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Grandparents & Grandchildren (To You & Your Children #5)

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INTRODUCTION

A minister friend of mine once said that parents don’t really get their report cards until they see their grandchildren thriving in the Lord. This means that our goal as parents should not only be to see our own children standing with us inflicting damage on the kingdom of darkness, but also see our grandchildren standing with us and peace upon Israel (cf. Ps. 128:6).

THE TEXT

“Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us…” (Ps. 78:1-8)

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

This Psalm of Asaph is a ballad about the sordid history of Israel, God’s faithfulness, and the duty of grandparents to ensure that their grandchildren sing the praises of the Lord (Ps. 78:4). Like the father and mother in Proverbs, there is an appeal to listen to the grandparents (Ps. 78:1). And what they say is a parable, a dark saying or riddle of old (Ps. 78:2). Parables are stories that make one wise, and it’s no accident that the Hebrew word is associated with the rule of kings (cf. 1 Kgs. 3). Older folks naturally tell stories, and this is their duty – it is a great sin to “hide” the wonderful works of the Lord from your grandchildren because that results in less praise to the Lord (Ps. 78:4). This all goes back to God’s own self-revelation and testimony that He intended for parents and grandparents to pass down to children and grandchildren (Ps. 78:5-6). Done rightly, it teaches each generation to set their hope in God and not forget Him, like so many previous generations (Ps. 78:7-8).

THE HEARTS OF GRANDPARENTS

It is the temptation of the young to reject the wisdom of the old, and it is the temptation of the old to grow bitter and resentful. The longer your life the more hard things you carry, and the temptation is to either let them weigh you down or else try to escape. In one direction, you may give into anxiety or anger; in the other direction, you may try to bury your fears and frustrations in empty retirement pursuits (e.g. golf, entertainment, travel). In either direction, you fail to tell your children and grandchildren the wonderful works of God (Ps. 78:4). While longer life brings temptations, by the same token, the longer your life the more good things you carry, and that should translate into joy, gratitude, patience, and wisdom. The gospel teaches the older generation to do this regardless of how it seems to be received.

RETIREMENT & INHERITANCE

Since we were all made for fruitful work and industry, our general goal should be to work hard until we can’t. This hard work can and will take different forms over the decades, but the modern American expectation of retirement at 65 and spending your life savings on RVs and cruises is a great evil. “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just” (Prov. 13:22). This inheritance should ordinarily include financial and material provision: “Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children” (2 Cor. 12:14). But this inheritance should also include the wisdom you’ve learned, telling the wonderful works of God (Eccl. 7:11).

RISING UP

We live in a land that has rejected the inheritance of our grandfathers, and we have done this perhaps most insidiously in how we have sent them away to nursing homes and allowed the government to fund and oversee their care. The COVID insanity was perhaps one great wakeup call that this system is completely bankrupt. We have done a civil version of what the Jews had done in the first century, counting money paid into the system as some kind of subsititute for actually caring for our parents and grandparents in old age (Mk. 7:6-13). While there are sometimes health needs that require medical assistance, it should be far more normal for our grandparents to end their days surrounded by their people before being gathered to their people (cf. Gen. 25:8). Part of the reason for this is what they have to say (e.g. Gen. 49:2-33).

THE GLORY OF OLD MEN

“Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers” (Prov. 17:6). “The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the gray head” (Prov. 20:29). “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:32). All of this teaches us that there is great glory in pursuing life together over generations. Sometimes because of sin or tragedy, this must be started over, and so that should be embraced in faith (e.g. Abraham, Gen. 23:19). God puts the solitary in families (Ps. 68:6).

As with all glory, it is heavy, and that means there will be challenges. But the goal should be honor. Parents, honor your parents, so that your children will learn how. Grandparents, honor your children, the parents of your grandchildren, so that they will learn how. Every family has to learn their own dance, but some basic principles would be warmth and space. Give yourself warmly to one another, joyfully, gratefully, and then also recognize that space needs to be given for individual families to exist. Don’t meddle; assume the best. And keep short accounts.

CONCLUSION

Many of our cultural commentators have pointed out that our land is suffering from a great spell of amnesia. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten what God did for us in this land, for our families, for our ancestors. And while there has been great evil in the younger generations rejecting the wisdom of our parents and grandparents, there has also been great evil in the older generations, refusing to tell their children and grandchildren, having stubborn and rebellious hearts (Ps. 78:4, 8).

