Christ Church

What is Family For? (Part 2)

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Introduction

Last week we established the cosmic significance of the family. The family is the economic center of people-production. We make people. This week we explore further what the Bible says goes into this process.

Summary of the Text

Paul commands wives to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord, just as the church does to Christ in everything (Eph. 5:22-24). Likewise, husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, imitating Christ’s love, so that their wives are washed and purified (Eph. 5:25-27). Paul presses the fact that husband and wife are one flesh, requiring that husbands nourish and cherish their wives, just as they do their own bodies, just as Christ does for Church (Eph. 5:28-31). And there is much more going on in this mystery, namely the fact that it is talking about Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). And regardless of whether we understand how that is true, husbands need to love their wives, and wives need to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33). Remember the chapter breaks were added later, and therefore, part of the mystery also includes the blessing of children and inheritance, and therefore fathers are charged with the responsibility of providing for their “nurture” and admonition in the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4). Likewise, servants are to obey their masters from the heart as servants of Christ (Eph. 6:5-8), and masters are forbidden to exercise authority by threats or partiality (Eph. 6:9).

The Postmillennial Promises

You might summarize this message as exhorting you to keep God’s promises connected to your faith and obedience in all your household dealings. And it turns out that God’s covenant promises are cosmic in scope. Paul invites us to do this explicitly when he reminds Ephesian (Gentile) children of the promise that goes with the fifth commandment: that it may go well with you and you may live long upon the earth (Eph. 6:2). Note this well: Paul says that Gentilebelievers are now heirs of the promises that were originally given to Israel. But what land is Paul talking about? Paul’s paraphrase makes it clear: the whole earth. Everything that Jesus inherited is now the Promised Land along with the final hope of all things being raised and made new.

One of the more tragic mistakes of some Bible teachers is represented by the following quotes: “Paul’s reference here [Rom. 4:13] to being ‘heir of the world’ is probably not to a temporal repossession of the world but is rather an eschatological reference… For whereas marriage and physical procreation were the necessary means of building the physical nation of Israel, the spiritual people of God are built through the process of spiritual regeneration.” But this is two half-truths that create a very unhelpful distortion. First, this mischaracterizes the Old Covenant, which was always about regeneration also. Yes, the promises were given to ethnic Israel and beganby bestowing the land of Canaan, but the true sons of Abraham were always by faith in the promises, and true Jews were always those whose hearts were circumcised by the Spirit (Dt. 10:16, 30:6, Jer. 4:4, Rom. 2:29, Gal. 3:7). And what did God promise? That by faith alone, God would bless all the families of the earth (Gen. 12:3, 28:14). And the prophets proclaim that the blessings and curses that applied to Israel will apply to all the nations when God has been established as King of all the earth (Is. 66, Zech. 14). And so secondly, God is still working through marriage and family and land in the New Covenant, even though it is all by faith, utterly depends upon the Spirit’s work of regeneration, and still looks for the resurrection.

They Ought to Marry

A related objection that is sometimes raised is that the New Covenant views marriage and singleness as equally normative options, but this is largely based on a misreading of 1 Corinthians 7 and Paul was giving instructions for the “present distress” (Cor. 7:26, 29-31) just as Jesus had warned about the distress that would befall Jerusalem when the temple was destroyed (Mt. 24:1-2, 19, 34). But otherwise, the general command of Scripture is to marry and raise children (cf. Mk. 10:6-7). And this is part of our cosmic warfare against Satan (1 Tim. 5:14-15, 1 Cor. 7:1-5).

