Colossians

Mechanics of Fatherhood (Father Hunger 8)

Douglas Wilson on May 6, 2012

Introduction

In this series, we have been emphasizing the gospel of free forgiveness, and we have also noted that God is the kind of Father we want to become. This means that perfect love casts out fear—we are liberated by the blood of Christ to a life of imitation. Always remember that being precedes doing, and that what we are called to believe (really believe) is the foundation of what we are called to do. A Christian pulpit must always proclaim Jesus, but also always remember that Jesus has hands and feet. Not only that, but they are pierced hands and feet, sacrificial hands and feet. We are called to imitate Him. In that spirit then, as we come now to the conclusion . . .

The Texts

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:21).

Summary of the Text

Putting these two texts together, we see two basic realities. The first is that fathers are called to not provoke their children to anger because that would result in the children being discouraged in their Christian walk. Christian fathers can have that effect. The second is that fathers are to provide a life of nurture and admonition, which consists of a full and robust Christian upbringing.

Twenty-One Words for Fathers

As we consider 21 principles for fathers to remember, you will see that we have touched on some of them already. But here they all are in one place. These are the mechanics of fatherhood . . .

Love Jesus Christ, and express that love by worshiping His Father in the power of the Spirit, and do this as a gathered family on the Lord’s Day. Worship is a big deal. God honors those who honor Him (1 Sam. 2:30).
Love your children by loving their mother. Love their mother by loving her children. This is the central way the gospel will be proclaimed in your home (Eph. 5:25).
Teach them to love the standard, which is not the same thing as merely requiring them to conform to the standard (for a time). This is a function of heart loyalty (Prov. 23:26), and you teach them to love the standard (and to be loyal to you) by loving the standard yourself (and being loyal to them).
Your garden of yes should have a tree of no in it, and not the other way around (Gen. 2:16). God is not a skinflint, and you should not paint Him as being one. In Christ, all the promises are yes and amen (2 Cor. 1:20). Resemble the God you serve.
Give them the Torah, not the Talmud (Matt. 22:40). The law of God is simple to understand, and can be easily summarized. If your house rules are convoluted and Byzantine, then you have a problem. I well remember my father’s summary of what was expected of us—“no disobedience, no lying, and no disrespecting your mother.” See? Life is good.
Acknowledge your children all need to be converted (Eph. 2:3), but do not do this with unequal weights and measures. If you apply impossible standards to your children, you are causing them to stumble. Beware of millstones as you bring them to Christ (Matt. 18:6).
Listen to them. They are people. It is possible to converse with them (Prov. 18:13).
Their food, shelter, and clothing take precedence over your toys (Ex. 21:10).
Remember their frame (Ps. 103:14). Don’t skip naps, keep them up until 11:30, withhold a real dinner, and then paddle them for falling apart. Someone should paddle you for pulling them apart.
Eat together and not just as refueling measure. This is how families become companions. The liberality that results in table fellowship is a big deal in Scripture (Prov. 11:25), so why withhold it from your family? If half your meals are eaten over the sink, then take stock of your situation.
Respect your sons and love your daughters (Eph. 5: 33, 25). They are different, and those differences should be honored. This obviously does not mean you don’t have to love your sons or respect your daughters, but it does tell you which way to lean.
Tell stories together. Listen to stories together. The gospel is a story (1 Cor. 15:3ff), and we come to know one another truly as we come to know the genre. By telling stories you come to realize that you are in one.
Provide your children with a Christian education (Eph. 6:4). And it must be a true education, filled with life and laughter. The classroom is not a cauldron (Dt. 14:21).
You should want a home full of Scripture, a home full of joy, a home full of music (Eph. 5:19; Col. 3:16). Godly child-rearing is Spirit-filled, and it cannot be Spirit-filled without becoming a musical.
Give your children quantity time, and don’t try to sub in the guilt salve of so-called “quality time” (Dt. 6:4-9).
Discipline should be a gift, not a grabbing. If you are retaliating against your children, then the whole thing isself-serving (Gal. 6:1).
Discipline should be judicious, and not an occasion for you to jump to conclusions (Prov. 18:17). Sometimes kids can invite the injustice, and they bear the weight of it if they do, but fathers should fight to maintain justice in the home. Playing favorites with your children, incidentally, invites such injustice.
The pain of discipline should be acute, not chronic. The Bible says that discipline should be painful (Heb. 12:11), but not the pain of a dull ache week after week. Heartache is not discipline.
The point of discipline is restored fellowship (Heb. 12:11), not retribution. There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is correction, and can cease when correction is accomplished. You don’t make all your children spend the same amount of time in the tub for the sake of “equality.”
Divided discipline is dangerous. Father and mother are in this together. Scripture requires them to be honored together (Ex. 20:12), and so they should work together. Don’t allow your children to apply the tactic of “divide and conquer.”
Prepare them for independence (Gen. 2:24). Do not make the mistake of indulging sin when it is little and cute, and then trying to crack down on it later, when things start to look more serious.

