New Testament

The Holiness of the Holy Spirit (Pentecost A.D. 2022)

Christ Church on June 5, 2022

INTRODUCTION

This is our observance of Pentecost, the time we set aside to commemorate the outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon the Church. There are many things that can be said about all of this, but we sometimes overlook the obvious. Today we should consider the holiness of the Holy Spirit.

THE TEXT

“For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit (1 Thess. 4:7-8).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

In the verses just prior to this text, the apostle Paul had been emphasizing the need for sexual purity. Then, as now, sexual corruption was readily available, right there for the asking, and Paul urged the Thessalonians to set and maintain a high standard of sexual purity. In the verses that follow this text, Paul is emphasizing the need for brotherly love. Put in one way, we show contempt for the holiness of the Holy Spirit by at least these two means—sins against eros, and sins against agape.

Paul makes very clear that we are not called to uncleanness, but rather unto holiness (v. 7). The one who is wiser than the apostle is not showing contempt for a man, but is rather showing contempt for God Himself (v. 8). This is the God, Paul says, who has given to us His Holy Spirit. There is to be a correspondence between the nature of the Spirit given to us, which is holy, and the nature of our lives, which are to be holy.

HOLINESS IS PERSONAL

Holiness is not to be thought of as an abstract standard, or a law detached from covenantal relationship between persons. The Holy Spirit is not an impersonal force, like electricity. He is not some sort of spiritual juice or power that makes us go. He is a Person, in His own right, one member of the triune Godhead. He is the Spirit of both God the Father and God the Son, and He brings with Him all the characteristics of those He indwells, and in whose name He indwells us.

It is not possible to vex or grieve an abstraction. “But they rebelled, and vexed his holy Spirit: therefore he was turned to be their enemy, and he fought against them” (Is. 63:10). And the New Testament speaks the same way. “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:29-32).

The Holy Spirit is a Person. He takes aim at things. He kills things. “For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live” (Rom. 8:13)

We must consider how we live in light of this kind of personal relationship. “But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God” (Acts 5:3-4).

THE CENTER OF RELATIONSHIP

The central duty in all personal relations is that of love. God the Father loves the Son, and the Son loves the Father. Their mutual love for one another is so strong (remember, this is mutual love between two infinite Persons) is therefore Himself a Spirit of love. “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Rom. 5:1-5).

HOLINESS OF MIND

The Spirit is given in order to sanctify a people. The Spirit was poured out in the New Testament in order to sanctify the Gentiles, who previous to this had been a pretty greasy crew. “That I should be the minister of Jesus Christ to the Gentiles, ministering the gospel of God, that the offering up of the Gentiles might be acceptable, being sanctified by the Holy Ghost” (Rom. 15:16). The point was to set the Gentiles apart from the world, making them part of the holy nation, the royal priesthood.

This requires the mind of Christ. When we hear phrases like this (the mind of Christ), we have a tendency (because of false Enlightenment assumptions) to limit this to rolling of propositions around in our brains. But this is not the mind of Christ. A good way to realize this is to begin realizing that there is such a thing as intellectual holiness. We are to be transformed in the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:1-2). But what is the result? That we may prove in our lives what the will of God is.

“Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:13-14).

“Let not then your good be evil spoken of: For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost” (Rom. 14:16-17). This is what the kingdom of God is.

A House Filled With Fire (How God Builds #1)

Christ Church on June 5, 2022

INTRODUCTION

As we embark on a new work here in Moscow, we must begin by getting our thinking in line as to how God builds. History is the story of how God built His house. He didn’t do a cost/benefit analysis. He built it despite all the conniving of hell & earth. He built it without outside investors. He built it at the cost of His only Begotten Son. And, as we shall see, He’s now filled it with fire.

THE TEXT

Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles. And all that believed were together, and had all things common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved (Acts 2:41-47).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

As the miraculous day of Pentecost concluded, the shockwaves were only just beginning. At the end of Peter’s sermon a multitude (3000 to be precise) gladly received his word and were baptized (v41); this is a callback to the first “Pentecost,” when 3000 Israelite idolaters were cut down after the Golden Calf debacle (Ex. 32:28).

