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How to Grow in Christ (Practical Christianity #10) (King’s Cross)
Christ Church on May 30, 2025
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Dealing with Difficult People (CC Downtown)

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INTRODUCTION

This may be a bit of a public service announcement, but in this world there are difficult people. Such strained relationships are difficult to navigate. There are the wearisome conversations. There might be false accusations. There may be betrayals. There may even be a sense of danger, or a threat of violence. Such relationships may literally cause you to lose sleep. But this Psalm presents us with a case study in how we should deal with all variety of difficult people.

THE TEXT

A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. LORD, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah. I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly. Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah. Psalm 3:1-8 KJV

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The backdrop of this prayer is the rebellion of Absalom, a poignantly painful episode in David’s life. As David fled from Jerusalem he really was outnumbered. He had his family, his servants, and a troop of 600 Gittites (1 Sam. 27:2–3; 2 Sam. 15:18). Meanwhile, it seemed as if Absalom’s following had swelled to a great host. As David laid down to sleep that night, you can imagine his well-experienced martial mind drifting into military strategy. He had slain his tens of thousands, but as this prayer expresses, he is overwhelmed by the magnitude of his troublers (v1). But more severe than the mere multitude of enemies is their accusation (v2). They say that God won’t help him. Certainly, David, in his later years, had sinned badly. The Bathsheba incident had most certainly be a scandal. The rape of Absalom’s sister had also been shameful. It would be the easiest thing in the world for people to look at David with suspicion that the glory had bypassed him, the blessing had departed, God had abandoned him.

But David, in laying down to sleep confesses that the Lord is His shield. As he lay encamped in the wilderness, on the run from his own son, fearful that he might not make it through the night, he looks to God as a shield. Not only a shield, but also David’s glory, and the One who would lift his head (v3). David’s midnight cry is that though Jerusalem be overrun with David’s enemies, the ears of the Lord, who was seated in Jerusalem, were open to David’s pleas (v4).

In this condition, surrounded by earthly enemies but securely trusting in the true King of Israel, he lies down to sleep (v5a). When he arises in the dawn, he rises with a joyful triumph. The enemies which concerned him in the dark of midnight are nowhere to be seen, and he takes this as a certain sign that since God saw him through the night, he need not fear the host that was hunting for him (vv5b-6).

In fact, in the clear light of dawn he takes heart that even in the worst case scenario, God hears him. Thus, he asks boldly for his enemies to be utterly embarrassed and brought down in shame (v7). Where does such confidence arise? Did David suddenly have more soldiers at his disposal? Did he get news that Absalom had retreated? Did his circumstance change at all? No. His confidence arose from the certainty of that salvation belongs to the Lord, and thus blessing rests upon the Lord’s people (v8).

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

David faces a few sorts of enemies in this passage. First, and most obviously, he is dealing with a close family member who has not only betrayed him but is actively trying to take absolutely everything from him. David’s son was trying to kill him. That puts a real damper on a relationship. Second, he has numerous enemies who are simply following the herd; these enemies were once his subjects but who deserted him when the latest charismatic leader came through. Third are the enemies, like Shimei, who taunt David with his failures and insist that God has left him, accusing him of being a hopeless mess and a lost cause.

When someone close to you betrays you or is out to get you, the emotional pain is certainly deep. The nearness of the relationship makes the blade of betrayal sting all the more. With family and close friends we “let down our guard.” Thus, we might feel unshielded. But notice that David does not wallow in that pain. David simply acknowledges that God is his shield. The Psalms note elsewhere that though father and mother forsake us, the Lord will lift us up. It would be naive to think, and yet we often make the assumption, that families ties are a shield against sorrow. But this is to put your trust in man, and not in God who is your shield.

Now, consider the crowd of enemies. Crowds are fickle. Crowds may be behind you in fair weather, but against you in foul weather. The crowd who sang your praises one day, may want your head the next. Thus, you must never ground your faith on where the crowd stands. Be faithful to God, even if it means standing alone. Are you obedient to God simply because of the size of the crowd or because of the Bible’s instruction? Don’t bemoan the desertion. Instead, wake up, look around, and if the Lord has sustained you then don’t fret about the size of the enemy army.

In dealing with the false accusers you must remember that often there is enough truth in their accusation so as to sound plausible to both yourself and others. However, if you’ve confessed your sins in true repentance (as David plainly does in Ps. 51), such accusations are like spider webs. When Satan accuses you of being a miserable sinner, say with John Newton, “But Christ is an great Savior.” Secondly, do not take the bait. Such accusations are only of use to make you flinch and cripple you with doubt, insecurity, and fear. Confess your sin, and stand up straight. Have you repented? Then whatever they say can’t be nearly as bad as what you already told the Lord about. Do you trust in Christ? Then there is all your hope and righteousness.

PRAYING FOR BROKEN JAWS

The language of verse 7 might make us blush a bit. Are we allowed to pray such things? But this is a prayer of true faith. It is imperative that in dealing with our foes we bear in mind that the judge of all the earth will do rightly. In the final judgement there will not be one injustice that sneaks past His discerning eye. There will be no backroom deals that escape His notice. Which means we ought to pray such things with a certain faith in the final judgement. This forces us to discern the face of Christ in this ancient prayer.

