Christ Church

Courtship & Marriage (To You & Your Children #4)

Christ Church on

INTRODUCTION

Part of the problem modern Christians have is that we have abandoned the mission of the family and so the instructions often don’t make sense. But if the mission is to be fruitful, multiply, and take dominion of the world in obedience to Jesus, and if sexual intimacy, marriage, and children are more like a nuclear reactor, then the stakes are wonderfully high.

THE TEXT

“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?…” (Mt. 19:3-9).

THE NECESSITY OF WISDOM

We’ve been saying for the last few weeks that boys and girls are different. This is probably a hate crime in some places, and we don’t care. But this means that you really must begin getting ready for courtship and marriage as soon as children arrive. Wisdom doesn’t magically arrive in a package from Canon Press when your son/daughter turns 18. As Pastor Wilson has said over the years, when it comes to dating, you often have two idiots involved, but when it comes to courtship, you may have up to 6. This means there really is no paint-by-numbers kit, and just because you read a book doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing. So you really do want to begin asking for wisdom as soon as you know you’re pregnant, and as soon as you know whether you’re having a son or a daughter. Remember that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 1:7), and this means seeking counsel and instruction from God and wise men (Prov. 11:14, Js. 1:5). Get counsel, ask for wisdom, follow the examples of others you respect.

WHAT DO WE CALL THIS?

Part of wisdom is not overemphasizing methods or quarrelling over words. I prefer to call this “courtship” instead of dating because we should generally distinguish what we are doing from the pagan culture around us. But courting usually consists of some dating, so don’t get wound tight. The central principles are to honor God, honor your parents, honor the marriage bed, and honor your brothers and sisters in all purity (Eph. 6:1-4, Heb. 13:4, 1 Tim. 5:1-2). The whole thing is a serious business, but it should be a serious joy. We should not take ourselves or our methods too seriously (avoiding dowdy crankiness), and it should be kind of fun.

A MAN SHALL LEAVE

The basic shape of all of this is that a man leaves and a woman is given (Mt. 19:5, Gen. 2:22-24). There is an asymmetry to the pursuit of marriage because men and women are different and were created differently. The woman is a fruitful garden that an honorable man is seeking permission to enter and cultivate (Song 4:12-16, 5:1). But the first action in preparation for marriage is for a man to leave his father and mother. This usually takes place physically, but it must certainly take place emotionally, intellectually, financially, and spiritually. A man must make his own way in the world. A man who cannot govern himself well should not be trusted with another human being (e.g. 1 Tim. 3:5). This doesn’t mean that a man must own his own business, house, car, and a burgeoning 401K. The principle is that there must be some track record of faithfulness and diligence, e.g. paying bills, good grades, good references from employers, spiritual maturity, etc. But a woman ought to see her mission as encompassed in the broadest categories of motherhood: cultivating life, hospitality, and beauty with all wisdom (Prov. 31). This high calling should be matched by pursuing appropriate education, training, work, life-experience, and service. Just as there is a difference between a boy and man, there is a difference between a girl and woman, and while the timing varies somewhat from culture to culture, we should not ignore wisdom, while generally pursuing marriage early in life.

EQUAL YOKES

The Bible is very clear that believers must only marry other believers (Dt. 7:3, 1 Cor. 7:39). Righteousness doesn’t have fellowship with unrighteousness; light has no communion with darkness (2 Cor. 6:14-18). This is why one of the slanders against the early church was that they practiced incest, since they only married “brothers/sisters” in the Lord. But better that slander than the compromise and heartache that follows marrying an unbeliever. This means that non-Christians are not an option for close friends/courtship. And part of this means remembering that it really is not possible for a man and a woman to be “just friends.” Either it will slide into sexual/emotional sin or else it won’t, which is just as bad. Of course you should have groups of friends, but remember that gravity exists and when the same three girls hang out with the same three guys a lot, things will happen. Wisdom knows that and takes precautions. Related to equal yokes, in addition to commitment to Christ and His Word, education, family background, career interests, cultural expectations, and personalities should be taken into account.

CONCLUSIONS: SEXUAL SIN, FORGIVENES, & WISDOM

It’s a rare kid who grows up in our sexual cesspool of a world who manages to come to marriageable age without any sexual sin, and sometimes there are really severe sins and consequences (sexual dysfunction, disease, divorce, child support, etc.). But where sin abounds, grace abounds more: “Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind… shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

Forgiveness sets the bone, but forgiveness doesn’t guarantee wisdom/trust or absolve from all consequences. Love sincerely desires to treat others lawfully from the heart, which sometimes includes accountability, restitution, time for healing, and consequences. But forgiveness means that God’s blessing is on whatever comes next. In the law, Moses allowed divorce for fornication, which can refer to sexual sin prior to marriage or certain forms of sexual immorality within marriage (Mt. 19:8-9, Dt. 24:1). This means that a wise father should know the general backstory before allowing a young man to court his daughter and at some point before engagement, any sexual past needs to be disclosed by both parties.

