Christ Church

Under the Mercy

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The Text

17 And the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying, 18 Arise, go down to meet Ahab king of Israel, which is in Samaria: behold, he is in the vineyard of Naboth, whither he is gone down to possess it.19 And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the Lord, Hast thou killed, and also taken possession? And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the Lord, In the place where dogs licked the blood of Naboth shall dogs lick thy blood, even thine.20 And Ahab said to Elijah, Hast thou found me, O mine enemy? And he answered, I have found thee: because thou hast sold thyself to work evil in the sight of the Lord.21 Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,22 And will make thine house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the provocation wherewith thou hast provoked me to anger, and made Israel to sin.23 And of Jezebel also spake the Lord, saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel.24 Him that dieth of Ahab in the city the dogs shall eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat.25 But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.26 And he did very abominably in following idols, according to all things as did the Amorites, whom the Lord cast out before the children of Israel.27 And it came to pass, when Ahab heard those words, that he rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his flesh, and fasted, and lay in sackcloth, and went softly.28 And the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,29 Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his days: but in his son’s days will I bring the evil upon his house. 1 Kings 21:17-29

Introduction

There was no one like Ahab, who sold himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, committing abominations, following idols, and stirred up to great evil by his wife Jezebel. And yet when Ahab humbled himself before the Lord, the Lord relented from the immediate judgment he had promised. This story reminds us that God’s merciful kindness is great.

Summary of the Text

Getting a running start, remember that we first met Ahab in 1 Kings 16 when he became King of the northern kingdom of Israel (Samaria), and we are told that Ahab did more to provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel that were before him (1 Kgs. 16:33). Under Ahab’s reign Jericho was rebuilt, with the foundations dedicated in the blood of two sons (16:34). Recall the animosity of Ahab for Elijah, beginning with Elijah’s announcement of a severe drought on the land (17:1), followed by the great showdown between Ahab’s prophets of Baal and Elijah three years later (18:17-46), and the great manhunt for Elijah forcing him into exile in the wilderness (19:1-21). Just before our text, Ahab has displayed manic-like bouts of rage and depression, where the Lord gave great military victories, but Ahab failed to deliver a crushing blow and he went home to his house in a furious displeasure (1 Kgs. 20:43). Following this, Ahab tried to buy Naboth’s vineyard, but failing that he once again throws a royal fit on his bed (21:4). And it is after his wife, Jezebel, has orchestrated the lynching of Naboth that our text picks up with the Lord instructing Elijah to go to Ahab and pronounce His sentence of the utter destruction of his family (1 Kgs. 21:17-24). The narrator once again reminds us (as if we needed reminding) that there was none like Ahab who did wickedness in the sight of the Lord (21:25-26). But when Ahab tears his clothes, puts on sackcloth, fasts, and goes about in humility, the Lord takes notice and tells Elijah that Ahab has humbled himself and therefore the judgment will be postponed (21:27-28).

Arise and Go Down to Meet Ahab

This whole story really is astounding. First off, put yourself in Elijah’s shoes. Ahab had married Jezebel – daughter of the king of the Sidonians and champion of Baal worship (1 Kgs. 16:31). Remember all the prophets murdered, and all the prophets still hiding from Ahab and Jezebel (1 Kgs. 18:13). Remember Jezebel’s oath to kill Elijah and him running for his life (1 Kgs. 19:2-3). Remember Elijah’s exhaustion and deep discouragement after the Mt. Carmel showdown (1 Kgs. 19:10). Remember how so many in Israel had turned away from God (1 Kgs. 19:14). Remember Ahab’s awful attitude (1 Kgs. 20:43, 21:4). Remember Jezebel’s plotting and Naboth’s murder – and think of Naboth’s family. The assignment of going to Ahab yet again to announce God’s judgment would have been very hard. What good would it do? Why tell him of his wickedness again? There was no one who had sold himself to work more wickedness in the sight of the Lord than Ahab (1 Kgs. 21:25). Even Ahab’s initial greeting is utterly disheartening and dripping with hatred: “Hast thou found me, O mine enemy?” (1 Kgs. 21:20). Are there people in this world, in your life that seem to be in the same category? Could they be more hard-hearted? Could they be more antagonistic? Could they be more of an enemy? Is there something in you that says, Why bother? What good will it do?

