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A Great Mystery (Biblical Marriage Basics #8)

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INTRODUCTION

Our confusions surrounding marriage are legion, and therefore it is no surprise that our confusions bleed into how we raise our sons and daughters or how we think about pursuing marriage or try to function within marriage. But all of these things are related and relate back to Christ and His union with His Bride, the Church. Our theology comes out our fingertips.

THE TEXT

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:31-32).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The previous verse echoed Adam’s poem regarding the glory of the first woman, his wife, affirming that we are one with Christ, “of his flesh and of his bones” (5:30). And Genesis says that it is for that reason, that a man leaves his father and mother (Gen. 2:24). Because man was made first and the woman was taken from the man to become his glory, a man leaves his father and mother (Eph. 5:31). This leaving is for the purpose of forming a new union, a new family, to become one flesh with his wife (Eph. 5:31). Paul says that “this” one-flesh union is a great mystery, but the real mystery is how this is true of Jesus and His church (Eph. 5:32).

WE ARE NOT TRIBALISTS

We are not tribalists; we are Christians. And this means that when a marriage occurs a new family comes into existence. While the fifth commandment continues to be in force when a new family is formed, the honor due takes on a new tenor. Likewise, when a man leaves his parents’ household, he is forming a new household and he no longer owes the same kind of obedience to his parents, beyond basic biblical morals or inter-familial decisions. This means that a Christian marriage honors parents while making its own decisions before God and forming new habits and customs, and this requires some measure of space. It’s a great blessing to live near our families, and in general can be something we lean toward, but co-dependent children, overbearing parents, and tribal compounds can create real familial snarls.

THE BASIC SHAPE

The basic shape of Christian courtship and marriage is that a man leaves; a woman is given. Of course sometimes a woman grows up and also leaves in a sense, but when a man leaves, he leaves to establish a direction, a mission before God. In a Christian family, a grown daughter still looks to her family for support and protection, even if she does eventually form her own household. But a woman is ordinarily looking for man on a mission to join. It is good and right for a woman to use her gifts on her own, but she is made by God to make a home and so her calling/vocation will always be subordinate to that primary instinct of nurture and hospitality.

This means that asking a woman out on a date is an interruption by design. A woman is called to cleave, to join her husband’s mission. While this does not obliterate a woman’s interests or gifts, those interests and gifts really are submitted to the mission of her husband. It is not true that a man and a woman join in marriage and then work out a joint-partnership in terms of the direction and mission of the family. This will only result in great confusion, heartache, and resentment. In an offer of marriage, a woman is being asked to join a man’s mission.

THAT PRIMAL WOUND

A woman comes into maturity biologically, but a man comes into maturity more experientially, through the “blood” of crisis and survival. This is why boys in particular must be taught to be tough from their earliest years; they must be required to fight through their pain, their hunger, their fatigue, and their sins. As boys grow up, they must be encouraged to take risks, face consequences, and not be coddled or shielded, particularly by momma bears. This is also why boys need to see their fathers “leaving” to go out into the world to work and returning faithfully with provision. They are learning to embrace that adventure.

While Adam was literally wounded by God to come into his maturity as a husband, ever since, a man is “wounded” by leaving his father and mother. A young man must embrace the sacrifice of taking responsibility for himself, for his future, acting and thinking for himself before God and facing the real life consequences of those choices. Under God’s blessing, that leaving is ordinarily the path to marriage and family and dominion, but the cursed version of leaving is abandonment. We live in a culture that is facing the increasing results of young men abandoned, particularly by their fathers. And this is why the message of the gospel is for our culture: Christ, the perfect Son, came and endured that particular curse, that God-forsaken Hell, in order to restore all the lost and estranged boys back to their Good Heavenly Father.

A GREAT MYSTERY

Paul acknowledges that this whole thing is a great mystery, and the way of a man with a maid really is too wonderful (Prov. 30:19). But Paul is quick to insist that the real mystery, the real wonder is how this union has its greatest expression in Christ and the Church. Christ left His Father on a mission to save the world, and He endured the shame and misery of the Cross, so that from His side, a new Eve, the Christian Church might be formed. But that is not all: Christ bled and died so that He and the Christian Church might be one. The really glorious mystery is that Christ is more one with His bride than any human marriage in the history of the world. We who are sinners are united to the sinless One. “For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his” (Rom. 6:5, Gal. 3:23ff).