The Ministry of Provision

You have heard before that God gives unique assignments to different authorities. The civil magistrate has been given the sword, which is authority from God to punish crimes and maintain equal weights and measures, including the protection of private property and requiring restitution (Rom. 13, Ex. 22). The church has been given the keys of the kingdom, which is authority from God to proclaim the gospel, administer the sacraments, and to exercise church discipline (Mt. 18, 1 Cor. 5). To the family, God has entrusted the ministry of health, welfare, and education. We see this requirement established in our text where Paul requires a husband to “nourish and cherish” his wife as his own body, which is literally to “feed” and “keep warm” (Eph. 5:29). Likewise, the father is required to bring up or “feed” his children with the “culture” and “counsel” of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). Add to this, Paul’s admonition to Timothy that those who do not provide for their own families are worse than unbelievers (1 Tim. 5:8), as well as his prohibition of Christians fellowshipping with those who name Christ but refuse to work for their own food (2 Thess. 3:10-14). We work from the heart for Christ our Master, without partiality or threatening (Eph. 6:5-9). This includes children caring for their elderly parents (Mk. 7:11-13).

Education, Wealth, and Inheritance

Solomon says a good man leaves an inheritance to his grandchildren (Prov. 13:22). Christian education is the process of passing down Christian wealth to the next generation. The wisdom of Christ is better than rubies, better than choice silver or gold (Prov. 8:10-11), but that wisdom is an inheritance that brings with it knowledge and understanding and the fear of the Lord and authority and power and riches and honor (Prov. 8:13-21). A Christian education is itself an inheritance of immense value, but it is also the kind of inheritance that trains you to be a good steward of far more (Lk. 19:17). So the question is not whether you will have wealth, but whether you will seek it biblically and steward it in obedience to Christ or not. Unbelieving education is oriented to the systems and values of Mammon, but Christian education teaches that all of the treasures of wisdom are found in Christ and His reproach is great wealth (Col. 2:2, Heb. 11:26).

Conclusions

A family is a powerful economy ordered according to God’s word and nature for the production of fruitful people who will live forever. We do not set at odds the physical needs, responsibilities, or fruit of our labors with our spiritual needs, responsibilities, or heavenly reward. Do not store up treasures on earth: seek first the Kingdom. And we do that by knowing Christ, laboring honestly, remaining steadfast in the Word and prayer, by marrying, bearing children, starting businesses, confessing our sins, forgiving one another, providing rigorous Christian education, caring for elderly parents, building houses, investing wisely, giving generously, looking to help others in need. It is not an accident that having exhorted households to be ordered to Christ, Paul immediately turns to our cosmic struggle against the rulers of darkness in this world (Eph. 6:10ff). We are at war, and it is only by faith that all the families of the earth will be blessed.

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Mechanics of Forgiveness

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Introduction

Every time we say the Apostles’ Creed, we confess that we believe in the forgiveness of sins. This is reasonable we might think—isn’t forgiveness of sin the entire point? Yes, it is the entire point, but it is also part of the point that this forgiveness is entirely grace, and must never be considered an entitlement. It is not something we deserve. And remembering this is tougher than it looks.

The Text

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32). 

Summary of the Text

Forgiveness proceeds from a certain disposition. It flows out of a particular kind of character, a certain kind of heart. That disposition is one of kindness. The one who would forgive must be tenderhearted, and the word that is translated as tenderhearted here is actually telling us that our forgiveness must be visceral—from the viscera, from the gut. The requirement is then given, which is that we must forgive one another, going back and forth. The assumption is that life in covenant community will require this kind of thing, which further means that pride of face is out. Not only so, but a constant critical spirit is also out. Paul then requires us to be imitative in our forgiveness. We are to imitate God’s forgiveness of us through Christ in how we forgive one another. And this in its turn provides a key to help us understand one of the difficulties that arises with those who take forgiveness seriously.

The Forgiveness Transaction

When someone has wronged someone else, they have not just transgressed or broken a rule. They have also incurred an obligation, a debt (Matt. 6:12). And, as we all know, debts must be paid. Now when a sin is committed, the sin by itself may be the thing that has to be paid off, or it might be the “sin + damages” that has to be dealt with.

Suppose you get in a quarrel with someone, and in the heat of your temper you call them an insulting name. When you go to put this right, the debt that you owe is the obligation you carry to seek that person’s forgiveness. “Will you please forgive me for calling you that name?”

But if you called them that name, and then deliberately broke something of theirs in your anger, you now have two things to do. The first is to seek forgiveness, as in the first scenario, and the second is to make restitution (Ex. 22:12). And when you make restitution, you should add at least 20% to the value of whatever it was (Num. 5:7).

