Christ Church

Difficult Relationships

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INTRODUCTION

For a number of years now, we have been emphasizing community, life together, fellowship, communion, what the New Testament calls koinonia. The response to this emphasis has been significant—showing that there is a real spiritual hunger for this kind of thing. But there is a hitch—other people are involved. There is always a catch.

Some might remember the conclusion of Sartre’s famous play, No Exit, where he said, “Hell is other people.” But we are Christians, and so we are called to affirm, to the emphatic contrary, that Heaven is other people. But a long stretch of road in a fallen world lies in between us and that Heaven.

THE TEXT

If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus . . . (Phil. 2:1-5).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul is about to set before us the great example of Christ’s servant-heart (vv. 6ff). This is an example that he wants us to follow, and he gives us the charge before the example comes. If there is any consolation in Christ (v. 1), and there is, and if God provides any comfort of love, and He does, and if He creates fellowship in the Spirit, which He most certainly does, if there is a deep sympathetic connection in the gut between Christians, and there is, then fulfill Paul’s joy (v. 2). How would we go about fulfilling Paul’s joy? We need to be like-minded, sharing the same love, being in agreement, and settled in one mind (v. 2). We should guard ourselves against noble-sounding but superficial motives (v. 3). Put the other person first, and do so in lowliness of mind (v. 3). Don’t think about your own stuff, your own issues, first, but let every man consider the “things of others” (v. 4). This is the kind of thing Jesus did, and he then proceeds to talk about that stupendous example (vv. 5ff).

INTELLIGENT FELLOWSHIP

There are three basic assumptions that cause conflict in the Church, that contribute to what we might call difficult relationships. First, we tend to assume that every disruption is the direct result of sin, pure and simple. Second, we tend to assume that we know what the sin is. And third, we tend to assume that it is the other person’s sin. All three of these assumptions are drastically, radically, wrong-headed. And remember that the first two easily blend together—when you assume sin in others, it is usually “apparent” to you what the sin is.

GOD-GIVEN DIFFERENCES

We are commanded in this passage to strive toward certain things in common—like-mindedness, being of one mind, a shared fellowship in the Spirit, mutual giving, and so on. This does not mean that we can only do this if we start from some clone-like identity. No, we serve and worship a triune God, who has built some glorious differences into the world. We are to proceed from those differences to the unity described, which is not the same thing as obliterating those differences for the sake of a unity not described.  What are some of those differences that have to be embraced at the starting point? You are cooking with onions and eggs, not trying to turn onions into eggs. Here are some of the glorious built-in differences, some of the onions.

Personality types: do not dismiss this just because you have heard it described by some secular psychologist. Every observant person in the history of the world has known the differences between Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore, and Tigger. Give them other names (e.g. choleric, melancholic, sanguine, and phlegmatic), or rearrange them and call them something else. Like the fact of gravity, it is something we all have to deal with and, also like gravity, this reality is equally stubborn. There are different kinds of people.

Men and women: the differences between how men and women think, respond, emote, etc. are deep and profound. Men are linear; women think laterally. Men are goal-oriented; women are relationship-oriented. Men seek respect before love; women seek love before respect. Men want honor; women want security. Men want solutions; women want conversation. What a world we live in!

Culture and ethnicity: there are deep differences between a hardscrabble Scot, an expressive Greek, and an inscrutable Japanese. Our PC world should deal with it.

Age and birth order: how can someone who is sixty-years-old still be the little sister? And still feel like she has to compete for dad’s attention?

Mix and match: now take the categories outlined above, and see how many other different combinations you can get. Out-going African woman, shy, retiring, introspective Asian man. You get the picture.

Now if you want to think that every “head bonk” is the result of sin, you are going to wind up thinking that the whole world is engaged in a vast, perverse conspiracy, designed and operated solely in order to offend you grievously every day. And that is what we might call a self-fulfilling prophecy 

ESTEEM OTHERS BETTER

We tend to judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our motives. And since this collision “must be” the result of sin, we immediately try to diagnose what sin it is. And naturally, we always lift the hood of the other guy’s car first. We always give ourselves the advantage. But Paul says here to give the advantage, the benefit of the doubt, the other way.