CONCLUSION

This great mystery is not the obliteration of male and female. In Christ, the image of God is being restored and glorified, while the enmity is being crushed and destroyed. In Christ, man is restored to the glory of God, and woman is restored to the glory of man (1 Cor. 11). In Christ, men who leave their fathers and mothers are never abandoned, and they are empowered take back up the mission of God, and under His blessing, they are crowned with the glory of a wife. In Christ, husbands are strengthened to love, wives are strengthened to respect, and in so doing, the wedding feast of the Lamb comes a little closer: the New Jerusalem, coming down from God out of Heaven as a bride adorned for her husband (Rev. 19:7-9, 21:2).

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Actual Good Grief (Authentic Ministry #16)

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INTRODUCTION

There are three kinds of grief in this passage. The first is Paul’s godly response to the pastoral meltdown at Corinthian. Paul had been entirely “cast down” (v. 6), and this was the troubles out of which the coming of Titus had been the deliverance. Then there is the godly sorrow and grief that follows after sin, and which results in true repentance (v. 10). But the third kind, the sorrow “of the world” leads only to death (v. 10).

THE TEXT

 “Receive us; we have wronged no man, we have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man. I speak not this to condemn you: for I have said before, that ye are in our hearts to die and live with you. Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my glorying of you: I am filled with comfort, I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation. For, when we were come into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears . . .” (2 Corinthians 7:2–16).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The first exhortation here to “receive us” is echoing the earlier summons to open or enlarge their hearts (v. 2). Paul says he has wronged no one, corrupted no one, and defrauded no one (v. 2). This is perhaps an indication of the charges made against him. Paul is not trying to condemn the Corinthians who are on the fence—with all his heart he wants to die and live with them (v. 3) Paul is bold with them because he is overjoyed in them, and filled with comfort (v. 4). We now learn about how torn up Paul was in Macedonia—fears within, quarrels without (v. 5). But Paul was comforted two ways—the first through the coming of Titus (v. 6), and second by the news Titus brought (v. 7). Paul was greatly comforted to learn about the Corinthians “earnest desire,” their “mourning,” and their “fervent mind toward” Paul (v. 7). Although Paul made them sorry with that letter, he did not regret it now (v. 8)—although there were some moments where he did regret it. Their sorrow was just for a season (v. 8)—their sorrow was a fruitful sorrow, not a damaging sorrow (v. 9). For there are two kinds of sorrow and grief—one leads to repentance and salvation, while a worldly sorry just works death (v. 10). He then describes their godly sorrow, the components of which were diligence, clearing themselves, indignation, fear, vehement desire, zeal, and vindication (v. 11). In all this, they went above and beyond. Paul was not aiming at the ringleader in the congregation who had caused the trouble, nor was he defending himself, but rather that they might see his pastoral care for them (v. 12).  This is why the news from Titus about how refreshed he was in them was so good (v. 13). When Paul had bragged about the Corinthians to Titus, this was simply the same kind of truth he spoke to them. And they had not embarrassed him (v. 14). And now Titus is warmly attached to that congregation as well (v. 15). Note that this deep affection is not inconsistent with obedience, and fear, and trembling (v. 15). The whole episode has caused Paul to rejoice in all things (v. 16).

A MESS IN CORINTH, AND ANOTHER ONE IN MACEDONIA

Paul had a meltdown situation in Corinth, which he had sent Titus to deal with by means of a letter. He came to Macedonia, expecting to find Titus there, but he was delayed. But instead of Titus, he found a bad situation there in Macedonia—everywhere he turned he ran into conflict (v. 5).

Internally, Paul was beset with fears that all his work might come crashing down. This was a common concern of his—were all those floggings for nothing? Consider Gal. 4:11; 1 Thess. 3:5; and 2 Cor. 11:28-29.

IN THE PERSON OF TITUS

When Titus came, God was the one who comforted Paul (v. 6). Titus was the instrument, and God was the agent. This expression is likely an allusion to Is. 49:13 in the LXX—where God brings eschatological comfort to His people. The coming of Titus was like that. Christ has a body, and He works good for His people through that body. You are the hands and feet of Christ Himself in the world.

SEVENFOLD REPENTANCE

The repentance of the Corinthians before Titus had been a convulsive and dramatic one. They were not at all trying to preserve their dignity, putting things right without ever having to humble themselves. Remember that Paul mentions their obedience, their fear, and their trembling. This is a combination of a felt and very real authority with deep and open affection—the kind that Paul displayed with his enlarged heart.

