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Sacrificial & Cleansing Love (Biblical Marriage Basics #5)

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INTRODUCTION

The central command given to husbands for their duty to their wives is “love.” We live in a world that has willfully rejected God’s love, and substituted all manner of madness in its place, but it is the duty of husbands in particular to learn what God’s love means and embody it toward their wives, without any excuses or complaints. Here, we are told specifically that the action of love is sacrifice and the effect is holiness and cleansing.

THE TEXT

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word” (Eph. 5:25-26).

WE LOVE BECAUSE GOD LOVED FIRST

The Bible teaches that we do not love God and one another naturally; rather, we are naturally inclined to selfishness and hatred, apart from knowing the love of God in Christ (Rom. 3, 1 Jn. 3:16). So once again we must begin with the general principle, and press it to the particular. Husbands cannot love their wives like Christ loved the church, if they do not know the love of God in Christ for the church. And this love begins with the love of the Father: “Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God… Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure… Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God” (1 Jn. 3:1-3, 9).

Notice what the love of God does: it makes men sons of God (1 Jn. 3:1), that adoption puts a great hope in us that we are becoming like Him (1 Jn. 3:2), and that hope is what purifies us (1 Jn. 3:3). This adoption is so thorough that it can be described as being born of God and an imperishable seed is implanted that is so utterly opposed to sin, such that it can be truly said that we cannot sin (1 Jn. 3:9). This doesn’t mean no sin ever occurs, but it means that we are constantly and consistently confessing sin as quickly as it occurs and staying in fellowship with God and everyone around us (1 Jn. 1:7-9). A man who wants to love his wife like Christ must begin here, and therefore, there is no room for despair.

SACRIFICIAL LOVE

How did Christ give himself for us? He humbled himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, even though He was fully equal with God (Phil. 2:6-7). Not only that, but He humbled Himself even further, becoming obedient even to the point of death, and that death was the most humiliating, most excruciating, most cursed death of the cross (Phil. 2:8). And He did all of this for us while we were still ungodly, while we were still sinners, while we were still enemies of God (Rom. 5:6-10).

Notice that this love was obedient love. Christ loved us by doing what was necessary to take away our sins. He did not do what we thought He ought to do, and He did not do what He felt like doing. He did what had to be done. And secondly, notice that this love is efficacious love. He did not love us because we are lovely; He loved us in order to make us lovely. Likewise, when the love of a husband is obedient, it is efficacious. The obedient love of a husband makes his wife lovely.

CLEANSING LOVE

The central problem in this world is sin. And this is where the gospel collides with all other worldviews and religions. The problem is not personality. The problem is not background. The problem is not childhood. The problem is not health, bad habits, or chemical or hormonal imbalances. Although any number of those things can contribute to challenges, the Bible teaches that the fundamental problem is sin, and Jesus died to take away our sins. A husband cannot duplicate that sacrifice, but a husband must imitate it. A husband’s love applies it.

This is why the central goal of a husband’s love is to be sanctifying and cleansing (Eph. 5:26). Do you want a happy marriage? Do you want a joyful home? Do you want a home that is flourishing, productive, and fruitful in every way? Then you must love your wife obediently and efficaciously, washing her with the water of the word. The word here for “word” is interesting since it is a more general and generic word for “thing, matter, or word.” The Word of God is certainly in view (cf. 1 Tim. 4:5), but it also includes all your words, all your dealings, oriented by God’s Word toward cleansing your wife from sin and making her holy like Jesus.

CONCLUSION

In Colossians it says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col. 3:19). Some translations say, “do not be harsh with them,” but it really amounts to the same thing. A bitter man will be harsh, and a harsh man is bitter. Remember, it was for the joy set before Him that Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame (Heb. 12:2). What was that joy? The church sanctified and cleansed. Is that hope in you – that you will be like Him? So what about her?

