INTRODUCTION

Over the years I have preached on marriage, and family, and child-rearing any number of times. Seeing that I am about to do it again, I need to begin by noting the way this series will overlap with the others, but also to point out a significant way that it will differ. Some of the basic principles remain constant, of course, and to refresh your thinking concerning those principles, there are a number of our books available, and recordings of previous series. 

But this series of messages is going to be dwelling on biblical child rearing as a profoundly countercultural thing. What does it mean to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in a generation that is profoundly hostile to any such endeavor? That worldly hostility is expressed in countless ways—from overt persecution to surreptitious lying, and from surreptitious lying to online seduction and subversion. 

THE TEXT

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15). 

“Withhold not correction from the child: For if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13–14). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

We have two texts before us. The first says that folly is intrinsic to the heart of a child, but the situation is not irremediable (Prov. 22:15). The folly that is closely bound there in the heart of the child can be driven far away from him by means of the rod. This is a rod of correction, meaning that there are things there that must be put right. This does not mean that “beating your kid” is equivalent to gospel. The rod must be applied in context, within the framework of everything Scripture teaches us. 

This leads to the second text. Because this is the case, because folly is inborn, a father should make sure not to withhold correction from his child (Prov. 23:15). The word there refers to a lad, or boy. If the father uses the rod judiciously, his son will not die, sound effects notwithstanding. If the son is beaten with the rod, he will be thereby delivered from Sheol (Prov. 23:14). This short-term pain is a long term kindness.  

ROOT ASSUMPTIONS

Our first glance at these passages is informative, as far as it goes. We can see that the Scriptures are fully supportive of corporal punishment in child rearing. Those who object to every form of spanking “as abusive” are plainly at variance with the Word of God. We will see later that “gentle parenting” is anything but. But my interest here is not to parse the passages with a pro-spanking/anti-spanking debate in mind. What we need to look at first is the apparent callused toughness behind what the passages are saying. There is a different world there, and that is what we must get back to first. 

Children do not begin at a neutral place, and they do not start out their days from some innocent space. As my father used to say, with great affection, babies are “little bundles of sin.” All that is necessary for the sinning to start is the requisite muscle strength and intelligence. Once they have that, their career in sinning starts. The apostle Paul tells us that all of us are “by nature” objects of wrath (Eph. 2:3). We are, all of us, sinners by nature. Is a child in the cradle a walker? Yes, in that he belongs to a race of walkers, but no, in that he has not yet taken his first step. Is the child in the bucket a talker? Yes, in that he is a talker by nature, but no, in that he has not yet spoken his first word. In an analogous way, we are all participants in Adam’s rebellion from the very first instant of our conception. By nature, we are sinners—bad to the bone. And the fact that the parents have not yet seen their sweet baby smoking cigarettes or pounding shots in the crib does not signify anything.

Biblical child rearing begins with answering one question accurately. That question is what is man? The answer is that we were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), male and female, and that subsequent to that creation we were estranged from our Creator through the rebellion of our first parents (Gen. 3:6). As a result, we are all entailed in Adam’s sin. The task of child rearing is therefore the same as the task of presenting the gospel to an unbeliever. What is that task? It is that of finding our way back.

Now someone is going to say that our children are baptized, are they not? They are being treated as members of the new covenant community, are they not? Yes, of course. But what do we ask parents when we baptize an infant? What is the first question? “Do you acknowledge your children’s need of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, and the renewing grace of the Holy Spirit?” The promise to bring children up in the covenant surely includes the need to instruct children in the terms of the covenant. Remember that Romans 1 teaches us that pagans outside the covenant are big fat sinners, Romans 2 teaches us that the Jews inside the covenant are big fat sinners, and Romans 3 teaches us that they are both the same kind of big fat sinners. Your children must therefore be taught the central covenantal duty of looking to Christ.  

NO NEED FOR SIN LESSONS

So what does all of this mean? Even assuming genuine love for Christ, when the world and the devil come after your kid, they will find that your child’s flesh still wants to serve as a welcoming committee. We are accustomed to speak of childhood innocence, but we must be careful to define our terms. A child is innocent, in the sense that he is immature and inexperienced in sin, as well as in everything else. But this is a relative innocence, not the innocence of an unfallen angel. It is not necessary for you to bring in any tutors to make sure your kids learn how to sin. They have all of that down already. You must have piano lessons, or driving lessons, or cooking lessons, yes. But sin lessons are never needed. There are degrees of corruption that require instruction, but the baseline for all of it is a given.

HARD TRUTH, SOFT HEARTS

It all comes down to our fundamental assumptions about human nature. Do you believe in innate human goodness? Then in that case, you are a Pelagian, and this is going to skew everything about your child rearing. Such soft, flattering words will result in hard hearts. The sinful heart needs a jack hammer, not a feather duster. One of the results of such an assumption is that your home will be a place without gospel, without forgiveness, without grace. 

But do you believe in human depravity? Then you are living in a world where the good news of the gospel will make some sort of sense. Is your home a collection of sinners, saved by real grace? Or is there a tendency to just say that because it is orthodox?

Read Full Article