And again, remember that Jesus is always the point.

No Other Gods

Douglas Wilson on January 23, 2011

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Introduction

The preface of the Ten Commandments is all about freedom, but it is easy to hear the words that we’ve heard so many times and not hear the gospel, the good news that we have only one God (Ex. 20:1-4). But it was and is radically good and wonderful news to hear that there is only one God, and He has revealed Himself in Jesus.

The Text

Paul is dealing with Judaizers and other syncretists who want to add other things to Jesus. But when Christ is received, He is always received as Lord and not merely an assistant, and that is how Christians walk (2:6). If we are rooted in Him, then we grow up in and through faith in Him (2:7). There are always philosophical fads and theological fashions being offered to trick the simple, but this is always to deny the fullness of the divinity of Jesus (2:8-9). For Paul, the Godness of Jesus means that we are complete, not lacking anything in Him (2:10). If Jesus is God and we have been given Jesus, then we have been given everything because He is the head of all principality and power. Paul insists that everything the Judaizers think Gentiles need, they already have in the cross of Christ (2:11-14). This is how and why the principalities and powers have been disarmed and triumphed over (2:15). While we may be tempted to think that Paul has a severe case of ADD, what follows is actually directly related to Paul’s point. When Paul speaks of the fullness of God in Christ, he is thinking about all of the mundane details of life, what we eat and drink and wear and watch and listen to and talk about. Every culture is full of principalities and powers: the influences, the gods and celebrities that lead the masses, politicians and judges, athletes and stars in their courses. These are the powers which either serve King Jesus or not. But we are not under them because they are under Christ, and we are seated with Him in the heavenly places (3:1-3, cf. Eph. 1:20-21, 2:5-6). And this is where we wrestle against them (Eph. 6:12). But this struggle does not primarily occur in another dimension; because we have the Spirit we bring the heavenly places with us wherever we go and this means that we must not allow others to judge us in food or drink or festivals or sabbaths (Col. 2:16). The best of those merely pointed to Christ and the worst are cheats (2:17-18). Submission to the regulations of the gods is always slavery to human regulations, ‘do not touch, do not taste, do not handle…’ (2:20-22) which may seem reasonable or even wise, but they do not really nourish us (2:19, 23). But we were raised with Christ, our lives are hidden with Christ in God, and therefore, we must learn to see our lives and this world, looking through heaven (3:1-3).

No Other Gods

This statement is not condemnation in the first instance; this is the proclamation of liberty. “For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him.” This is good news. This is good news because the gods of health food fads are under Christ. This is good news because the gods of cool are under Christ. This is good news because the gods of politics and power are under Christ. And we do not live in fear of what any of the gods think. But living under fear is slavery to some pharaoh, whether they are friends or foes. But the servants of Pharaoh will always end up acting like Pharaoh (Ps. 115:4-8). If you live in fear of what others will think about your decisions, you are living in slavery, and sooner or later you will begin to enslave others. But the one true God calls you to freedom.

This means obeying where the Lord has spoken, seeking the Lord and godly counsel, and then living like the world is ours. This doesn’t guarantee a risk-free life, but we walk by faith. And we rejoice in the freedom of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have no other gods.

Free to Love

In the cross, Paul says that Jesus “disarmed principalities and powers and made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.” The “it” refers to the cross or Jesus on the cross, but the point is that the powers have no power and they were put to shame at the cross. This is true in at least two ways: First, in the cross the powers of this world did their very best and still failed. The political process, religious authority, violent coercion, popular opinion, even the grasp of money could not undo the cross; they merely played into the plan (1 Cor. 2:8). And second, in the crucifixion the powers were shown to be tyrants and killers, and our God was proven to be a faithful husband and friend, giving His life up for us (1 Jn. 4:10). One way to tell the story of the Exodus is the mission of God to teach Israel how to reveal Him. He comes to His own and to the Egyptians so that they may know that He is Yahweh (Ex. 5:2, 6:7, 7:5, 17, 8:22, etc.), and this revelation culminates in the Passover where blood is displayed and shed, disarming the power of Egypt. From there, God takes Israel into the wilderness to teach them how to live like Him, and at the center of that life is a bloody altar. But if Israel has learned the lesson of Passover, they know that the shed blood means freedom. And in Christ we have seen the revelation of God’s love and power in a far greater way, and this equips us to love like that.