The early church is described in its corporate worship as being steadfast in the Apostles’ teaching––the basis for their fellowship––breaking the bread, and prayers (v42). The remarkable signs & wonders continued––fulfilling the prophetic word in Joel 2:19, 30––and great awe came upon every soul (v43).

Their corporate worship, daily in the temple, spilled over into the rest of life. The Believers were marked by generosity without compulsion, which manifested in a particular care for the host of sojourners in Jerusalem (vs.44-45). Not only did they gather daily in the temple, but also from house to house. The fellowship which they enjoyed through the Apostles’ doctrine spilled over into a joyful singularity of heart (v46), and faithful praise to God. The fruit of their faithful diligence in formal & informal worship & fellowship was favor amongst the people. This, in turn, produced rapid growth (v47).

THE GOD WHO SCATTERS

The day of Pentecost is unmistakably mirroring the ancient events which took place at the Tower of Babel. Babel was man’s attempt to climb into heaven to obtain a name for himself. Whereas God had tasked Adam & Eve to fill the world with His glory & name. The project of Babel was to find a unifying principle for the universe in man apart from God. So God scattered this blasphemous work. He confounded their language, fulfilling their worst fears (Gen. 11:4) of being scattering across the face of the earth.

This imagery is picked up later in the warnings to Israel, when the Lord threatens them with being scattered due to covenant breaking. “And the LORD shall scatter you among the nations, and ye shall be left few in number among the heathen, whither the LORD shall lead you (Deu. 4:27).” Israel was also to be God’s means of frustrating and scattering the city of man, which we see in their battle hymn, “And it came to pass, when the ark set forward, that Moses said, Rise up, LORD, and let thine enemies be scattered; and let them that hate thee flee before thee (Num 10:35).”

When man sets out to build apart from God, and in rivalry to God, God will scatter him. The Hebrew word used for “scatter” means dashing a vessel into a million shattered pieces. When man sets himself in rivalry to God the end result isn’t unity, it’s all the unity of a tornado in a trailer park. If Israel, the household of God, abandoned God and sought to build the kingdom apart from their Covenant King, the result would be what we find in the book of Acts: an Israel scattered to the four winds.

GATHERED TOGETHER IN CHRIST

The nations which are represented at Pentecost echoes the Table of Nations in Genesis 10. These Seventy nations had been scattered and frustrated in their opposition to God’s redemptive purposes. Now, however, these scattered nations, represented by Jews from the Diaspora, are gathered together as one by the mighty work of the Spirit.

Peter warned the Pentecost crowd to flee from this wicked generation (Acts 2:40), referring to unbelieving Israel, which itself had become a new Babel, of sorts. The Lord Jehovah who’d descended upon Altars, and the Tabernacle/Temple as a flaming fire (Cf. Gen. 15:17, Lev. 9:24, Jdg. 13:20, 1 Kg. 18:38, 1Ch 21:26, 2Ch 7:1ff), now sent His Spirit to dwell in a house of people; even people from all nations.

What marked these early Christians as a result of the Spirit’s working? Fidelity to the Gospel as taught by the Apostles, fellowship, breaking the bread, prayers both spoken and sung, hospitality, glad simplicity, and praise to God.

This was (and is) the secret sauce to church growth. Modern Christians think they can build the kingdom of God by using the bricks of Babel. We see it in the way evangelical leaders capitulate to the talking points of godless politicians. We see it in the way worship services are turned into entertainment events. We see it in how the plain Word of the Gospel is dulled and blunted in order to nuzzle into the same space as Oprah, Dr. Phil, and the self-care counselors on TikTok. We see it in the way we ignore the plain command to show hospitality, considering it an inconvenience to our personal schedule and possessions.

But God gathers people into His house by the faithful preaching of the scandal of the Gospel. The house of Israel crucified Jesus, the promised Messiah, the rejected cornerstone. But God wasn’t thwarted in His purpose. That same Jesus was now exalted to be the true & eternal King of Israel. His first act was to accompany the preaching of His Kingdom with the power of the Spirit to enable His citizens to joyfully obey their King.