Bright Light for a Dark World

Part of our problem is that we have been fed the lie that we must choose between law and grace, high standards and mercy. But that is the one thing, as Christians, we must notdo. There is no radical grace apart from the law establishing our pitch-black guilt, and there is no pure mercy apart from the high standards we have utterly failed. “Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other” (Ps. 85:10). “Grace, mercy, and peace be with you from God the Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love” (2 Jn. 1:3). Mercy and truth, righteousness and grace can only be rightly held together in Jesus Christ. Otherwise, well-meaning people will veer between crushing legalism and sentimental licentiousness. We will swerve between pure condemnation and pliable accommodation. But this means that every refusal to hold mercy and truth together is a rejection of Jesus.

This is why we insist on proclaiming the horror of sin in all of its hideousness because Jesus was crucified for our hideous sin. “But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up. And he did abominably in following idols…” (1 Kgs. 21:25-26). The message from Elijah was not sugar-coated; it was direct and harsh in its delivery (1 Kgs. 21:20-23). The point of this is not to encourage you to deliver this exact message to every pro-abort person in your family, office, or Facebook feed. The point is simply that we must name sin biblically – hatred, adultery, murder, lust, idolatry, prostitution, abomination, vile affections, perversion, unnatural affection, shameful. All our excuses, all our blaming, all of our “victimologies” and rapidly multiplying “intersectionalities” of victimhood are attempts to lighten certain sins, and this is fundamentally an attack on grace, an attempt to rob the world of God’s merciful kindness. We name sin in all of its hideousness because Jesus endured the hideousness of the cross. We proclaim the darkness of sin so that the light of complete forgiveness might shine on every man. We speak the truth in this love (Eph. 4:15).

For His Merciful Kindness is Great

“This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting” (1 Tim. 1:15-16). So the first application is straightforward: What have you done? What have you thought? What have you said? What have you looked at? What have you failed to do? Do you think you are beyond the reach of God’s mercy? Do you think that it is so dark, so disgusting, so shameful that God cannot have anything to do with it? But the Bible is the story of God’s grace. This is why we should love the genealogies. Long lists of sinners, mostly unknown to us, belovedto their God. The only difference between the saved and the damned is pride. The saved were not better people, the damned were not worse. The saved humbled themselves, cast themselves on God’s mercy, but the damned refuse His offer. If God notices the fleeting, desperate humility of Ahab will he not notice you when you call out to Him? If God saved Paul to show forth all longsuffering, then this was a pattern for you.

But all of this is also for the world. What is your attitude toward the other Ahabs and Jezebels of this world? Do you hate sin because you love grace? Are you eagerfor their forgiveness?

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What It Means to be Forgiven

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Introduction

When we are forgiven for our sins, there are two aspects to it. First we are delivered, definitively, all at once, from the penalty of sin. You need to think of this as though the angel of the Lord Himself was appointed as the foreman of your jury, and he entered the heavenly courtroom and read out the verdict. Pointing to the altar where Jesus sprinkled His own blood, he says, in a bright clear voice that the whole cosmos hears, “not guilty.” This is forgiveness proper.

But we are also delivered from the power of sin. There is a stark break with what might be called reigning sin (Gal. 5:24), which is followed by a progressive and unrelenting campaign against all remaining sin (Col. 3:5; Rom. 8:13).

The Text

Hear the word of the Lord, ye rulers of Sodom; give ear unto the law of our God, ye people of Gomorrah. To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord: I am full of the burnt offerings of rams, and the fat of fed beasts; and I delight not in the blood of bullocks, or of lambs, or of he goats. When ye come to appear before me, who hath required this at your hand, to tread my courts? Bring no more vain oblations; incense is an abomination unto me; the new moons and sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting. Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them. And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lordhath spoken it (Is. 1:10-20).