As C.S. Lewis once pointed out, when you are dealing with a difficult family, or company, or class, you are only dealing with everybody else. God has the same problem with that same group of people, only He is dealing with one more than you are—He is dealing with you also.

STRIFE OR VAINGLORY

Ignoring the creational distinctives that God has given us is a good way to get “one up” on everybody. If you had done that, then your motives would have been thus and such. They did that, and so their motives must have been what yours would have been. This is a recipe for one conflict after another. Those who resort to this tactic frequently accuse others of sin, but they are the ones bringing the sin to the situation.  We are so focused on identifying what his sin must be, that we neglect entirely what our sin might be. Always remember that one of the traits that difficult people usually share is the fact that they think that everyone else is being difficult. So don’t you be that person.

When Paul says to avoid strife and vainglory, he says that we are, in lowliness of mind, to consider the possibility that the person with the other perspective has a point. Yes, but—you want to scream—you have a point too, and nobody’s listening! Well, let go of it, and maybe they will. Put it down for a second.

IN ONE ACCORD

The apostle knows that striving for this kind of like-mindedness is not a day at the beach (4:2), but it most necessary. To return to the cooking metaphor, we are not trying to make a bowl of cream of wheat, without the sugar. We are making a complicated dish, with hundreds of ingredients, and when we are done, we want to still be able to taste both the rum and the coconut. This is Trinitarian community, Trinitarian koinonia.

This is the kind of humility that looks to Christ, and when we look to Christ in this way, the humility grows.

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Pressing On (Further Up #1)

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INTRODUCTION

Underlying much of the modern culture wars are questions, confusions, and conflict over the nature and possibility of progress, maturity, and excellence. What is possible in this world? And if real cultural progress is possible, how is it possible? For the next several weeks, we will be looking at a series of texts on the pursuit of excellence and maturity. Christianity gives good reasons for optimism, but not for the reasons the world gives.

THE TEXT

“For our citizenship is in heaven; from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ…” (Phil. 3:20 NKJV)

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Progress and excellence are words that only make sense if there’s a transcendent standard. What are we pressing for, what are we aiming at? We are aiming at the goal that Jesus aimed for when He saved us and nothing else (3:12). Our initial salvation doesn’t arrive at that perfection, rather, it is the only ground for pressing on, forgetting the things behind and straining to win the prize (3:13-14). This is the mind of Christian maturity: not being satisfied with where we are but pressing on together for that goal (3:15-16). This task includes following the example of others who walk like this (3:17). But many refuse to look beyond this world, and that’s a complete dead end (3:18-19). Christians are colonists of the Kingdom in this world, getting everything ready for Jesus, leaning into the resurrection (3:20-21

FOR WHICH HE LAID HOLD OF YOU

The call to perfection and maturity is a call to the most excellent life in every respect. But sin messes with this: our sin simply weighs us down (Heb. 12:1), but perhaps most deviously, our sin lies to us saying this is as good as it gets, and in the other direction, perfection and holiness aren’t as good as God says. But Paul has just finished saying that nothing in this world compares to the excellence of Christ and the resurrection (Phil. 2:7-11).

For a Christian, aiming for perfection is like aiming for home. Excellence in Christ is what you were made for and saved for. A good deal of our problem with growing in holiness and maturity is our vague and impersonal attempts to be “really good” or “not sin,” which is always a crushing weight, like pushing a rock up a hill only for it to roll back down on you every day. But this is why the first verse of our text is so important for understanding Christian maturity: we are only called to lay hold of that for which Christ laid hold of us (3:12). We are only called to seize/win/grasp that for which we were seized/won/grasped by Christ. Paul made the same point in the previous chapter: “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:12-13).

