Christ Church

Colossians as Cornerstone #5

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Introduction

After someone has called upon the Lord, and has been baptized, he blinks and looks around, and one of the things he sees is all the same people. He is forgiven, which is exhilarating, and he is in fellowship with God, which is a novelty to him, but when he goes back to work, he runs into all the same people. What are we supposed to do? We have to make particular decisions.

The Text

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons. Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven” (Col. 3:18–4:1).

Summary of the Text

So remember that the entire congregation has been exhorted to put sins to death, whether sins of the flesh or sins of the mouth. All the congregation has been urged to take off the old man, and to put on their Jesus coat. When the apostle comes to particular social relations, he is assuming that everyone he is talking to is behaving as a Christian already. This means a godly Christian can do what Paul tells husbands to do, the same with wives, and so on.

Wives are told to be submissive to their husbands, which is proper in the Lord (v. 18). Husbands are told to love their wives, and not to be bitter or resentful against them (v. 19). Children (meaning dependent children) are to be obedient to their parents in everything, which pleases the Lord (v. 20). Fathers are told not to be provocative (v. 21), and Paul warns against discouraging the kids. Slaves are commanded to do the same thing, obeying their masters in the fear of God (v. 22). Whatever task you are given, act as though the Lord Himself gave it to you, and do it heartily (v. 23). You can do this because you know that the Lord is your actual master, and His rewards will be a just inheritance (v. 24). But if a slave misbehaves in some way, then he will have to suffer the consequences (v. 25). And men in the congregation who owned slaves are commanded to remember that they too are under authority, they also have a master (4:1), and they are told to render to their slaves what is “just and equal.”

Let Onesimus Help Us Out

It is quite striking that slave owners are told to render equity to their slaves here, and Paul does not appear to intend immediate manumission by this. But liberty is very much in view, as we will see. But what Paul is doing is liberating slaves by means of the logic of the gospel, and not by means of fiery revolution.

Remember that Ephesians, Colossians and Philemon were all written at the same time, and were delivered by Tychicus (Eph. 6:21; Col. 4:7) and Onesimus (Col. 4:9). Onesimus also (presumably) delivered the letter of Philemon to his master Philemon, which means that Philemon lived in the area of Colossae, and was part of that church. The general instructions to all were particularly applicable to him, and the particular exhortations.

So remember that Paul has just finished saying that in Christ there is neither slave nor free (Col. 3:11). Here he tells the masters, Philemon included, to treat his slaves with justice and equity (Col. 4:1). At the end of the letter Paul commends Onesimus as a “faithful and beloved brother” (Col. 4:9), and he does the same thing to Philemon in that letter, urging Philemon to receive him as more than a slave, but also as a beloved brother (Phil. 9). He as much as asks for the freedom of Onesimus (Phil 13), but makes a point of saying that it is up to Philemon. In addition, if Onesimus pilfered anything, Paul said he would pay it back.

Christ and Hierarchical Relationships

In the first chapter of Colossians, we learned that Christ has been given the place of all preeminence. Recall that there are three governments among men, all of them supported and sustained by the reality of self-government. They are civil government, the Ministry of Justice, the family government, the Ministry of Health, Education and Welfare, and church government, the Ministry of Word and Sacrament. The enthronement of Christ over all principalities and powers is transformative and necessarily means a qualitative change. When Christ takes precedence over Caesar, Caesar isn’t really Caesar anymore.

In the same way, the coming of Christ transformed the role of the paterfamilias, the head of the Roman household, into that of a Christian husband. This did not eliminate the lines of authority, but it certainly altered how that authority was exercised.

Remember that everyone was to put on the Jesus coat. This meant that you would see Christ in your parents, in your husband, in your wife, in your children, in your slaves, and in your master. And the slaves are explicitly told to consider their work as being done for the Lord (3:24). The principle can and must be extended.

When it comes to our current debates over all this, we have different names for our positions. There is egalitarianism, there is soft complementarianism, there is hard complementarianism, there is soft patriarchy, and hard patriarchy, and with some areas of overlap.

The Font of All True Authority

The world is hierarchical, but the world is also busted. This means that men maintain their positions of authority through a straight right-handed authority.

“And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant” (Mark 10:42–43, ESV).

This is not servant leadership. It is like Christ—which makes it servant lordship.

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Marriage Tune-Up

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Introduction

Many of us are getting our houses and vehicles ready for winter weather, and so why not our marriages? It’s easy to fall into ruts and habits that just seem normal when in fact they are wearing on us and harming our families in ways we do not realize. Likewise, many poor habits leave us incredibly vulnerable when trials and difficulties hit. The question is not whether you will face trials, the only question is when. Will your marriage be ready when the storms come?