The Transaction Part

In order for forgiveness proper to have occurred, it is necessary for the offender to seek forgiveness, and for the one who was wronged to extend it. If someone steals your car, you can’t really run down the road after them yelling that you forgive them. The transaction is not happening. And if the offender truly repents, but the other person refuses to forgive, then reconciliation between them is impossible. It takes two for the transaction to happen.

When everything is running smoothly, here is the nature of the transaction. The one seeking forgiveness acknowledges his wrong, and does so without pointing to all the extenuating circumstances. In doing this, he is asking the wronged party to make a promise, and the promise sought is that he will not, on a personal level, hold the offense against the one who committed it. When the one extending forgiveness does so, when he says I forgive you, he is in fact making that promise. I italicized the word personal above because the one forgiving may have other responsibilities that must take the misbehavior into account (as a boss, spouse, elder, etc.)

Now if someone makes that promise, and then, in a subsequent quarrel, resurrects the old offense, what he is doing is breaking his promise. And that is a new sin, requiring him to seek forgiveness. “I promised you that I wouldn’t throw that episode in your teeth, and here I just did. I broke my word. Please forgive me.”

And Not a Patch Job Either

There is a stark difference between seeking forgiveness, and trying to round up acceptance of your excuses. In the same way, it is often easier for us to accept an offender’s excuses than it is to forgive him. Forgiveness presupposes genuine, deliberate wrong. And we want to say, “I can’t forgive that. He did it on purpose.” But actually, that is the only time you can forgive. There is a stark difference between an inexcusable sin and an unforgiveable one. All of them are inexcusable.

And because we live in a tumblesome world, it is often the case that our actions and our motives are mixed. In other words, perhaps a portion of it was excusable, while the rest of it was not. As C.S. Lewis points out, when dealing with others, we tend to amplify the excusable parts of our own behavior and minimize the inexcusable parts. And when it comes to the faults of the other person, we do the reverse.

But in this Christ requires of us absolutely honest weights and measures. We are required to have the same standard for ourselves that we have for others (Matt. 7:1-2). 

But How . . .?

The dilemma I referred to earlier is caused by an offender who refuses to acknowledge what he or she did—or worse, does in an ongoing fashion. How can you give when someone has not asked for it?

We have to break this into two portions. According to our text, what is the basis of our own forgiveness before God? God forgives us, it says, “for Christ’s sake.” But what Christ did was accomplished two thousand years before you acknowledged your sin, two thousand years before you committed it, and on top of it all, two thousand years before you were born. Everything about your forgiveness was settled, with the exception of your experience of it.

That leads to the second part. We experience the forgiveness of God when the subjective burden of our guilt is removed, and removed forever. This is when the transaction happens.

So we are to imitate that. Say that someone has wronged you, and has not repented of it. Can you forgive them? Yes. Can they experience that forgiveness? No. Think of it this way. You take the forgiveness that you have determined to give to them the moment they ask for it, make sure it is packed well, put it in a box, and wrap it up in gift wrap. You have special place for it, near the door, and you watch the driveway the way the father in the parable of the prodigal son watched the road.

The transaction has not happened, but you are on tiptoe, wanting it to happen.

As God in Christ forgave us.

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Children of the Congregation

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Introduction

As Reformed Christians, we naturally think in terms of covenants. We do this when thinking about our salvation, and the covenant of grace, and we also do it when it comes to some of our horizontal relationships—we have a rich understanding, for example, of the covenant of marriage. And related to marriage, we also think of the family in covenantal terms. We are covenant families; our children are covenant children. This means that when our children are brought into the faith, they are introduced into the universal church. But they also individuals who, for the most part, grow up in a particular congregation (this one), and this has additional ramifications. They are not just brought to the faith. They are brought to a particular church, and they grow up to maturity within the church.