All of the commands of Scripture: love your wife, submit to your husband, obey your parents, bring up your children in the Lord, tell the truth, do not fear, and repent of all your sins and forgive one another – those are commands that Christ has obtained the obedience for. God does not command except what He also has for prepared for us (Eph. 2:10). Just as there is no temptation for which there is no escape (1 Cor. 10:13). If you are in Christ, think of the call to press on toward the prize of perfection in Christ as the gift of learning to drive a fabulous sports car at the Indy 500. All the “rules” are things like: shift your gears like this, make the turn like this, use your brakes like this. Or think of Eric Liddell who said that God made him fast, and when he ran, he felt God’s pleasure. You were made for perfection. You were made for glory.

FOLLOWING EXAMPLES

Paul’s example is still set before us in his letters in the New Testament. Reading the Bible is following examples, putting the lives of the faithful before you as patterns. Do you need to persevere in difficulty? Set Abraham before your eyes. Or meditate on the lives of Moses, Job, or Elizabeth. Do you need wisdom? Consider the lives of Joseph, Solomon, Esther, or Paul. And of course, immerse yourself in the gospels, following the perfect example of Jesus.

But mark the lives of the saints around you as well: Do you see a marriage that is flourishing? Do you see a father delighting in his kids? Imitate them; follow their examples. Ask to talk to them, ask for advice, or invite them over for dinner. Do you see a Christian businessman who is prudent and excelling? Do you see a fruitful wife and mother, full of joy and wisdom? Note them, watch them, talk to them, and learn from them.

And Scripture is clear that wisdom also notes those who are not walking in the light. They are enemies of the cross, who serve their own lusts and appetites, who glory in their own shame – they are proud of their sin. They are obsessed with earthly things. So note this in Cain and Pharaoh and Achan and Ahab and Judas, and note it in those within the church today who are obsessed with what is fair or fads or rumors or fears, or simply muddle along in apathy.

OUR CITIZENSHIP

The old King James says our “conversation” is in heaven, but the word has more political connotations than that. “Polituema” is related to the word for citizen, citizenship, and city, and it’s the Greek root for our words “polity” or “politics.” In that Roman world, the concept was well known, especially in Philippi which was a Roman colony. The idea was that colonists went together to establish an outpost of the Empire in order to bring the ways of Rome to a new land. Only here Paul has reoriented the mission. The Philippian Christians are colonists, but they are colonists of Heaven. They are citizens of heaven, assigned to Philippi to establish an outpost for the Empire of Jesus, from which they await the King. We set our minds on things above precisely so we can see that Kingdom come: “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. Mortify therefore…” (Col. 3:2-5)

CONCLUSION

The image Paul uses in Philippians 3 – the prize he is pressing toward, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to what is up ahead – this is the image of a race. It could be a foot race, but it could also be a horse race or a chariot race. And given what he says, Christ is the horse who is carrying us to glory. He is our Savior. We cannot lift ourselves or propel ourselves to this maturity or excellence, but we press toward the goal for which Christ has laid hold of us. Don’t look back. Fix your eyes on Jesus, reaching forward toward His glory in your family, your business, the arts, science, technology, our city, our nation, and the world.

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Lazarus, the Seventh Sign

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THE TEXT

John 11

OVERVIEW

Remember that the Gospel of John can be divided into two halves. The first half is taken up by the seven signs:
First – Changing water into wine, ch. 2
Second – Healing the official’s son, ch. 4
Third – Healing the paralytic, ch. 5
Fourth – Feeding the five thousand, ch. 6
Fifth – Walking on water, ch. 6
Sixth – Healing the man born blind, ch. 9
Seventh – Raising Lazarus from the dead, ch 11

With the raising of Lazarus we complete the book of signs and enter the final days of Jesus’s ministry. It is after this seventh sign, the raising of Lazarus from the dead, that the Jews determine that Jesus must die (v. 50), setting the stage for the remainder of the gospel of John.