Wash your wife with the Word and with many good words. Tell your wife that you love her, that she is beautiful, sweet, gracious, attractive, and compliment her many times a day. God made us and is remaking us through His Word, and you get to imitate that with your words. God’s word is our food, and your good words are food for your wife, just like food and sex are food for you. This includes taking your wife to church, reading the Bible to her, and talking to her about it and praying with and for her regularly.

Husbands should also understand that one of the most important ways you love your wife is by loving her children well. When you spend time with them, pay attention to them, laugh with them, read to them, and pursue them, your wife feels well loved. Her children are her glory, and when you love and honor that glory, you love and honor her.

And all of this love must be driven by the love of the Father, the love that sent His only Son for you, so that you would be conformed to His image.

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The Stupefying Transaction (Authentic Ministry #13)

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INTRODUCTION

When the gospel is stated in its bare outlines, it is the kind of thing that takes the breath away. It leaves us stupefied. If we hear the preacher declaring the unvarnished truth, we look heavenward in amazement. You can’t be serious. But in the cross, that moment of glorious exchange, an exchange of sin and righteousness, we see that wisdom of God is terrifying in its mere goodness.

THE TEXT

“For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again . . .” (2 Corinthians 5:14–6:2).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

We are bound by the love of Christ because of a determination we have made—which is that if one died for all, then all have died (v. 14). And the reason He died for all was so that they could stop living toward themselves, but rather toward the one who died for them and rose again (v. 15). This is why we don’t look at anyone on an earthly level alone anymore—we used to know Christ on that level, but not anymore (v. 16). If someone is in Christ, absolutely everything is transformed, new for old (v. 17) This is all from God, who reconciled us in Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation (v. 18). That is, God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, refusing to impute their trespasses to them, and giving us the charge to tell them that this is now the case (v. 19). So we are ambassadors, as though God Himself were speaking through us—be reconciled to God (v. 20). For God made the sinless one to be sin for us, so that He could make us, the sinful ones, to be the righteousness of God in Him (v. 21). So then, this is the basis of the gospel appeal. As co-workers of God, we plead with sinners not to receive the grace of God in vain (6:1). Paul then states the invitation, using the words of the LXX, quoting Is. 49:9. God says that He has heard us in the time accepted, and has comforted us in the day of salvation—and that day of salvation is now (v. 2).

THROUGH NEW EYES

If we know the gospel, then we have to look at the world differently. Paul absolutely refused to look at anyone in the old way anymore, and this was because he could not look at Christ in the old way anymore— now that Christ had risen. C.S. Lewis put his finger on the direct implication of this:

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, help each other to one or other of these destinations” (The Weight of Glory).

When you are dealing with someone who is being tedious, meditate on the glory that is coming for them, and which will swallow them up. And remember, such an exercise is the very best way for you to mortify the ways in which you are being tedious.

THE GROUND OF APPEAL

Note that God objectively reconciled the world to Himself through Christ. The thing is done. We are therefore not pleading with the world to reconcile themselves to God. The plea is that the world has been reconciled, and so therefore be reconciled. To be stiff-necked and rebellious is to be the recipients of grace in vain (6:1). The vanity is on our end, not the Lord’s—His purposes always come to pass. But it is a heartbreak when residents of a saved world insist on their own damnation.

AUDACIOUS IMPUTATION

How does God do this? How is this tremendous thing accomplished. Look first at v. 14. One died for all, and therefore all were dead. To grasp this, we have to comprehend the true nature of Christ’s substitutionary death. There are two kinds of substitution. One you see in a basketball game, where one player goes in for another, and that second player goes to the bench. That is one kind of substitution, and it is not the kind of substitution that Christ provides for us.

The second kind of substitution is covenantal or representative substitution. This happens when we elect a congressman, for example, and he goes to Washington to represent our interests. When he votes, we voted. When he is caught up in scandal, we are humiliated. When he does right, we are gratified.

Christ died for all as the representative head of the new human race. Just as when Adam sinned, we sinned (because Adam was our federal representative), so also when Christ died, we died. When He was buried, we were buried. When He rose, we rose. When He ascended, we ascended. Because of this, all our sins were imputed to Him. Because of this, all His righteousness was imputed to us.

