Lindsey GardnerIntroduction
The oil of gladness that keeps the engine of fellowship running smoothly is forgiveness. The forgiveness of God in Christ is what motivates the forgiveness we extent to one another, as well as all the kindness and compassion.
Scripture is abundantly clear that those who call themselves Christians who will not forgive those who have wronged them, cannot be forgiven by God (e.g. Mt. 23ff). We pray this regularly: “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This is not a “works righteousness,” as though we are trying to earn God’s forgiveness. It is rather the natural overflow of receiving God’s complete forgiveness.
The Text: “… Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:29-32).
Summary of the Text
Going back to the creation of the world, words (and therefore attitudes) are powerful: God created the universe with His Word, and since people are made in the image of God, our words and thoughts have the power to build up or tear down (Eph. 4:29). The Spirit hovered over creation in the beginning and filled the builders and craftsmen of the tabernacle (e.g. Ex. 31:3ff), and ungracious speech grieves Him (Eph. 4:30). Corrupt and destructive words flow out of bitterness, wrath, and anger (Eph. 4:31). Our ministry of grace and edification is to be full of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, all because the Father has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32). Just as the Father is building His Church into a temple by His Spirit, the Spirit is working in and through His people to build generational families that reflect His glory.
As You Have Been Forgiven
How does the Father forgive His people?
“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him” (Ps. 103:12-13).
“I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins” (Is. 43:25).
“Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? He retaineth not his anger forever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; and Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (Mic. 7:18-19).
“In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace” (Eph. 1:7).
“To Him give all the prophets witness, that through His name whosoever believeth in Him shall receive remission of sins” (Acts 10:43).
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9).
Forgiveness is a Promise
Forgiveness is a promise not a feeling. This is the basis of God’s forgiveness: His covenant promises of forgiveness are sealed in the blood of Jesus. If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you are making your feelings the standard and bitterness can often develop. But all human forgiveness is simply agreeing that the blood of Jesus was shed for that sin and promising to consider it paid for.
This is why it is important to confess your sins to God first and receive His forgiveness before going to your neighbor. Your neighbor is not actually taking away your sin (only God can do that). Sometimes a confession is trying to get out of a mere human what only God can do. This is the difference between “getting something off your chest” and reconciliation.
This is also why it is a high-handed blasphemy to refuse to forgive your neighbor; it is insisting that the blood of Jesus is not good enough.
In a healthy family, the words “please forgive me” should be relatively common to hear, followed quickly by the promise: “I forgive you.” And Jesus insists that we must forgive seventy times seven for the same offense (Mt. 18:21-22). This is part of being compassionate and tender-hearted. If you are honest with your own heart, you know the way sin and evil creeps in. You know how much you have been forgiven. As Jesus says, whoever is forgiven little will love very little, but whoever knows they have been forgiven much, will love much (Lk. 7:47).
And wherever forgiveness has not yet been asked for, you ought to have forgiveness waiting and ready for them. As far as it depends upon you, there should be grace in your hearts.
Applications
Generational Grace: “Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation” (Ex. 34:7).
One of the ways we need to practice generational mercy is upstream as well as downstream. This means parents need to make sure they are not harboring any bitterness or resentment toward their own parents or anyone. As you forgive those who have sinned against you, you are passing down mercy rather than guilt to your own children and grandchildren.
Practice Restoration: Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). This is what we call “keeping short accounts.” As soon as sin happens, we want to be dealing with it as quickly as it happened (just like other spills and messes). Don’t let dark clouds hover over your kids (e.g. time outs, grounding, etc.). When discipline has occurred, make sure sin is confessed, forgiveness is extended, and fellowship is fully restored.
Sometimes you’ve practiced bitterness (or guilt), and those thoughts and feelings keep coming back. So have your gospel tennis racket ready to bat them away: Christ died for that. And in place of those old thoughts and words, put on gratitude, compassion, and kindness. Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely… meditate on those things, with the smiling pleasure of your Father at the center of all of it.