The Texts

“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:17-18

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:7-9

Fellowship with One Another

John says that if we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin (1 Jn. 1:7). This is not a magical thing, as John proceeds to explain that this has everything to do with regularly confessing our sins (1 Jn. 1:9). The flip side of this is regularly forgiving those who confess their sins to us (Mt. 18:21-22, Lk. 17:4). This is the secret of Christian fellowship in general and Christian marriage in particular. Doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and walking in such a way as to inherit a blessing are ways of describing Christian fellowship. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you don’t sin anymore. Being a Christian means you know what to do about sin. The difference between a clean house and messy house is that in the clean house they pick up. Confession of sin and forgiveness is like taking out the trash and doing the dishes. It’s what you do. For Christians to act shocked and befuddled when sin happens is like being surprised when the two year old drops a meat ball on the floor. That’s just what two year olds do. And remember, there’s no sin that you can’t make worse by denying it, trying to hide it, lying about it or blustering or blaming for it. Just confess it and forgive it quickly. Take out the trash. And remember, practice makes perfect. So what are you practicing?

Fellowship with God & One Another

Confession and forgiveness flow from fellowship with God (Eph. 4:32) and therefore they are prerequisites for enjoying fellowship with God: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Mt. 5:23-24). You cannot come into church to fellowship with God while being out of fellowship with other believers, especially your spouse. Paul says that when there are divisions within the church, whatever we’re doing with the bread and wine, it is not the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor. 11:18-20). Better to be 15 minutes late and actually participate in church than to arrive on-time to only pretend to. This is why Peter warns husbands to honor their wives that their prayers be not hindered (1 Pet. 3:7). It may be that Peter is saying that harsh husbands won’t know how to pray, but it seems more likely that Peter is saying that God will only listen to a man as well as he listens to his wife. The same principle should apply to any sort of fellowship gathering. Don’t pretend fellowship with others while being out of fellowship yourselves.

Fellowship & Difference

Understand deep in your bones the difference between being out of fellowship and not having the exact same opinion about everything. You must not go to bed angry at your spouse (or anyone for that matter) (Eph. 4:26), but sometimes you really do need to go to bed and get a full night’s sleep before you’ll be able to think and communicate your various convictions about which math curriculum is the most Reformed. Do not be threatened by differences of opinion or perspective. The glory of heterosexuality is the glory of difference. Some of our differences are sexual, some are personality, others are cultural or experiential. But marriage is signing up to live with someone different from you. This is a blessing if received in faith and obedience. So do not be threatened or alarmed at different perspectives. Husbands, honor your wives. Honor their opinions. Listen to their input. And wives, recognize that you signed up to follow this man’s lead. You must give your input respectfully and then, like Trumpkin, know the difference between giving counsel and taking orders.

Sweet Fellowship

Marriage should be full of sweet fellowship. Review the descriptions of Christian fellowship surrounding some of the particular commands for husbands and wives (Col. 3:12-14, 1 Pet. 3:8-9). A Christian marriage must not be characterized by bickering, arguing, raised voices, eye rolling, biting words, sarcasm, or frustration. A Christian marriage is singled out to represent Christ and His Bride. It is to be characterized by mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearing, forgiveness, love, like-mindedness, compassion, courtesy, and blessing. And if you say, well, we don’t argue in public (but your home is frequently a place of argument), that’s what we call hypocrisy. Your children can see the difference, and you are telling lies to them. You are telling lies about what matters, about what God sees, about what marriage is like. Not a few kids grow up in so-called Christian homes and want nothing to do with that sort of thing by the time they leave. A Christian marriage is becoming something of rarity (much to our shame). But a Christian marriage should be one of the most striking things for unbelievers to see: two different people who are strong and intelligent who deeply respect one another and love being with one another.

What You Signed Up For

Husbands, you signed up to learn how to love one woman well. This is what you are commanded to do. In order to do this you must be a student of your wife. This implies that you don’t understand her, and yet you must begin to. And very closely related to this, you must not grow bitter at her or resent her weaknesses but rather you must honor her, think highly of her, and speak graciously to her. The model for this kind of love is Jesus, and this means that studying your wife does not mean giving her everything she asks for. If Jesus gave us everything we asked for, we’d all be doomed. In this is love, not that we knew what we needed, but that God knew what we needed and sent His Son for our sins. Husbands, you must love your wives like that with joy.

Wives, your task is to submit to your own husbands and to let them love you like Christ loves the Church. Your temptation is to resent their faltering attempts to love you, rather than respecting the great difficulty it is to actually love you biblically. Recognize that there’s more than a little Hollywood in your hearts that you need to get rid of. While a real man imitating the real love of Christ is certainly courteous, it’s also deeply offensive to modern sensibilities. Do not look sideways at the other men or marriages. Look at your man and respect him in the Lord. The Lord gave you that man, and despite his weaknesses and sin, he is the one God has instructed to love you. Respect that. Honor that. And submit to him in the Lord with joy.

