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What is Family For? (Part 2)

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Introduction

Last week we established the cosmic significance of the family. The family is the economic center of people-production. We make people. This week we explore further what the Bible says goes into this process.

Summary of the Text

Paul commands wives to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord, just as the church does to Christ in everything (Eph. 5:22-24). Likewise, husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, imitating Christ’s love, so that their wives are washed and purified (Eph. 5:25-27). Paul presses the fact that husband and wife are one flesh, requiring that husbands nourish and cherish their wives, just as they do their own bodies, just as Christ does for Church (Eph. 5:28-31). And there is much more going on in this mystery, namely the fact that it is talking about Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). And regardless of whether we understand how that is true, husbands need to love their wives, and wives need to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33). Remember the chapter breaks were added later, and therefore, part of the mystery also includes the blessing of children and inheritance, and therefore fathers are charged with the responsibility of providing for their “nurture” and admonition in the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4). Likewise, servants are to obey their masters from the heart as servants of Christ (Eph. 6:5-8), and masters are forbidden to exercise authority by threats or partiality (Eph. 6:9).

The Postmillennial Promises

You might summarize this message as exhorting you to keep God’s promises connected to your faith and obedience in all your household dealings. And it turns out that God’s covenant promises are cosmic in scope. Paul invites us to do this explicitly when he reminds Ephesian (Gentile) children of the promise that goes with the fifth commandment: that it may go well with you and you may live long upon the earth (Eph. 6:2). Note this well: Paul says that Gentilebelievers are now heirs of the promises that were originally given to Israel. But what land is Paul talking about? Paul’s paraphrase makes it clear: the whole earth. Everything that Jesus inherited is now the Promised Land along with the final hope of all things being raised and made new.

One of the more tragic mistakes of some Bible teachers is represented by the following quotes: “Paul’s reference here [Rom. 4:13] to being ‘heir of the world’ is probably not to a temporal repossession of the world but is rather an eschatological reference… For whereas marriage and physical procreation were the necessary means of building the physical nation of Israel, the spiritual people of God are built through the process of spiritual regeneration.” But this is two half-truths that create a very unhelpful distortion. First, this mischaracterizes the Old Covenant, which was always about regeneration also. Yes, the promises were given to ethnic Israel and beganby bestowing the land of Canaan, but the true sons of Abraham were always by faith in the promises, and true Jews were always those whose hearts were circumcised by the Spirit (Dt. 10:16, 30:6, Jer. 4:4, Rom. 2:29, Gal. 3:7). And what did God promise? That by faith alone, God would bless all the families of the earth (Gen. 12:3, 28:14). And the prophets proclaim that the blessings and curses that applied to Israel will apply to all the nations when God has been established as King of all the earth (Is. 66, Zech. 14). And so secondly, God is still working through marriage and family and land in the New Covenant, even though it is all by faith, utterly depends upon the Spirit’s work of regeneration, and still looks for the resurrection.

They Ought to Marry

A related objection that is sometimes raised is that the New Covenant views marriage and singleness as equally normative options, but this is largely based on a misreading of 1 Corinthians 7 and Paul was giving instructions for the “present distress” (Cor. 7:26, 29-31) just as Jesus had warned about the distress that would befall Jerusalem when the temple was destroyed (Mt. 24:1-2, 19, 34). But otherwise, the general command of Scripture is to marry and raise children (cf. Mk. 10:6-7). And this is part of our cosmic warfare against Satan (1 Tim. 5:14-15, 1 Cor. 7:1-5).

The Ministry of Provision

You have heard before that God gives unique assignments to different authorities. The civil magistrate has been given the sword, which is authority from God to punish crimes and maintain equal weights and measures, including the protection of private property and requiring restitution (Rom. 13, Ex. 22). The church has been given the keys of the kingdom, which is authority from God to proclaim the gospel, administer the sacraments, and to exercise church discipline (Mt. 18, 1 Cor. 5). To the family, God has entrusted the ministry of health, welfare, and education. We see this requirement established in our text where Paul requires a husband to “nourish and cherish” his wife as his own body, which is literally to “feed” and “keep warm” (Eph. 5:29). Likewise, the father is required to bring up or “feed” his children with the “culture” and “counsel” of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). Add to this, Paul’s admonition to Timothy that those who do not provide for their own families are worse than unbelievers (1 Tim. 5:8), as well as his prohibition of Christians fellowshipping with those who name Christ but refuse to work for their own food (2 Thess. 3:10-14). We work from the heart for Christ our Master, without partiality or threatening (Eph. 6:5-9). This includes children caring for their elderly parents (Mk. 7:11-13).