While wisdom must be our guide, and marriage is an office with higher standards than mere Christian fellowship (and therefore an honorable man or woman may walk away from a courtship for any reason), it should also be remembered that the gospel is the story of a faithful Husband seeking an unfaithful bride and washing her completely clean (Hos. 3:1, Eph. 5:25-27).

Read Full Article

The Road Love Travels (Philippians #1)

Christ Church on

INTRODUCTION

Philippi was a Roman colony that had been planted in Macedonia, northern Greece. It was settled as a place where Roman soldiers could retire. Paul wrote this letter while imprisoned somewhere, and various places have been suggested as possible locations. The mostly likely scenario is that he wrote this letter while imprisoned at Rome (around 62 A.D.). The references Caesar’s household, not to mention the praetorium, are consistent with this (Phil. 1:13; Phil. 4:22).

THE TEXT

“Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons: Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace. For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ; Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:1–11).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Some of Paul’s letters had a co-author, like this one with Timothy, and some, like Romans or Ephesians, had Paul as the sole author (v. 1). Paul and Timothy wrote this epistle as slaves of Christ, and they wrote to the saints at Philippi, together with the bishops and deacons (v. 1). This is followed by the standard salutation of grace and peace from the Father and Son. I believe the Spirit is not mentioned because He is that grace and peace (v. 2). Every time Paul thinks of the Philippians, he thanks God for them (v. 3). He rejoices before God in all his prayers for them (v. 4), rejoicing in their partaking (koinonia) in the gospel from the start down to the present (v. 5). Paul is confident that God is the kind of God who finishes whatever He starts (v. 6), and will do so down to the day of Christ. It is fitting for him to think this way because the Philippians were co-partakers (that word again) of his chains, and of his defense and confirmation of the gospel. God Himself can testify how much Paul loves the Philippians in the deep affection of Jesus Christ (v. 8). But however deep it all is, that is not enough for Paul . . . he wants their love to abound “more and more” in knowledge and all discernment (v. 9). This will enable them to approve what is excellent, and it will render them sincere and blameless until the day of Christ (v. 10). They will do this filled with the fruits of righteousness, brought into being by Jesus Christ, with the result that God receives glory and praise (v. 11).

WHERE THE ACTION IS

Notice how Paul and Timothy address the congregation of saints directly. The letter is written to “all the saints at Philippi”—that is where the action is. Paul does address the rulers in the church, but does so as an afterthought. He speaks to the congregation, and then adds the phrase “the bishops and deacons.” The word for bishop (episcopos) is being used here synonymously with presbyteros, or elder. Note the plural—this is not the solitary monarchical bishop of the second century. The church was governed by a session of men as elders or bishops, and also was served by a band of deacons. Nevertheless, Paul speaks directly to them all—their rulers are not their mediators.

DEEP AFFECTION

The AV refers to the love of Christ here with the phrase the “bowels of Jesus Christ.” This is more reflective of the original than the word affection does by itself (NKJV, ESV, NASB). Paul loves the Philippians with an intense love that Jesus Christ Himself churns up in his gut.

God does not love us because He is divine and that is technically His job. Too many Christians think of the love of God as something that is rarefied and disinterested and objective and theological, and totally, completely pure and detached. We tend to think that the love of God is so pure that it is scarcely even interested in us.

This is not even close to being biblical. God so loved the world that He gave . . . gave what? His only begotten Son (John 3:16). And when that love of God is ministered to us through our fellow saints, it flows through those personal channels in personally turbulent ways.

THE ROAD LOVE TRAVELS

With this said, it would be a grave mistake to think that the essence of love is sentimental turbulence. The thing that is turbulent about it is the opposition that genuine love always provokes. Love is a kayak in a stretch of white water.

Biblical love has a brain. It is intelligent. Notice the progression that we see in this passage. Paul has a profound love for the Philippians, and he is asking God that their love would abound. Abound in what? He wants their love to abound more and more in knowledge. And in discernment (v. 9). He is not looking for an emotional vat of sentimental goo. This knowledge and discernment will lead them to approve what is excellent (v. 10). This in turn will keep them sincere and without offense until the day of Christ. It will fill them up with the fruits of righteousness, and in a way that will glorify God (v. 11).

So notice love > knowledge/discernment > approval of excellence > sincerity/blamelessness > fruits of righteousness. This is not some emotional spasm. There is a direction to it because growth in love is a growing up into love. And this is only possible because growth into love is to grow up into our Lord Jesus Christ.

Read Full Article

Better Things

Christ Church on

THE TEXT

For you have not come to the mountain that may be touched and that burned with fire, and to blackness and darkness and tempest, and the sound of a trumpet and the voice of words, so that those who heard itbegged that the word should not be spoken to them anymore. (For they could not endure what was commanded: “And if so much as a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned or shot with an arrow.” And so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, “I am exceedingly afraid and trembling.”)

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, to an innumerable company of angels, to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven, to God the Judge of all, to the spirits of just men made perfect, to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling that speaks better things than that of Abel.

See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. For if they did not escape who refused Him who spoke on earth, much more shall we not escape if we turn away from Him who speaks from heaven, whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, “Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.” Now this, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:18–29).

Read Full Article