Christ Church

Difficult Relationships

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INTRODUCTION

For a number of years now, we have been emphasizing community, life together, fellowship, communion, what the New Testament calls koinonia. The response to this emphasis has been significant—showing that there is a real spiritual hunger for this kind of thing. But there is a hitch—other people are involved. There is always a catch.

Some might remember the conclusion of Sartre’s famous play, No Exit, where he said, “Hell is other people.” But we are Christians, and so we are called to affirm, to the emphatic contrary, that Heaven is other people. But a long stretch of road in a fallen world lies in between us and that Heaven.

THE TEXT

If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus . . . (Phil. 2:1-5).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Paul is about to set before us the great example of Christ’s servant-heart (vv. 6ff). This is an example that he wants us to follow, and he gives us the charge before the example comes. If there is any consolation in Christ (v. 1), and there is, and if God provides any comfort of love, and He does, and if He creates fellowship in the Spirit, which He most certainly does, if there is a deep sympathetic connection in the gut between Christians, and there is, then fulfill Paul’s joy (v. 2). How would we go about fulfilling Paul’s joy? We need to be like-minded, sharing the same love, being in agreement, and settled in one mind (v. 2). We should guard ourselves against noble-sounding but superficial motives (v. 3). Put the other person first, and do so in lowliness of mind (v. 3). Don’t think about your own stuff, your own issues, first, but let every man consider the “things of others” (v. 4). This is the kind of thing Jesus did, and he then proceeds to talk about that stupendous example (vv. 5ff).

INTELLIGENT FELLOWSHIP

There are three basic assumptions that cause conflict in the Church, that contribute to what we might call difficult relationships. First, we tend to assume that every disruption is the direct result of sin, pure and simple. Second, we tend to assume that we know what the sin is. And third, we tend to assume that it is the other person’s sin. All three of these assumptions are drastically, radically, wrong-headed. And remember that the first two easily blend together—when you assume sin in others, it is usually “apparent” to you what the sin is.

GOD-GIVEN DIFFERENCES

We are commanded in this passage to strive toward certain things in common—like-mindedness, being of one mind, a shared fellowship in the Spirit, mutual giving, and so on. This does not mean that we can only do this if we start from some clone-like identity. No, we serve and worship a triune God, who has built some glorious differences into the world. We are to proceed from those differences to the unity described, which is not the same thing as obliterating those differences for the sake of a unity not described.  What are some of those differences that have to be embraced at the starting point? You are cooking with onions and eggs, not trying to turn onions into eggs. Here are some of the glorious built-in differences, some of the onions.

Personality types: do not dismiss this just because you have heard it described by some secular psychologist. Every observant person in the history of the world has known the differences between Pooh, Rabbit, Eeyore, and Tigger. Give them other names (e.g. choleric, melancholic, sanguine, and phlegmatic), or rearrange them and call them something else. Like the fact of gravity, it is something we all have to deal with and, also like gravity, this reality is equally stubborn. There are different kinds of people.

Men and women: the differences between how men and women think, respond, emote, etc. are deep and profound. Men are linear; women think laterally. Men are goal-oriented; women are relationship-oriented. Men seek respect before love; women seek love before respect. Men want honor; women want security. Men want solutions; women want conversation. What a world we live in!

Culture and ethnicity: there are deep differences between a hardscrabble Scot, an expressive Greek, and an inscrutable Japanese. Our PC world should deal with it.

Age and birth order: how can someone who is sixty-years-old still be the little sister? And still feel like she has to compete for dad’s attention?

Mix and match: now take the categories outlined above, and see how many other different combinations you can get. Out-going African woman, shy, retiring, introspective Asian man. You get the picture.

Now if you want to think that every “head bonk” is the result of sin, you are going to wind up thinking that the whole world is engaged in a vast, perverse conspiracy, designed and operated solely in order to offend you grievously every day. And that is what we might call a self-fulfilling prophecy 

ESTEEM OTHERS BETTER

We tend to judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our motives. And since this collision “must be” the result of sin, we immediately try to diagnose what sin it is. And naturally, we always lift the hood of the other guy’s car first. We always give ourselves the advantage. But Paul says here to give the advantage, the benefit of the doubt, the other way.