Education, Wealth, and Inheritance

Solomon says a good man leaves an inheritance to his grandchildren (Prov. 13:22). Christian education is the process of passing down Christian wealth to the next generation. The wisdom of Christ is better than rubies, better than choice silver or gold (Prov. 8:10-11), but that wisdom is an inheritance that brings with it knowledge and understanding and the fear of the Lord and authority and power and riches and honor (Prov. 8:13-21). A Christian education is itself an inheritance of immense value, but it is also the kind of inheritance that trains you to be a good steward of far more (Lk. 19:17). So the question is not whether you will have wealth, but whether you will seek it biblically and steward it in obedience to Christ or not. Unbelieving education is oriented to the systems and values of Mammon, but Christian education teaches that all of the treasures of wisdom are found in Christ and His reproach is great wealth (Col. 2:2, Heb. 11:26).

Conclusions

A family is a powerful economy ordered according to God’s word and nature for the production of fruitful people who will live forever. We do not set at odds the physical needs, responsibilities, or fruit of our labors with our spiritual needs, responsibilities, or heavenly reward. Do not store up treasures on earth: seek first the Kingdom. And we do that by knowing Christ, laboring honestly, remaining steadfast in the Word and prayer, by marrying, bearing children, starting businesses, confessing our sins, forgiving one another, providing rigorous Christian education, caring for elderly parents, building houses, investing wisely, giving generously, looking to help others in need. It is not an accident that having exhorted households to be ordered to Christ, Paul immediately turns to our cosmic struggle against the rulers of darkness in this world (Eph. 6:10ff). We are at war, and it is only by faith that all the families of the earth will be blessed.

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Colossians as Cornerstone #5

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Introduction

After someone has called upon the Lord, and has been baptized, he blinks and looks around, and one of the things he sees is all the same people. He is forgiven, which is exhilarating, and he is in fellowship with God, which is a novelty to him, but when he goes back to work, he runs into all the same people. What are we supposed to do? We have to make particular decisions.

The Text

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons. Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven” (Col. 3:18–4:1).

Summary of the Text

So remember that the entire congregation has been exhorted to put sins to death, whether sins of the flesh or sins of the mouth. All the congregation has been urged to take off the old man, and to put on their Jesus coat. When the apostle comes to particular social relations, he is assuming that everyone he is talking to is behaving as a Christian already. This means a godly Christian can do what Paul tells husbands to do, the same with wives, and so on.

Wives are told to be submissive to their husbands, which is proper in the Lord (v. 18). Husbands are told to love their wives, and not to be bitter or resentful against them (v. 19). Children (meaning dependent children) are to be obedient to their parents in everything, which pleases the Lord (v. 20). Fathers are told not to be provocative (v. 21), and Paul warns against discouraging the kids. Slaves are commanded to do the same thing, obeying their masters in the fear of God (v. 22). Whatever task you are given, act as though the Lord Himself gave it to you, and do it heartily (v. 23). You can do this because you know that the Lord is your actual master, and His rewards will be a just inheritance (v. 24). But if a slave misbehaves in some way, then he will have to suffer the consequences (v. 25). And men in the congregation who owned slaves are commanded to remember that they too are under authority, they also have a master (4:1), and they are told to render to their slaves what is “just and equal.”

Let Onesimus Help Us Out

It is quite striking that slave owners are told to render equity to their slaves here, and Paul does not appear to intend immediate manumission by this. But liberty is very much in view, as we will see. But what Paul is doing is liberating slaves by means of the logic of the gospel, and not by means of fiery revolution.

