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Nourish & Cherish (Biblical Marriage Basics #7)

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INTRODUCTION

Man is the glory of God, and woman is the glory of man (1 Cor. 11:7). And far from a demotion, that means that woman is the glory of the glory. But the Bible teaches that this glory is the result of sacrificial love. The love of Christ is at the center, driving this glory in the church until it fills the world, but husbands, in particular, are called to imitate that sacrificial love cultivating that glory in nourishing and cherishing their wives just as Christ does the church.

THE TEXT

“For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Eph. 5:29-30).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Despite all the modern calls for self-care and self-esteem and self-love, the Bible teaches that people naturally love themselves just fine: no one ever really hated his own flesh (Eph. 5:29). Everyone does what they think is best for the nourishing and cherishing of themselves, even if that desire is often twisted (Eph. 5:29). That human instinct is a reflection of the Lord’s care for His church (Eph. 5:29), and we in the church are part of his body, his flesh and his bones, just like the first woman and the first man (Eph. 5:30, Gen. 2:23).

OF HIS FLESH & BONES

When Adam saw his bride he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23). This appears to be the first poem in human history, and no surprise: it is a love song at the first human wedding. But what Adam says can be somewhat missed if you don’t understand Hebrew grammar. In Hebrew, the comparative is formed by saying that something is “big” or “strong” or “beautiful” from something else: it is more big/strong/beautiful than that other one. However, the superlative is formed by saying that something is the big/strong/beautiful of [all] the bigs/strongs/beautifuls (e.g. “Holy of Holies” or “Song of Songs”). When Adam says that the woman is “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” he is saying that the Woman is like him, only the best form, the best version: she is the glory of man or man glorified (1 Cor. 11:7).

In fact, in the very act of naming his wife “Woman” (Eeshah) which means something like “glory-fire,” he also gives himself a new name “glory-man” (Eesh). Up to this point in the narrative, the word for “man” has been “adam,” named after the ground (“adamah”) (Gen. 2:7). Adam is saying that in the creation of the woman and their union, the glory of the woman is so potent, it has made him shine. This is yet one more way in which a man who loves his wife, loves himself.

And here, the Bible says that the church is in that position with the Lord. We are “of his flesh and of his bones” in an analogous way, implying that Christ thinks of the church as His glory, that we make Him shine. And that is actually what was said earlier in Ephesians: “Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen” (Eph. 3:21).

NOURISH & CHERISH

Husbands are commanded to love their wives in this way: nourishing and cherishing them, as the Lord does the church, and as a man naturally cares for himself (Eph. 5:29), considering her “of our flesh and of our bones,” which therefore not only means loving her “as ourselves” but if we’re connecting all these dots, loving her “as better than ourselves.”

The word “nourish” literally means to “feed,” and “cherish” means to “keep warm.” In the following chapter, fathers are commanded to “bring up” or “nourish” in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4, cf. Gen. 47:17). And Paul uses the same word for “cherish” to describe how the apostles cared for the saints in Thessalonica like a nurse (1 Thess. 2:7). In those surrounding verses, Paul describes that cherishing as gentleness, affection, and working night and day not to be a burden and to see those saints walking worthy of God (1 Thess. 2:7-12).

At the center of this love is sacrifice: Adam was put in a deep sleep and endured the first surgery, the first bloody cut and broken bones in the history of the world (and in an unfallen world). And our Lord Jesus Christ is the new Adam who was nailed to a tree for His bride, and a spear pierced His side. As the first Eve was gloriously constructed from Adam’s bloody side and the New Church Eve is being formed from Jesus’ bloody side, so too every husband is called to that kind of sacrificial love for his bride, nourishing and cherishing her, so that she might be his glory. There is no glory apart from sacrifice. There is no crown apart from the battle.

CONCLUSION

In this way, the Bible uniformly insists that your theology comes out your fingertips. Your theology fills the air of your home, the tenor of your dining room, the aroma of your bedroom. The question is not whether but which. Is it the theology of Christ crucified for sinners or is it some bossy, manipulative, works-oriented, try-harder, or apathetic, despairing heresy?

Part of the message of Genesis 1 reiterated here is that men were made for this. God made men first, so that they might be cut first, so that they might bleed first, so that they might die first. The gospel in action is “my life for yours.” In this is love, and God made men strong so that they might go first. Lay down your pride and confess your sins. Lay down your anger and forgive gladly. Lay down your laziness, your apathy, your envy and get up and get back to work. Your King is already ahead of you.

