Christ Church

On Loving the Standard (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #9)
Grace Sensing on July 7, 2024
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Sexual Decorum in the Home (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #8)

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INTRODUCTION

In some ways, this message will be like a lesson in firearms safety—one of the basic rules of firearm safety is that you should always treat all guns as if they were always loaded. We are all of us sexual beings, men and women, boys and girls, and as Christian disciples, we need to learn how to conduct ourselves accordingly, with propriety and decorum. 

THE TEXT

“Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1–2). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The apostle Paul is instructing Timothy on how to behave in an appropriate and pastoral way in the congregation of the Lord. The standards that apply in a decent household are used by Paul as the template for his instruction. The way we ought to behave in our households provides a pattern for how we should behave in the household of God. When a young pastor has to deal with folly in an older parishioner, he should not rebuke him, but rather entreat him the way you would plead with an aging father (v. 1). Younger men should be treated as brothers (v. 1). Older women should be regarded as mothers in Israel (v. 2). And then Paul comes to the sisters, where he tells Timothy to treat them as sisters. And how should sisters be treated? With all purity, with all holiness, with all comeliness (v. 2). This is necessary because every gun is always loaded.  

ARSONISTS AND FIREMEN

Given the times we find ourselves in, it is necessary for us to consider these things together. But in order for us to do so, I have to deal with a possible distraction first. As many of you know, over the history of our congregation, there have been various sexual scandals and pastoral snarls. And some of them have been kept in the public eye by our enemies for political purposes, over the course of decades. Because of this, some will want to say that we have no right to be talking about this subject at all. But if the protection of the church requires it, we have the obligation to address it.

As we do, just keep a few basic things in mind. Since this church was planted in 1975, the session of Christ Church has consistently acted in a biblical and honorable way with regard to the various situations that have arisen—not perfectly, but honorably. Second, an enormous number of lies have been told about us and it is often the case that the lies cannot be answered without betraying pastoral discretion and confidentiality. And we would rather be lied about than to expose any of you to the wolves. Third, it is clear that many of our critics have no idea what faithful pastors need to do. And last, some of our fiercest enemies are also carrying water for the pornification of America, the perverse grooming of drag queen story hours, and the pending legitimization of pedophiles—a.k.a “minor-attracted persons.” They are like arsonists critiquing the efficiency of fire fighters. While we are always willing to hear criticism, it would not be from the likes of them.       

 FATHER AND BROTHERS

One of the central obligations that the men of a family have is the protection of the household (Gen. 2:15), particularly of the more vulnerable members of that household (1 Pet. 3:7). Now if your first responsibility is the protection of your girls, then this begins with not being someone they need protection from. You are to protect them from snakes, and this begins with not being one.

Daughters and sisters grow up into women, a fact that is obvious to all with eyes in their head. The duty of the men in the house is to protect them by remaining warm, affectionate, and close—but not creepy close. As much as it is made fun of, there is a lot to be said for the Christian side-hug.

Third, you have a responsibility to behave like a gentleman (1 Pet. 3:7), treating the women in your house like ladies. There is a flippant and crass closeness that is also wildly inappropriate—innuendo or casual touching. Your home is not the locker room of your men’s rugby club.    

MOTHERS AND SISTERS

The women have a genuine responsibility in all of this as well. But because of feminist propaganda, we have come to treat those who believe in a woman’s moral agency as people who automatically “blame the victim.” This is ludicrous. Two things can be true at the same time—that thief ought not to have gotten into your car and stolen your wallet, one, and secondly, you shouldn’t have left your wallet on the dashboard with twenty-dollar bills sticking out of it. The thief should be arrested and prosecuted, of course, and all your friends should still call you an idiot. 

So there are two things that women should be prepared to do. One is that of comporting yourself in a chaste and modest fashion (Tit. 2:5). This begins with teaching little girls to “sit like a lady,” and it extends into the teen-age years, when their goal should be to adorn themselves in modesty (1 Tim. 2:9). The apostles of Christ do not call upon the young women to be cool, or fashionable, or “not dorky.” The goal is Christian modesty. The goal is NOT to be “not immodest.” Different things, different attitude altogether. You should not be asking yourself how short your shorts can be before you are definitely in sin, and then have your shorts be a millimeter longer than that.

The second thing that the girls of a household should be taught is the courage to be vocal about anything that makes you uncomfortable. The first level of this is preventative—getting people to back off. Tell your dad that you don’t like your brother coming into your bedroom like that. Tell your mom that you are too old to sit on dad’s lap. The second level is when pastors and/or legal authorities need to be informed and involved. This would be when anything of an explicit sexual nature has occurred. It is not your Christian duty to put up with that, or to make excuses for it, or to pretend that ignoring something is forgiveness. And incidentally, the same thing is true for boys. Do what you need to do, but do not enter into it lightly. You live in a time when false charges are too readily believed (Gen. 39:13-14), and so you should not play into that. But if it needs to be dealt with, then get the help you need to deal with it. 