FILLED UP TO WORK OUT

The Spirit was poured out, and the people weren’t idle. Just as the Spirit equipped the ancient saints with skill to build the tabernacle, the Spirit now fills His people to build a temple of people. People in whom God pleases to dwell. The Spirit’s outpouring became a flood of good works: fellowship, praise, covenant faithfulness, hospitality, and simplicity of heart.

So, what is the work that God has set in front of you to do? The progression of our text makes one thing plain, the Apostles’ doctrine was inseparable from the practice of the saints. The Word went forth, and the people lived out the Word. The works of righteousness followed the Word of the Righteous One.

Nothing, in principle, has been altered since that day of Pentecost. The description of the early church is what the true church is & always shall be defined by. Pentecost displays in vivid detail how God builds. God builds by scattering the proud and their vain imaginations. Then, just because He can, He gathers up the humble as a house of people.

God then filled that house with fire. The Spirit’s fire equips the saints with His presence, the presence of the Almighty. Thus we’re enabled to minister in His house. God’s household isn’t a silent, empty cathedral; it’s full of the bustle & hum of joyful saints busy with sacred work.

And what is that work? Our first duty is to believe the Apostles’ teaching: God has made Jesus, whom the House of Israel crucified, both Lord & Christ (Acts. 2:36). Secondly, we faithfully worship. Third, we throw the best parties.

The Glory of Parenthood

Christ Church on June 5, 2022

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INTRODUCTION

The word “glory” means heavy, and so it is, but then when you receive the glory of God, you find that you can- not imagine it any other way. The yoke of Christ is light and only gets lighter, but the burden of the world, the flesh, and the devil is crushing. The gift of children and parenthood is heavy, but it is heavy like a table full of food, like a basket full of fresh fruit.

THE TEXTS

“…and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: and lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Mt. 3:16-17).
“…though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered…” (Heb. 5:7-9).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXTS

God the Father is the perfect Father and Jesus is the perfect Son, and yet we see here at least two principles that we can apply in our families. The first is the glory of parenthood and the parent/child relationship. While the Trinity is certainly a mystery, and the Father and the Son are one God in a way that parents and children are not, our covenantal union with our children is a true analogous union. And if God the Father was right to proclaim His love for His Son, and His pleasure in His Son, how much more so is it important for us to do so in a fallen world? And the fact that the Spirit descends at the same moment, highlights the glory of that love and pleasure. Second, in Hebrews, we see that even the perfect Son learned obedience through the things He suffered. Adam was cut open before he met Eve and there was a dragon in the Garden, before any sin entered the world. If Jesus endured discipline to learn obedience, how much more must our children, if we want them to come into His glory?

OBJECTIVITY OF THE COVENANT

The world loves to talk about “unconditional love,” but there is no coherent foundation for that notion in an evolutionary worldview. If you are in charge of making your own world, your own meaning, your own happi- ness, your own identity, then nothing is fixed, nothing is given (including family). This is the goal of the Leftist revolution of the last 60 years: seeking to redefine human life, marriage, gender, and therefore, parenthood, but this means that if the Federal Government is now the final arbiter of what any of these things mean, it is functionally also claiming to be the judge of what a family is, what parents are, and whether a child actually belongs to certain parents or not. Always remember that a rejection of God’s authority is the first move in vy- ing for His job. It is not whether there will be a god; but which god will it be.

The true and living God has created the world with fixed realities, and one of those is the covenantal nature of all things. All things are objectively in a covenantal relationship with God. You do not get created by God and then exist in a neutral space, with the universe waiting breathlessly to see whether you “consent” to reality. Even if most Christians reject that radical version of existentialism, there has still been a strain of it in modern evangelicalism, where we put all the emphasis on “deciding” for Christ. But Christ is risen from the dead, and our children are “holy” to God (1 Cor. 7:14). Paul does not say that the Ephesian parents should wait and see whether their children want to be Christians before bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the

Lord (Eph. 6:4). We are not waiting to see if they “consent” to Christ, any more than we wait around to see if they consent to food or air or love. It is absolutely true that they must embrace all of these good gifts, including a personal, vibrant faith in Jesus, but they are objectively members of the covenant by baptism. You do not wait to see if they choose to be your children or members of your family, and neither does God. So the question is: can you look down at your son or daughter right now and say the same words the Father said of His Son? And do those words echo in Heaven? You must, and they do, by faith alone in the Father, Son, and Spirit.