What should Adam have done in the garden when his wife sinned? The Bible says that Adam was not deceived like Eve was, so many speculate that Adam despaired, thinking it was too late and decided to die with his wife. But we know what Adam should have done because it is what Jesus actually did. Adam should have led his wife to the Lord, taken full responsibility for the sin, and offered to die in her place. Jesus laid His life down for us, so that we might lay our lives down for one another. And men were made to lead the way.

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Confidence Toward God

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INTRODUCTION

The Apostle John’s teaching here is at once simple and deep. The simplicity isn’t because John was a simpleton; and the depth isn’t a secret knowledge intended only for a scant few. We find here a depth that comes from maturing faith & love. A bride & groom avow their love on their wedding day, but as it is nurtured year upon year, decade upon decade, the depth of that trust & love grows sweeter, truer, lovelier. That, in part, is how Scripture teaches us to understand the doctrine of assurance of grace.

THE TEXT

And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment (1 John 3:19-23).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

John’s entire argument has been leading up to this important exhortation as to how the believer can be assured in their heart of their acceptance before God (v19). He gives us an if/then argument as the way to assure our hearts that we are “of the truth.” If your heart condemns you, God is greater than any real or imagined condemnation you face; after all, He knows all things (v20). He knows all the truth about you, and still offers Christ to you to be your dwelling place (2:6), righteousness (2:28), Advocate, and Propitiation (2:1-2).

The “if/then” argument in verse 20 is inverted by the “if/then” of verse 21.

20: If your heart condemns you, then God is greater.

21: If your heart doesn’t condemn you (because God is greater), then you have boldness to come to God.

This boldness is made most evident in our prayers. We ask “whatsoever” sort of prayers (v22). We can ask boldly, trusting God to answer our requests, because we are walking in the light (1:7), and have a clear conscience (v22). The nail in timidity’s coffin is that the command we are to keep is uncomfortably simple to the self-righteous or self-pitying, but is a deep comfort to the feeblest of saints: believe in Jesus, and love one another (v23).

THE ACCUSING HEART

It’s vital to notice that condemnation is a legal term. This “legalese” picks up on the legal language used earlier regarding Christ as our Paraclete (2:1)––the one who comes alongside us to plead our case—and our Propitiate (2:2)––the one who covers us. Your comfort is found in this: your gracious Savior has freed you from and forgiven you for both your sinful state and your sinful actions. But the comfort goes gloriously beyond even this.

The comfort extends forward. If the saint sins in the future, the Lord Jesus remains as your faithful Advocate. The Greek word here means, “one summoned to your side”, implying coming to your legal defense.

Our Accuser is cast down, as John’s apocalyptic vision assures us (Rev. 12:10). Which means you need not heed the Accuser’s voice, when the Advocate’s voice is declaring that the Gospel reckons you forgiven, cleansed, and pardoned. This forms the foundation of Christian assurance. We need not sin, because we’ve been given a new nature; but if we sin, we are no less a saint––for Christ the Righteous is our eternal Advocate before the Father.

Having destroyed Satan’s grounds for accusation (Cf. 3:8), John wants to address the accusations which spring from your own heart. Here in our passage, the heart lays a charge against us. While there’s an emotional component here, the legal terminology should lead us to think not in terms of subjective feelings but objective fact.

Does your heart condemn you? Whose heart doesn’t? After all, we bear the guilt and shame of our sin. Our heart bears witness against us that we are violators of God’s Law. Our heart is deceitful (Jer. 17:9). Our heart is stone (Eze. 36:26). But God is greater. Sweeter words have never been spoken.

GOD IS GREATER

How do we know that God is greater? Go back to the prologue of 1 John. The Eternal Word has been made manifest in the flesh for your joy (1:1-4). Those born of God believe two things: that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh (4:2), and that Jesus is the Christ (5:1). Jesus dwells in you, as you dwell in Him by faith (2:24). Do you believe that? Then be assured that Christ dwells in you, by the Spirit, to tell your condemning heart to hush.

A.A. Hodge, in one place, teaches that, “Full assurance, therefore––which is the fullness of hope resting on the fullness of faith––is a state of mind which it is the office of the Holy Ghost to induce in our minds. […] [The Holy Ghost] gives origin to the grace of full assurance––not as a blind and fortuitous feeling, but as a legitimate and undoubting conclusion from appropriate evidence.”