BUT NEVER FORGET…

A topic like this is necessarily tawdry. But never forget that Christ came into a tawdry world, and He did it in order to suffer and die. And why?

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9–11).

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Child Rearing and Checking Accounts (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #7)


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INTRODUCTION

As with all checking accounts, it is important make deposits in the checking account of parental authority before attempting to write checks out of that account with an authoritative flourish in the signature. Like all checking accounts, there needs to be money in there. It is not reasonable to argue that you can’t be out of money because you still have some checks left.  

THE TEXT

“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

There is debate over whether this verse is given to us as a general proverb, or as hard-and-fast promise to parents that if children are brought up right they will never stray, or if the verse is talking about finding the right vocation for your child, and not talking about spiritual condition at all. 

It is not my purpose to settle that question, at least when it comes to this passage. The truth I want us to take from this passage, whatever it is talking about, is the general truth that it is easier to bend the sapling than it is to bend the full-grown oak. And when you bend the sapling, the results of what you have done are lasting results. 

Whatever the course you set for the child, that course will remain with him. Child discipline matters, in other words. What you do with your growing family is not a random roll of the dice. 

STANDING ON THE PROMISES

Allowing for various interpretations of Proverbs 22:6 does not mean that we are backing away from what we have previously taught about how Christian parents are invited to trust the Lord for the salvation of their kids. This is just a quick reminder—and for those who want to do a deep dive, there is the book Standing on the Promises. The first thing is that none of this is by works. We believe the promises of grace by faith alone, and this of course results in parental works. It is not driven by parental works. Christian parents are to teach their children to honor their parents (Eph. 6), and this is a command with a promise attached to it. Christian elders are supposed to imitated by the saints (Heb. 13:7, 17), and it is possible (and required) for Christian leaders to manage their homes in such a way as that their children are not lost or reprobate (1 Tim. 3:4-5; Tit. 1:6).

“Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations” (Deuteronomy 7:9). 

THREE BASIC PRINCIPLES

A garden of yes: Remember the pattern that God established in the garden. He gave our first parents a world full of yes, and with one prohibited tree in the whole world. There was only one no in the garden of yes. Too many Christian parents function with a garden of no, and the occasional and very intermittent yes in the middle of all the negativity. 

With this, you are establishing a place of joy, peace and fellowship. When the fellowship is broken (as it is by sin), children who are accustomed to the harmony of ordinary life are eager to get back into fellowship. But if ordinary time is a time of dull chronic pain, punctuated by the occasional dramatic “scene,” causing acute pain, then this is not what you want. Your highest parental priority should be your defense of a climate of fellowship—which is only possible in and through Christ.   

Ascent to maturity: if you are applying the principle of our text, you bend the sapling when it is a sapling, and you don’t try to bend a trunk that is a foot in diameter. To change the illustration, you put training wheels on your child’s first bike. You don’t put training wheels on their mountain bike because “now they might really get hurt.”

Too many parents are indulgent when sin is little and sometimes even cute. But this is the time when you should be establishing your authority, storing that authority up when you will be needing to “write checks” on it. Do not indulge your little ones, and then panic when they move into secondary school with a decade of “little or no discipline” under their belt. Now they can wreck a car and kill somebody. Now they can get into dank porn. Now they can get pregnant, or get someone pregnant. Now they can seriously damage their prospects for life, and so the temptation is to rush in and put training wheels on their mountain bike.  

Child Rearing by Grace: We are saved by grace through faith, and not of works lest anyone should boast (Eph. 2:8-9). But while we are not saved by good works, we are most certainly saved to good works. This is the meaning of the next verse. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).

Trusting God for your kids is not a matter of “pedaling harder.” Compare it to the promises of God concerning answered prayer. We are given a number of astonishing promises. But we know they are not vending machine promises, if for no other reason than the Lord’s prayer for deliverance in Gethsemane (Matt. 26:39). At the same time, the promises must mean something. “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive” (Matt. 21:22). “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you” (John 15:7). This is a place where we are invited to step into a place of trust, and when God enables us to do so, we can look to Him expectantly. It is same with your children.  

CHRIST ALL THE WAY THROUGH

The very best thing you can do for your children in the Lord is to be an “all-in” Christian. How does He call us to live? And remember that everything He demands from us, He is willing to pour Himself out in order to provide us with it. He writes those promissory notes in His own blood, remember. The second best thing you can do for your children in the Lord is to be an “all-in” husband, or an “all-in” wife. These are the good works you are called to. These are the good works that invite you into the way of peace.