Remember that Ephesians, Colossians and Philemon were all written at the same time, and were delivered by Tychicus (Eph. 6:21; Col. 4:7) and Onesimus (Col. 4:9). Onesimus also (presumably) delivered the letter of Philemon to his master Philemon, which means that Philemon lived in the area of Colossae, and was part of that church. The general instructions to all were particularly applicable to him, and the particular exhortations.

So remember that Paul has just finished saying that in Christ there is neither slave nor free (Col. 3:11). Here he tells the masters, Philemon included, to treat his slaves with justice and equity (Col. 4:1). At the end of the letter Paul commends Onesimus as a “faithful and beloved brother” (Col. 4:9), and he does the same thing to Philemon in that letter, urging Philemon to receive him as more than a slave, but also as a beloved brother (Phil. 9). He as much as asks for the freedom of Onesimus (Phil 13), but makes a point of saying that it is up to Philemon. In addition, if Onesimus pilfered anything, Paul said he would pay it back.

Christ and Hierarchical Relationships

In the first chapter of Colossians, we learned that Christ has been given the place of all preeminence. Recall that there are three governments among men, all of them supported and sustained by the reality of self-government. They are civil government, the Ministry of Justice, the family government, the Ministry of Health, Education and Welfare, and church government, the Ministry of Word and Sacrament. The enthronement of Christ over all principalities and powers is transformative and necessarily means a qualitative change. When Christ takes precedence over Caesar, Caesar isn’t really Caesar anymore.

In the same way, the coming of Christ transformed the role of the paterfamilias, the head of the Roman household, into that of a Christian husband. This did not eliminate the lines of authority, but it certainly altered how that authority was exercised.

Remember that everyone was to put on the Jesus coat. This meant that you would see Christ in your parents, in your husband, in your wife, in your children, in your slaves, and in your master. And the slaves are explicitly told to consider their work as being done for the Lord (3:24). The principle can and must be extended.

When it comes to our current debates over all this, we have different names for our positions. There is egalitarianism, there is soft complementarianism, there is hard complementarianism, there is soft patriarchy, and hard patriarchy, and with some areas of overlap.

The Font of All True Authority

The world is hierarchical, but the world is also busted. This means that men maintain their positions of authority through a straight right-handed authority.

“And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant” (Mark 10:42–43, ESV).

This is not servant leadership. It is like Christ—which makes it servant lordship.

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Marriage Tune-Up

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Introduction

Many of us are getting our houses and vehicles ready for winter weather, and so why not our marriages? It’s easy to fall into ruts and habits that just seem normal when in fact they are wearing on us and harming our families in ways we do not realize. Likewise, many poor habits leave us incredibly vulnerable when trials and difficulties hit. The question is not whether you will face trials, the only question is when. Will your marriage be ready when the storms come?

The Texts

“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:17-18

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:7-9

Fellowship with One Another

John says that if we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin (1 Jn. 1:7). This is not a magical thing, as John proceeds to explain that this has everything to do with regularly confessing our sins (1 Jn. 1:9). The flip side of this is regularly forgiving those who confess their sins to us (Mt. 18:21-22, Lk. 17:4). This is the secret of Christian fellowship in general and Christian marriage in particular. Doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and walking in such a way as to inherit a blessing are ways of describing Christian fellowship. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you don’t sin anymore. Being a Christian means you know what to do about sin. The difference between a clean house and messy house is that in the clean house they pick up. Confession of sin and forgiveness is like taking out the trash and doing the dishes. It’s what you do. For Christians to act shocked and befuddled when sin happens is like being surprised when the two year old drops a meat ball on the floor. That’s just what two year olds do. And remember, there’s no sin that you can’t make worse by denying it, trying to hide it, lying about it or blustering or blaming for it. Just confess it and forgive it quickly. Take out the trash. And remember, practice makes perfect. So what are you practicing?