But the central theme of Psalm 78 is the faithfulness of the Lord, His mercies, His compassion. Even though we have so often failed to remember Him, He has remembered us (Ps. 78:37-39). And this is what drives our praise. He is our faithful Father, the God of our fathers, and His faithfulness always gives us something to talk about, even something to sing about. “But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children” (Psa. 103:17).

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Launching Teenagers (To You & Your Children #3)

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INTRODUCTION

The goal of parenting is not merely that our children would submit to the standard, but rather that they would love the standard (Dt. 6:5-7). Our goal is not merely that their faith would survive intact or that they would avoid various moral hazards. Our goal is that they would rise up with us and do damage to the Kingdom of darkness, that they would be hazards to unbelief and immorality. We want to raise dangerous kids – children that hate the darkness even more than us, love Jesus even more than us, and drive the Devil and all his works further off the field.

THE TEXT

“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is hisreward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127)

SPEAKING WITH ENEMIES IN THE GATE

The end of this Psalm implies something about how God builds houses and guards cities: He gives children that understand the mission and join us in the work (Ps. 127:5, 1). Parenting in faith (versus fear/anxiety) means looking for that fruit expectantly and encouraging it and praising it as it emerges. As children finish their elementary and middle school years, there should be less artificial consequences, more real-life consequences (e.g. chores, restitution, etc.), and more and more dialogue about everything. This means that you need to shift your tone from one of gracious authority to a tone of friendship and counsel. The goal is that your children will speak with your enemies in the gates as your peer, and you are the one primarily responsible that they be prepared to do that.

There are many warnings in Scripture about the power of words: death and life are in the power of the tongue (Prov. 18:21). Sharp words are like a dagger, but the tongue of the wise gives good health (Prov. 12:18). A wholesome tongue is a tree of life (Prov. 15:4). This applies to all people, but the way spouses talk to one another and parents to their children is potent, especially when you disagree with them or they have sinned or made some mistake. Remember also, that you are helping them prepare for their own marriages and families, so focus on loving your daughters and respecting your sons in your words, affection, and loyalty. The irony is that a certain kind of critical harping (about “high” standards) often tempts children to join the enemy, while respectful dialogue and patient, friendly sparing prepares them to speak with the enemy.

GIVING FREEDOM

Remember that the plan is for your children to leave your home, and therefore, sometime in high school you should tell your son/daughter that they are free to do whatever they want in the Lord. The goal is for them to act like adults while they are still in your home, so that if/when they run into challenges/trouble, you are right there to help before they leave. And when sin/folly occurs, resist the temptation to overreact or clamp down. Treat them the way you would want to be treated; try to remember what you were like at that age. Maybe think about how you would talk to another teenager who needs help; your teenagers should get your best version. And think about accountability in the same way: offer it, encourage it, and only insist on it, if God requires it. Related to all of this: pick your battles carefully. Way better to stay in fellowship and let some things go than to overzealously drive your children away.

BOYS & GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT (PT. 2)

Sexual temptations that face teenagers generally incline boys to desire and girls desire to be desired. This is because God made women to be the glory of man (Gen. 2:23, 1 Cor. 11:7). There is nothing sinful about noticing this, but honoring the marriage bed means not allowing lust to contaminate your mind or emotions. Chastity means not giving or taking physically or emotionally what God has not blessed. While this certainly means that men must pursue covenant fidelity, particularly with their eyes (Job 31:1), it must also be pointed out that women must pursue covenant fidelity, particularly with their emotions (Song 2:7, 3:5). Practically, parents should talk about the glory of marriage and children from the earliest days, allowing for no foolish talk of “crushes” or “who likes who” or dating before marriage is an actual possibility. More on this next week.

CONCLUSION: WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT RIGHT

When you haven’t been doing it right, the answer is to confess your sins and repent as much as you can (Js. 5:16). But begin by confessing your sin to God, seeking His forgiveness, and praying for His grace to repent and lead your family back into the light (Job 1:5). Don’t try to turn the whole thing on a dime. Talk to your spouse, and make sure you’re on the same page first. Make sure there aren’t any outstanding disagreements, grudges, or offenses between you. Then pray hard together for some time about talking with your kids.

If your children are still relatively young (elementary years), confess your sins to them, and tell them that you are going to begin obeying God by requiring joyful, prompt obedience (Eph. 6:1). Maybe pick the top 1-2 things that need work, do 1-2 weeks of practice, and then enforce it. If there are 15 things that are wrong, just start with the top ones, don’t try to tackle everything at once. God is patient with us, and often small steps of repentance have a way of multiplying and clearing up other areas.