As C.S. Lewis once pointed out, when you are dealing with a difficult family, or company, or class, you are only dealing with everybody else. God has the same problem with that same group of people, only He is dealing with one more than you are—He is dealing with you also.

STRIFE OR VAINGLORY

Ignoring the creational distinctives that God has given us is a good way to get “one up” on everybody. If you had done that, then your motives would have been thus and such. They did that, and so their motives must have been what yours would have been. This is a recipe for one conflict after another. Those who resort to this tactic frequently accuse others of sin, but they are the ones bringing the sin to the situation.  We are so focused on identifying what his sin must be, that we neglect entirely what our sin might be. Always remember that one of the traits that difficult people usually share is the fact that they think that everyone else is being difficult. So don’t you be that person.

When Paul says to avoid strife and vainglory, he says that we are, in lowliness of mind, to consider the possibility that the person with the other perspective has a point. Yes, but—you want to scream—you have a point too, and nobody’s listening! Well, let go of it, and maybe they will. Put it down for a second.

IN ONE ACCORD

The apostle knows that striving for this kind of like-mindedness is not a day at the beach (4:2), but it most necessary. To return to the cooking metaphor, we are not trying to make a bowl of cream of wheat, without the sugar. We are making a complicated dish, with hundreds of ingredients, and when we are done, we want to still be able to taste both the rum and the coconut. This is Trinitarian community, Trinitarian koinonia.

This is the kind of humility that looks to Christ, and when we look to Christ in this way, the humility grows.

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Pressing On (Further Up #1)

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INTRODUCTION

Underlying much of the modern culture wars are questions, confusions, and conflict over the nature and possibility of progress, maturity, and excellence. What is possible in this world? And if real cultural progress is possible, how is it possible? For the next several weeks, we will be looking at a series of texts on the pursuit of excellence and maturity. Christianity gives good reasons for optimism, but not for the reasons the world gives.

THE TEXT

“For our citizenship is in heaven; from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ…” (Phil. 3:20 NKJV)

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Progress and excellence are words that only make sense if there’s a transcendent standard. What are we pressing for, what are we aiming at? We are aiming at the goal that Jesus aimed for when He saved us and nothing else (3:12). Our initial salvation doesn’t arrive at that perfection, rather, it is the only ground for pressing on, forgetting the things behind and straining to win the prize (3:13-14). This is the mind of Christian maturity: not being satisfied with where we are but pressing on together for that goal (3:15-16). This task includes following the example of others who walk like this (3:17). But many refuse to look beyond this world, and that’s a complete dead end (3:18-19). Christians are colonists of the Kingdom in this world, getting everything ready for Jesus, leaning into the resurrection (3:20-21

FOR WHICH HE LAID HOLD OF YOU

The call to perfection and maturity is a call to the most excellent life in every respect. But sin messes with this: our sin simply weighs us down (Heb. 12:1), but perhaps most deviously, our sin lies to us saying this is as good as it gets, and in the other direction, perfection and holiness aren’t as good as God says. But Paul has just finished saying that nothing in this world compares to the excellence of Christ and the resurrection (Phil. 2:7-11).

For a Christian, aiming for perfection is like aiming for home. Excellence in Christ is what you were made for and saved for. A good deal of our problem with growing in holiness and maturity is our vague and impersonal attempts to be “really good” or “not sin,” which is always a crushing weight, like pushing a rock up a hill only for it to roll back down on you every day. But this is why the first verse of our text is so important for understanding Christian maturity: we are only called to lay hold of that for which Christ laid hold of us (3:12). We are only called to seize/win/grasp that for which we were seized/won/grasped by Christ. Paul made the same point in the previous chapter: “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:12-13).