MARY, MARTHA, AND LAZARUS (1–6)

Lazarus (“Eleazar” in the Hebrew) is the brother of Mary and Martha. We met these two sisters previously, when Martha was busy with the serving, but Mary sat at the Lord’s feet (Luke 10:38-42). This is the same Mary that, in the next chapter, will anoint Jesus with costly oil (12:1-8).

With regard to Lazarus’ death, remember that when Jesus encounters these kinds of hardships he tells us instead of looking for the cause, we should look for the purpose (cf. 9:3).

GOING TO JUDEA 7-16

Jesus had only just barely escaped alive from Judea (7:1, 10:31, 39). To return to Judea now invites his own murder “. . . for it cannot be that a prophet should perish outside of Jerusalem” (Luke 13:33). The irony that is building is that Jesus’ determination to go to Judea to raise Lazarus from the dead is the presenting cause of the Jews’ determination murder him.

“I AM THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE” 17-27

Jesus takes Martha from an understanding of a general theological truth to a confidence in Jesus himself. Martha joins Peter in confessing the Jesus is the Christ (6:69), the Son of God, come into this world (an important confession throughout 1 John).

LAZARUS WALKS 28-44

Jesus gives Martha an important lesson in the faith that she has already professed. The order is faith and then sight (v. 40). The order is God speaks and then we respond (v. 43-44). The healing work accomplished by the Word of God is fully and completely accomplished before Lazarus has anything to contribute. Like the bones of Ezekiel’s vision (Ez. 37), the Word of God, applied by the Spirit, supplies the entirety of life. Corpses contribute nothing but odor.

And while we are quick to see this in our understanding of how salvation works. Still, we are slow to apply this in our everyday lives. To be clear, your spiritual life is not something to be earned, negotiated, or bargained for. We simply receive what God has done. Understanding the sufficiency of Christ is crucial for your own spiritual health.

THE HARDNESS OF THE UNBELIEVING HEART 45-57

The glory of Jesus revealed in the resurrection of Lazarus (v. 40) offended the Jews who feared that this disruption could cost them their Temple (v. 48). And so they thought it better to murder the Messiah to save their Temple.

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Patience in Work That Waits (2 Thess. #5)

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INTRODUCTION                              

Although the church at Thessalonica was a remarkably healthy church, it could not be said that there were no disorders there. At the conclusion of this second letter, Paul turns to some practical matters concerning their lives together. Right at the center of that is the question of work.

THE TEXT

“Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified, even as it is with you: And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men have not faith. But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil. And we have confidence in the Lord touching you, that ye both do and will do the things which we command you. And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ . . . ” (2 Thess. 3:1–18)

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul concludes this letter to the Thessalonians by requesting prayer, as he often does. He prays that the word of the Lord might run freely, and be glorified, as it is in Thessalonica (v. 1). In order for this to happen, he requests that prayers be offered up for him (v. 1). When the gospel runs freely, it does so through human agency. He requests that they might be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men, the kind who do not have faith (v. 2). God is faithful, and will protect the Thessalonians (v. 3). Paul has confidence in the Thessalonians, that they will follow his instructions (v. 4). He asks God to direct them into the love of God and into a patient waiting for Christ (v. 5).

They are to withdraw from any disorderly brothers (v. 6). Paul’s entourage had set the example in this for them (v. 7). The apostle Paul paid for his own food (v. 8). He could have required support, but preferred to set an example (v. 9). He set the standard when he was there—non-workers should be non-eaters (v. 10). The report comes that the church there did have some busybodies (v. 11), who lived in a disorderly way. He commands those people to get a job (v. 12). He then exhorts them not to get tired of doing the right thing (v. 13). If any are uncooperative, then mark and shun them (v. 14)—doing it in a brotherly way (v. 15). Then comes the benediction. May the God of peace grant them His peace (v. 16). Paul signs off with his own hand, as was his custom (v. 17). The grace of God bless all of you (v. 18), and amen.

WHAT PATIENT WAITING LOOKS LIKE

This chapter begins on a strong gospel note, and then takes a surprising turn. May the word of the Lord run free. Pray for gospel proclamation. Pray we be guarded against those who would persecute us for our preaching. May God guide you into a greater love for God and into a patient waiting for Christ to come.

