The Covenant Home Archives

The Covenant Home #7: Sketch of Godly Parents

Joe Harby on October 25, 2015

INTRODUCTION:

When we consider what parents should look like, what first comes to our mind’s eye? Our tendency is to rush to some sort of a “works orientation,” and not to rest in faith.

THE TEXTS:

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealedfrom faith to faith; as it is written, ‘The just shall live by faith’” (Rom. 1:16-17 ).

“Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercyfor a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments” (Dt. 7:9).

“Then they said to Him, ‘What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?’ Jesus answered and said to them, ‘This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent’” (John 6:28-29).

THE SKETCH:

Godly parents are characterized by their faith—which means they are confident, trusting, quiet, and serene. Of course godly parents exhibit good “work,” but it is the fruit of their faith. Their works exceed the righteousness of the Pharisees, but they would not dream of trusting in those works. Paul tells us in Philippians to work out our salvation, but God is at work in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:12). We are to work out what God works in. In the work of parenting, we are to work out what God works in. And nothing else.

The heart of godly parenting is therefore faith, and it is faith from beginning to end.

THE WAY IT WORKS:

The human race is divided in two categories—covenant keepers and covenant breakers. Now when we make this division, we immediately tend to assume that the covenant keepers do so on the basis of their works. But covenants with God are kept in only one way—by faith from first to last. Trusting in works is how we break the covenant.

Now in the covenant of salvation, God has been kind enough to promise you your children. You do not appropriate this promise through what you might do—although if you have appropriated it by faith, then that will affect what you do.

Consider the parallel challenge of promises for answered prayer: “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them” (Mark 11:24). These promises are not obtained from a vending machine, but the promises do mean something.

BASIC QUESTIONS:

First, covenant blessings are promised to whom?—God gives the promise to a thousand generations to those who keep his covenant. There are two aspects—those who are in covenant, and those who keep covenant.

Second, what do we do?—But what do we do to keep His covenant? What good things can we do? This brings us back to the words of Christ in John 6. This is the work of God . . . that you believe.

Third, real faith is the kind that gives way to constant believing—The trust and belief which we exhibit toward God is not a sporadic or momentary thing. This is what we see in the passage from Romans 1. The just shall live by faith.

Fourth, where does faith arise?—the Bible teaches that faith comes from hearing the Word of God. In the ministry of the Word, you hear God’s promises, and if the Holy Spirit gives you ears to hear that Word, then you will hear.

Fifth, what are we to believe?—we are to believe the Word of God, all of it, and with regard to this subject, you are to trust God at His word with regard to your children, and their children after them.

Sixth, when are we to believe?—as with other aspects of our lives, time and history matter. You cannot believe God’s promises for the salvation of a child if that child has already died in rebellion. This is another way of saying that there is a time of opportunity, and such a thing as too late. Now if a child is grown up and in rebellion as a direct result of how the child was brought up, God may still show grace and mercy. Pray that He does. But this grace would not be in ordinary fulfillment of covenant promises to covenant parents.

But the Question of Sovereignty Nags:

When parents panic, one of the questions they might ask is, “What if my children are not elect?” This question can be asked both by those who accept the doctrine of election, and those who do not, and who ask the question in order to illustrate a problem with it.
So remember the doctrine of means and ends—God does not ordain things willy-nilly. A good order and purpose attends all that He does.

Second, we all understand the principle elsewhere —if we consider the subject of evangelism, we understand that God is the final cause of everything, but that He ordains

the use of instrumental (secondary) causes to accomplish His purposes.

Third, we should simply apply this to our children—trusting God to keep His Word does not contradict His sovereignty. How could it? He made the promise as an expression of His sovereignty.

The Covenant Home #6: Common Sins of the Household

Joe Harby on October 11, 2015

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INTRODUCTION:

In a message on “common sins” in the household, it would be easy to focus on those common sins which everyone knows and acknowledges to be sins—complaining, fighting, etc. But the point this morning is to take a step or two back, and address some of the problems which set up the temptations for the garden-variety sins. Sins that we know to be sins are not as dangerous as sins that we believe to be virtues.

THE TEXT:

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, And the heart of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Mal. 4:5–6).

THE CONCERN:

The New Testament teaches us that this prophecy was fulfilled in Christ. John the Baptist came before the Lord came, and the point of his ministry (remember, a ministry of preparation) was to turn the hearts of fathers and children toward one another. Note also the alternative, which is a curse upon the earth. When fathers and mothers are honored, when things are spiritually healthy in the home, the result is blessing in the land. When fathers are harsh with their children, or when mothers are, the results are devastating. When the family breaks down, everything breaks down.

But simply having “traditional family values” in theory does not prevent such breakdowns. In recent years, some of the great moral failures have come from the traditionalist camp. The population of our church is such that thoughtful and biblical consideration of these sorts of temptations is an urgent necessity. How we educate and rear our children is a matter of central concern to us—we are dealing with hundreds of souls. This means that some plain dealing is pastorally necessary, whatever the issue— e.g. whether we are talking about homeschooling or about day schools like Logos, we have to think biblically.