The Text

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

Summary of the Text

This passage is one that is very familiar to us, having been appealed to regularly as we have urged and argued for the necessity of a Christian education for Christian kids. Fathers are here instructed not to provoke their children, which is something that fathers are prone to do (v. 4). In addition, as you have been told many times, the word translated nurture here is paideia. This paideia of the Lord is, of necessity, an all-encompassing reality. Our word education doesn’t begin to touch it. This word actually represents the profound experience of enculturation. The other word, admonition, could also be translated as instruction. Christian kids need a Christian education; the apostle requires that they be reared in an environment dominated by the Word of God.

That said, my interest today is with the verb rendered as “bring [them] up.” The word is used just two times in the New Testament. One of them is here, meaning rear, or bring up. The only other use is just a few verses earlier, when husbands are commanded to treat their wives as they treat their own bodies. No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes (same word) and cherishes it.

A husband is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That is the baseline. As if that were not enough, he is told to apply the Golden Rule to marriage, taking how he nourishes and cherishes his own body as a rule for how he treats his wife. He feeds and cares for his own body, and the word for cherish (thalpo) literally means “to keep warm.” He is to be, in other words, extremely solicitous for his wife’s welfare. Then just a few verses later, he uses the same word with regard to the children of this man. Bring them up, feeding, protecting, caring, watching. Fathers are given this central charge.

In This Together

Fathers, and then mothers together with them, are engaged in this vital task of bringing up children. But Christian fathers and mothers are not on their own with regard to this.

In our practice of baptizing children, we recognize the importance of our congregational unity in child rearing when we ask you this question: “Do you as a congregation undertake the responsibility of assisting these parents in the Christian nurture of this child? If so, signify it by saying amen.” But what does this mean exactly?

Let us say that you dutifully said amen at the baptism of little Herbert, and it is now three years later and little Herbert, cuteness diminishing by the year, is three rows ahead of your family at church every week, and is playing the role of a hellion ramped up on nitrous oxide.

The vow that we all take at baptisms requires (at a minimum) two things of us. The first is that if you are an observer of such things, and you have discounted for reasonable differences in family standards, then you need to inquire. But absolutely make sure you are observing a divergence from the Word, and not a divergence from your house rules. I would recommend that you do this dad-to-dad, and that you do it with questions, not accusations. Do it carefully, don’t rush into it, but do it. These are vows we take, and not decorations we put on.

I know that a number of you have done this sort of thing, and I know also that most of the time it goes well. Parents who are in over their heads are usually more eager for input than outsiders are to provide such input. This is not always the case, but it is usually the case. And when it isn’t the case, consider that the problem may have been an inept approach. So I said begin with questions, and not accusative questions. They should be questions like “How do you think Herbert is doing? Do you and your wife feel on top of things?”

The second thing these vows require is a particular attitude if you are the parent who is approached. This vow does not mean that any critic who comes to you is correct about what they see, or that their observations are even sensible. You are not obligated to agree, but you are obligated to not be defensive. The one thing you may not say is that “this is none of your business.” It is our business. We all took a vow.

Not only did we all take a vow, but in addition we practice child communion. We all come to the same Table week after week. This means that we are all being knit together into one body, and this includes your child and your child’s critic. That critic may be part of the problem, or may be part of the solution, but the one thing that is certain is that the critic is part of the body.

One last thing about this. You know your child up and down, inside and out. You are invested in your child. You love your child. The critic, observing from fifty feet away, may not know your child’s name, or his hopes, dreams, and aspirations. But because of the way communities work, that person that I have been (somewhat unkindly) calling a critic may know things about your child concerning which you have no idea. A three-year-old falls over at church, gets up, looks around, and then runs across the gym, bursting into a wail as soon as mom comes into sight. The observer, who doesn’t even know Herbert’s name, knows that Herbert is working his mom. And mom doesn’t know.

Or the parents of the kids who rode the bus to that basketball game know all about your teen-aged daughter’s boy-crazy conversation, and you don’t know. Factor this in as an ever present possibility (not a certainty), and simply refuse to be defensive. A rebuke from the righteous is excellent oil (Ps. 141:5), and so treat everyone who comes to you as being potentially one who brings that.

