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Seven Keys to Becoming a Spiritual Prepper (CCT)
Joshua Edgren on August 13, 2024
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Child Rearing and Checking Accounts (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #7)


Grace Sensing on

INTRODUCTION

As with all checking accounts, it is important make deposits in the checking account of parental authority before attempting to write checks out of that account with an authoritative flourish in the signature. Like all checking accounts, there needs to be money in there. It is not reasonable to argue that you can’t be out of money because you still have some checks left.  

THE TEXT

“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

There is debate over whether this verse is given to us as a general proverb, or as hard-and-fast promise to parents that if children are brought up right they will never stray, or if the verse is talking about finding the right vocation for your child, and not talking about spiritual condition at all. 

It is not my purpose to settle that question, at least when it comes to this passage. The truth I want us to take from this passage, whatever it is talking about, is the general truth that it is easier to bend the sapling than it is to bend the full-grown oak. And when you bend the sapling, the results of what you have done are lasting results. 

Whatever the course you set for the child, that course will remain with him. Child discipline matters, in other words. What you do with your growing family is not a random roll of the dice. 

STANDING ON THE PROMISES

Allowing for various interpretations of Proverbs 22:6 does not mean that we are backing away from what we have previously taught about how Christian parents are invited to trust the Lord for the salvation of their kids. This is just a quick reminder—and for those who want to do a deep dive, there is the book Standing on the Promises. The first thing is that none of this is by works. We believe the promises of grace by faith alone, and this of course results in parental works. It is not driven by parental works. Christian parents are to teach their children to honor their parents (Eph. 6), and this is a command with a promise attached to it. Christian elders are supposed to imitated by the saints (Heb. 13:7, 17), and it is possible (and required) for Christian leaders to manage their homes in such a way as that their children are not lost or reprobate (1 Tim. 3:4-5; Tit. 1:6).

“Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations” (Deuteronomy 7:9). 

THREE BASIC PRINCIPLES

A garden of yes: Remember the pattern that God established in the garden. He gave our first parents a world full of yes, and with one prohibited tree in the whole world. There was only one no in the garden of yes. Too many Christian parents function with a garden of no, and the occasional and very intermittent yes in the middle of all the negativity. 

With this, you are establishing a place of joy, peace and fellowship. When the fellowship is broken (as it is by sin), children who are accustomed to the harmony of ordinary life are eager to get back into fellowship. But if ordinary time is a time of dull chronic pain, punctuated by the occasional dramatic “scene,” causing acute pain, then this is not what you want. Your highest parental priority should be your defense of a climate of fellowship—which is only possible in and through Christ.   

Ascent to maturity: if you are applying the principle of our text, you bend the sapling when it is a sapling, and you don’t try to bend a trunk that is a foot in diameter. To change the illustration, you put training wheels on your child’s first bike. You don’t put training wheels on their mountain bike because “now they might really get hurt.”

Too many parents are indulgent when sin is little and sometimes even cute. But this is the time when you should be establishing your authority, storing that authority up when you will be needing to “write checks” on it. Do not indulge your little ones, and then panic when they move into secondary school with a decade of “little or no discipline” under their belt. Now they can wreck a car and kill somebody. Now they can get into dank porn. Now they can get pregnant, or get someone pregnant. Now they can seriously damage their prospects for life, and so the temptation is to rush in and put training wheels on their mountain bike.  

Child Rearing by Grace: We are saved by grace through faith, and not of works lest anyone should boast (Eph. 2:8-9). But while we are not saved by good works, we are most certainly saved to good works. This is the meaning of the next verse. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).

Trusting God for your kids is not a matter of “pedaling harder.” Compare it to the promises of God concerning answered prayer. We are given a number of astonishing promises. But we know they are not vending machine promises, if for no other reason than the Lord’s prayer for deliverance in Gethsemane (Matt. 26:39). At the same time, the promises must mean something. “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive” (Matt. 21:22). “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you” (John 15:7). This is a place where we are invited to step into a place of trust, and when God enables us to do so, we can look to Him expectantly. It is same with your children.  

CHRIST ALL THE WAY THROUGH

The very best thing you can do for your children in the Lord is to be an “all-in” Christian. How does He call us to live? And remember that everything He demands from us, He is willing to pour Himself out in order to provide us with it. He writes those promissory notes in His own blood, remember. The second best thing you can do for your children in the Lord is to be an “all-in” husband, or an “all-in” wife. These are the good works you are called to. These are the good works that invite you into the way of peace.