COMMON ROOTS OF PARENTAL SINS:

We often deal with sins only when they bear fruit at the branch’s extremities. A lot of spiritual energy could be spared if we were willing to consider some of the root problems. Spiritual Neglect—those who do not know the condition of their own souls are in no position to shepherd the souls of others. “Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity” (Luke 8:14). Parents, take care that you do not neglect the state of your own soul. How is it with you and God? Busyness is not holiness.

Defensive Isolationism—“Wives, submit . . . Husbands, love . . . Children, obey . . . Fathers, do not provoke…” (Col. 3:18-21). The point here is not the content of Paul’s exhortations, but rather to note that they are given in the context of the church. We live in community; we are not a club of isolated individuals. This means that we are involved in one another’s lives, which in turn means that we are involved with one another’s children. We all takes vows at the baptisms here, which means something important. It is not a ceremonial ritual.

Many parents falsely assume that they know their children better than anyone else in the church. It would be more accurate to say that parents could know their children better if they studied the Word, and their children, with biblical wisdom. If they did, then they would know that “faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Prov. 27:6 ). And the way it shakes out is that most parents know their children better in many areas, and complete strangers know them better in others.

Ignorant Isolationism—Just as sin seeks out the darkness (John 3:19), so sin, on the same principle, seeks lack of accountability. But Paul is blunt in his application of this principle. “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12). This is sadly a common problem among those who homeschool. Consequently, when problems arise, they are not often identified until it is too late to do anything about it.

Presumption—far from neglecting community, this is a sin which relies entirely on “community.” “All we have to do,” it is thought, “is enroll our children in Logos, attend church, make sure that we hang around enough, and everything will turn out all right.” No, it won’t. When parents do not exercise a godly and wise oversight of their children, bad things regularly and routinely happen, regardless of the community in which the children live, and regardless of the school they attend. The best school in the world is no substitute for godly parents.

Chasing after fads—“that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ” (Eph. 4:14-15). These fads we may divide into two categories— those which fit this description from Ephesians exactly, and are necessarily destructive in their effects. All anti-biblical legalisms would fit into this category.

But we must also include those things which could be fruitful and constructive if approached with wisdom—courtship, homeschooling, and the rest of it. But stampedes never bring wisdom. Bad things implemented stupidly do a lot of damage. Good things implemented stupidly do even more damage. Reformation is never brought about by plugging some formula. This includes educational formulae. It includes childrearing

formulae.

When you imitate the wise, you grow from the inside. When you copy the wise, nothing much happens. You wind up copying the wrong things entirely. Instead of imitating a godly father’s patience, you wind up copying what kind of minivan he bought.

The Covenant Home #5: The Federal Family

Joe Harby on September 27, 2015

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INTRODUCTION:

We have already seen that marriages are covenant entities. This is no less true of the fruit of such covenant unions. The family is not established by custom, or by legislation. The family is established and defined by the Word of God alone.

THE TEXT:

And his sons would go and feast in their houses, each on his appointed day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did regularly (Job 1:4-5).

THE ISSUE:

In this text, Job does not offer sacrifices because of a feeling of guilt, or to cover for his parental failures. This practice of his is actually described as an example of his righteousness. He does this because he knew the nature of his responsibility. But notice how far he extends his responsibilities. He stands before God on account of what any of his children might have done in their hearts. Job is not a man to make excuses.

COVENANT THINKING:

Parents frequently struggle with the issues surrounding personal responsibility because the individualism of our age has taught them to think of responsibility in either/or terms instead of both/and. But parental responsibility and the responsibility of children are not to be understood as two billiard balls which cannot occupy the same place.

We tend to think, “Either he is responsible or I am.” Or sometimes we divide the responsibility—50/50, or 70/30. But it must always, we think, add up to 100. But covenants are historical and hierarchical. Responsibility of this kind does not divide, but multiplies and ascends.

Certain key principles are essential in order to come to understand this.

This is preserving personhood—the assumption of covenant responsibility by parents does not diminish the personal responsibility of each child for everything he does and thinks; rather, it strengthens it. Beware the false dichotomy between individualism and “patriarchalism.”

It is not condemning, but liberating—as Job considered the situation, his assumption of responsibility meant that he knew exactly what he was supposed to do. This thing is hard, but not difficult. It is simple to understand, which is good, because it is hard to do. Swallow your pride, which is hard to get down, and then stand up and do a very simple thing.

We see in this the point of unity—apart from this covenantal thinking, adversarial thinking develops in the family.”

You are over there, and I am over here, and we each have our perspective.” Covenantal thinking is the biblical basis for being able to say we.

We understand the sacrifices—Job offered animal sacrifices because he lived prior to the coming of Christ. We plead the sacrifice of Christ to accompany our prayer, but the content of our prayers taking responsibility should be the same as his.