Note carefully what patient waiting for the Final Coming looks like. It does not look like a complicated system of charts and graphs calculating when the end will come. Still less does it look like some poor sap sitting on his roof because he thinks those charts and graphs are the truth. No. What does patient waiting look like? It looks like working hard at your vocations.

Everything Paul teaches here is aimed at this kind of Christian industry. Waiting for Christ looks like withdrawing from the disorderly (v. 6). Working hard is an apostolic tradition (v. 6). Paul set an example of hard work (vv. 7-8), an example he wanted them to follow (v. 9). Waiting for Christ follows the command not to feed certain people (v. 10). Waiting for Christ means that you learn to distinguish productive work from busy work (v. 11). The disorderly are often busybodies (v. 11), and the Greek word for that indicates the man bustling around the edges of all the hard work, carrying a shovel, and wearing an official reflector vest (v. 11). We wait for Christ by working without a lot of fanfare or noise (v. 12). We wait for Christ by sustaining that work over time (v. 13), and not getting tired of it. And last, we wait for Christ by being willing to give brotherly admonitions to others about the quality of their work (vv. 14-15).

ADMONISH AS A BROTHER

A church that does not practice church discipline is a church with an immune system collapse. Not disciplining against heresy means there is no protection for the body from error, and not discipling against moral failure means there is no protection for the body from immorality. The two things that mark a true church are Word and sacrament, but without the fence of church discipline, such a garden will not last for long.

But there are gradations of this discipline. Sometimes the discipline is conducted by means of warnings from the pulpit. Sometimes it is conducted by a personal admonition. Other times, when a person’s life is disorderly and not disciplined rightly, it is conducted by avoiding them. That is what we see here. In severe cases, you would follow the process laid out in Matt. 18:15-20.

Notice that the end result of the Matt. 18 process is that the person is treated as a heathen or tax collector. In other words, this person is ejected from the church, excommunicated. There are others, as here, who are avoided, but admonished as brothers (v. 15). This is why, incidentally, our church polity has the category of suspension, a place well shy of excommunication.

GOD GIVES HIMSELF

In v. 16, Paul prays that the God of peace give them peace. Reasoning by analogy, may the God of grace give us grace, may the God of love give us love, may the God of joy give us joy. In short, may the God of our salvation grant us salvation, which He does by giving us Himself.

God so loved the world that He gave . . . what? John 3:16 tells us that He gave us His Son. And what did His Son give us after He returned to Heaven? He gave us His Spirit? What does God do for His people? He gives us Himself.

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Finding and Following Jesus

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INTRODUCTION

If God were to become a man, it would be at turns surprising, offensive, wonderful, and strange. And so it was. We are made in His image, but His goodness and justice and beauty and joy are far beyond what can even imagine, and therefore, He takes the initiative. He is leading us to become what He already is in fullness. Which is why we must follow Him.

THE TEXT

“And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him. Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover…” (Lk. 2:40-52)

MISSING AT PASSOVER

Luke frames this episode with summaries of Jesus growing up (2:40, 52) which means that this is one of the central points of this episode. Luke indicates the ongoing faithfulness of Mary and Joseph in their attendance of the annual feast of Passover (Lk. 2:41), and his note about Jesus being twelve and going up to Jerusalem “according to the custom” may refer to his bar mitzvah – when a Jewish boy came to be recognized as a “son of the law” (Lk. 2:42). There were probably around two hundred thousand pilgrims for the feast in Jerusalem and another hundred thousand sheep for sacrifices. The city would be full of bustle and singing and family reunions and feasting. On the great night of Passover every house would celebrate the feast with the sacrificial lamb and the story of the Exodus would be recounted. When the feast was over, Mary and Joseph began the journey home with a number of their family members and neighbors. Some records indicate that it was customary for the women and young children to travel up ahead while the men and older sons brought up the rear, but regardless, at the end of the day’s journey when they all came together, it was a classic, “I thought he was with you” moment (Lk. 2:43-44). It would have been a full day’s journey back to Jerusalem and then another full day and night of searching before he was finally found (Lk. 2:45-46).