Assurance isn’t a feeling, it is the conclusion of a legal proceeding. This passage is the crown jewel of God’s evidence to the saints of their assurance of welcome. Christ has quieted their condemning heart by His great love, and now they have boldness to ask their Father for grace & mercy to help in time of need (Heb. 4:16).

SO SAY YOUR PRAYERS

John’s argument is a flowchart of sorts. Does your heart condemn you? If, yes? God is greater than your heart. Now, in light of that, does your heart condemn you? Good, then say your prayers.

To come to God in prayer is to come to Him by the Son, by the Intercessor. Only a fool will try to come before God in order to pull off a heist; as if he could dupe God by coming in any other way than by the Son. When God’s greatness is displayed in Jesus Christ manifested in the flesh, prayer becomes like the no-doubt 3-pointer.

Now, curious point is made here. The text asserts a certainty of receiving our requests because, “we keep His commands, and do those things which are pleasing in His sight.” At first this sets us Protestants ill-at-ease. Sounds like works-righteousness. But this is to miss the simple point John is making. He answers this objection immediately. God’s commandment is to believe in Jesus, and love the brethren. Once again, our confidence towards God is on the basis of faith in Christ alone, and this is the key signature of our prayers.

Of course, this boldness in prayer isn’t to be used to glut our lusts (Jas. 4:3). But we also must be careful not to so narrowly limit what Christ & the Apostles’ frequently make broad. The saint is invited to ask for whatsoever (Cf. Jn. 16:23), and as you are walking with the Lord your requests will not be amiss or improper or carnal, but will be the sort of requests that please the Father.

Boldness in prayer is a mark of true evangelical faith. A clear conscience (by walking in the light and keeping His commandments) produces a fearlessness to make your petitions and requests known to your Father.

Instead of getting swallowed in the nets of doubt, and asking yourself if you’re really, really, really saved, John points you to prayer.  Every time you pray you are defying an accusing heart. An accusing heart will object to going before God. But prayer forces you to humble yourself and admit in faith God is Greater.

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Abandoning the Sons of Belial (Authentic Ministry #15)

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INTRODUCTION

Remember that the point of this epistle is for Paul to defend the authenticity of his ministry. There are three groups involved. There were the false teachers, the agitators that stirred up the trouble. They had initially swayed the whole church, but after Paul’s severe letter, the bulk of the church had come back into their loyalty to Paul. That is the second group. The third group was made of saints in the church who were still rattled, who still had the wobbles. These were the ones that Paul beseeched to “enlarge their hearts.” And in this passage, we get to Paul’s basic “call to action.” We have come to the thing which they must do.

THE TEXT

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Cor. 6:14–7:1).

DEBRIS CLEANING

Before summarizing the text, there is an important misunderstanding to get out of the way. In this section, Paul famously says that we are not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers.” This is regularly applied to marriages and/or business partnership, and while this is a legitimate application, it is not what the text is talking about—and we have to be careful not to lose the original meaning. When Paul tells Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach and frequent ailments (1 Tim. 5:23), he was not trying to refute teetotalism. That is a legitimate application (by extension), but not what Paul was talking about. It is the same here.

The original meaning was the summons that Paul was delivering, urging the remaining wobbly Corinthians to make a complete break from the false teachers (whom we will get to know much better in later chapters). For now it will serve to distinguish the wolves from the sheep who have been mauled by wolves. Paul is appealing here to the latter.

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul starts with the principle. Do not be in harness together with unbelievers (v. 14). The reason is then given in a series of contrasts. Is there fellowship between righteousness and unrighteousness (v. 14)? Communion between light and darkness (v. 14)? Concord between Christ and Belial (v. 15)? Faith and infidelity (v. 15)? The temple of God with idols (v. 16)?

These destructive false teachers want to set up their idols in the Corinthians, saints who were the Temple of God (v. 16). What looks like a solitary quotation from the Old Testament starting in v. 16 is actually a complicated mashup of quotations from about six different places in the Old Testament. The first two are promises of close and intimate fellowship (Lev. 26:11-12; Eze. 37:27). Then came the promise of adoption, and this is taken from four distinct places (2 Sam. 7:14; Is. 52:11; Eze. 20:34; Is. 43:6).