SOME BASICS OF DISCIPLINE

Hebrews says that the Lord chastens and scourges every son that He receives, and therefore, if you are not chastened, then you are bastards and not sons (Heb. 12:5-8). Discipline is how parents prove that their children belong to them, and when they discipline their children in the Lord, they are also proving that they belong to Jesus. The Bible clearly teaches that the opposite is also true: failure to discipline is a form of hatred and therefore a false gospel (Prov. 13:24). Hebrews also says that this discipline must be painful, and it must yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11). The particular requirement of the Bible is the use of a rod of discipline: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Prov. 23:13-14). The rod is not the only tool in a parent’s tool- box, but it is an important one. All discipline must be done calmly, cheerfully, and with biblical justice. Another basic principle of parenting is that it is easier to teach and train the younger they are: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Prov. 22:6).

Parenting should consist of lots of joyful teaching and training and practice. Think of yourselves as coaches: lots of praise, lots of drills, show them how to do it, run it again. The rod is particularly for acts of defiance, refusal to obey when you are sure they know exactly what you are requiring and know how to do it. Many children will give you at least one good battle (sometimes multiple battles), and parents are required by God to win because God commands our children to obey their parents so that they may be blessed (Eph. 6:1-3).

CONCLUSION

Zephaniah 3:17 says: “The Lord your God is in your midst; the Mighty One will save. He will rejoice over you with great joy; He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” The prophet says that when God comes, He comes singing. But He doesn’t just come singing, He comes singing a song of rejoicing, a song of celebration. But this is the mind-blowing thing: it’s a song of rejoicing over sinful people. And this is exactly what happened in Jesus.

The song is boisterous, flamboyant, abundant, and loud. It’s like a father standing on a table in a public place, announcing his love and joy over his family. It’s so loud and joyful and embarrassing and wonderful. And this is how God determined to save the world. He determined to save the world through singing a sea shanty, a rollicking bar tune, with fiddles and drums and dancing over His Son in the water, on the cross, and now at His right hand. He is still singing, and the words go like this: free grace, free grace, free grace. And that’s our glory.

The Ascension and the Gunk in Our Brains

Christ Church on May 29, 2022

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Introduction

Whenever we discuss the incarnation of Christ, or His death and resurrection, or His ascension, we are talking about something that is much more important than simple location. We are not just interested in certain powerful works that He performed, but rather are interested in the meaning of those works. In the ascension of Christ, we are not interested in how He moved from here to there. His ascension was the occasion of His investiture to cosmic office. In other words, we are called upon to live our lives here in the light of His transcendental authority. And so this brings us to consider the ethical ramifications of the ascension of Christ.

The skeptic may want to allege that we are talking fairy tales about a divine being going up to a sky castle. But if we hear the story correctly, our response should be, “Man, that’s ethically serious.”

The Text

“If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Col. 3:1–5).

Summary of the Text

The Scriptures teach us that Christ is the archetypal man, the Adam of a new race, the representative of all who have faith in Him. Just as we all sinned when Adam ate the forbidden fruit, because he was our representative and federal head, so also the obedience of Christ is our obedience—on the same grounds. He is an Adam, our federal head. By faith, we experience everything He experiences. When He died, we died (Gal. 2:20). When He was buried in the cave, we were buried in the cave with Him (Rom. 6:4). When He rose from the dead, we rose from the dead in Him (Eph.2:5-6). And to the point of our celebration today, when He ascended into the heavenly spheres, we ascended together with Him (Eph. 2:6). From His suffering, which is ours by grace, to His glory, which is also ours by more grace, the whole story is one of a salvation on earth which is anchored in the heavens. It began there, and it ends there.