DIDN’T YOU KNOW?

On the third day, His parents found Jesus in the temple. Luke sets the scene by noting that 12 year old Jesus is in the midst of the teachers of the law, and He was listening to them and asking His own questions (Lk. 2:46). And everyone who heard Jesus was amazed at His understanding and answers (Lk. 2:47). Now when Mary and Joseph saw Jesus they were also amazed. On one level, they are amazed like any heart-sick mother and father would be to finally find their son lost for three days, and yet they are also amazed like everyone else, that He is conversing naturally with trained theologians (Lk. 2:48). Mary asks what every mother would ask, “How could you do this to us?” And she appeals to Him to sympathize with their plight: “your father and I have been looking for you with great sorrow.” And yet, His reply, the first recorded words of the Savior of the world, is: “Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know that it was necessary for me to be about my Father’s business?” (Lk. 2:49) But they did not understand what He was talking about (Lk. 2:50). But the point is unmistakable: Mary asks why he was not being mindful of his father, and Jesus insists that he was.

GOD WITH US

Luke demonstrates here that Jesus was a normal human being who grew up and learned (Lk. 2:40, 52), and that He was simultaneously God (Lk. 2:49). This is not something the apostles made up later to make themselves feel better. Luke is building a case for this outrageous claim, and this introductory episode of 12 year old Jesus is part of the evidence for that claim. It should also be pointed out that the Jews should have known this: The entire narrative of the Old Testament is this truth wound through the story of Israel, the covenants and sacrifices point to God coming down into their midst, and finally the promises of the Messiah to come. He would be the Lord’s servant, and somehow in Him, it would also be the Lord Himself going forth like a mighty man, like a man of war to save (Is. 42:1, 13-16).

HE CAME FOR US

The Bible teaches that humanity’s most fundamental need is to be reconciled with our Maker. This is the origin of all of our deepest hurt, angst, and hatred (Rom. 3). This is why people harm themselves and others. The religion of secular humanism must deny the reality of this spiritual death and throw purely material cocktails at the problems. Even though we can’t really control material reality, we think we can, but regardless, all manmade religions try to manufacture a way back to God (or ultimate peace or justice or harmony). But only Christianity has the audacity to tell the unvarnished truth: that’s impossible. Sinful man can’t get back. This is like an expedition to the Sun. There is no going to God. The only possibility is God coming to us. And Luke along with the rest of the apostles sealed with their own blood and the testimony of their lives, that He has. And the wonderful thing is that because He has become one of us, He sympathizes with us in our weakness. He was tempted in every way and yet remained sinless (Heb. 4:15). And He learned obedience through the things that He suffered (Heb. 5:7-8). He came for us.

CONCLUSIONS

This episode is unmistakably a preview of another scare that will come at the end of Luke’s gospel. This is not the last time Jesus will go missing for three days. And on that third day, Jesus will once again ask two heartbroken disciples why they don’t know what’s going on (Lk. 24:25). He was to be about His Father’s business. And in both instances, Jesus is found doing Bible study. If Jesus seems to be missing, if you need to find Jesus, He will always be in the Word.

There’s also a subtle but significant point being made about authority and leadership. Jesus was being obedient to His parents by being obedient to His Father. True authority only comes from God, and therefore true obedience and submission is always ultimately to God and His Word. Mary and Joseph and all disciples have a responsibility to know the Scriptures in order to recognize Jesus, in order to know who He is and where He is leading. You can’t assume you know where Jesus is leading. You must not assume that He is accompanying you on your business. He is leading all of us on His Father’s business, even when we have to turn around.

All true authority is leading others in obedience to Christ. Faithful leaders are only as good as they are following Christ. His plans and designs are sometimes very surprising, but He always sticks close to the text. So if you want to know what He is up to, look for Him there.

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