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That He Might Bring Us to God

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Introduction

In Christ, every aspect of our lives is woven together. The demeanor that receives the salvation offered to us is a demeanor that relates to husbands, wives, and everyone else in that same way. The spirit you have toward God is not turned off when you face your fellow man. Your spirit in dealing with your husband and wife does not switch off when you kneel in prayer. If you think it does, you are just pretending.

The Text

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price . . .” (1 Peter 3:1–22).

Summary of the Text

Remember that word likewise. Likewise, you wives be in subjection to your husbands. Some of them are not obedient, and this is the most effective way to win them (vv. 1-2). Without a word. Adorn yourself, but not with all the carnal tricks (v. 3). Adorn yourself in the heart, using the jewelry of a meek and quiet spirit (v. 4). This is what the holy women in older times did, trusting in God (v. 5). This is how Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord (v. 6; Gen. 18:12). You are her daughters if you follow in her footsteps, and stay clear of fear (v. 6).

Likewise, you husbands, honor your wives, just as they are, and protect your prayers (v. 7).

All of you together, share the Spirit of Christ in your midst. Be of one mind, be compassionate, be loving, kind and courteous (v. 8). Do not pay people back in their own coin (v. 9). The blessings you inherit will be the unmerited blessings you render back to other people. You want a good life, good days? Then stop lying (v. 10). Turn away from evil and do what is good (v. 11). Remember the omniscience and omnipresence of the God who answers prayers (v. 12). Who can touch you if you are doing right (v. 13)? And if someone seems like they can “touch” you, don’t worry about it (v. 14). Set apart the Lord in your hearts, and always have an apology for your hope ready (v. 15), in meekness and fear. Keep a good conscience, so that their lies about you embarrass them (v. 16). If you have to suffer, do it for righteousness’ sake (v. 17).

Christ suffered in that way, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God (v. 18). He was crucified, and then in the Spirit He went and preached to the spirits in prison (v. 19). These were those who were disobedient during the times of Noah, prior to the Flood, when eight souls were saved through water (v. 20). Baptism is the antitype of the ark, and you are saved through baptism as an appeal of a good conscience to God, empowered by the resurrection (v. 21). This risen Lord is in Heaven now, with angelic powers and authorities all in subjection to Him (v. 22).

Wives

We may all acknowledge that there are extreme cases when a wife with a disobedient husband needs to call the cops, or call the elders. That does happen. But let us also acknowledge that an apostle of Jesus is talking about a real kind of situation here, one that he believed to be common enough that it needed to be included in Scripture. Notice that Peter assumes that the wife in his scenario is in the right, and that her husband is disobedient and in the wrong. His counsel surely applies some time.

His counsel amounts to this. Adorn yourself with a necklace that is priceless in the sight of God, who sees all. Women, a meek and quiet spirit is something that God considers to be altogether lovely. And if God thinks you are lovely, then at some point your chump of a husband might catch on. Generally speaking, women have no idea how alluring and winsome this gentle and quiet spirit is. Is this counterintuitive? You bet. Deep in your heart, you believe that the Holy Spirit is encouraging you to itemize his many deficiencies. But He is not.

Husbands

Husbands are to live in a counterintuitive way as well. Likewise, husbands are to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge.” That knowledge includes the fact that she is weaker than you are. But men, naturally competitive, do what with weakness. Whenever they see it, they want to use it, exploit it, and compete with it. What does Peter say to do. Honor it. When you refuse to do so, your prayers get all gummed up. And why? Because God is treating your weakness the way you treat hers.

Keep Your Lips from Guile

Peter does not say that we should refrain from speaking lies unless we have first deceived ourselves. Lying to yourself is where all lying begins. Do you want to love your life? Stop lying. Do you want to love good days? Stop kidding yourself. Do you want to know why your prayers are hindered? Cease from guile. Do you want to understand your husband accurately? Stop weaving stories for yourself.

You lie to yourself when you go along with the way of the world. “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise” (1 Cor. 3:18–20). You lie to yourself when you fail to put your knowledge of Scripture into action. “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves” (Jas. 1:22). You deceive yourself when you suppress knowledge of your own sins and failings. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8, 10).

That He Might Bring Us to God

The fundamental message of good news is a message of exchange. Peter says it plainly here—the just for the unjust (v. 18). The reason He did this is because He had a mission assigned to Him by His Father. He came to earth, and went to the cross “that He might bring us to God.” But we cannot be brought to God without being made like Him. And we are made like Him because we are being made like the one who is bringing us to Him. And follow the Word closely here, because an understanding of this principle will suffuse all the exhortations in this epistle. Remember that Christians are being exhorted to holiness under pressure. And the principle is this: we cannot be made like Him without being made like Him. And when we are made like Him, we are like Him in every place, and in every relation.