Overwhelmingly, the six cited passages are talking about Israel’s restoration to the land, brought out of exile. The Corinthians were the heirs of these spectacular promises and, as such, had an obligation to cleanse themselves from all filthiness of spirit and flesh, perfecting holiness in the fear of God (7:1). That is the call—to break with these sons of Belial.

SONS OF BELIAL 

We can tell that this is the import of this passage from the overall flow of the argument. Dealing with these false teachers is, after all, the theme of the entire letter. But we can also see it in his use of a word like Belial. The word probably means worthlessness, and is used throughout the Old Testament to refer to covenant losers. In other words, we are talking about covenant members who were wicked louts. See, for example, the following: Dt. 13:13; Judg. 19:22; 20:13; 1 Sam. 1:16; 2:12; 10:27; 25:17,25; 30:22; 2 Sam. 20:1; 1 Kings 21:10,13; 2Chron. 13:7. This is precisely what Paul was dealing with at Corinth, and so he asks the rhetorical question—what possible fellowship can there be between Christ and Belial?

THE PRESSING NEED FOR MORE CHURCH SPLITS

The “unbelievers” Paul is talking about are his adversaries within the church. These are false brothers. Do not be “yoked with” means do not pal around with, enable, encourage, or otherwise link to these people.

The driver of all such splits, however, needs to be holiness. If they pursue holiness in the fear of God, a lot of the separating will take care of itself. Paul is reminding the Corinthians of their identity in Christ. Now, in Christ, what are they? They are the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21). They have been made light (2 Cor. 4:6). In Christ, they are a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). By direct implication, Paul includes them as being among those who believe (2 Cor. 4:4). They are the Temple of God (2 Cor. 6:16). So the Corinthians are or have each of the characteristics that have no fellowship, communion, concord, part, or agreement with the corruptions offered by the sons of Belial. Those corruptions would unrighteousness, darkness, worthlessness, infidelity, and idolatry. And it is holiness of life that drives all such things away.

DISEASED EVANGELICALISM

Satan has two basic strategies for attacking the church. He attacks it by persecutions from without, and he attacks it by introducing corruptions from within. The latter has been his tactic of choice in the American church, and it has worked very well for him. The bottom line of all such corruptions is unholiness, and usually with a sexual component. This is why vast swaths of the evangelical church collapsed almost overnight when the challenges of the last two years first appeared.

And so the application today should be obvious. Separate from—do not have anything to do with, do not follow, do not fellowship with—the ministries of anyone who is woke, or semi-woke, or is effeminate, or who compromises on theistic evolution, or who makes room for homosexuality as an identity, or who ordains women to be pastors, or who advances any form of critical theory, or who would otherwise invite this generation’s Clown Car Review into the church. Tragically, this list is not limited to mainline liberal churches. Because we did not heed the warnings of the apostle, the evangelical movement is shot through with the cancers of unbelief.

But do not just turn away. That is insufficient. Pursue holiness. Pursue righteousness. Pursue Christ.

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The Glorious Gospel of Grace (CCD)

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INTRODUCTION

The Reformation was a recovery of the Gospel of grace. Not by the merit of saints, or the good works which we or others have done, or the penance paid into the coffers, but by the free grace of God are you saved. But in every age, various attempts are made to cloud and obscure and bury this glorious doctrine. It is the church’s duty to proclaim and defend this Glorious Gospel through all ages.

THE TEXT

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace (Ephesians 1:3-7).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

In this prologue Paul gives us the Gospel message undiluted. The Blessed God has poured out heavenly blessings upon us in Christ (v3). This blessing is not haphazard, but is according to His eternal purpose, before the worlds began, that we should be holy (v4). All blame is lifted away from us, Satan’s accusation is answered with the simple, child-like answer: Jesus loves me (v4).

Our holiness & blamelessness is brought about by His predestinating our adoption by Jesus unto Himself (v5); all this is according to God’s good pleasure (v5), and results in praise to the glory of His grace as displayed by enemies & strangers being transformed into beloved sons (v6, Cf. 2:13). This Gospel can be simply summarized in this way: by the redeeming blood of Christ, our sins are forgiven (v7). Furthermore, God can forgive our sins because He is rich in grace (v7).