All of the commands of Scripture: love your wife, submit to your husband, obey your parents, bring up your children in the Lord, tell the truth, do not fear, and repent of all your sins and forgive one another – those are commands that Christ has obtained the obedience for. God does not command except what He also has for prepared for us (Eph. 2:10). Just as there is no temptation for which there is no escape (1 Cor. 10:13). If you are in Christ, think of the call to press on toward the prize of perfection in Christ as the gift of learning to drive a fabulous sports car at the Indy 500. All the “rules” are things like: shift your gears like this, make the turn like this, use your brakes like this. Or think of Eric Liddell who said that God made him fast, and when he ran, he felt God’s pleasure. You were made for perfection. You were made for glory.

FOLLOWING EXAMPLES

Paul’s example is still set before us in his letters in the New Testament. Reading the Bible is following examples, putting the lives of the faithful before you as patterns. Do you need to persevere in difficulty? Set Abraham before your eyes. Or meditate on the lives of Moses, Job, or Elizabeth. Do you need wisdom? Consider the lives of Joseph, Solomon, Esther, or Paul. And of course, immerse yourself in the gospels, following the perfect example of Jesus.

But mark the lives of the saints around you as well: Do you see a marriage that is flourishing? Do you see a father delighting in his kids? Imitate them; follow their examples. Ask to talk to them, ask for advice, or invite them over for dinner. Do you see a Christian businessman who is prudent and excelling? Do you see a fruitful wife and mother, full of joy and wisdom? Note them, watch them, talk to them, and learn from them.

And Scripture is clear that wisdom also notes those who are not walking in the light. They are enemies of the cross, who serve their own lusts and appetites, who glory in their own shame – they are proud of their sin. They are obsessed with earthly things. So note this in Cain and Pharaoh and Achan and Ahab and Judas, and note it in those within the church today who are obsessed with what is fair or fads or rumors or fears, or simply muddle along in apathy.

OUR CITIZENSHIP

The old King James says our “conversation” is in heaven, but the word has more political connotations than that. “Polituema” is related to the word for citizen, citizenship, and city, and it’s the Greek root for our words “polity” or “politics.” In that Roman world, the concept was well known, especially in Philippi which was a Roman colony. The idea was that colonists went together to establish an outpost of the Empire in order to bring the ways of Rome to a new land. Only here Paul has reoriented the mission. The Philippian Christians are colonists, but they are colonists of Heaven. They are citizens of heaven, assigned to Philippi to establish an outpost for the Empire of Jesus, from which they await the King. We set our minds on things above precisely so we can see that Kingdom come: “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. Mortify therefore…” (Col. 3:2-5)

CONCLUSION

The image Paul uses in Philippians 3 – the prize he is pressing toward, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to what is up ahead – this is the image of a race. It could be a foot race, but it could also be a horse race or a chariot race. And given what he says, Christ is the horse who is carrying us to glory. He is our Savior. We cannot lift ourselves or propel ourselves to this maturity or excellence, but we press toward the goal for which Christ has laid hold of us. Don’t look back. Fix your eyes on Jesus, reaching forward toward His glory in your family, your business, the arts, science, technology, our city, our nation, and the world.

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Advent and Abundance

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INTRODUCTION

A genuine biblical faith is one that knows how to climb mountains, and how to not get lost in the valleys. In the flesh we know how to get used to what happens to us all the time. But it takes a true spirit of Christian character to deal with the fluctuations.

THE TEXT

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:11–13).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The apostle Paul has come to the point in the letter where he thanks the Philippians for their financial support. He really is grateful, but he wants them to know that he had learned the secret of being contented either way. He did not bring up his thanks because he was falling short in any way (v. 11). He knows how to be abased, and how to abound (v. 12), how to full and how to be hungry, how to overflow and how to fall short. The “all things” of v. 13 refers to contentment in all things.

DRIVE TO CONTENTMENT

The Advent season also happens to be the season of shopping and sales, and so it is the time when a great deal of material stuff is paraded in front of us. This means that it is the season when a lot of people start lamenting how commercial the whole thing has gotten, what a racket it all is, and so forth.

Now when someone is abased, hungry, and suffering need, the carnal response is to drive toward abundance. If only I had more, if only I could get out of this place, if only . . .