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Discipline as Genuine Love (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #5)


Grace Sensing on

INTRODUCTION

In our message last Lord’s Day, we defined what we mean by the word discipline. Our subject this week is “discipline as genuine love,” and so it is important to begin with a definition of love. What does it mean to love God, and what does it mean to love our neighbor? These are the two great commandments, and so we should know what they summon us to.

To love someone is to treat someone lawfully from the heart. To love God is to do what He calls us to do, and to do it from the heart. Nowhere does Scripture identify love with our emotional “feels,” that approach being an error that is currently destroying millions. At the same time, we are called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Dt. 6:4-9; Mark 12:30), and this would certainly include our “feels.” But this simply means that our emotions must be obedient, along with the rest of our being. But obeying commands is not the same thing as issuing commands. 

So loving God means doing what He says to do, from the heart. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). And His commandments include bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition, applying physical correction when necessary, and providing loving instruction all the time. 

THE TEXT

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). 

“And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, my son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:5–10). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Words like love and hate are to be defined by the Scriptures, and not by our emotional frame of mind. There are sentiments that we would call kind, or loving, or tender, but which are toxic by the standard of the Word. A man might mix up a batch of cyanide or arsenic, and it does not much matter how much emotional sugar was put into the recipe.

And so Proverbs defines hatred of a son—a form of disowning a son—as withholding the rod. But when we think of all the people who withhold this form of correction, what is it that motivates them? Is it what we normally call “hate?” No, it would be what we would normally call sentimentalism or, in its true colors, hatred.

The Hebrews passage teaches us something similar. One of our assurances of our adoption as sons is the fact that God chastens us. He doesn’t spank the neighbor kids, but rather His own (vv. 5-6). We should endure chastening, knowing it to be a mark of sonship (v. 7). If you don’t receive this kind of correction, then that is a sign that you are a bastard, and no legitimate heir (v. 8). If we revere our earthly fathers who do this, then how much more should we do the same with the Father of spirits (v. 9)? Our earthly fathers did it with temporal goals in view, but God has our holiness in mind (v. 10). Notice that while the goals may differ, the process of discipline is the same. 

THE COLD CONCRETE OF COVENANT

The illustration here is aimed at the relationship between parents and children, but it actually applies to all your relationships. But settle it in your minds first with regard to your marriage, and the children God has blessed you with. 

You build your household the same way you build a house. Go down into your basement and look at the concrete walls. They are hard, cold, straight, and gray. There is no warmth to them at all. And because there is no warmth there, it is possible to have warmth elsewhere. Now go upstairs and look at the living room—pillows on the sofa, curtains, soft carpet, pictures on the wall. The surroundings there are truly pleasant. But the only reason anything is pleasant is because the concrete is where the concrete is, and the living room stuff is in the living room. Roll up the carpet, gather the cushions, throw on the sofa, and try to erect a stud wall on it. It will be the wobbliest thing in the world, and this explains why your family interactions are so full of so much unedifying drama. 

THE GREATEST ACT OF LOVE

What was the greatest act of love ever rendered by a human being? The answer to that question has to be the love that Christ showed for us when He laid down His life as a sacrifice for sin—doing this when we were still in rebellion, still in our sins. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). This was the greatest act of love ever, and it is the template for measuring every other act of love (Eph. 5:25) .

And yet, Christ didn’t feel like it. “Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). And on the basis of what He felt, He prayed earnestly in the Garden of Gethsemene—asking His Father three times if the cup could pass from Him. “And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words” (Matthew 26:44). And so He obeyed the will of His Father, from the heart, and He did so for the joy that was set before Him. The joy was not behind Him, pushing, but there before Him, beckoning—the way a field of grain beckons a farmer doing the hard work of plowing the field months before (Heb. 12:11).

“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not” (1 John 3:1). 

The love we experience in our salvation is a triune love. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son (John 3:16). Everything the Son sees the Father doing, He also does, love included. “As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love” (John 15:9). And the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5). The persons of the Godhead always work together in harmonious unity. 

So there was love in the assignment of the mission, there was love in the execution of the mission, and love in the application of the mission. It began with love, and it ends with love, but there was agony in the middle. Our Savior was no sentimentalist, and neither should you be.

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Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #1

Grace Sensing on

INTRODUCTION

Over the years I have preached on marriage, and family, and child-rearing any number of times. Seeing that I am about to do it again, I need to begin by noting the way this series will overlap with the others, but also to point out a significant way that it will differ. Some of the basic principles remain constant, of course, and to refresh your thinking concerning those principles, there are a number of our books available, and recordings of previous series. 