Getting Dressed For Christmas: A Little Holiday Preparation

Douglas Wilson on December 20, 2009

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Introduction

Holidays are frequently times when people get trapped by the expectations game. Because everyone around you assumes that the day is going to be “really good,” “special,” or “fantastic,” and is constantly telling you to have a “merry” one, it is easy to assume that having a merry Christmas is an actual possession of yours, and if not a possession, at least a birthright. Consequently, the tendency is to sketch out in your mind what you would like that possession to be like. But it turns out, metaphorically speaking, that you get socks instead of the shotgun, or cookware instead of pearls, and the expectation lost is a set-up for real disappointment. This is one of the reasons why holidays can be such an emotional roller coaster ride for so many, and Christmas is no exception.

The Text

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (Col. 3:12-17).

Summary of the Text

The text obviously deals with how we as Christians are to live all the time, and not just during the holidays. But the holidays are nothing other than what we normally do, ramped up to the next level. And so as we prepare our hearts for this celebration, ramp this up as well. Problems arise when we exert ourselves physically, emotionally, financially, and so on, and we don’t exert ourselves here. Think of this as getting dressed for the season—here, put this on. What should you put on? Tender mercies, kindness, humility of mind, meekness, patience (v. 12). That is holiday garb. When you are clothed this way, what are you dressed for? Snow pants are for going out in the snow, right? What is this clothing for? It is getting dressed for forbearance and forgiveness (v. 13). You are all dressed up and therefore ready to drop a quarrel, and to forgive as you were forgiven (v. 13). But that is not enough—you need to put on another layer. Over everything else, put on charity, which is the perfect coat, the perfection coat (v. 14). When you have done that, what are you ready for? You are ready for peace with others, and that peace is saturated with gratitude (v. 15). You are also ready for some music, and particularly the music of grace and gratitude (vv. 15-16). And then, to crown all else, you are dressed for everything—whatever you do, whether in word or deed, you can do it in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to the Father (v. 17).

Getting Dressed Beforehand

Many Christians know what they are supposed to be doing, and so they try to do it. And they feel bad when they fail. But for some reason they don’t prepare themselves beforehand for what they know is coming. They don’t know that how they are dressed for the task is affecting their performance of the task itself. Now, let us suppose that for the last seventeen Christmases in a row you have gotten out of fellowship about something—for gifts you didn’t get, for lack of adequate enthusiasm for gifts you gave, for lack of adequate help with the meal, etc. Seventeen years in a row. Now, is it possible to tell which day this will happen the next time? Sure, it is this next Friday. The 25th. It is marked right there on the calendar, leering at you. So started getting dressed for it now. You don’t really want to be surprised again.

Giving and Receiving

When you are clothed as you ought to be—in kindness, humility of mind, and charity—you will be able to take more delight in gifts you give freely, than in the gifts you receive. You delight in both, of course, but what does Jesus teach us? “I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). There are two basic things to remember here. First, giving is better than receiving. Second, this truth is so obviously clear that many people have had to work out complicated ways of receiving—i.e. receiving credit for being so giving (Matt. 6:2-3). As you give, you need to avoid running a trade deficit, with all categories—emotional, physical, and spiritual—taken into account. Remember that gifts are gifts, and gifts are also symbols. And symbols are also layered.

The Gift Gives You

“For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity. Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account” (Phil. 4:16-17). Or this: “For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?” (1 Thess. 2:19). What is our crown? Is it not you?

In giving a gift, you are attached to it. In receiving a gift, the blessing that comes to the giver is your chief delight. And the you that is attached to the gift that is given is either a gift just like the physical gift, or it is booby-trapped box full of hidden emotional expenses. Do not be like the woman that C.S. Lewis said lived for others—and you could always tell who the others were by their hunted expression.

You give the gift, certainly, but the gift also gives you. And it will always give the “you as you are” and not the “you as you appear in your daydreams.” And this is why you must prepare yourself for the giving. You don’t want the gift to give you, and have that “you” be a cheap toy that doesn’t make it through the afternoon of Christmas day.

This is why you must get dressed for the day.

Father of Mercies

Christ Church on August 23, 2009

Introduction

Under the direction of God, in recent years we have been led to redouble our efforts and emphases on what we call mercy ministry. Whether it is a continuation of our labor in the Ivory Coast, or a new field for mercy work in Myanmar, or locally through Sabbath House, we have been given some wonderful opportunities. So that we don’t squander those opportunities, we need to love and think like Christians together.