The sevenfold repentance could not be described as being in any way nonchalant. They were diligent, they worked to clear themselves, there was real indignation, they feared, they showed vehement desire, they displayed their zeal, and their hunger for vindication. And notice that Titus accepts all of this kind of behavior, as does Paul.

ACTUAL GOOD GRIEF

Paul sharply distinguishes godly sorrow from a worldly sorrow. There are two kinds of sorrow. The fact that you did something wrong, and are sorrow about it, does not by itself mean anything. Suppose you did something that was pretty tawdry, and you are humiliated about it. Every time you think about it, your forehead gets hot. You sinned on Monday, and you are sorry on Tuesday. Comes Friday, and you are still gnawing on your sorrow, like a dog with a bone. You are sorry yesterday, sorry today, and sorry tomorrow. At this rate, you are going to die sorry. That kind of sorrow is one of the things that needs to be repented of.

The godly sorrow that Paul describes right alongside it is a godly sorrow that “works repentance to salvation.” That salvation, remember, is Christ. Godly sorrow drives you where? Godly sorrow leads straight to Christ. Godly sorrow leads you straight to the place of no regrets (v. 10). The way such a thing could ever be possible is that if all our regrets, and all the sins that produce such regrets, are bundled up together and laid on the shoulders of Christ at the moment when He bowed His head and died.

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Such a High Priest (CCD)

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THE TEXT

Now this is the main point of the things we are saying: We have such a High Priest, who is seated at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens, 2 a Minister of the sanctuary and of the true tabernacle which the Lord erected, and not man.

3 For every high priest is appointed to offer both gifts and sacrifices. Therefore it is necessary that this One also have something to offer. 4 For if He were on earth, He would not be a priest, since there are priests who offer the gifts according to the law; 5 who serve the copy and shadow of the heavenly things, as Moses was divinely instructed when he was about to make the tabernacle. For He said, “See that you make all things according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.” 6 But now He has obtained a more excellent ministry, inasmuch as He is also Mediator of a better covenant, which was established on better promises.

7 For if that first covenant had been faultless, then no place would have been sought for a second. 8 Because finding fault with them, He says: “Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— 9 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they did not continue in My covenant, and I disregarded them, says the Lord. 10 For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 11 None of them shall teach his neighbor, and none his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them. 12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

13 In that He says, “A new covenant,” He has made the first obsolete. Now what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away (Hebrews 8 NKJV).

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Nourish & Cherish (Biblical Marriage Basics #7)

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INTRODUCTION

Man is the glory of God, and woman is the glory of man (1 Cor. 11:7). And far from a demotion, that means that woman is the glory of the glory. But the Bible teaches that this glory is the result of sacrificial love. The love of Christ is at the center, driving this glory in the church until it fills the world, but husbands, in particular, are called to imitate that sacrificial love cultivating that glory in nourishing and cherishing their wives just as Christ does the church.

THE TEXT

“For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Eph. 5:29-30).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Despite all the modern calls for self-care and self-esteem and self-love, the Bible teaches that people naturally love themselves just fine: no one ever really hated his own flesh (Eph. 5:29). Everyone does what they think is best for the nourishing and cherishing of themselves, even if that desire is often twisted (Eph. 5:29). That human instinct is a reflection of the Lord’s care for His church (Eph. 5:29), and we in the church are part of his body, his flesh and his bones, just like the first woman and the first man (Eph. 5:30, Gen. 2:23).

OF HIS FLESH & BONES

When Adam saw his bride he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23). This appears to be the first poem in human history, and no surprise: it is a love song at the first human wedding. But what Adam says can be somewhat missed if you don’t understand Hebrew grammar. In Hebrew, the comparative is formed by saying that something is “big” or “strong” or “beautiful” from something else: it is more big/strong/beautiful than that other one. However, the superlative is formed by saying that something is the big/strong/beautiful of [all] the bigs/strongs/beautifuls (e.g. “Holy of Holies” or “Song of Songs”). When Adam says that the woman is “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” he is saying that the Woman is like him, only the best form, the best version: she is the glory of man or man glorified (1 Cor. 11:7).

In fact, in the very act of naming his wife “Woman” (Eeshah) which means something like “glory-fire,” he also gives himself a new name “glory-man” (Eesh). Up to this point in the narrative, the word for “man” has been “adam,” named after the ground (“adamah”) (Gen. 2:7). Adam is saying that in the creation of the woman and their union, the glory of the woman is so potent, it has made him shine. This is yet one more way in which a man who loves his wife, loves himself.