Summary of the Text

The message I have entrusted to deliver to you is a message of free grace, radical grace, nothing but grace. The message of the cross of Jesus, and the resurrection of the Christ, is a message of everlasting and undeserved kindness. That being the case, and because our thought processes are so corrupted by sin, we have a hard time getting our minds around what God is offering us.

Either we say that God is the only lifeguard, and so He must be saving us from drowning by leaving us on the bottom of the pool, or we acknowledge that we must be saved from drowning by getting out of the pool, and concluding that we must by our own efforts help the lifeguard to save us. Being saved by grace means being saved by grace from sin (Rom. 6:14). Being under law means being under condemnation for those sins that have you in bondage. Being under grace means you are liberated from that.

Consider how the prophet Isaiah presents this glorious reality. First, he addresses the Jews under the figure of Sodom and Gomorrah (v. 10). He asks the first what their intentions were in bringing Him sacrifices (v. 11). He asks them (sarcastically) who required you to show up here in my courts (v. 12). He tells them to pack up all their liturgical gear, and get out (v. 13). Solemn meetings and iniquity do not go together. God hates their religiosity (v. 14). When they spread out their hands in a pious gesture, God turns away. Their hands are covered with blood (v. 15). Repent, turn away, learn a different way (vv. 16-17). And then comes the glorious promise—a promise that only God could fulfill (v. 18). God makes them a most reasonable offer. Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. Though their sins be like crimson, they shall be like wool. The sins are blood red; the salvation is blood red; the forgiveness is pure white.

If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good of the land (v. 19). If you are stubborn and kick, then you will be destroyed (v. 20).

Forgiven Means Forgiving

A sheep bleats because it is a sheep. But you don’t become a sheep bybleating. An apple tree produces apples because it is an apple tree. But a bramble bush can’t become an apple tree bygrowing apples. A person rescued from the bottom of the pool will be dried off, but we don’t hand him a towel on the bottom of the pool.

And forgiven people forgive. That is just what happens.

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even asGod for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

This is how absolute forgiveness is simultaneously absolute grace, free grace, and at the same time is morally rigorous. This is because God does not just give us cleansing from the defilement of sin, but also from the power of sin to defile. He gives us more, not less.

What It Is Like

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord” (Is. 54:17).

“I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressionsfor mine own sake, and will not rememberthy sins. Put me in remembrance: let us plead together: Declare thou, that thou mayest be justified” (Is. 43:25–26).

“Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, And passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? He retaineth not his anger for ever, Because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; And thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:18–19).

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressionsfrom us” (Ps. 103:12).

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Word and Spirit, Spirit and Word

Ben Zornes on

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Introduction:
Last week we marked Ascension Sunday, the crown of the objective gospel. When we point to the objective gospel, we are talking about those elements of the gospel that would have been true had you or I never been born. But an objective gospel by itself saves no man—there has to be application. And when we are talking about application, we are talking about the two great elements of Pentecost, which are the Spirit and the Word.

The Text:
“That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ. In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory” (Eph. 1:12–14).

Summary of the Text:
There are too many blessings crammed into the first chapter of Ephesians to be able to deal with them adequately. But suffice it to say that God has blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ (v. 3). This includes election (v. 4), and predestination to our adoption as sons (v. 5). This is a purpose that lines up with His good purpose and will (v. 5). Our salvation results in praise for the glory of His grace (v. 6). We have redemption in accordance with His riches, not in accordance with our poverty (v. 7). In this God abounds toward us (v. 8), delighting to reveal the mystery of His will (v. 9). The point is the unification and unity of all things everywhere (v. 10). We were predestined to be included in all of this (v. 11), those believing first being to the praise of His glory (v. 12). And what is the catalyst that makes all of this take shape in the world? Hearing the word of truth, the gospel of our salvation, and trusting (v. 13). Having trusted, we are sealed by the Holy Spirit of God, which is the earnest of our inheritance (v. 14).