But by the same token, when someone is abounding, is full, and has both hands full, there is a strong temptation (and it is a temptation) to drive toward some kind of minimalism. If only we could simplify. If only we could off-load some of these responsibilities . . .

The directive given to us in this passage is that we are not to try to fix our discontents with stuff, whether by accumulating more of it, or unloading all of it. You can’t fix the problem by getting more money, and you can’t fix the problem by getting less of it either. We are charged to drive toward contentment, which is not determined by how much money is in the bank. Rather, it is a matter of how much trust is in the heart.

HOW FAITH HANDLES THIS WORLD

Faith knows how to play it as it lays. There are those who tell us that the true Christians are the ones who scarcely have a dime to their name, while others tell us that the health and wealth message means that God wants you to have loads of stuff. The Scriptures are not so simplistic.

“And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again [remarkable tone shift here]: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; (Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth” (Heb. 11:32–38).

The Bible teaches us that when the godly win, they win by faith. The Scriptures teach us that when the godly lose, they lose by faith, thereby winning something much greater. The real winners are not those who have millions. Nor are the winners those who have a measly mite. God’s champions are those who have true contentment.

WHAT OUR TEMPTATIONS ARE LIKELY TO BE

C. S. Lewis once said that when confronted with a flood, we break out the fire extinguishers. We tend to resist the temptations we were least likely to succumb to anyhow. For this congregation, what are our temptations likely to be over the coming generation? We do not know this sort of thing for certain, but my strong suspicion is that we are going to face the temptations that come with being a hard-working and wealthy community. And the Scriptures have a great deal to say about that.

And as Christmas is the time of year when a lot of stuff passes through a lot of hands, we should use this annual boot camp time as a live fire exercise. We are handling the goods. We give a lot away, and we receive a lot. Learn how to do it. This is like a catechism class. These are your exercises. Embrace them.

CULTIVATING CONTENTMENT

Remember that we noted earlier that we are to drive toward contentment, and we are to do it with what we currently have. We must not think that my contentment would magically arrive if only. Banish those words if only.

“Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee: And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever. Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things; Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee” (Deut. 28:45–48).

There are two stages here, two things to do. Hearken to the voice of the Lord your God. Obey His commandments. Put away the porn. Stop complaining. Work hard. Love your family. Husband your resources. That is the first thing. And the second is this. Rejoice. Celebrate. Set the table. Why did severe judgment fall upon Israel? Because they did not worship the LORD their God with joy, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of everything.

Christmas is coming. Throw yourself into it.

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To Live is Christ

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The Text

Phil. 1:19-30

Introduction

This sermon is for everyone here because everyone here is preparing to die. There is a 100% mortality rate (Heb. 9:27). But not everyone dies the same because not everyone knows Christ, and knowing Christ changes everything. The adventure of Christian life is rooted in eternity.

A Summary of the Text

Paul is writing from prison (Phil. 1:7), and after reporting on the spread of the gospel in prison (1:13), expresses his conviction that whatever happens next it will be for his salvation (1:19). Christ will be magnified in his body whether in life or by death (1:20). For Paul, to live is Christ and to die is to win (1:21). Paul knows that living on in the flesh allows him to continue his labor and be a blessing to the saints (1:22, 24). And even though he would rather depart to be with Christ (1:23), he seems fairly sure that his time is not yet, for the blessing of the Philippians and the furtherance of the gospel (1:25-26). But Paul writes all of this to the Philippians that they might stand fast in the faith, not being terrified of their enemies, but taking courage from Paul’s example of suffering (1:27-30).

What Happens?

One of the basic questions all people have is what happens when someone dies? Paul answers that question here saying that to depart from the flesh is “to be with Christ” (Phil. 1:23). Elsewhere, Paul says, “Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: for we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5:6-8). But in the same place, Paul describes dying as being “unclothed” (2 Cor. 5:1-4). So we understand this to mean that at death the spirit/soul of a person leaves the body and in that “unclothed” condition is immediately ushered into the presence of Christ, where the spirits of just men made perfect are (Heb. 12:23).

