At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Ps. 16: 11)
“He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he that flattereth with the tongue.”
Proverbs 28:23
There is an advantage that straight talk has over fawning and flattering talk, but it is a slow-growth advantage. There is a great temptation we face in conversation, which is the idea that immediate offense is to be avoided at all costs. We have made “politeness” the be-all and end-all of all conversation.
But when this tendency has become enshrined in a culture’s verbal habits and customs, the downside should be obvious. All the conversations are pleasant enough, but nobody knows whether or not anything is sincerely said. Everybody is nice, but are they really? The chatter at the party was great, in that no fights broke out, because why did everything seem so superficial? It seemed superficial because it was superficial.
This proverb tells us that a straightforward rebuke can be the way to a man’s heart. He knows that this person at least is saying what he believes to be true. This is particularly true of people of great influence—the kind of people that attract flatterers. I am talking about politicians, celebrities, millionaires, and so forth. Can you imagine how tedious it would be to have everyone in your life telling you lies all day?
The point is obviously not to go out of your way to say something thoughtless and rude. Rather the point is that we should not glibly assume that to bring a rebuke to someone will automatically cost us that relationship. Obviously, there are some people who won’t accept a rebuke from anybody, but there are others who are hungry for an honest word.
This is another way of saying that honesty is the best policy, and that flattery is a strategy that undermines its own stated purposes.