Fellowship with God & One Another

Confession and forgiveness flow from fellowship with God (Eph. 4:32) and therefore they are prerequisites for enjoying fellowship with God: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Mt. 5:23-24). You cannot come into church to fellowship with God while being out of fellowship with other believers, especially your spouse. Paul says that when there are divisions within the church, whatever we’re doing with the bread and wine, it is not the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor. 11:18-20). Better to be 15 minutes late and actually participate in church than to arrive on-time to only pretend to. This is why Peter warns husbands to honor their wives that their prayers be not hindered (1 Pet. 3:7). It may be that Peter is saying that harsh husbands won’t know how to pray, but it seems more likely that Peter is saying that God will only listen to a man as well as he listens to his wife. The same principle should apply to any sort of fellowship gathering. Don’t pretend fellowship with others while being out of fellowship yourselves.

Fellowship & Difference

Understand deep in your bones the difference between being out of fellowship and not having the exact same opinion about everything. You must not go to bed angry at your spouse (or anyone for that matter) (Eph. 4:26), but sometimes you really do need to go to bed and get a full night’s sleep before you’ll be able to think and communicate your various convictions about which math curriculum is the most Reformed. Do not be threatened by differences of opinion or perspective. The glory of heterosexuality is the glory of difference. Some of our differences are sexual, some are personality, others are cultural or experiential. But marriage is signing up to live with someone different from you. This is a blessing if received in faith and obedience. So do not be threatened or alarmed at different perspectives. Husbands, honor your wives. Honor their opinions. Listen to their input. And wives, recognize that you signed up to follow this man’s lead. You must give your input respectfully and then, like Trumpkin, know the difference between giving counsel and taking orders.

Sweet Fellowship

Marriage should be full of sweet fellowship. Review the descriptions of Christian fellowship surrounding some of the particular commands for husbands and wives (Col. 3:12-14, 1 Pet. 3:8-9). A Christian marriage must not be characterized by bickering, arguing, raised voices, eye rolling, biting words, sarcasm, or frustration. A Christian marriage is singled out to represent Christ and His Bride. It is to be characterized by mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearing, forgiveness, love, like-mindedness, compassion, courtesy, and blessing. And if you say, well, we don’t argue in public (but your home is frequently a place of argument), that’s what we call hypocrisy. Your children can see the difference, and you are telling lies to them. You are telling lies about what matters, about what God sees, about what marriage is like. Not a few kids grow up in so-called Christian homes and want nothing to do with that sort of thing by the time they leave. A Christian marriage is becoming something of rarity (much to our shame). But a Christian marriage should be one of the most striking things for unbelievers to see: two different people who are strong and intelligent who deeply respect one another and love being with one another.

What You Signed Up For

Husbands, you signed up to learn how to love one woman well. This is what you are commanded to do. In order to do this you must be a student of your wife. This implies that you don’t understand her, and yet you must begin to. And very closely related to this, you must not grow bitter at her or resent her weaknesses but rather you must honor her, think highly of her, and speak graciously to her. The model for this kind of love is Jesus, and this means that studying your wife does not mean giving her everything she asks for. If Jesus gave us everything we asked for, we’d all be doomed. In this is love, not that we knew what we needed, but that God knew what we needed and sent His Son for our sins. Husbands, you must love your wives like that with joy.

Wives, your task is to submit to your own husbands and to let them love you like Christ loves the Church. Your temptation is to resent their faltering attempts to love you, rather than respecting the great difficulty it is to actually love you biblically. Recognize that there’s more than a little Hollywood in your hearts that you need to get rid of. While a real man imitating the real love of Christ is certainly courteous, it’s also deeply offensive to modern sensibilities. Do not look sideways at the other men or marriages. Look at your man and respect him in the Lord. The Lord gave you that man, and despite his weaknesses and sin, he is the one God has instructed to love you. Respect that. Honor that. And submit to him in the Lord with joy.

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That He Might Bring Us to God

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Introduction

In Christ, every aspect of our lives is woven together. The demeanor that receives the salvation offered to us is a demeanor that relates to husbands, wives, and everyone else in that same way. The spirit you have toward God is not turned off when you face your fellow man. Your spirit in dealing with your husband and wife does not switch off when you kneel in prayer. If you think it does, you are just pretending.

The Text

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price . . .” (1 Peter 3:1–22).