APPLICATIONS:

Every doctrine lives as it is applied, and no other way.

Obedience—this is simply a question of having an obedient mind. This is not a technique, it is a mind of wisdom. Wisdom is not canned; responsibility cannot be freeze-dried. Distinguish application from mindless conformity.

Decision-making—after a decision is made, then the entire family can say, for example, that “we are doing thus and such.” This is only possible because “we decided to do it.” The fact that the decision was made through the covenant head does not affect that unity. If my head decides to go somewhere, my feet go too.

Before the Lord—but the best place to put these truths into practice is in your prayer life. Notice that Job did not use his covenantal understanding as a foundation for nagging. He did not show up at the kids’ places, saying, “Now you all know how responsible I
feel . . .” He sacrifices before the Lord, and stands before the Lord.

Anti-covenantal, pietistic thinking works this way: “I caught my son using porn. That’s not how we taught him. He should know better. How could he .. .?” Covenantal thinking works this way: “Father, it looks as though lust has a foothold in our home. We come before You in the name of Jesus to confess our fault in this.”

The Covenant Home #4

Joe Harby on September 20, 2015

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INTRODUCTION:

We should recall that a firm understanding of the husband’s federal responsibilities does not diminish in any way a woman’s personal responsibility to be a godly wife, but rather provides a firm foundation for her.

THE TEXT:

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones” (Prov. 12:4).

A TRUE HELP NEEDED:

Many women tend to assume that their intentions are the measurement of what they have contributed to a marriage. Because God created them to be a help to their husbands, they have every intention of being a help. But help is measured by the Word of God, and not by a woman’s intentions. We might be reminded of C.S. Lewis’ observation of a particular kind of women, i.e. the kind of woman who lived for “others.” You could tell who the “others” were by their hunted expression.

If this causes panic, do not address it by coming to your husband and asking, “Am I help to you? Really?” In a congregation this size, it is safe to say that some of you are not a help, but rather a nuisance. e live in a sinful world, and sin gets into marriages. If this concerns you, then look to the mirror of the Word. You may be able to manipulate your husband with your tears, but the Word remains constant. This is obviously not a sentimental approach to marriage, but it may help if what is needed is true repentance.

A WOMAN TO BE PRAISED:

First, a godly woman knows how to respect her husband. When God requires
our respective duties of us, he does not require that women love their husbands. Of course as Christians we are all to love our neighbors, which includes a woman’s husband. But when Scripture tells wives to focus on particular duties, what is mentioned to wives is respect, and not love. In Titus 2:3-5, the older women are told to teach the younger women to be “husband-lovers,” which should be rendered as “into husbands.” The word for love refers to a warm affection.

Second, a godly woman manages her home well—“. . . that they admonish the young women to . . . be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:3-5). “She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness” Prov. 31:27). A godly wife has

managerial responsibilities and must develop and cultivate managerial skills. She is the

executive officer of the home.

Third, a godly woman is mistress of her tongue—“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Prov. 31:26). Many women tear their homes apart with their niggling, whining, complaining, resentful comments, carping, and criticizing. hen those in your household think of your words, does the phrase “law of kindness” come to mind?

Next, a godly woman is sexually responsive: “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (Song of Songs 7:10). A woman should be a locked garden, which no one may approach but her husband. But the woman should not be a safe, one who changes the combination every other day or so. Women who are difficult to approach sexually are women who want their husbands to wander. This does not give him any right to wander, but we all have enough temptations already.

Fifth, a godly woman shops wisely and well. Her husband must provide her with the wherewithal. When he has done so, “she brings her food from afar” (Prov. 31:14). Shopping for groceries and clothing is not her entertainment; it is her vocational responsibility. Some women are good at it, while others are wasteful.

After this, a godly woman is a good cook— “She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household . . .” (Prov. 31:15). As the executive of the home, she is aware of the importance of good food.

Seventh, a godly woman is theologically educated—“Let a woman learn . . . (1 Tim. 2:11 ). We sometimes wrongly emphasize that women should learn in all submission. The

point is that Paul requires them to learn, and to do so in a certain way.

Eighth, a godly woman respects masculine leadership—“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church” (1Cor. 14:34-35; cf. 1 Tim. 2:11-15; Prov. 31:20). In our time, it is particularly important for women to resist the lies of feminism as dangerous heresy.

But ninth, a godly woman s involved in the mission of the Church—“And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life” (Phil. 4:3; cf. Rom. 16:1; Acts 18:26). Those who say that evangelism is for the men, or that Bible studies are, or apologetics, don’t get it.

Tenth, a godly woman dresses nicely—“Her clothing s fine linen and purple” (Prov.

31:22). Modesty and decorum do not require dressing in a mattress sack. And with all the

references to perfume in the Song, a woman should take care to smell good.

Eleventh, a godly woman honors her husband with her hair—“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man” (1 Cor. 11:7). A godly woman should know her hair is a daily sermon on how her husband is doing.

The Covenant Home #8: Worldview Parenting