The Text

Summary of the Text

In the first part of Col. 3, the apostle tells them that they are to set their hearts and minds on things above, not on things below (vv. 1-4). Doing this necessarily involves mortifying your members which are on the earth, dealing fundamentally with the sins of desire, whether sensual or emotional (5-11). After he has told them to “put on” the new way of being human (v. 10), he gets into specifics. As the elect of God, holy and beloved, they are to put on, in the first places, tender mercies (v. 12). The AV has it “bowels of mercies,” mercy in the gut, mercy where you really live. This is accompanied by kindness, humility of mind, meekness, and longsuffering (v. 12). He then says we are to deal with our quarrels in a forbearing and forgiving way, and we are to forgive each other as Christ forgave us (v. 13). On top of all this, we are to put on love—charity—which is the bond of perfection (v. 14).

Foundations of Mercy

The various words in both Hebrew and Greek that are rendered as mercy can create some confusion for us, but our aggregate understanding of what mercy involves is still sound. One of the things we can see is that the overwhelming number of references to mercy in Scripture have to do with God’s mercy toward us.

As Christians, we begin and end with what God is like. He is the Father of mercies (1 Cor. 1:3). Our mercy is to be in frank imitation of His (Luke 6:36). When Jesus had compassion on the crowd (Matt. 9:36), the word used there indicates that He was moved viscerally; His compassion caused His gut to churn. We would say that He looked at the crowd, and it broke his heart. Now, if He is the new man, the ultimate man, then putting on the new man means that we are becoming like that.

Heart Issues

When we live as a merciful people in the world, we are doing so as the body of Christ. The life of Christ works in us in a particular way.

· Scripture presupposes a certain kind of person as the extension of God’s mercy in the world. Cruelty is one of the central characteristics of the old man, and God’s mercy in the world consists of enabling us, through the gospel, to put on the new man (Col. 3:10). There is no room for mercy within the old man. If we want to have mercy, the old man must die, and the new man must live. As the elect of God, put on tender mercies. We must have the gospel.

· We therefore extend mercy, not on the basis of what the recipient has deserved, but rather on the basis of what we received without deserving it. We have been forgiven (v. 13); therefore we are to forgive. We have received mercy, and there is no better reason for extending it. And there are few better indicators that you have not received it, than a refusal to extend it.

· C.S. Lewis says somewhere that when God tells us to feed the poor, He does not give us cooking lessons. And it is here that we must distinguish between what is unique to special grace, and what we can gather from common grace in the world. You can learn how to cook from an unbeliever, and then go to feed the poor. You cannot learn the meaning of grace, mercy, and love from the nonbelievers. Learning this is crucial because we live in a time when numerous unbelievers claim that they have a firm grasp of the meaning of justice and mercy, and everything in between. Their posing can be revealed as the sham it is by simply bringing up the abortion issue. One of the Hebrew words for mercy is raham, closely related to the word for womb. A womb ought to be the best picture of mercy that our broken world has. But we have introduced stainless steel “choices,” and have made it a place of the most terrible cruelties. Anyone who is fine with that does not have the first inkling of what mercy is.

· Guilt is a terrible motivator in giving. True guilt motivates to one thing only—repentance and confession. False guilt is cultivated by some to enable them to “juice” the giving, but the law of diminishing returns always sets in. Once genuine guilt has done its job, for long term, healthy giving—running a marathon as opposed to a dash or a lunge—gratitude, joy, fullness, and love are absolutely necessary.

So these are our four foundational principles: First, God is merciful. Second, mercy is never earned. Third, those who hate mercy cannot love it. Fourth, perpetual guilt hates mercy.

Learning to Cook

Good intentions are not enough. How many meals have been burned by a cook with a sincere desire to feed the family? Zealous motives won’t make the bottom of the pan any less black. We saw above that holiness of heart is absolutely necessary. But it is not sufficient. Love the poor with your head, and not just your heart. A “good Samaritan” might move a guy after a wreck, and break his neck doing it. The Hippocratic Oath is apropos here— first, do no harm.

Americans in particular have to learn how to stop throwing money around. Secondly, we need to master the distinction between absolute and relative poverty. And third, we need to eradicate every vestige of zero sum thinking. We will be lousy cooks otherwise. But if we have resolved to become good cooks, we have a spacious kitchen before us, and wonderful opportunities.