Higher Than I:
In order for us to be saved from our sins, there has to be a transcendent and immovable place that is extra nos, outside of us. Lead me, the psalmist cries, to a rock that is higher than I (Ps. 61:2). We live in a therapeutic age, where everyone wants deliverance to be whatever happens when drowning sinners clutch at each other.

And so it is. Your salvation is anchored outside human history entirely. It is fastened to the eternal counsels of God, counsels that settled on you and your salvation before the first atom was created. It is not bolted to the good pleasure of God—that would not be secure enough. It is the good pleasure of God.

There are two halves of realized salvation—the objective message, which is about Jesus, His birth, perfect life, spotless sacrifice, silent burial, explosive resurrection, and glorious coronation. That is gospel. Jesus is Lord. But what is that to you? How does it engage? What is it that causes it to plug into a sinner’s life and there to begin its transformative work?
“Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain” (1 Cor. 15:1–2).
In this place, Paul begins by noting the subjective response, and then goes on to declare the objective elements of objective gospel—death, burial, resurrection.

In This Room:
The work of the Father was before all worlds. The work of the Son was outside Jerusalem, two thousand years ago. The work of the Spirit is here and now, in this room. The Spirit’s work in all of this began on the day of Pentecost, when the Spirit was poured out in Jerusalem, and the words about Christ were preached in the streets of Jerusalem. Keep in mind what God is doing—He is saving the world. The earth will be as full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. Two thousand years ago, the Spirit was poured out in the streets of the city of man, and the gutters have been wet ever since. Some places we are already ankle deep, but oceanic glory is coming. Are you trying to avoid it? What are you going to do, stand on your chair?

So Put Out Your Hand:
This gospel reality exists independently of you. But you are summoned. You are invited. You are called. The gospel is objective forgiveness that God would place in your hand. What are you called to do? You are called to extend your hand, palm up. That is faith, and faith is the sole instrument for receiving the blessings of the gospel.

Do not dispute. Do not wrangle. Do not carp at words. Just extend your hand. Do not imitate those amateur high Calvinists who claim they cannot extend their hand. In defense of the prerogatives of the Potter, they tell the Potter not to tell them what to do.

The Praise of His Glory:
When grimy sinners are cleansed, all the glory goes to God. Philosophy can’t do this. Renewal projects cannot do it. Legislation cannot fix it. What can restore a drunk and drug addict? What can free men and women from the chains of lust? What can liberate us from churchy self-righteousness? The answer is, of course, exactly what the old gospel song said, which is nothing but the blood of Jesus.

When a sinner is saved, the sinner gets the forgiveness and joy. But who gets the glory? Paul was at pains to emphasize this in the passage surrounding our text. What He does results in praise of the glory of His grace (v. 6). He hauled us out of the mire so that we might be to the praise of His glory (v. 12). The culmination of our salvation is to the praise of His glory (v. 14). We are talking about God’s glory, but never forget that in this context we are talking about the glory of His grace.

What could possibly glorify the glory of God? The answer is porn addicts, drunks, liars, thieves, abortionists, sodomites, gluttons, and whores. The mines of God are deep, and He brings up the most unlikely ore. But when the propitiatory smelting is done, and the Craftsman of God is finished with us in His workshop, the crown that results is true glory added to infinite glory.

 

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Decluttering Your Marriage #2

Ben Zornes on

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Introduction:
In the message last week, we addressed how the problem of how pride and a lack of self-reflection compounds the problem of cluttered relationships. In this message we are going to focus on practical steps that will help you get things picked up, and will help you keep it that way. As things stand now, you are contemplating moving to the Swiss Alps to start your own signature ministry—you could call it Debris.