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Decluttering Your Marriage #2

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Introduction:
In the message last week, we addressed how the problem of how pride and a lack of self-reflection compounds the problem of cluttered relationships. In this message we are going to focus on practical steps that will help you get things picked up, and will help you keep it that way. As things stand now, you are contemplating moving to the Swiss Alps to start your own signature ministry—you could call it Debris.

The Text:
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

Summary of the Text:
The text contains an overt teaching about confession and the blessing of God. But there is also an unstated assumption about time which we can make explicit in paraphrase. “He who covers his sins for any length of time shall not prosper for that length of time. But whoever confesses and forsakes them immediately shall have mercy immediately” (Prov. 28:13).
This is one of those things that you might think goes without saying. And it does go without saying in any area where the prideful heart of man is not messing with us. Suppose you burned yourself, and a doctor gave you some ointment for the burn. He said, “Put this on.” Would you ask, “Should I start applying it next August? Or perhaps after the first of the year?” No. You got burned now, and so you put on the ointment now. Stop covering up your sins now and receive the blessed prosperity of God now.
One more thing, since we are talking about “covering sins.” Sins must be covered. It is not a bad impulse to want to cover them. They are shameful, and cry out for a covering. Our own lame efforts to cover them with lies, bluster, and moralistic furniture polish are not wrong because they cover, but rather because they don’t. The only thing that really covers sin is the blood of our great High Priest. Every other way of dealing with sin has to be done constantly, repetitively, over and again. And like the woman with that discharge in the gospels, the more the doctors treated her the worse it got. When we cover, the problem is that we can’t. But knowing the need for the covering is not the problem.

A Tale of Two Houses:
Those of you who have gone through my pre-marriage counseling have almost certainly heard this illustration. But given the nature of the world, I give it to you again with no apologies.

Imagine two families living side-by-side. They are good friends, the husbands work at the same company, they drive the same kind of minivan, and they have the same number of kids. The only visible difference between the homes is that one of them is apparently spotless and the other one is knee-deep in clutter.

Now life happens in both of them. And the kind of life that happens is at least comparable. The same number of tee-shirts get put on in the morning and taken off at night. The same number of shoes are worn. The same number of breakfast bowls are used. The difference between the two homes is not the rate at which things get dirty. The difference between the homes is the rate at which things get clean. In the clean home, the philosophy is “it must be done, so let’s do it now.” In the cluttered home, the philosophy is “let’s postpone this until it is bad enough to be thrown into the fright room.”

This is a parable. Your marriage is one of those houses. Which one is it?

Why Not Now?
The Bible tells us to confess our faults to one another (Jas. 5:16). This is something that should characterize life generally, but it is most obvious when done in the home. And when people refuse to do this in the home that is also glaringly obvious. Something just spilled. Wipe it up now. Something just go knocked over. Pick it up now. Something just got dirty. Rinse it out and put it in the dishwasher now.

What this is about is the confession of your own faults, period. You can confess other people’s sins all day long, and your joy still doesn’t come back. And if confess your own sin, but you are doing it only to “prime the pump” of their confession, and then you get mad because they didn’t take the hint, it should hardly be a news flash that you are doing it wrong. And if you wrap up a barbed accusation in the thin filmy gauze of an inadequate confession, this is also a problem. “I am sorry for being mildly annoyed at your egregious behavior just now.” When you confess, confess as though you are the only person in the history of the world who ever did anything wrong. You know theologically that this is not the case, but your emotions need the practice anyhow.

A Few Rules of Thumb:
We all need reminders to help us “do it now.” When Nancy and I were first married (or engaged, I forget), we agreed on some basic rules that would govern our behavior in this respect. And if you were to ask me for one bit of advice on marriage and one only, this is what it would be. Keep short accounts. Pay it down now. Rinse it now.

This is what you do when you get out of fellowship. And by “out of fellowship,” I mean annoyed, irritated, bent, frosted, angry, ruffled, agitated—with the barbs directed at the other. You have such an episode, the kind that we called “bumps.” And a bump is not a simple difference of opinion.

1. When you have had a bump, do not separate, do not part company.
2. When you have had a bump, do not let anybody into your home.
3. When you have had a bump, do not go into anybody else’s home.
4. When you have had a bump in the presence of others, use your pre-arranged hand signal.

Remember the Relationships:
These are not the rules that “nice” people follow. These are just simple reminders for sinners to pick up after themselves. And to constantly remember that apart from Jesus Christ, there is no way to pick up after yourself. He is the third party in your marriage relationship, and so do not treat Him as an abstract principle. What do you want the aroma of your home to be? You want people to walk in and feel like Christ is there.

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