In the Lord

And now a few words to you children of the congregation. As you are growing up in the Lord, what sort of spiritual indicators should you be looking for? We are supposed to make our calling and election sure (2 Pet. 1:10). We are supposed to examine ourselves to see if we are truly in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5). This can be done without morbid introspection. But how? Keep in mind that in all that follows, it is not so much what you look to as the way you look to it.

We are not looking for dramatic conversion stories, like Saul on the road to Damascus. Those do happen in the world, but for kids whose parents have obeyed our text this morning, bringing you up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, such stories are not the norm. Some people can say that they “got saved” at thus and such a time. For others, while God knows the precise time, they do not. But remember that everyone here knows that the sun is up, but I dare say that not one person here knows the precise time the sun came up.

For you covenant kids, what are the assurances of salvation. Fortunately, they turn out to the same as they are for everyone else. Now I am directing these remarks to the 10 to 12-year-olds. But if you are younger, you are invited to listen. And if you are older, you are invited to listen.

  • We see in 1 John 5:13 that we are to believe on the name of Jesus. We are to hold fast to Jesus Christ (Rom. 10:9). This is the foundation of everything else. Do you trust in Jesus? This is all about Jesus. So we begin with Him. What do you make of Jesus? What is your attitude toward Him? Love? Hostility? Indifference?
  • “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit” (1 John 4:13). The Spirit is given as a guarantee (Eph. 1:13-14; 2 Cor. 5:5-6). The Spirit is given to us as an assurance. And how do we know we have the Spirit? He grows things (Gal. 5:22-23; Eph. 5:9), and He kills things (Rom. 8:13). Many of the passages we are looking at here tell us explicitly how we know that we belong to God. Notice how it goes with this one—hereby we know . . .
  • “We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death” (1 John 3:14). What is your attitude toward those that you know really love God? Do you want to be with them, or are you repelled by them? Now you don’t know if you are a real Christian, but you do know certain others who are real Christians. I am not talking about the goody-two-shoes, but rather the kids your age whom you know that really love God. What do you make of them? What is your attitude toward them? Respect? Admiration? Constant irritation? When one of them raises her hand in Bible class to answer a question, do you roll your eyes?
  • “And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:3). Jesus says that a mark of true conversion is humility of mind, becoming like a little child. When it comes to spiritual issues, are you humble? Or are you a know-it-all?
  • “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious” (1 Pet. 2:2–3). A marked characteristic of life is hunger—in this case, hunger for the Word. I am not talking about whether you read your Bible because for many of you, it is assigned. I am asking here whether there is any hunger for it. Do you read your Bible, or listen to sermons, because you are hungry? Peter compares it to being a newborn. When you were first born, nobody had to give you hungry lessons.
  • “For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God” (1 Cor. 1:18). There are two kinds of people in the world—those who are perishing and to whom the cross makes no sense, and those who are saved, to whom it does. So here is another indication. When the gospel is proclaimed, does it make any sense to you? Or is it all just yammer yammer Jesus yammer yammer yammer Bible yammer be good?
  • “And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments” (1 John 2:3). Here is another explicit statement of how we know. We know because we obey Him. We know that we are real Christians if we act like real Christians. We are following Jesus if we do what He says. But don’t despair too quickly here—this leads directly into an assurance that is connected to us not doing what He says.
  • “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth” (Heb. 12:6). But the previous mark should not be clutched in a false and unreasonable perfectionism. We do still sin. But what happens when we sin? What happens then is anothermark of true conversion. God doesn’t spank the neighbor kids.

And so it is that we—all of us, adult and child alike—must always return to the proclamation of Christ. “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God” (1 John 5:13).

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Parenting in the Kingdom

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Introduction

Parenting is one of the most difficult, important, and rewarding tasks in this life. Particularly in a community that has been taught about the importance of childrearing, this can add to the pressure, fear, and disappointment when things are not going as we had imagined. But raising children well is a grace of God; it is one of the gifts the Holy Spirit gives to those who ask.

The Text

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:1-4).