The Text:
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

Summary of the Text:
The text contains an overt teaching about confession and the blessing of God. But there is also an unstated assumption about time which we can make explicit in paraphrase. “He who covers his sins for any length of time shall not prosper for that length of time. But whoever confesses and forsakes them immediately shall have mercy immediately” (Prov. 28:13).
This is one of those things that you might think goes without saying. And it does go without saying in any area where the prideful heart of man is not messing with us. Suppose you burned yourself, and a doctor gave you some ointment for the burn. He said, “Put this on.” Would you ask, “Should I start applying it next August? Or perhaps after the first of the year?” No. You got burned now, and so you put on the ointment now. Stop covering up your sins now and receive the blessed prosperity of God now.
One more thing, since we are talking about “covering sins.” Sins must be covered. It is not a bad impulse to want to cover them. They are shameful, and cry out for a covering. Our own lame efforts to cover them with lies, bluster, and moralistic furniture polish are not wrong because they cover, but rather because they don’t. The only thing that really covers sin is the blood of our great High Priest. Every other way of dealing with sin has to be done constantly, repetitively, over and again. And like the woman with that discharge in the gospels, the more the doctors treated her the worse it got. When we cover, the problem is that we can’t. But knowing the need for the covering is not the problem.

A Tale of Two Houses:
Those of you who have gone through my pre-marriage counseling have almost certainly heard this illustration. But given the nature of the world, I give it to you again with no apologies.

Imagine two families living side-by-side. They are good friends, the husbands work at the same company, they drive the same kind of minivan, and they have the same number of kids. The only visible difference between the homes is that one of them is apparently spotless and the other one is knee-deep in clutter.

Now life happens in both of them. And the kind of life that happens is at least comparable. The same number of tee-shirts get put on in the morning and taken off at night. The same number of shoes are worn. The same number of breakfast bowls are used. The difference between the two homes is not the rate at which things get dirty. The difference between the homes is the rate at which things get clean. In the clean home, the philosophy is “it must be done, so let’s do it now.” In the cluttered home, the philosophy is “let’s postpone this until it is bad enough to be thrown into the fright room.”

This is a parable. Your marriage is one of those houses. Which one is it?

Why Not Now?
The Bible tells us to confess our faults to one another (Jas. 5:16). This is something that should characterize life generally, but it is most obvious when done in the home. And when people refuse to do this in the home that is also glaringly obvious. Something just spilled. Wipe it up now. Something just go knocked over. Pick it up now. Something just got dirty. Rinse it out and put it in the dishwasher now.

What this is about is the confession of your own faults, period. You can confess other people’s sins all day long, and your joy still doesn’t come back. And if confess your own sin, but you are doing it only to “prime the pump” of their confession, and then you get mad because they didn’t take the hint, it should hardly be a news flash that you are doing it wrong. And if you wrap up a barbed accusation in the thin filmy gauze of an inadequate confession, this is also a problem. “I am sorry for being mildly annoyed at your egregious behavior just now.” When you confess, confess as though you are the only person in the history of the world who ever did anything wrong. You know theologically that this is not the case, but your emotions need the practice anyhow.

A Few Rules of Thumb:
We all need reminders to help us “do it now.” When Nancy and I were first married (or engaged, I forget), we agreed on some basic rules that would govern our behavior in this respect. And if you were to ask me for one bit of advice on marriage and one only, this is what it would be. Keep short accounts. Pay it down now. Rinse it now.

This is what you do when you get out of fellowship. And by “out of fellowship,” I mean annoyed, irritated, bent, frosted, angry, ruffled, agitated—with the barbs directed at the other. You have such an episode, the kind that we called “bumps.” And a bump is not a simple difference of opinion.

1. When you have had a bump, do not separate, do not part company.
2. When you have had a bump, do not let anybody into your home.
3. When you have had a bump, do not go into anybody else’s home.
4. When you have had a bump in the presence of others, use your pre-arranged hand signal.

Remember the Relationships:
These are not the rules that “nice” people follow. These are just simple reminders for sinners to pick up after themselves. And to constantly remember that apart from Jesus Christ, there is no way to pick up after yourself. He is the third party in your marriage relationship, and so do not treat Him as an abstract principle. What do you want the aroma of your home to be? You want people to walk in and feel like Christ is there.

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Decluttering Your Marriage #1

Ben Zornes on

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Introduction:
Many of you have been married for quite a number of years now. This can be wonderful, like aging wine, but before anyone says awwww, it can also grow seriously un-wonderful, as bad spiritual habits compound with interest. Marriages can get badly cluttered, like a neglected garage, attic, or basement. And when things get cluttered, they also get people into a position where they really don’t know what to do. Where should they start?