Heaven & the Resurrection

So, when saints die they go to heaven, but this is an intermediate stage, in which they wait to be clothed again, that our mortal bodies may be replaced by immortal life (2 Cor. 5:4). And Paul says that the Holy Spirit is the guarantee, the down-payment of this resurrection promise (2 Cor. 5:5), and this is why we ought to be confident in the face of death (2 Cor. 5:6). Our mortal bodies go into the ground like seed (1 Cor. 15:35-38), and what is sown in corruption is raised in incorruption; what is sown in dishonor is raised in glory; what is sown in weakness is raised in power (1 Cor. 15:42-44). This is why, all things being equal, we should prefer burial to cremation, since it more clearly honors the body that will rise and pictures the image of seed going into the ground. The resurrection of Jesus is the first fruits of the resurrection, but if Jesus didn’t rise from the dead then we have no such hope (1 Cor. 15:17-21). This resurrection of the body will happen at Christ’s second coming when He has put all of his enemies beneath his feet (1 Cor. 15:25). The last enemy that will be destroyed is death itself in the resurrection of the body (1 Cor. 15:26). “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible…” (1 Cor. 15:52-58)

What Do We Believe About Infants & Children?

The Westminster Confession wisely says, “Elect infants, dying in infancy, are regenerated, and saved by Christ through the Spirit, who worketh when, and where, and how He pleaseth: so also, are all other elect persons who are incapable of being outwardly called by the ministry of the Word” (10.3). This answer insists that even children need to be regenerated and saved by Christ. If they are saved, it is not because they are cute, but by the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ alone. But I think we can say a little more while honoring the wisdom of this statement. In the gospels, Jesus clearly extends a particular blessing to children, making their faith the standard for the kingdom, and warns against those who would cause them to stumble, even saying that they have angels before the face of the Father (Matt. 18). Given the promises of the covenant, Christian parents have good reason to believe God for the salvation of their children dying in utero, infancy, and childhood (Gen. 17:7, Acts 2:39). Finally, the book of Jonah ends with God’s question to Jonah about sparing those who cannot discern between their right and left hand (Jon. 4:11).

End of Life Considerations

Of course, sometimes death comes unexpectedly, but sometimes a long illness or sickness gives saints time to make various end of life decisions. While there is a great deal of freedom left to individuals regarding treatments, the primary biblical principle we want to uphold is honoring the gift of life, including honoring the Giver of life. Any sort of assisted suicide is murder (2 Sam. 1:5-16), but it is not murder to let someone die whose body is clearly dying. At the same time, we live in a culture of medication idolatry. This can be an idolatrous demand for medications and treatments to fix our problems, but it can also be an idolatrous demand that we/they feel no pain. We want to walk by faith in God, weighing to the best of our ability the information we have, pursuing lawful treatment options, trusting God that he is not tricking us, seeking to preserve life as long as we reasonably can, and then trusting God in death when we have done all we can. The Bible says that it is fine to give (medicinal) strong drink to those who are perishing, presumably to help with pain (Prov. 31:6), but this should be balanced with a desire to be as sober and lucid as we can for as long as we can (Eph. 5:18-19), remembering that we and our dying loved ones need spiritual sustenance as they finish their race.

Conclusion: Not Terrified by Any Adversaries

Death is a curse and an enemy, but Christ has commandeered this enemy by His death and resurrection, such that now it serves Him – He holds the keys of death (Rev. 1:18). But Christ became man in order that “through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is the devil; and deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage” (Heb. 2:14-15). The power of the devil was the power of accusation. This is why the sting of death is sin, but if Christ has suffered for our sins, then our sins are taken away, and we sing, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is they victory?” (1 Cor. 15:56). This is also why death is frequently described as mere sleep in the New Testament (e.g. Jn. 11:11, 1 Cor. 15:6, 51, 1 Thess. 4:14). Who’s afraid of falling asleep? And if we are not afraid of death, what is there in all the world to fear (Rom. 8:31-39)? So we may serve the Lord without fear of shame, with all boldness, sure that Christ will be magnified in us. This is the way of Christian adventure.

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