Palm Sunday 2009: To His Own Master

Christ Church on April 5, 2009

Introduction

We have many times addressed how much we need to learn how to define our days in Christian terms. The salvation that Jesus Christ brought to the world was a public salvation. He was crucified in the public square, and His resurrection was not done in secret. Connected to this, we have to recognize that one of the most public aspects of any culture is the calendar they use. The secular state’s attempts to define time in secular terms is simply a desire to seize control of time, within which you may worship your private god . . . on the weekends. We have been resisting this peculiar form of encroachment for many years. But there is another important aspect to all of this. If we wanted to build a Christian library, a good place to start would be with biblical shelves, biblical forms, biblical containers. But we also need to be careful to fill those shelves up with biblical books. We must also be concerned with biblical content for a biblical calendar.

The Text

“Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days: 17Which are a shadow of things to come; but the body is of Christ. 18Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind, 19And not holding the Head, from which all the body by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and knit together, increaseth with the increase of God. 20Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances, 21(Touch not; taste not; handle not; 22Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? 23Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh” (Col 2:16-23).

Summary of the Text

This is Palm Sunday 2009, and next Lord’s Day is our celebration of Easter. We are finishing the season of Lent, a time of historic preparation for Easter. Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter, Ascension, Pentecost—these are the bookshelves. What kind of books shall we place there? In our text, note that there is a type of calendar observance concerning which Christians should beware of trouble. There is a type of old calendar observance which ought not to be brought over into the era of Christ (v. 16). The old Judaic calendar was a shadow of Christ, but we now have Christ Himself (v. 17). There is a beguiling attraction to “voluntary humility,” but it is only attractive to those with a puffed up fleshly mind (v. 18). This kind of thing does not hold fast to the Head, and does not grow into the body of Christ as it ought to do (v. 19). If you are dead with Christ to the “rudiments” of the world (v. 20), then why do you submit to decress that say “Don’t, don’t don’t” (v. 21)? These things perish with the using, and are in line with the commandments and ordinances of men (v. 22). And indeed, there is an appearance of wisdomin the aesceticism here, but this kind of thing is of no value in actually checking the indulgence of the flesh (v. 23).

First Things First

If the text says, in the first place, not to let anyone judge you with regard to food or drink, or with regard to holy days, then surely it should be a dubious application for you to begin your application of this text by judging somebody else for their food or drink, or their celebration of a holy day. Surely our application here should be in accordance with the apostle’s instructions—”One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it” (Rom. 14:5-6 ). Paul does not say what particular days were in view here, but surely if it applied to old covenant days that were carried by some over into the time of Christ, it would include observances like Lent. If somebody else observes the calendar differently than you do, then the best thing to do would be to follow the Pauline policy of letting them.

To Your Own Master

So as you and your family mark your days in the light of Christ’s coming, and at this time of year, in the light of His resurrection, what sorts of things should you be concentrating on? When it comes to observances like this, what should you be careful to remember? First, there are two kinds of observances. One remembers Christ and focuses on Him; the other obscures Him. We live after the Incarnation, which certainly allows for commemoration, but ought not to allow for commemorative shadows. Secondly, cling to anything that knits you more tightly to the Head, and not every bright religious idea does that. The discipline that is good for you is discipline that “increaseth with the increase of God.” God is not the one who specializes in taking away, decreasing. Third, discipline is good and necessary, and ascetism is not—which leads to the next point.

No Value

Note this translation of verse 23. “These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (Col 2:23, ESV ). They are of no value in stopping fleshly indulgence because, at bottom, they are fleshly indulgence. There is a very common religious turn of mind that supposes godliness consists of giving things up. As Paul says here, there is an appearance of wisdom in it, and I want to argue it is because there is an element of truth in it. A wise mother says no to a bunch of candy half an hour before dinner—a no that makes way for the yes. God says no to drunkenness because He wants to pour out His Spirit (Eph. 5: 18 ). An athlete in training says no to a number of lawful things so that he may obtain the yes of the trophy. If you havea friend giving things up for Lent, don’t accuse him of doing it the wrong way. Whether he is or not, you are judging him with regard to food and drink the wrong way.

But consider your own case. The counterfeit of godly, balanced discipline lurks nearby, and for conservative Bible believers, it is always right at the elbow, plucking at the sleeve. This is the notion that God is somehow pleased with no in its own right, for its own sake. It is this mentality that has destroyed sabbath keeping in the lives of many. “God says no because . . . because, well, because He just likes to! And He is God, so you have to let Him be like that.” This is a vision of God that lies deep in our bones, and we must learn to mortify it. For those who consider each day alike, God bless you. Keep after it, unto the Lord. Those who want to mark your days and months in terms of the Lord’s coming, His death and resurrection, as we as a congregation have been doing, should lean into it this way. Next year for Lent . . . add something. Read the New Testament. Visit the sick. Give money to famine relief. Memorize three psalms. No doubt you would have to give something up to accomplish such things, but if you did it right, you might not even know what it was.