THE SCANDAL OF FREE GRACE

Grace is favor. But God’s favor is no intangible notion that lives in the realm of ideas. When we look at the story of Scripture, we see that God’s favor makes the barren woman bear a child in old age (Cf. Gen. 30:22, Rt. 4). It delivers a nation of slaves (Ex. 15). It gives revelation to the proper worship of the living God (Deu. 4:33). It sends down heavenly manna, and makes water spring from rocks (Ps. 78:16, 25). It routs armies of Giants. It topples Jericho walls.

When God places His favor upon either an individual (i.e. Noah, Abram, David, Solomon, etc.) or a nation (i.e. Israel), things are not left as they once were. God gives the Law to Moses, and then Moses asks to see God’s glory, and in that episode the Lord, the Lawgiver, declares His character: “And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation (Ex. 34:6-7).” God’s glory is declared in His graciousness to mankind; this is nestled in the context of God establishing His covenant mercies with Israel. God rearranges Israel, and this is because God’s favor has been set upon them.

God’s favor rests upon Jacob as he flees from his brother, and God promises at Bethel to protect him in his wanderings (Gen. 28:15); upon Jacob’s return, God comes to wrestle with Jacob. This, too, is a display of God’s favor. It is a grace to wrestle with God (Gen. 32:28). How else did Jacob get a new name, Israel? God’s favor rested upon Jacob, it upheld him, protected him, and came to define him.

The story of biblical history is God repeatedly coming in grace to mankind, and revealing His great purpose to restore man to the glory of His presence. But when God comes down, He does not come down to simply leave things put. God’s grace rearranges the furniture. The presence of God, His sweet favor being poured upon His people, brings about the great moments of redemptive, covenant history. His favor is set on Noah, and the world is flooded & remade. His favor is set on David, and the Philistine giant is toppled and the army put to flight.

SWEET GRACE

Grace is sweet. But not like a 2lb. bag of gummy bears. It’s like the sugar which activates the yeast in your dough. Apart from grace you are damned, you are dead. But when God, by His eternal purpose, shows grace to you, you are brought to life. You are justified. You are forgiven. You are reckoned as righteous in God’s sight. And that grace begets in you life. True life. Christ’s life, by His Holy Spirit.

That first sight of grace is the root. But the continued gaze upon God’s glorious grace brings about the fruit of holiness, the fruit of the Spirit. Grace opens our eyes, and grace keeps our eyes steadfast upon the Christ who sought us and bought us.

KIDNAPPING INSTEAD OF ADOPTION

John Newton once said, “Satan will preach free grace when he finds people willing to believe the notion, as an excuse and a cloak for idleness.” Paul warns in his famous rhetorical question, “Should we sin so that grace may abound? God forbid.” But regardless of such warnings many Christians continue to operate under a misguided assumption about what grace is.

Amidst the many ways that the clear glass of grace is clouded over with the doctrines of men, is a recent tendency in modern evangelicalism to absolutize the doctrine of adoption. Our text describes our salvation in terms of being adopted in God’s household (Eph. 1:6). But recent articulations of this doctrine turn this adoption from a glory to a grief. Being adopted as sons by the Heavenly Father is turned into being pampered by a heavenly wet-nurse who denies no treat to the spoiled heir.

Grace is not the indulgence of God the Father of our sinful lusts. Grace begets a new nature within us, because the Father has adopted us and made us partakers of His nature. Grace restores nature, it doesn’t indulge fallen nature. Our adoption into the household of God is not a permission slip to remain in sin, to remain as enemies of the Almighty. Our adoption is a change of generation, a change of Fatherhood.

GRACE IS IN A MAJOR KEY

Another common feature of many descendants of the Calvinist heritage is to think of the doctrine of man’s total depravity as a description of the Christian post-conversion. But this is not the Gospel which was recovered in the Reformation.

Instead of moaning over or coddling our sinfulness, the Gospel of grace gives us hope that we are not only reckoned as righteous in our justification, but we are empowered by the Spirit to walk in true holiness in our sanctification. We aren’t left as orphans. We are given a new nature. A new heart. A new Spirit is put within us.

This glorious gospel of God’s grace is in a major key. Attempts to play it in a minor key are just plain ugly. As Paul puts it in our text, your salvation results in praise to the glory of His grace. Or as he calls it elsewhere, it is the “glorious gospel of Christ (2Co 4:4);” it is “the glorious gospel of the blessed God (1 Tim. 1:11).”