Children of the Kingdom

The Bible is clear that the children of believers are not future citizens of the Kingdom of God; they are presentcitizens of the Kingdom. “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mk. 10:14). Even this command to children to obey their parents, alongside all the other commands “in the Lord,” implies that they have a role to play in the Lord(Eph. 6:1). The Psalmist famously sings,“Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, because of Your enemies, that You may silence the enemy and the avenger” (Ps. 8:2). Jesus also makes it clear that the faith of little ones is the exemplar for adults: “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:3). Remember, David said, “But You are He who took Me out of the womb; You made Me trust while on My mother’s breasts. I was cast upon You from birth. From My mother’s womb You have been My God” (Ps. 22:9-10). Likewise, John the Baptist leaped for joy in Elizabeth’s womb (Lk. 1:41, 44). This is why Jesus gives such a stern warning: “… whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:6).

The Culture & Counsel of the Gospel

Literally, the words “training” and “admonition” mean “culture” and “counsel.” This goes all the way back to the instructions Moses gave Israel as they prepared to enter the Promised Land: “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Dt. 6:7-9). We are to talk about God’s ways everywhere because His ways effect everything. To love the Lord with all we are is to love His lordship overall we are.

And we love His rule because it led to our deliverance: “When your son asks you in time to come, saying,`What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the LORD our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son: `We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, and the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand… that He might bring us in, to give us the land of which He swore to our fathers’” (Dt. 6:20-24). The whole point of the law was to talk about God’s grace and freedom. The point of parenting is to celebrate God’s grace and freedom, and this means tonsof confession of sin and forgiveness. We are Christians: this means we know what to do with sin. So the tenor of our homes must be joy.

Teaching Obedience

The central task of parents is teaching obedience to God. We live in an arrogant and sentimental world that thinks it knows better than God’s Word. But young children must be taught from a young age to obey their parents. The same Psalmist who said he learned to trust God from his mother’s womb also said that he was conceived in sin (Ps. 51:2). Young children are not naturally inclined to obey, but they are designed to be taught God’s grace. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). In the ordinary course of things, when Christian parents faithfully seek to drive foolishness from their children through spanking, God blesses children with wise hearts. “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15). This is why regular, prompt corporal discipline is loving: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Prov. 13:24). The rod, lovingly administered, is love, but the rod is not automatically love. Spanking in anger or frustration is not love; nor is it love to administer the rod long after an offense has been committed (worse the younger they are).

Related to all of this is the implied biblical advice: do not try to reason with young children. It doesn’t really matter how you feel inside, and feelings are often manipulative. Children must simply be required to obey right away, all the way, and cheerfully. They also don’t know how they should feelabout sin; discipline is teaching them how to feel.And every trip to the “wood shed” (or wherever) should be accompanied by prayer, forgiveness, and full reconciliation/restitution (as age appropriate). Some toddlers will require battles of the will, and parents must commit themselves to winning. Sometimes this will require stretches of hours, days, or a couple of weeks of intense focus (dads, take initiative). Don’t give up; the peaceable fruit of righteousness is worth it (Heb. 12:11).

Conclusion: As a Tender Father

While Scripture is clear that children must be taught to honor and obey father and mother, and therefore, mothers have significant responsibilities in the training up of children (Prov. 1:8), Paul clearly singles out fathers here, instructing them not to provoke their children to wrath but to train their children in the culture and counsel of the Lord. We live in a father-hungry world. None of our fathers were perfect, and some of our fathers failed significantly. Some of us are tempted to be harsh, and some of us are tempted to be indulgent. Some of us work too much, and some of us just don’t know how to relate well to our children.

So how can flawed men hope to be faithful fathers? The answer is that you must have a new father. The only good fathers in this world have a perfect Father in heaven. And His perfection is particularly evidenced in His pity: “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Ps. 103:11-14). Do you pity your children? Are you a tender father? This is not sentimentalism; this is Christian love. You cannot bea tender father unless you have the Lord as your Tender Father. But this is only possible by the Spirit of adoption: “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father” (Rom. 8:15).