Summary of the Text

Remember that word likewise. Likewise, you wives be in subjection to your husbands. Some of them are not obedient, and this is the most effective way to win them (vv. 1-2). Without a word. Adorn yourself, but not with all the carnal tricks (v. 3). Adorn yourself in the heart, using the jewelry of a meek and quiet spirit (v. 4). This is what the holy women in older times did, trusting in God (v. 5). This is how Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord (v. 6; Gen. 18:12). You are her daughters if you follow in her footsteps, and stay clear of fear (v. 6).

Likewise, you husbands, honor your wives, just as they are, and protect your prayers (v. 7).

All of you together, share the Spirit of Christ in your midst. Be of one mind, be compassionate, be loving, kind and courteous (v. 8). Do not pay people back in their own coin (v. 9). The blessings you inherit will be the unmerited blessings you render back to other people. You want a good life, good days? Then stop lying (v. 10). Turn away from evil and do what is good (v. 11). Remember the omniscience and omnipresence of the God who answers prayers (v. 12). Who can touch you if you are doing right (v. 13)? And if someone seems like they can “touch” you, don’t worry about it (v. 14). Set apart the Lord in your hearts, and always have an apology for your hope ready (v. 15), in meekness and fear. Keep a good conscience, so that their lies about you embarrass them (v. 16). If you have to suffer, do it for righteousness’ sake (v. 17).

Christ suffered in that way, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God (v. 18). He was crucified, and then in the Spirit He went and preached to the spirits in prison (v. 19). These were those who were disobedient during the times of Noah, prior to the Flood, when eight souls were saved through water (v. 20). Baptism is the antitype of the ark, and you are saved through baptism as an appeal of a good conscience to God, empowered by the resurrection (v. 21). This risen Lord is in Heaven now, with angelic powers and authorities all in subjection to Him (v. 22).

Wives

We may all acknowledge that there are extreme cases when a wife with a disobedient husband needs to call the cops, or call the elders. That does happen. But let us also acknowledge that an apostle of Jesus is talking about a real kind of situation here, one that he believed to be common enough that it needed to be included in Scripture. Notice that Peter assumes that the wife in his scenario is in the right, and that her husband is disobedient and in the wrong. His counsel surely applies some time.

His counsel amounts to this. Adorn yourself with a necklace that is priceless in the sight of God, who sees all. Women, a meek and quiet spirit is something that God considers to be altogether lovely. And if God thinks you are lovely, then at some point your chump of a husband might catch on. Generally speaking, women have no idea how alluring and winsome this gentle and quiet spirit is. Is this counterintuitive? You bet. Deep in your heart, you believe that the Holy Spirit is encouraging you to itemize his many deficiencies. But He is not.

Husbands

Husbands are to live in a counterintuitive way as well. Likewise, husbands are to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge.” That knowledge includes the fact that she is weaker than you are. But men, naturally competitive, do what with weakness. Whenever they see it, they want to use it, exploit it, and compete with it. What does Peter say to do. Honor it. When you refuse to do so, your prayers get all gummed up. And why? Because God is treating your weakness the way you treat hers.

Keep Your Lips from Guile

Peter does not say that we should refrain from speaking lies unless we have first deceived ourselves. Lying to yourself is where all lying begins. Do you want to love your life? Stop lying. Do you want to love good days? Stop kidding yourself. Do you want to know why your prayers are hindered? Cease from guile. Do you want to understand your husband accurately? Stop weaving stories for yourself.

You lie to yourself when you go along with the way of the world. “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise” (1 Cor. 3:18–20). You lie to yourself when you fail to put your knowledge of Scripture into action. “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves” (Jas. 1:22). You deceive yourself when you suppress knowledge of your own sins and failings. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8, 10).

That He Might Bring Us to God

The fundamental message of good news is a message of exchange. Peter says it plainly here—the just for the unjust (v. 18). The reason He did this is because He had a mission assigned to Him by His Father. He came to earth, and went to the cross “that He might bring us to God.” But we cannot be brought to God without being made like Him. And we are made like Him because we are being made like the one who is bringing us to Him. And follow the Word closely here, because an understanding of this principle will suffuse all the exhortations in this epistle. Remember that Christians are being exhorted to holiness under pressure. And the principle is this: we cannot be made like Him without being made like Him. And when we are made like Him, we are like Him in every place, and in every relation.

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