So Christ was never a sinner (1 Pet. 2:22; Heb. 4:15; 7:26; 1 Jn. 3:5; cf. Rom. 5:19; 8:3; John 8:46), but He would knew no sin was made sin (through God’s imputation of our sin to Him). And because of the death that was reckoned there, it became possible for life to reckoned in the other direction (v. 15)—for righteousness to be imputed to us (v. 21).

BUT DO NOT MISS THE INVITATION

So then, when should we act upon this truth? The answer is plain. We should act on it as soon as we hear about it. Look at the calendar. Is it today? Now is the moment. Now is the day of salvation. Look to Christ, and Christ will look toward you.

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Soul Anchor

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THE TEXT

13 For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, 14 saying, “Surely blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply you.” 15 And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. 16 For men indeed swear by the greater, and an oath for confirmation is for them an end of all dispute. 17 Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, 18 that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.

19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, 20 where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.

7 For this Melchizedek, king of Salem, priest of the Most High God, who met Abraham returning from the slaughter of the kings and blessed him, 2 to whom also Abraham gave a tenth part of all, first being translated “king of righteousness,” and then also king of Salem, meaning “king of peace,” 3 without father, without mother, without genealogy, having neither beginning of days nor end of life, but made like the Son of God, remains a priest continually.

4 Now consider how great this man was, to whom even the patriarch Abraham gave a tenth of the spoils. 5 And indeed those who are of the sons of Levi, who receive the priesthood, have a commandment to receive tithes from the people according to the law, that is, from their brethren, though they have come from the loins of Abraham; 6 but he whose genealogy is not derived from them received tithes from Abraham and blessed him who had the promises. 7 Now beyond all contradiction the lesser is blessed by the better. 8 Here mortal men receive tithes, but there he receives them, of whom it is witnessed that he lives. 9 Even Levi, who receives tithes, paid tithes through Abraham, so to speak, 10 for he was still in the loins of his father when Melchizedek met him (Heb. 6:13–7:10).

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No Craven, Crawling Thing (Authentic Ministry #12)

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INTRODUCTION

The fear of God is not a craven, crawling thing. In this passage, the fear of God is a driving motive force for evangelism, and evangelism is a proclamation of the good news, not the declaration of dreadful news. The fear of God therefore needs to be something that we understand as powerful and attractive.

THE TEXT

“Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences. For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart. For whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God: or whether we be sober, it is for your cause” (2 Cor. 5:11–13).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

In the light of this judgment, in light of the fact that every man will stand before the judgment seat of Christ, we know what it is to fear the Lord. Precisely because we know “the terror” of the Lord, we seek to persuade men (v. 11). Persuade them of what? Persuade them to consider their true condition. A human life without true, complete, utter, and entire accountability has not yet been lived, and never will be. It is madness not to factor this in to how we live our lives. This is something Paul does coram Deo, in the manifest sight of God, and Paul trusts that it is manifest enough to be obvious to the consciences of the Corinthians also. The reason Paul is writing about this here is not to brag to the Corinthians, but rather to give them an opportunity to brag about him. They needed the material so that they could answer the false teachers at Corinth—identified by Paul here as those who glory in appearances, and not in heart (v. 12). Paul acknowledges that some will think he is crazy, while others will call him sober-minded. He divides it up this way. If we are out of our minds, it is for God. If we are calm and judicious, it is for you Corinthians (v. 13).

TESTIMONY AND APPEARANCES

We should begin by acknowledging that there is a sense in which believers ought to care about our testimony and reputation. Elders should have a good reputation with outsiders (1 Tim. 3:7). A good name is greatly to be valued (Prov. 22:1). Because we live lives of integrity, those who slander us should be ashamed of themselves (1 Pet. 2:15).