If your children are in middle school or high school (or even grown and gone), and you haven’t been faithful, you should sit them down (or call), explain what you haven’t done right, ask their forgiveness, and then tell them that you want to begin doing what is right. You should make it plain that you will not try to force their obedience but that you will strive to honor Jesus. Ask them if they are willing to join you. Make a plan together for how you will establish new patterns of life. Keep the gospel at the center. Jesus turns the hearts of fathers and children.

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Postmillennialism for Such a Time as This

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INTRODUCTION

It would not be surprising for someone to look around at the present state of things and ask the cheery Postmillennialist, “Oh, so you think things are getting better, do you?” Many things could be said in reply. But the chief response would be, “Yes, there are giants in the land. They are very big. Too big to miss.” We are with David selecting stones by faith. We are with Esther going before the king given the bad news that Haman wants to destroy us.

You can find us alongside Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, not bowing to false gods, knowing we will soon take a fire bath; the Son of God will be with us in the flames. We are with Israel in Egypt right up against the Red Sea before it moves out of the way—”And Moses said unto the people, Fear yet not, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD” (Exodus 14:13). Why are we cheerful, confident, and laboring in a time like this? Well, the battle belongs to the LORD and we have seen this story before.

THE TEXT

Psalm 110

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

David says that the LORD said to his Lord, “Sit thou at my right hand until I make thine enemies thy footstool” (v. 1). Jesus cites this verse when tying the Pharisees up in knots, establishing that he is David’s Lord who will soon ascend to heaven and sit down at the right hand of the LORD. He will remain there until all of his enemies are placed beneath His feet (v. 1).

Even so, while seated there, the LORD will send the rod of his strength out of Zion. He will rule on earth from heaven (v. 2). This can be accomplished because this seated Christ will have people on earth who offer themselves freely in the day of His power (v. 3). The earthly reign of Christ through His people is not something up for grabs for the LORD has sworn that Christ is a priest forever after the order of Melchizedek (v. 4). Kings will be struck through by Him, kings over the whole wide earth (v. 5-6). He will not break off His pursuit of the fleeing enemy. He will drink from the brook by the way and rise up to advance His reign (v. 7).

THE MILLENNIUM

Generally speaking, there are three views of the “thousand years” John speaks of in Revelation 20:1-6. Premillennialism teaches that Christ will return to earth and then comes an unprecedented “thousand years” of blessing for the church. Amillennialism teaches that Revelation 20 speaks to the spiritual or heavenly reign of Christ now resulting in the parallel growth of good and evil. Postmillennialism teaches that the millennium is a present reality for Christians now, as Christ reigns on earth from heaven; and Christ will return at the end of the millennium once the knowledge of the Lord covers the earth as the waters cover the sea.

The rule and reign of Christ announced in Psalm 110 is something we are in the midst of. Kings are falling all around us. We offer ourselves freely in the day of his power. And when the conquest of Christ has reached the ends of the earth, He will stand up from His throne, and return bodily.

HEAVEN AND EARTH

How you conceive of the interplay between heaven and earth is more important than it may first appear. Christ our Head is seated in heaven and we are his body on earth. Christ is our Great High Priest in heaven, in the true tent. And we are a kingdom of priests, as was promised in the Mosaic Covenant, who announce good news on earth saying, “Be reconciled to God.”

The Amillennialist position can be charged with leaving Christ’s reign up in heaven and neglecting the kingdom of God coming on earth. When Postmillennialism goes wrong, it could begin to neglect heaven in the attempt to see the kingdom come on earth. The goal is to live in the flesh by faith. As the old phrase puts it, we must be in the world but not of the world; we must be in the world and of the heaven. Our prayer is not, “Thy kingdom come in heaven as it is on earth.” It is, “Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven,” and that prayer is addressed to our Father in heaven.

DOMINION

Postmillennialism highlights the need for Christians to do Christianity and not merely think it. It has a special place for blisters and callouses. One temptation we want to avoid is living in the cloud, where all of our music, documents, and text messages are stored. As Christ approached his Calvary—Tomb—Mount of Olives Exodus, He prayed to the Father saying, “Now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee” (John 17:11). He went on, “I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world” (John 17:15).

As John Newton was making his way to glory he said, “I am still in the land of the dying; I shall be in the land of the living soon.” That day will come for us all. But while we remain in the land of the dying, we must die well. While in this body, we use it, spend it, lose it for Christ and His kingdom.

THE MELCHIZEDEKIAN PRIEST

The only way to spend and be spent for Christ is to come to Christ. We want to fill the earth and subdue it, pressing the crown rights of King Jesus into the four corners of the earth. And the only way to get there is to look by faith to one spot, the place where the Priest offered Himself as the sacrifice.