But this series of messages is going to be dwelling on biblical child rearing as a profoundly countercultural thing. What does it mean to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in a generation that is profoundly hostile to any such endeavor? That worldly hostility is expressed in countless ways—from overt persecution to surreptitious lying, and from surreptitious lying to online seduction and subversion. 

THE TEXT

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15). 

“Withhold not correction from the child: For if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13–14). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

We have two texts before us. The first says that folly is intrinsic to the heart of a child, but the situation is not irremediable (Prov. 22:15). The folly that is closely bound there in the heart of the child can be driven far away from him by means of the rod. This is a rod of correction, meaning that there are things there that must be put right. This does not mean that “beating your kid” is equivalent to gospel. The rod must be applied in context, within the framework of everything Scripture teaches us. 

This leads to the second text. Because this is the case, because folly is inborn, a father should make sure not to withhold correction from his child (Prov. 23:15). The word there refers to a lad, or boy. If the father uses the rod judiciously, his son will not die, sound effects notwithstanding. If the son is beaten with the rod, he will be thereby delivered from Sheol (Prov. 23:14). This short-term pain is a long term kindness.  

ROOT ASSUMPTIONS

Our first glance at these passages is informative, as far as it goes. We can see that the Scriptures are fully supportive of corporal punishment in child rearing. Those who object to every form of spanking “as abusive” are plainly at variance with the Word of God. We will see later that “gentle parenting” is anything but. But my interest here is not to parse the passages with a pro-spanking/anti-spanking debate in mind. What we need to look at first is the apparent callused toughness behind what the passages are saying. There is a different world there, and that is what we must get back to first. 

Children do not begin at a neutral place, and they do not start out their days from some innocent space. As my father used to say, with great affection, babies are “little bundles of sin.” All that is necessary for the sinning to start is the requisite muscle strength and intelligence. Once they have that, their career in sinning starts. The apostle Paul tells us that all of us are “by nature” objects of wrath (Eph. 2:3). We are, all of us, sinners by nature. Is a child in the cradle a walker? Yes, in that he belongs to a race of walkers, but no, in that he has not yet taken his first step. Is the child in the bucket a talker? Yes, in that he is a talker by nature, but no, in that he has not yet spoken his first word. In an analogous way, we are all participants in Adam’s rebellion from the very first instant of our conception. By nature, we are sinners—bad to the bone. And the fact that the parents have not yet seen their sweet baby smoking cigarettes or pounding shots in the crib does not signify anything.

Biblical child rearing begins with answering one question accurately. That question is what is man? The answer is that we were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), male and female, and that subsequent to that creation we were estranged from our Creator through the rebellion of our first parents (Gen. 3:6). As a result, we are all entailed in Adam’s sin. The task of child rearing is therefore the same as the task of presenting the gospel to an unbeliever. What is that task? It is that of finding our way back.

Now someone is going to say that our children are baptized, are they not? They are being treated as members of the new covenant community, are they not? Yes, of course. But what do we ask parents when we baptize an infant? What is the first question? “Do you acknowledge your children’s need of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, and the renewing grace of the Holy Spirit?” The promise to bring children up in the covenant surely includes the need to instruct children in the terms of the covenant. Remember that Romans 1 teaches us that pagans outside the covenant are big fat sinners, Romans 2 teaches us that the Jews inside the covenant are big fat sinners, and Romans 3 teaches us that they are both the same kind of big fat sinners. Your children must therefore be taught the central covenantal duty of looking to Christ.  

NO NEED FOR SIN LESSONS

So what does all of this mean? Even assuming genuine love for Christ, when the world and the devil come after your kid, they will find that your child’s flesh still wants to serve as a welcoming committee. We are accustomed to speak of childhood innocence, but we must be careful to define our terms. A child is innocent, in the sense that he is immature and inexperienced in sin, as well as in everything else. But this is a relative innocence, not the innocence of an unfallen angel. It is not necessary for you to bring in any tutors to make sure your kids learn how to sin. They have all of that down already. You must have piano lessons, or driving lessons, or cooking lessons, yes. But sin lessons are never needed. There are degrees of corruption that require instruction, but the baseline for all of it is a given.

HARD TRUTH, SOFT HEARTS

It all comes down to our fundamental assumptions about human nature. Do you believe in innate human goodness? Then in that case, you are a Pelagian, and this is going to skew everything about your child rearing. Such soft, flattering words will result in hard hearts. The sinful heart needs a jack hammer, not a feather duster. One of the results of such an assumption is that your home will be a place without gospel, without forgiveness, without grace. 