The Text:
“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Gal. 6:1).

Summary of the Text:
We are going to begin with this text because it lays down some important principles for the process of decluttering any relationship, but particularly your relationship with your spouse.

Say that someone else is overtaken in a fault. You see a problem over there. Who should correct it? Paul first states what the qualifications are for the one undertaking the job of correcting another. He says that the task is limited to those “which are spiritual.” If you are annoyed, bothered, frustrated, exasperated, you are the one person on the planet who may not correct the problem. And the problem is that when you are qualified, you are not motivated. And when you are motivated, you are not qualified. But say that someone is overtaken in a trespass, and suppose further that you are qualified to say something. Paul has additional cautions. The first is that you are there to administer a restoration, not a beat down. The second is that you must conduct yourself in a spirit of meekness, gentleness, and humility. The third is that you must keep one eye on yourself, remembering that you too are susceptible to temptation.

So the presenting problem is that somebody else sinned, and you might be a person who could help. If you already succumbed to temptation, you need to stay out of it. If you cannot come with restoration in your heart, stay out of it.

If you are not functioning in spirit of meekness, then stay out of it. And if you are not mindful of your own frailty in these things, then stay out of it.

Considering Yourself:
I want to begin by helping you to “consider yourself.” This is coming from four decades of marriage counseling—and I want to assure you that I have pretty much seen it all. What creates intractable marriage problems? The answer to that question is not sins, but rather one sin—the sin of pride—the opposite of the spirit of meekness. Particular sins would be things like alcohol, porn, financial irresponsibility, and so on. One of you does something wrong or foolish, you recognize it as a sin, and then work with your spouse on reconciliation and forgiveness. Things can be messy but are pretty straightforward.

But what gets your marriage stuck right up to the axles? What creates marriages that are just impossible? This feat is accomplished by means of pride. “Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?” (Eccl. 7:16). In other words, you destroy your marriage with what you think are your virtues. You don’t repent of virtues, do you? Many Christians are marital Pharisees, flatly convinced of their own righteousness and of the ungrateful unrighteousness of everybody else under the same roof, not to mention the obtuseness of the counselor who fails to recognize the evil you must contend with daily. This is a common problem in the church, and it is why Jesus used to think it was important to say crazy stuff. “Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matt. 21:31).

You call it righteous indignation, but God calls it the wrath of man. You call maternal concern, but God calls it manipulative worry. You call it prudent input, but God calls it a critical spirit. You call it decisive leadership, but God calls it financial irresponsibility. You call it theological precision, but God calls it neglecting the weightier matters of the law. But whoever repents of righteous indignation, maternal concern, prudent input, decisive leadership, or theological precision? Nobody repents of those things, which is why many pastors wish there were a counseling equivalent of SWAT teams.

How to Approach a Pile of Clutter:
Now if you are at an impasse in your relationship, then you need to recognize that your pile of clutter is almost certainly the result of two piles of clutter that merged. And if you come to the realization that you have a significant amount of unconfessed sin in your life, then—returning to our text—do not start with the other person’s pile of clutter.

If they need to be motivated, if they need to see how easy it is to do, then here’s an idea. Show them how. You’ve got your own pile. Confess your own sins. Astonish the world.

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

A Third Party
We need to realize that moralism doesn’t work in marriage any better than it works anywhere else. Moralism is a bust. High standards and traditional values are the ropes that sinners use to throttle one another. A spiritual home is a home full and overflowing with grace. And it is not possible for a marriage to be overflowing with grace unless it is overflowing with Christ.

And so Christ must be present in order for a marriage to be blessed. He need not be present for entropy to govern everything. He need not be present for your attic to fill up with useless clutter. He need not be present for pride to take over the atmosphere at the dinner table. He need not be present for conversations to grow snark and criticism the way gardens grow thistles. But He must be present for us to see all these things rightly.

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