And here, the Bible says that the church is in that position with the Lord. We are “of his flesh and of his bones” in an analogous way, implying that Christ thinks of the church as His glory, that we make Him shine. And that is actually what was said earlier in Ephesians: “Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen” (Eph. 3:21).

NOURISH & CHERISH

Husbands are commanded to love their wives in this way: nourishing and cherishing them, as the Lord does the church, and as a man naturally cares for himself (Eph. 5:29), considering her “of our flesh and of our bones,” which therefore not only means loving her “as ourselves” but if we’re connecting all these dots, loving her “as better than ourselves.”

The word “nourish” literally means to “feed,” and “cherish” means to “keep warm.” In the following chapter, fathers are commanded to “bring up” or “nourish” in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4, cf. Gen. 47:17). And Paul uses the same word for “cherish” to describe how the apostles cared for the saints in Thessalonica like a nurse (1 Thess. 2:7). In those surrounding verses, Paul describes that cherishing as gentleness, affection, and working night and day not to be a burden and to see those saints walking worthy of God (1 Thess. 2:7-12).

At the center of this love is sacrifice: Adam was put in a deep sleep and endured the first surgery, the first bloody cut and broken bones in the history of the world (and in an unfallen world). And our Lord Jesus Christ is the new Adam who was nailed to a tree for His bride, and a spear pierced His side. As the first Eve was gloriously constructed from Adam’s bloody side and the New Church Eve is being formed from Jesus’ bloody side, so too every husband is called to that kind of sacrificial love for his bride, nourishing and cherishing her, so that she might be his glory. There is no glory apart from sacrifice. There is no crown apart from the battle.

CONCLUSION

In this way, the Bible uniformly insists that your theology comes out your fingertips. Your theology fills the air of your home, the tenor of your dining room, the aroma of your bedroom. The question is not whether but which. Is it the theology of Christ crucified for sinners or is it some bossy, manipulative, works-oriented, try-harder, or apathetic, despairing heresy?

Part of the message of Genesis 1 reiterated here is that men were made for this. God made men first, so that they might be cut first, so that they might bleed first, so that they might die first. The gospel in action is “my life for yours.” In this is love, and God made men strong so that they might go first. Lay down your pride and confess your sins. Lay down your anger and forgive gladly. Lay down your laziness, your apathy, your envy and get up and get back to work. Your King is already ahead of you.

What should Adam have done in the garden when his wife sinned? The Bible says that Adam was not deceived like Eve was, so many speculate that Adam despaired, thinking it was too late and decided to die with his wife. But we know what Adam should have done because it is what Jesus actually did. Adam should have led his wife to the Lord, taken full responsibility for the sin, and offered to die in her place. Jesus laid His life down for us, so that we might lay our lives down for one another. And men were made to lead the way.

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Confidence Toward God

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INTRODUCTION

The Apostle John’s teaching here is at once simple and deep. The simplicity isn’t because John was a simpleton; and the depth isn’t a secret knowledge intended only for a scant few. We find here a depth that comes from maturing faith & love. A bride & groom avow their love on their wedding day, but as it is nurtured year upon year, decade upon decade, the depth of that trust & love grows sweeter, truer, lovelier. That, in part, is how Scripture teaches us to understand the doctrine of assurance of grace.

THE TEXT

And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment (1 John 3:19-23).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

John’s entire argument has been leading up to this important exhortation as to how the believer can be assured in their heart of their acceptance before God (v19). He gives us an if/then argument as the way to assure our hearts that we are “of the truth.” If your heart condemns you, God is greater than any real or imagined condemnation you face; after all, He knows all things (v20). He knows all the truth about you, and still offers Christ to you to be your dwelling place (2:6), righteousness (2:28), Advocate, and Propitiation (2:1-2).

The “if/then” argument in verse 20 is inverted by the “if/then” of verse 21.

20: If your heart condemns you, then God is greater.

21: If your heart doesn’t condemn you (because God is greater), then you have boldness to come to God.

This boldness is made most evident in our prayers. We ask “whatsoever” sort of prayers (v22). We can ask boldly, trusting God to answer our requests, because we are walking in the light (1:7), and have a clear conscience (v22). The nail in timidity’s coffin is that the command we are to keep is uncomfortably simple to the self-righteous or self-pitying, but is a deep comfort to the feeblest of saints: believe in Jesus, and love one another (v23).