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Child Discipline in Community (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #6)


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INTRODUCTION

When we baptize a child, one of the things we do is ask the congregation to take a vow together with the parents of the child. “Do you as a congregation undertake the responsibility of assisting these parents in the Christian nurture of this child? If so, then signify by saying amen.” There is a very real sense in which we are all in this together. While each of us should make sure we are carrying our own load (Gal. 6:5), at the same time we should also be careful to carry one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2), thus fulfilling the law of Christ. One of the things we should conclude from this is that there is a strong social component to child rearing.  

THE TEXT

“And the Lord said unto Moses, If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days? let her be shut out from the camp seven days, and after that let her be received in again. And Miriam was shut out from the camp seven days: and the people journeyed not till Miriam was brought in again” (Numbers 12:14–15). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

I grant at the outset that this is an odd stand-alone text to use for a sermon, but bear with me—the point will become apparent shortly. The story begins at the top of the chapter, where the introduction of a Cushite woman as a wife to Moses destabilized the leadership structure of Israel. We don’t know very much about her from Scripture, but according to Josephus, this was a woman who had been married to Moses back in the days of Egypt. She had been the queen of a city named Saba that Moses, an Egyptian prince and general, was besieging. She fell in love with him from the city wall, and offered to surrender the city if Moses would marry her, which he did. She was a Cushite, an Ethiopian, which meant she was black. But the only thing Scripture says about it is that Moses had married this woman, and it resulted in Miriam and Aaron challenging Moses’ leadership position. The Lord came down to adjudicate the challenge and as a consequence struck Miriam with leprosy. She hadn’t liked the black wife, so God gave her a little bit of extra whiteness. Aaron repented for the two of them and asked for mercy. Moses pleaded with the Lord for his brother and sister and our text contains His response.

If a father had but spit in his daughter’s face, she would be isolated for seven days. Miriam should at least bear that level of punishment (v. 14). And so that is what happened. Miriam was set apart for seven days, and Israel did not move until her confinement was completed (v. 15).  

SOCIETAL REINFORCEMENT

To get one thing out of the way immediately, we can all acknowledge that a father spitting in his daughter’s face is not something we would identify with great moments in child rearing. This is obviously a family with some serious dysfunction going on, and nobody here should want to be that dad. So don’t be that dad. Not ever.

The thing that is interesting, however, is that even in such a grim scenario, all the social pressure was applied to the daughter, not to the father. She was the one who was isolated from the camp for seven days, not the father. This default assumption seems almost inconceivable to us. 

A FEMINIST ETHOS

Because a feminist ethos has captured our culture—including even the thinking of many Christians—the end result has been an abandonment of society’s obligation to back up the authority of husbands, in the first instance, fathers in the second, and parents in the third. This means that husbands and fathers are on their own, and so they need to pull it off with moral authority, and not with any kind of recognized legal authority. Husbands and fathers have no back up anymore. 

This situation can be ameliorated somewhat when Christian families find a solid church that provides the kind of support a subculture can provide. But other than that, familial authority has no backing. And even when the church is solid, an apostatizing family member can just leave the church, and the church has no back up. This is very different from how it used to be. Consider what how the Westminster Confession describes about lawful divorce in cases of desertion—“such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the church, or civil magistrate” (WCF 24.6). There used to be a time when a spouse deserted, and the sheriff would just fetch them back.  

The problem is that many Christian husbands and fathers really need that kind of external support. Once a strong-willed child discovers that dad is no match for him, and that no reinforcements are coming from anywhere, he can assume his dictatorship of the home. 

And not only does our outside society not support godly parents who are seeking to bring their children up properly in the Lord, they are overtly hostile to the idea. Pediatricians will seek to speak to your child alone so they can ask if they have had suicidal thoughts. Hospitals will call CPS if you took your kids to the ER when he fell off his bike. Security cameras will be used to determine whether you spanked your child in the car in the grocery store parking lot.

WHAT CAN BE DONE?

If Christian parents are cast upon their moral authority alone, then one of the things they need to do is shore up their moral authority. We live in trouble times. Dedicate yourself to Christ anew. Remove all idols from your home—money, entertainment, athletics, whatever. Throw yourself into the Scriptures. Worship God faithfully with your family.

And our congregation, as a Christian community, should be making it a point to establish a strong network of shared biblical assumptions about marriage, family, education, and child rearing. We cannot supply all the support needed, but we can supply some.