But do you believe in human depravity? Then you are living in a world where the good news of the gospel will make some sort of sense. Is your home a collection of sinners, saved by real grace? Or is there a tendency to just say that because it is orthodox?

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Christian Conversation (Troy)

Grace Sensing on

SERMON TEXT

Proverbs 12:18

INTRODUCTION

As human beings there are many things that differentiate us from the animals. First and foremost, we are made in the image of god. Our penchant for creativity and our desire to invent is derived from this. We make things, design things, prototype things, tweak, bend, and reassess. And we end up with something on our work bench or computer screen or cast iron skillet that didn’t exist the day before. We have flesh like the animals, but we also have a soul. We have been given a conscience, and an innate sense of our place in the universe. And I also think that most men are aware that our purpose in this life has something to do with each other. 

PART I – NEGATIVE TENDENCIES IN CONVERSATION

  1. Complaining

Whether you go to school, work in a corporate environment, own your own business, or you’re a stay at home wife, you can always find common ground in a conversation by complaining about something or someone. Relating to one another is fundamental to relationships. We want people to celebrate our successes, empathize with our struggles, and feel sorry for our losses. But we as human beings are inclined to focus on the negative. 

  1. Corrupt Speech

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.” I don’t think we as Christians have much difficulty discerning what is wholesome and what is unwholesome in our speech. The difficulty is restraining the tongue in the first place. For most people the latency between saying something stupid and realizing it was stupid is low. How we all wish we had the ability to instantly retract a statement said in haste. In many cases, saying nothing at all would be an improvement. 

  1. Gossip

Proverbs 20:19 says, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” The ESV puts it this way, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” Walter Winchell once said, “Gossip is the art of saying nothing, in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.” Again, there is subtlety here. God isn’t placing a cap on the amount of words we can use in a single day. Some people talk more, some people talk less. And talking about a person when they are not there is not inherently sinful either. The content of what we say is the issue. Does the information spread stop with you? Or, are you ground zero?

PART II – POSITIVE INTERSPERSIONS 

  1. Listen and Build Up

We are to say only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. If our tongue has a tendency to be divisive, cutting, disrespectful, or full of lies, then getting it to do the opposite, encourage, complement, assist, inspire, teach. This is going to be an enormous undertaking, that will require discipline, hard work, rigor, restraint and most of all prayer. As much as we would like to saddle a wild horse and ride into the sunset, the reality is, it’s not going to co-operate until we take the time to break the horse.

  1. Season with Salt

Matthew Henry said, “We are to make our conversation savory and palatable to others, so that it may be profitable to them.” We’ve all known the argumentative person who uses browbeating as a conversational cudgel. We know what it’s like to speak to someone who has no patience or is forceful. And if we don’t like it, what makes us think that the unbeliever will be attracted to it? We must be kind and gentle and loving.

  1. Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen

Ecclesiastes 5 says, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.” And from Proverbs 10, “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” And from James 1, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Whatever your opinions are about Elon Musk, It cannot be denied that he is a dynamic figure on the world stage. One thing that I’ve noticed about him, is that when he is questioned in an interview, he often will not respond right away. Sometimes the pause is so long that it’s a bit awkward. But the silence communicates a few things. It says, “I’m thinking about your question. I’m thinking about the best way to phrase my answer, I’m thinking about the implications of my answer, and I’m more concerned about giving your question the attention it deserves than I am about not appearing socially awkward.

  1. Address Each Other with Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs

I commend to you the practice of memorizing scripture, but I am also quite happy to say the obvious, some verses we should prioritize. I’m not saying don’t memorize Nehemiah, it’s the word of God too, but Paul specifically says, “Address one another with these songs.”

  1. Be Gentle

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” If you were to ask a Christian, “Who do you love the most?” The answer would be, “My wife, husband, my children, my parents.” And yet, the most vitriolic statements of anger and rage are often reserved for these relationships, the people you love the most.

CONCLUSION

As we draw to a close, I’d like to encourage you in one more aspect of Christian conversation. And that is, to initiate a conversation. There are families that are new to the area. Let’s reach out and make them feel welcome. Some of them have no family nearby. There was a time when we first moved here to Troy, there was no one out here and we went through periods of loneliness. We had no family and didn’t know anyone. If we went through it, maybe somebody else is going through it. If we see a new face on Sunday morning, let’s be sure to greet them. Send texts to your friends. Ask them how they’re doing. Let them know you’re praying for them. Call your mother. Facetime your sister. If you say you’re going to call someone back, do it. If you say you’ll text someone later, keep your word.

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