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Training Young Children (To You & Your Children #2)

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INTRODUCTION

Broadly, you should think of training up children like teaching them to ride a bike. In the earliest years, you are doing everything for them. In elementary school, you begin letting your child make some decisions and balance for themselves, while you’re still hovering over everything. Finally, at some point in high school, you should let go, allowing them to ride for themselves before they actually leave home, while you’re still close by to catch them or help them up.

This means that you should think of parenting in the earliest years as a benevolent totalitarian dictatorship. It really should be full of joy, and you should do everything for them. Your job is to give them reality as best as you can.

THE TEXT

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).

A GARDEN OF EDEN

Because of the gospel, we live in a New Creation, and this means that as we walk in the light as God is in the light, confessing our sins, forgiving one another quickly, and remaining in fellowship with God and one another, we live in a new Garden of Eden. When it comes to raising children there really has to be a center of joyful fellowship. Everything else works primarily because of that joyful fellowship.

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth, and He placed our first parents in a garden full of “yes” and one “no.” While sin has complicated matters, the world still is relatively simple, as Augustine put it: “love God and do as you please.” But since sinners are crafty and litigious, this can be helpfully expanded to the two greatest commandments, and every principle that is necessary for life is summarized in the Ten Commandments.

There are three important points to make here: First, focus on the principles not the particulars. Every principle must be applied in particular but don’t confuse the two. Prohibitions against jumping on the couch are usually reasonable applications of “love your neighbor as yourself,” but they aren’t identical. Second, strive to keep your house rules few and simple. Don’t multiply rules like a statist. Third, make your home a “Garden of Yes,” with tasty foods, good stories, jokes, games, adventure, joy, and lots of “get to” not “got to.” While there will be some hard things to do, remember their frames and focus on the principles (Ps. 103:13-15).

THE NECESSITY OF CHEERFUL OBEDIENCE

The central command that God gives to children is to obey their parents in the Lord, and this means that the central parental duty is to teach this obedience through training children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4). “Nurture and admonition” is literally the “culture and counsel” of Jesus. This means that we are required to raise our children up in a coherent worldview and way of life. One of the ways parents provoke their children to wrath is by their incoherent or inconsistent application God’s Word. But children can smell hypocrisy a mile away. Children should know that their family is committed to doing whatever God says, that He is the Lord of the home, His Word is law, including if that means Dad or Mom was wrong about something.

Another way parents provoke their children is by not preparing them for obedience. Good parents should think of their role like good coaches. Your children should know that you are on their team (refer back to the “Garden of Yes”), and they should know that obedience to God is the way of life, joy, adventure, and blessing. So practice obedience regularly. Practice the “plays” – the commands and responses, that they will need before church, shopping, birthday parties, house guests, etc. Practicing obedience with lots of positive reinforcements and praise is positive discipline.

THE ROD OF LOVE

The Bible also clearly teaches that painful negative discipline is required of loving parents. “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth… But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons” (Heb. 12:6, 8). Failure to discipline children is slow motion disowning. Discipline communicates love and belonging: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24). “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). Sometimes parents are stumped about how to get through to a child, how to get to his heart: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Prov. 23:13-14). Notice too that the Bible anticipates the objection that physical discipline will harm a child. Loving discipline does just the opposite: it saves a child from far greater harm. Remember, the goal is to win your child back into fellowship. And this means that the gospel, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restitution need to be regular parts of discipline.

BOYS & GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT (PT. 1)

Over the next couple of weeks, we will return to this point, but it really needs to be underlined here. From conception God has impressed His glorious image in every human being in the shape of male or female. Many well-meaning Christians have largely neglected this until adolescence and the further down the drain our culture has decomposed, the less children are prepared. You should be thinking about preparing and protecting your children from sexual folly, sin, predators, and confusion from jump. Encourage young girls to embrace their femininity, being lady-like, enjoying beauty, homemaking, and practicing for motherhood. Encourage young boys to embrace their masculinity, being gentlemen, working hard, being tough, and practicing to be leaders, husbands, and fathers. Don’t panic if they express some different desires, but cheerfully tell them what it means that God made them male/female in His image.

CONCLUSION

Remember that God takes us where we are, not where we should have been. In Jesus Christ, there is now a way back into the Garden, back into fellowship with God and one another. If you have sinned and failed, confess your sins, and get back into fellowship, get back into the light. Christian obedience flows from this grace. Because we are sons, we get to serve our King.

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