THE ACCUSING HEART

It’s vital to notice that condemnation is a legal term. This “legalese” picks up on the legal language used earlier regarding Christ as our Paraclete (2:1)––the one who comes alongside us to plead our case—and our Propitiate (2:2)––the one who covers us. Your comfort is found in this: your gracious Savior has freed you from and forgiven you for both your sinful state and your sinful actions. But the comfort goes gloriously beyond even this.

The comfort extends forward. If the saint sins in the future, the Lord Jesus remains as your faithful Advocate. The Greek word here means, “one summoned to your side”, implying coming to your legal defense.

Our Accuser is cast down, as John’s apocalyptic vision assures us (Rev. 12:10). Which means you need not heed the Accuser’s voice, when the Advocate’s voice is declaring that the Gospel reckons you forgiven, cleansed, and pardoned. This forms the foundation of Christian assurance. We need not sin, because we’ve been given a new nature; but if we sin, we are no less a saint––for Christ the Righteous is our eternal Advocate before the Father.

Having destroyed Satan’s grounds for accusation (Cf. 3:8), John wants to address the accusations which spring from your own heart. Here in our passage, the heart lays a charge against us. While there’s an emotional component here, the legal terminology should lead us to think not in terms of subjective feelings but objective fact.

Does your heart condemn you? Whose heart doesn’t? After all, we bear the guilt and shame of our sin. Our heart bears witness against us that we are violators of God’s Law. Our heart is deceitful (Jer. 17:9). Our heart is stone (Eze. 36:26). But God is greater. Sweeter words have never been spoken.

GOD IS GREATER

How do we know that God is greater? Go back to the prologue of 1 John. The Eternal Word has been made manifest in the flesh for your joy (1:1-4). Those born of God believe two things: that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh (4:2), and that Jesus is the Christ (5:1). Jesus dwells in you, as you dwell in Him by faith (2:24). Do you believe that? Then be assured that Christ dwells in you, by the Spirit, to tell your condemning heart to hush.

A.A. Hodge, in one place, teaches that, “Full assurance, therefore––which is the fullness of hope resting on the fullness of faith––is a state of mind which it is the office of the Holy Ghost to induce in our minds. […] [The Holy Ghost] gives origin to the grace of full assurance––not as a blind and fortuitous feeling, but as a legitimate and undoubting conclusion from appropriate evidence.”

Assurance isn’t a feeling, it is the conclusion of a legal proceeding. This passage is the crown jewel of God’s evidence to the saints of their assurance of welcome. Christ has quieted their condemning heart by His great love, and now they have boldness to ask their Father for grace & mercy to help in time of need (Heb. 4:16).

SO SAY YOUR PRAYERS

John’s argument is a flowchart of sorts. Does your heart condemn you? If, yes? God is greater than your heart. Now, in light of that, does your heart condemn you? Good, then say your prayers.

To come to God in prayer is to come to Him by the Son, by the Intercessor. Only a fool will try to come before God in order to pull off a heist; as if he could dupe God by coming in any other way than by the Son. When God’s greatness is displayed in Jesus Christ manifested in the flesh, prayer becomes like the no-doubt 3-pointer.

Now, curious point is made here. The text asserts a certainty of receiving our requests because, “we keep His commands, and do those things which are pleasing in His sight.” At first this sets us Protestants ill-at-ease. Sounds like works-righteousness. But this is to miss the simple point John is making. He answers this objection immediately. God’s commandment is to believe in Jesus, and love the brethren. Once again, our confidence towards God is on the basis of faith in Christ alone, and this is the key signature of our prayers.

Of course, this boldness in prayer isn’t to be used to glut our lusts (Jas. 4:3). But we also must be careful not to so narrowly limit what Christ & the Apostles’ frequently make broad. The saint is invited to ask for whatsoever (Cf. Jn. 16:23), and as you are walking with the Lord your requests will not be amiss or improper or carnal, but will be the sort of requests that please the Father.

Boldness in prayer is a mark of true evangelical faith. A clear conscience (by walking in the light and keeping His commandments) produces a fearlessness to make your petitions and requests known to your Father.

Instead of getting swallowed in the nets of doubt, and asking yourself if you’re really, really, really saved, John points you to prayer.  Every time you pray you are defying an accusing heart. An accusing heart will object to going before God. But prayer forces you to humble yourself and admit in faith God is Greater.

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