted together with the Lord’s death are those who actually walk in a qualitative newness.

If this has happened, then it means that you are walking where Jesus is. And where He is must be described as being on this side of death to sin.

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Palm Sunday 2017: The Crowded Heart

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Introduction:
You have often heard here that we have no real reason to assume that the crowds that welcomed Jesus in the Triumphal Entry and the crowd that was gathered to scream for His crucifixion were made up of the same people. Those two events, just days apart, are often pointed to as evidence of “the fickleness of crowds.” But there is no good reason to identify the crowds with one another, and a number of good reasons not to. But there are still complexities.

The Text:
“Then Pilate said unto them, Why, what evil hath he done? And they cried out the more exceedingly, Crucify him” (Mark 15:14).
“And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the Son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest” (Matthew 21:9).

Summary of the Text:
We have two crowds, exhibiting two completely different attitudes toward Jesus. One crowd wanted Him lifted up . . . on a cross. The other crowd wanted Him lifted up . . . in praise. One crowd was manipulated by men. “But the chief priests moved the people . . .” (Mark 15:11). The other crowd had no earthly leader—although it did have an earthly focus. They just appeared, rejoicing as they came. One crowd wanted blood—“crucify Him.” The other crowd wanted gladness and rejoicing. One crowd wanted a regicide. The other wanted a coronation.

Divided Jerusalem:
Now each crowd was unified in what it wanted. Each crowd had a very particular focus. Each crowd was single-minded. Each crowd had a defined goal. But they were going in decidedly opposite directions. But they were both Jerusalem crowds, and this meant that Jerusalem was divided. Each crowd was not divided, but the city was therefore necessarily divided. But in the struggle between the crowds, the city was making a decision. The city was in the process of making up its mind. One crowd chose wisely, but the city chose poorly.

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!” (Matt. 23:37).
This is sometimes cited by those Christians who believe we have the capacity to withstand God’s election, but note carefully what Jesus says. He does not say “I wanted to gather you, but you would not.” He says “I wanted to gather them, but you would not.” The problem with Jerusalem was in the leadership. And they successfully held onto their control of the city, running it into an overwhelming judgment. We are talking, not about the salvation of individuals, but rather the damnation of a city.

You Are a City, Not a Monad:
Now many Christians make simplistic assumptions about themselves. A monad is an indivisible unit, and we think of ourselves that way—with a brake and an accelerator, and simple steering wheel. Life should be that simple, right?

But then you actually get into the turbulent life of your own soul, and discover that it is a lot more like Byzantine politics during a coup than like driving on a straight road in Nebraska. And you don’t know what side anybody is on.

“He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls” (Prov. 25:28).
And if you deal with the consequences of the political turmoil, while clinging tenaciously to the idea that you are simply driving on a straight road, your confusion about what is going on will be massive. But if sanctification is more like a new king learning the lessons of crowd control, and it is understood to be such, that clarity can be enormously helpful.

Double-Minded or Single-Hearted?
“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded” (James 4:8).

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates” (Deut. 6:4–9).

What God wants from us is simplicity, not duplicity. What He wants is singleness of mind.

The Basics of Rule:
The word for rule in Prov. 25:28 carries the meaning of restraint, or holding back. The mobs of your heart, the ones from the bad side of town, are the parts of you that want to tip over cars and set them on fire. There are sections of your heart that want to throw rocks at the riot police.

Are you going to rule like Josiah, tearing down all the idols (2 Kings 22:2)? Are you going to rule like Manasseh (2 Chron. 33:3)? Or are you going to try to split the difference like Asa (2 Chron. 15:17)?

So What Do You Make of Jesus?
So then bring it back to the two Jerusalem crowds. Everything came down to just one thing. What do make of Jesus? Do you want Him to die, or do you want Him to reign? If you want Him to die, then you want Him to stay dead, and thereby stay out of your life. If you want Him to reign, that is good, because He is going to reign regardless.

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