The glorious Gospel of grace is this. God has set His favor upon you. Not because of anything good in you, but by the goodness of Christ in your stead. This grace will not leave you as you are. By grace your eyes are opened to see Christ. By grace the glory of Christ holds your gaze. By grace you shall one day say with the hymn-writer, “hope shall change to glad fruition, faith to sight, and prayer to praise.”

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As Your Own Body (Biblical Marriage Basics #6)

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INTRODUCTION

When God unites a man and woman in the covenant of marriage, they truly become one flesh. This is why divorce is always violent (Mal. 2:16). This is not merely a picture; it is a covenantal reality. Therefore, a man’s love and care for his wife is always simultaneously for himself. Like Christ, a man is always presenting his wife to himself, the only question is whether he is presenting glory to himself or not.

THE TEXT

“That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Eph. 5:27-28).

A LIVING SACRIFICE

Christ’s love for us turns us into living sacrifices (Rom. 12). And here, the language implies that a husband should see his love as having a similar effect on his wife, making her spotless, holy, and without blemish, the sort of thing you would look for in a sacrificial animal (Ex. 12:5, Num. 19:2, 1 Pet. 1:19). While there was certainly a punitive element in Christ’s sacrifice, there is also an ascension and communion element to the sacrifices. All the sacrifices point to re-entering the Garden of Eden through the flaming sword of the cherubim (Gen. 3:24). But ultimately, to commune with God is to be changed from glory into glory, to be lifted up and transfigured (e.g. 1 Jn. 3:2). The High Priest in the Old Covenant pictured this in his garments of “glory and beauty” that matched the tabernacle (Ex. 28:2, 40), and he was anointed with blood and oil like the altar itself. The High Priest was a “living sacrifice” who communed with God in the Holy Place. This is what Christ has come to do for all of us, and it is was a husband is called to imitate.

This picture works in at least two directions: First, it certainly applies to loving your wife toward Christ and into greater and greater communion with Him. But second, the immediate context applies this communion directly back to the husband (Eph. 5:28). If the husband is to model Christ’s High Priestly love which has drawn us near to Him as living sacrifices, then a husband’s sacrificial love draws his wife near to himself. He that loves his wife loves himself. And we need not pit these two communions against one another. Because God is the source of all true fellowship, the closer you get to God the closer you get to anyone else. The inverse is also true: the further away from God you get, the further away from true fellowship you get. “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin” (1 Jn. 1:7). Therefore, drawing nearer to God always brings you closer to your spouse, and a husband loving his wife nearer to the Lord is loving her nearer to himself.

AS YOUR OWN BODY

A man may think of his leadership of his wife in athletic terms. The best coaches push their players beyond what they think they are capable of because they have a bigger vision of what they might do and accomplish. All your favorite coaches and trainers pushed you harder than you thought was reasonable, and then you love them for it. Lazy coaches do not push you at all, and harsh coaches do not really love or care for you. Faithful husbands love their wives as themselves, pushing them as they push themselves for excellence and glory.

“Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway” (1 Cor. 9:24-27). So men ought to love their own wives striving for the prize, striving for the crown of glory: “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Prov. 12:4), just as wisdom crowns a man with her glory (Prov. 4:9). Do you think of her as your crown, your glory (1 Cor. 11:7)?

Likewise, in athletics, there is a “mental game” where you must listen to your body and yet discipline your thoughts. Your body may not want to get up and work out/exercise. Your body may protest another mile, but if you do not push your body further, it will not get stronger. On the other hand, if you don’t listen carefully to your body, you can harm your body. Husbands must love their wives as their own bodies. A man must lead and love with a mission of glory in mind, but he must lead and love with diligence and care.

CONCLUSIONS

It is not whether you are presenting your wife to yourself, the only question is: what are you presenting to yourself? Are you presenting a glorious crown to yourself?

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Prov. 12:4). The word “virtuous” literally means “strength, might, excellence.”

How is this kind of crown crafted? By loving her like Christ loved the Church, giving yourself for her good, loving her as your own body.

Your covenantal union with your wife both underlines your responsibility but also a promise. By God’s grace, she is your responsibility, and by His grace, you can be assured that your love is what she needs.

A man who has failed to love his wife well or diligently really needs to understand the damage that can be done through his neglect or harshness. On the other hand, when a man repents and begins walking in love, you need to know that God has made the world such that your love, under God’s blessing, really is potent for healing and glory.

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