And last, do not leave Christ out of the question. Jesu, defend us. This is part of the challenge of bringing the gospel of Christ to an unbelieving culture. They are going to assume that children are owned by the state, but you know better. Your children have the image of God on them, and so they may not be rendered to Caesar. “To God the things that are God’s.” And on top of that, they also have the mark of Christ on them, the water of baptism. The task of Christian parenting is the task of realizing that biblical child rearing is a custody battle between Christ and the state. 

So look to Him. Lean on Him. Trust in Him. He is the Christ, after all. 

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Discipline as Genuine Love (Biblical Child Discipline in an Age of Therapeutic Goo #5)


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INTRODUCTION

In our message last Lord’s Day, we defined what we mean by the word discipline. Our subject this week is “discipline as genuine love,” and so it is important to begin with a definition of love. What does it mean to love God, and what does it mean to love our neighbor? These are the two great commandments, and so we should know what they summon us to.

To love someone is to treat someone lawfully from the heart. To love God is to do what He calls us to do, and to do it from the heart. Nowhere does Scripture identify love with our emotional “feels,” that approach being an error that is currently destroying millions. At the same time, we are called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Dt. 6:4-9; Mark 12:30), and this would certainly include our “feels.” But this simply means that our emotions must be obedient, along with the rest of our being. But obeying commands is not the same thing as issuing commands. 

So loving God means doing what He says to do, from the heart. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). And His commandments include bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition, applying physical correction when necessary, and providing loving instruction all the time. 

THE TEXT

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). 

“And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, my son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:5–10). 

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Words like love and hate are to be defined by the Scriptures, and not by our emotional frame of mind. There are sentiments that we would call kind, or loving, or tender, but which are toxic by the standard of the Word. A man might mix up a batch of cyanide or arsenic, and it does not much matter how much emotional sugar was put into the recipe.

And so Proverbs defines hatred of a son—a form of disowning a son—as withholding the rod. But when we think of all the people who withhold this form of correction, what is it that motivates them? Is it what we normally call “hate?” No, it would be what we would normally call sentimentalism or, in its true colors, hatred.

The Hebrews passage teaches us something similar. One of our assurances of our adoption as sons is the fact that God chastens us. He doesn’t spank the neighbor kids, but rather His own (vv. 5-6). We should endure chastening, knowing it to be a mark of sonship (v. 7). If you don’t receive this kind of correction, then that is a sign that you are a bastard, and no legitimate heir (v. 8). If we revere our earthly fathers who do this, then how much more should we do the same with the Father of spirits (v. 9)? Our earthly fathers did it with temporal goals in view, but God has our holiness in mind (v. 10). Notice that while the goals may differ, the process of discipline is the same. 

THE COLD CONCRETE OF COVENANT

The illustration here is aimed at the relationship between parents and children, but it actually applies to all your relationships. But settle it in your minds first with regard to your marriage, and the children God has blessed you with. 

You build your household the same way you build a house. Go down into your basement and look at the concrete walls. They are hard, cold, straight, and gray. There is no warmth to them at all. And because there is no warmth there, it is possible to have warmth elsewhere. Now go upstairs and look at the living room—pillows on the sofa, curtains, soft carpet, pictures on the wall. The surroundings there are truly pleasant. But the only reason anything is pleasant is because the concrete is where the concrete is, and the living room stuff is in the living room. Roll up the carpet, gather the cushions, throw on the sofa, and try to erect a stud wall on it. It will be the wobbliest thing in the world, and this explains why your family interactions are so full of so much unedifying drama. 

THE GREATEST ACT OF LOVE

What was the greatest act of love ever rendered by a human being? The answer to that question has to be the love that Christ showed for us when He laid down His life as a sacrifice for sin—doing this when we were still in rebellion, still in our sins. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). This was the greatest act of love ever, and it is the template for measuring every other act of love (Eph. 5:25) .

And yet, Christ didn’t feel like it. “Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). And on the basis of what He felt, He prayed earnestly in the Garden of Gethsemene—asking His Father three times if the cup could pass from Him. “And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words” (Matthew 26:44). And so He obeyed the will of His Father, from the heart, and He did so for the joy that was set before Him. The joy was not behind Him, pushing, but there before Him, beckoning—the way a field of grain beckons a farmer doing the hard work of plowing the field months before (Heb. 12:11).

“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not” (1 John 3:1). 

The love we experience in our salvation is a triune love. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son (John 3:16). Everything the Son sees the Father doing, He also does, love included. “As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love” (John 15:9). And the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5). The persons of the Godhead always work together in harmonious unity. 

So there was love in the assignment of the mission, there was love in the execution of the mission, and love in the application of the mission. It began with love, and it ends with love, but there was agony in the middle. Our Savior was no sentimentalist, and neither should you be.

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