So turning to our text, if we in fact are risen with Christ, then this should orient us to those things which are above (v. 1). The location of this “above” is identified as the right hand of God, where Christ is seated (v. 1). The Colossians are told to set their affections there, and not down here on the earth (v. 2). The reason for this is their prior participation in the death of Christ (v. 3), and as a consequence, their life is hidden with Christ in God (v. 3). Our life is hidden with Christ, and Christ is in fact that life. When Christ, who is our life, comes again in glory, then we will be manifested there with Him in that glory (v. 4). And so here we see the ethical ramifications of the ascension. Mortify, put to death, Paul says, your members which are down here on the earth (v. 5). He then lists those members, all of which appear to be sexual in nature—fornication, uncleanness, inordinate passion, evil desire, and covetousness—which amounts to idolatry (v. 5). One of the central reasons why our generation is caught in a morass of sexual deviance is because we have forgotten the transcendent reality of Christ’s rule.

A Hard Juxtaposition

Because of the work Christ has done on our behalf, we have a new identity in Him. Because of this work, the old man has been crucified, and reigning sin no longer has dominion. This is why Paul can address this letter to the “saints and faithful brethren” in Christ (Col. 1:2). This is who they are. But they (and we) still have to deal with remaining sin, and that is what Paul is dealing with here—our members which are on the earth.

Three Mortifications

So when it comes to the Christian life, there are three mortifications that we have to understand. To mortify means to put to death.

The first mortification occurs at conversion, when God by His grace puts the old man to death. “And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts” (Gal. 5:24). This occurs when God rototills a weed patch, transforming it into a garden.

The second kind of mortification occurs here, in our text. Paul is addressing saints who are already saints, but who have allowed certain weeds to grow up in their garden. But this is a garden, not a weed patch any more, and so the weeds must be put to death. “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth” (Col. 3:5). The command here is an aorist imperative, meaning that it is a definitive, over and done kind of action. Kill those weeds.

The third kind of mortification is a daily thing, an ongoing thing. “For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live” (Rom. 8:13). So if we continue with the gardening metaphor, this is a mortification of weeds that a good gardener performs, as she goes out every morning at 5 am to weed. It has never been the case (when a good gardener does this) that she comes back with nothing.

Gunk in Your Brains

Someone who is being moral isn’t thinking about how moral he is. Being moral and being moralistic are quite different. Moralism is a fussy sort of business, avoiding things that it wishes it didn’t have to avoid. Moralism suspects that the non-believers out there are having a good time, and wants to put a stop to it. At the end of the day, moralism is frankly impotent.

The liberating power of grace is found in this. God wants you to contrast your affections on things above with your inordinate affection for things below. He wants you to put them into the same sentence. He wants you to set the transcendence of the risen Christ on one side of the balances, and your favorite porn site on the other. He wants you to evaluate your life with a Temple measure.

Your members which are on the earth have this resilient characteristic—nothing earthly can put them to death. No sword fashioned down here on earth can penetrate the hide of any of these creatures—every blow glances off.

You are the saints of God, which means that you have gunk in your brains. Do not be astonished at this. You are saints and faithful brethren, just like the Colossians. They had gunk in their brains too. But notice what Paul is up to here. He does not say to leave the gunk behind because that gunk is sinful and bad. That is true enough, but it doesn’t work. He says to leave it behind because Christ has ascended into the heavenlies, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

The Glory of Marriage (King’s Cross Church)

Christ Church on May 29, 2022

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INTRODUCTION

As we have noted previously, sinful humanity hates God, and therefore since it cannot actually strike God, it strikes His image wherever it can be found. This is why there is such vehemence against men and women, and this is why the covenant of marriage has been a central target. The Christian response to all of these attacks should be to double down, recognizing the potency of being joyful men and women and honoring marriage in particular.

THE TEXT

“This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Eph. 5:32-33).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

This is the summary of what Paul has just said in more detail: a husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church, and a wife is to respect and submit to her own husband as the church submits to Christ in all things (Eph. 5:22-24). The particular picture given is that of a head and body (Eph. 5:23), and that image is applied in the command to husbands to love their wives as their own bodies (Eph. 5:28-29). This is because “we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Eph. 5:30). And all of this is based on the biblical teaching that when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh (Eph. 5:31).

