At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Proverbs 21:19

Rather than live with a woman who refuses to be a sweetheart, a man would prefer to go live in the howling wilderness, and to deal with whatever he finds there.

There are two important things we can gather from this, but before getting to that, let us say something else first by way of qualification. I know that there are many wives who might get their hackles up over a proverb like this, and they might want to say that living with a contentious and angry man is not exactly a picnic either. This is exactly right, but even to raise the question reveals one of the more common errors of our generation. This proverb is not a slam against women or wives, but rather a rebuke of those women who are hard to deal with. It is not a claim that women generally are hard to deal with, and that the men are just great. Rather it is an acknowledgement that women can sin, and that it is very destructive when they sin in this way. It is a statement that women who sin are women who sin. You can’t say everything in every proverb, and there are plenty of other places in the book of Proverbs that itemize the foolish things that men do. Nevertheless, this one is about carping women.

So what can we glean from this proverb? The first thing is the importance of peace in the home. Not only so, but we see how important the peace of the home is to men. Men, taken as a class, want to stay out of conflict with their wives. They (usually) hate it. Rather than lead their wives and families the way they were instructed to do, they would rather retreat . . . to man caves, to hunting trips (in the wilderness), to poker night with the boys. Spending time with friends occasionally is of course just fine, but getting away from home is a problem.

The second thing is the nature of the problem. When you are in a wilderness, you can pitch a tent. You can build a fire. You can build an igloo. Even in a wilderness, it is possible to carve out a cozy spot. That cozy spot is in a wilderness, but it can still be a cozy spot. But when a man is dealing with a contentious and angry woman, there is no cozy spot. She is right in there with you. Unlike when you are in the wilderness, there is no place to go.

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At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)

An high look, and a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked, is sin.

Proverbs 21:4

This proverb cuts to the heart of all ethical evaluations. The rightness or wrongness of any particular act cannot really be measured from the outside in. In other words, an action might be innocent in itself, that is to say, unobjectionable as a discrete action, and yet be evil for two reasons—because of its context and because of its intent.

This proverb is talking about intent, as identified by the first half of the proverb. A high or haughty look demonstrates a snooty or supercilious spirit, and a proud heart is, well, proud. Arrogant. Conceited. Puffed up. These attitudes contaminate an otherwise unobjectionable action, which would be the plowing. Plowing in itself is good, honest work, and it is commended in Scripture over against sleeping in, or watching television all day. 

But when someone plows all day because of envious competition with an older brother, or because a lust for riches has him by the throat, or because the owner of the field left the country for a couple of years and his neighbor thought to steal a crop or two from him, then the intent is all wrong, and contaminates this otherwise honest work.

The last example shows how bad intent can drive otherwise honest work into the context of sin. Because his intent was to get the produce off land that was not his, he wound up stealing from his neighbor.

High morale for a crew is a good thing in itself, but not on a pirate ship. Skilled seamanship is a good thing, not with a pirate crew. Dauntless courage is a good thing, but not when you are a pirate. 

And a moment’s reflection should reveal that the only thing that can drive good actions into bad contexts would be the self-willed nature of sin and pride.

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At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)

It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: But every fool will be meddling.

Proverbs 20:3

There is a principle here that has applications in multiple directions. We necessarily look out at the world with our own eyes, and cannot do anything differently. We must look at the world through our own eyes. That’s why God gave them to us.

Problems arise when we do not recognize the limitations involved. Problems arise when we do not realize the need that we all have to see the back of our head. And that requires reliance on the wisdom of Scripture (which is a looking glass—Jas. 1:23), and the fellowship of the saints, who can help you see things that you can’t see (Matt. 7:1-5). In order for this process to work rightly, we all must recognize that we all have the propensity to the disobedience of looking out for our own interests. “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4). Paul reminds the Philippians that Timothy was not like that (Phil.2:20-21). This is basic Golden Rule stuff. You can’t obey the Golden Rule if you don’t know how to step into someone else’s way of looking at the world. 

In this proverb, the buyer doesn’t see how hypocritical he is being. When he is negotiating the purchase with the seller, all he can talk about is what a bag of rags the object is, and how it is astonishing that he, a sophisticated shopper, would even deign to look at such garbage. Then, having bought it, and when he is safely around the corner, he wants everyone to know that he clearly knows how to spot value. In short, he is talking in contradictory ways, and does not see how two-faced he is being.

It all depends upon which side of the bread the butter is on. It all depends on whose ox is being gored. The greenness of the grass depends on which side of the fence you are on. We have many ways of pointing at this phenomenon. Upton Sinclair captured the problem when he said, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

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At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)

It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: But every fool will be meddling.

Proverbs 20:3

A lot of wisdom is crammed into this short proverb. First we are told that walking away from a fight can be honorable. The reason many men quarrel or fight or contend is that they believe that it is necessarily dishonorable not to. They think that a masculine response has to confront every insult or slight, and yet we are told here that it can be honorable to just walk away.

We are taught this elsewhere in Proverbs.

“The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.” (Proverbs 12:16, ESV).

The AV has “covereth shame” here, meaning that the prudent man is carrying the shame of the man who insults. The insulting one is the shamed one. He disgraces himself by his behavior, and the prudent man overlooks it.

At the same time, there are times when a man’s office and responsibility are all tied up in the insult, and when that happens, a prudent man draws a firm line. “These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee” (Titus 2:15).

There is a stark difference between running away from a conflict like a coward, and stepping away from a conflict like a judicious Christian man. It is our responsibility to know and practice the different. There is a difference between getting beat up and turning the other cheek, in other words.

The second half of the proverb is also instructive. While it is honorable for a man to step away from strife, there is another kind of man who meddles. He is a fool. He doesn’t have strife on his hands yet, but he is going to in a minute. 

The wise man knows what makes strife go away, and the fool does not know what makes it come.

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At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: And he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

Proverbs 17:28

We have a proverb in English that points in the same general direction as this one. “It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.”

The principle is that silence can be constructive and helpful. Notice that this proverb says that the silent fool can be “spotted” some wisdom. Not every fool looks like a fool. We can be credited with wisdom and understanding that we don’t actually have if we only have sense enough to keep quiet.

Moreover it is hard to learn while you are talking. It is difficult to observe what other people are doing, or how they are reacting, when you are trying to think of what you were going to say next. 

Even a fool, when he is quiet, can be credited with wisdom, and he might even learn something in the meantime. 

Because folly is bound up in the heart of a child (Prov. 22:15), this is one of the reasons why children need to be taught the discipline of silence in company. Sometimes the parents of a verbally precocious child take more pleasure from that fact than they ought to. Where words are many, sin is not absent (Prov. 10:19), and consequently it is not wise to allow someone who is not yet wise simply to chatter on.

Even a child might be thought wise if he knows enough to keep quiet. And unlike the thoroughbred fool, his folly is not a permanent condition, which means that as he keeps his silence, he can learn to observe what is going on. And by means of that observation, he is in a position to learn wisdom.

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