But at the same time, Jesus tells us that when all men speak well of us, we should consider that as a real danger sign (Luke 6:26). That is how they speak of false teachers, and in our passage, Paul tells us that false teachers cultivate and pursue such appearances (v. 12). This is their currency. They care about appearances, which is not the same as caring about testimony. Caring about testimony is caring about the truth, and caring about appearances is caring about the lie.

So test your hearts in this. Would you rather be truthful and thought a liar, or a liar and thought a truthteller? Would you rather be courageous and thought a coward, or a coward who is thought to be courageous? Would you rather be honest and thought to be dishonest, or dishonest and thought to be honest? The answer will reveal whether you are standing before God or men.

JUBILANT TERROR

Knowing therefore the terror (phobos) of the Lord, we seek to persuade men. I began by saying that the fear of God is not a craven thing. This is not a religion for lickspittles. Although the same word (fear) is used, there is a vast difference between the flinching that wants to avoid a blow and the awe that swallows you up when you consider that the paving stones in God’s palaces contain numberless galaxies. Perfect love casts out the first kind of fear (1 John 4:18), and perfect love ushers in the second kind (Ps. 8). What is man, that you are mindful of him?

This is why Paul can tell the Philippians to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12). But working out our salvation includes rejoicing constantly (Phil. 4:4). Rejoice with fear and trembling.

This is what the kings of the earth are commanded to learn. “Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling” (Psalm 2:11).

And when Moses and Aaron were dedicating the tabernacle, the fire of God flared out from the glory of God and consumed the burnt offering.

“And there came a fire out from before the Lord, and consumed upon the altar the burnt offering and the fat: which when all the people saw, they shouted, and fell on their faces” (Lev. 9:24).

But these were not religious feelies. The fire of God devoured Nadab and Abihu in the next verses (Lev. 10:2), and so God instituted a law for priests against drinking on the job (Lev. 10:9). And yet the people fell on their faces, shouting and jubilant in their terror.

JOY UNSPEAKABLE AND FULL OF GLORY

And this is what the Scriptures point us to, constantly. Paul wants us to have the “spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him.” He wants us to have the “eyes of our understanding enlightened” so that we might “know what is the hope of our calling,” not to mention the “riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints.” And what else? The “exceeding greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his mighty power” (Eph. 1:17–19).

He also prays that we might be “able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height,” and more than that, to “know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge,” and he wants us to be “filled with the fulness of God.” He wants us to ask and think that, and then to commit it all to the one who can do “exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us” (Eph. 3:18–20). He wants us to grasp the ungraspable, and to know the unknowable, and to be filled with the infinite. And then he wants us to be hungry for more than that.

“Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:” (1 Peter 1:8).

This is the reality that will make evangelism potent. Knowing what it is to fear the Lord, we seek to persuade men. As we reflect Christ, we point the way to Christ. And as we witness to Him, we pray for the fire to fall.

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The Duties of Elders & Parishioners (King’s Cross)

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HE GAVE GIFTS TO MEN

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ…” (Eph. 4:1–13 ESV).

QUALIFICATIONS OF ELDERS

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil (1 Tim. 3:1–7 ESV).

RESPONSIBILITIES OF ELDERS

Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him. 18 And when they came to him, he said to them:

“You yourselves know how I lived among you the whole time from the first day that I set foot in Asia, 19 serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews; 20 how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, 21 testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. 22 And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there,23 except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. 24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. 25 And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again.26 Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all, 27 for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God.28 Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. 29 I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; 30 and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. 31 Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears. 32 And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33 I coveted no one’s silver or gold or apparel.34 You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me. 35 In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

36 And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. 37 And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, 38 being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship (Acts 20:17–38 ESV).

IMITATE YOUR ELDERS

Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith (Heb. 13:7 ESV).

OBEY YOUR ELDERS

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you (Heb. 13:17 ESV).

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you;not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. 5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Pet. 5:1–5 ESV).

PRAY FOR YOUR ELDERS

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. 3 At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— 4 that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak (Col. 4:2–4 ESV).

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