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Calvinism 4.0: Man as Fallen

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Introduction

The nature of the problem dictates whether or not there can even be a solution, and if so, what that solution might be. Among evangelical Christians, the nature of the “problem” salvation that salvation solves can be described in two basic ways. Either man is sick in his sin, needing to take the medicine, or he is dead in his sin, needed to be resurrected from the dead.

Our purpose here is to examine which of these two options is the Bible’s teaching on this subject.

Free Agents

As we have already considered, because all men are free agents they are free to do as they please. But because they are sinners, what they please to do is sin. They cannot please to choose contrary to their nature, because if they could, it wouldn’t be their nature.

“For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man” (Mark 7:21–23).

The source of all the evil things we do is the unflattering fact of the evil creatures that we are.

As creatures, men are free to do as they please. As sinners, men are not free to do right. If a man could repent his sins and believe in Christ with his old heart, then this would be proof positive that he didn’t really need a new heart. He could do all that God requires of us (repent and believe) with his old heart. Apparently the old heart just needed a little encouragement.

Spiritual Death

Now the Scriptures expressly describe the unregenerate condition as being one of death. This does not mean that unbelievers are dead in every possible respect—but with regard to spiritual things, they certainly are in a condition of death. For example, sinners can be physically alive while spiritually dead.

“And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others” (Eph. 2:1–3).

We walked in accordance with the pattern of the world. The spirit at work in the children of disobedience worked in our conversation (that is, in our manner of living). So clearly we were moving about—all while dead in our trespasses and sins.

Spiritual Slavery

Another picture that excludes “free will” with regard to salvation is the picture of slavery. Dead men do not walk out of the grave, and slaves do not walk away from their masters.

“For when ye were the servants [douloi, slaves] of sin, ye were free from righteousness” (Romans 6:20).

This is a different image, but one that also communicates a sense of utter inability to break free from sin. Dead men can’t reach life. Slaves cannot reach liberty.

No Autonomous Seekers

Now we all know that people do not become Christians unless they seek the Lord. The debate between Christians on this point therefore is not over whether we need to seek the Lord. It is over why we seek the Lord, if and when we do. Men, left to themselves, relinquished to their own devices, will not seek after God. And this is what the Bible explicitly and expressly teaches.

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one” (Rom. 3:10–12).

How many are unrighteous? All. How many seek a way out of their unrighteousness? None.

An Important Qualification

This doctrine I am setting before you is sometimes called the doctrine of total depravity. This is a poor name for it because it makes people think you are maintaining a doctrine of absolute depravity. But we are not saying that unbelievers are the orcs, and we are the elves. It is not like that. We are saying that unbelievers are, apart from a gift of grace, on their way to Hell. We are not maintaining that they have already arrived there.

We are saying that because of Adam’s sin, and our complicity in it, our fall into helplessness was total. There is a total inability to save ourselves, to prepare ourselves for salvation, or to request salvation.

One other qualification. An unregenerate person can love the Lord, but only by radically misunderstanding and misconstruing Him. An unregenerate person can understand the Lord in His holiness, but this results in a simple recoil away from Him. The only way a sinner can understand who God is, and also love Him, is if the Spirit of God has granted him a new heart.

This basic point is seen in the Bible’s description of the minds of unbelievers. They are seen as hostile to God (that is, to God as He actually is).

“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God” (Rom. 8:7–8; cf. 1 Cor. 2:14).

Who Then Can Be Saved?

The problem with all this is that it leaves us without hope of salvation, right? No, it leaves us without hope of salvation from man. What is impossible for men is possible for God.

“No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day” (John 6:44).

“And he said, Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto me, except it were given unto him of my Father” (John 6:65).

If the Father does not do the drawing, if the Father does not give it, a man cannot come. Another translation for the word for draw (elkuo) is drag or haul. “How did you come to Christ?” “Oh, I was hauled.”

But does this mean that no one ever comes? No—it means that everyone who comes (and remember that the entire world will eventually come) has been hauled in by God.

“All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37).

What man cannot do with any success, God can do with no failure. And what is that? The resurrection of the dead.

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