HEAD & BODY

One of the key concepts that couples have to continually lean into is covenant. We say this word a lot, but what we mean is the notion of responsibility. Individualists can only think of personal guilt, but it turns out that individualism is already a form of abdication (“am I my brother’s keeper?” Gen. 4:9). We are not mere BBs rolling around in this world; we are individuals united in various covenants (family, church, nation) and covenant-like relationships (schools, businesses, and other associations). In each of these covenants, there are leaders and members. And the thing to note here is that leaders are responsible for what takes place in the organization.

Authority flows to those who take responsibility, but it flees those who abdicate and blame. This is what it means to be the “head.” Responsibility doesn’t mean personal guilt in every instance, but responsibility does mean gladly owning the challenges and problems personally. If you’re the ship captain, not every action on board the ship is done by you, but you’re responsible for it all. Jesus took responsibility for His bride, and this is the model for all leaders, especially husbands. Jesus wasn’t personally guilty of any of our sin, but He gladly took covenantal responsibility for it.

UNIFIED FRONT

One of the central signs of this covenantal thinking and living is driven by the pronoun “we.” As that great Christian calendar verse says, “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15). There is all kinds of room for discussion, different perspectives, and dialogue, but when the husband makes the final decision, the husband and wife must own the decision together, saying, “we decided…,” “our decision…,” “our position…” regardless of whose idea it was. This is the case even when a husband fails to make a decision. Abdication is a decision. This unity is particularly important when there were different preferences and when the decision doesn’t go well. If the husband takes his wife’s counsel and it goes badly, the husband must insist that it was his decision, and not waffle or let it fall on his wife at all. And if the wife submits to her husband’s poor decision, she must not go along with it with a bad attitude or half-heartedly, and if it does go badly, she must not say, “see, I told you so,” or worse, tell her friends, “yeah, that wasn’t mydecision.”

In Prince Caspian, Trumpkin the dwarf volunteers to go on a dangerous mission that he argued against, and Caspian asks, “But I thought you didn’t believe in the Horn, Trumpkin.” And he replies, “No more I do, your Majesty. But what’s that got to do with it? … You are my King. I know the difference between giving advice and taking orders. You’ve had my advice, and now it’s the time for orders.” This is covenant loyalty. Nothing corrodes loyalty and friendship like blaming one another for decisions or talking about your disagreements with others. A husband and wife must be on the same team and present a united front to their kids and the world because they have been made one flesh and because Christ is faithful to His Church. This doesn’t eliminate the need for occasional outside counsel or input, but that should be done as a team, unless it is a true crisis or emergency.

CONFESSION OF SIN & FORGIVENESS

The joy of the Lord is the oil of gladness, and that oil is what keeps all the moving parts in a marriage running smoothly. If there is regular friction, hurt feelings, passive-aggressive criticism, and arguments, you can bet that there is a backlog of sin, bitterness, and resentment. And that means you are not walking in the joy of the Lord. You’re not walking in the light, and you keep tripping over past sins, guilt, and failure. The only way back into the light and joy is through confession of sin, first before God and then to those you have wronged (1 Jn. 1:4-10).

It’s very important that you get right with God first and foremost because if you only confess to your spouse, you will functionally be trying to get from your spouse what only God can give. Fundamentally, when we confess and forgive one another on the horizontal plane, we are only echoing or “amen-ing” what God has already accomplished on the vertical plane. But if you’re not right with God, your apologies can be pure manipulation. We confess because we have confessed to God, and we forgive because God has forgiven. This is how you can have Christian joy regardless of how anyone around you is doing or responding. Both husband and wife must do this individually, but it is the particular responsibility of the husband to take responsibility for his marriage on his knees.

CONCLUSION

We love because He loved us first. We forgive because He forgave us first. We take responsibility because Christ took responsibility for us. He was perfectly innocent, and He became sin for us. He was a spotless lamb, and God laid on Him the iniquity of us all. All of this means that every marriage is a picture of the gospel, a revelation, a mystery of Christ and His Church. The only question is whether it is an accurate picture, a faithful picture, a good picture or not.

Every human marriage falls short of the glory of God, but it is the glory of God to heal and restore. Where sin has abounded, grace abounds still more. This is not only the grace of confession and forgiveness; it is also the grace of repentance, the grace of change, the grace of loyalty, the grace of humility and taking responsibility.