CHRIST IN THE MORNING

There really are significant Christological pictures here. Christ, the son of David was surrounded by His enemies. He lay down in His burial. But rose again in the morning. After His resurrection He went forth to scatter all His enemies. He now has the rod of conquest in His hand. His enemies will soon feel the smart of His judgement upon their cheeks.

In other words, David’s prayer is prophetic. He sees that death and resurrection is how God will deal with His enemies. So why would you deal with your enemies any other way? In facing your own foes you must keep Christ’s resurrection in mind and imitate it in your dealings with those who are betraying you, forsaking you, slandering you, or accusing you. Do you have enemies? Die and rise. Go to sleep and awake in faith.

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Parenting Basics (Practical Christianity #8) (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

Think of the task of parenting like teaching a child how to ride a bike: When children are very young (0-5), you must do everything for them; in the middle years (6-11), they are beginning to make some choices with lots of guidance and correction; and in the later years (12-17), they are beginning to act independently, with the goal of sometime in late high school telling your child that they are free to do as they please in Christ.

The Text: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6)

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The central principle here is that training has a trajectory. We often say practice makes perfect, but it’s also true to say that practice tends to make permanent. What you practice with your children will become habitual.

Literally, the text says to “narrow” a child or if we think of Psalm 127’s picture of children as arrows, we might say “make straight” or “sharpen.” We are to do this shaping and sharpening particularly at the “mouth of his path.” We speak of the “mouth of a river” as the beginning or source, so this is emphasizing the early years of childhood as being particularly significant. And the goal is not merely adulthood but even faithfulness in old age. An older minister once said that parents get their report card when their grandchildren are walking with the Lord and thriving. But this goes further, suggesting that we are aiming for when they are grandparents, which would be to see your great-grandkids walking with the Lord.

WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG

When children are very young, faithful parenting means running a benevolent totalitarian dictatorship. You are teaching them initially simply what it means to be human. This will not crush their personalities; it will give them the raw material to develop their gifts and personalities. During these years, the fundamental instruction that God gives to children is to obey (Eph. 6:1). Obedience is right away, all the way, and cheerfully. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Incomplete obedience is disobedience. Fussing, stomping, eye-rolling, back-chatting obedience is disobedience. The reason for this is because God requires all of us to obey Him right away, all the way, and cheerfully.

During these years, spanking is most prevalent. Despite all the claims that spanking only teaches children to hit, Scripture says that “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). Sometimes parents wish there was some way to get to the soul of a child, and the Bible says, “If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Prov. 23:14). Spanking should be calm, judicious, and include full restoration of fellowship. Remember too that spanking is really only effective as a tool of restoring joy and fellowship – which means that you must have a baseline of joy and fellowship.

THE ELEMENTARY YEARS

During the elementary years, children are beginning to have thoughts and opinions, but they still need a lot of coaching. In fact, think about good parenting as good coaching. These people just arrived here a few years ago, and they don’t know hardly anything. Good coaches must explain and practice, explain and drill, over and over (and over). This means that parents must prepare their children for the challenges they will face, like getting ready for the game. Many parents, fathers in particular, provoke their children to wrath by not preparing them for what they will face (Eph. 6:4). What can your children expect at school? What about birthday parties? Shopping? Church? Many times the failures of children are actually report cards for parents.

So practice obedience regularly. Talk through what it might look like to have guests over for dinner. Practice for church. Practice for birthday parties. Practice cheerful, immediate obedience. Play obedience games. Give opportunities for “do-overs.” Practice makes perfect and permanent. Jesus frequently promises rewards for obedience. There is no reason why parents cannot do the same. You shouldn’t be constantly bribing or threatening, but it’s fine to make obedience fun and rewarding.

Like good coaches, remember that encouragement and praise is potent, especially when dads do it. When God showed up at the baptism of Jesus, the example He gave us was His beaming pleasure, “This is my son in whom I am well pleased” (Mt. 3:17). Say it out loud; say it often: “I love you.” “I’m proud of you.” “You are beautiful/handsome.” As well as many hugs. And in this context teach and praise the glories of masculinity and femininity.

THE HIGH SCHOOL YEARS

As children transition into high school years, they really are beginning to practice adulthood. They are away from home more often with sports or school or jobs or friends. They still need your guidance, but they also need your respect and honor. Many parents talk to their teenagers in ways that they would never speak to another adult, maybe not even how you would speak to a teenager from another family. While children must still be submissive to their parents, the goal of parenting during these years ought to be fellowship, friendship, and building deep loyalty and trust.

While all media and entertainment and technology must be carefully limited and monitored when children are younger, during these years, there should be some careful practice with use of phones, social media, etc. They will be launching into the real world shortly and need to learn how to be wise with these tools. Use of monitoring software, time limits, filters, and so on can be very helpful for parents and older teens.

The goal is to be able to tell your son or daughter in late high school that they are free to do as they please in Christ. You want to let go of the bike and let them take a few turns in your driveway before they head out into the world.

CONCLUSION

The goal of Christian parenting is not merely that our children would survive. Our goal is that our children would thrive. We do not merely want to protect our children from bad influence; we want our children to be dangerous to unbelief and darkness.

No parents have ever done this perfectly, and all of this is only possible by the grace of God. That grace begins with repentance for sins. And there’s nothing quit so potent as parents who repent to and in front of their kids.

When you repent, you prove that this is not fundamentally about you or your authority; rather, it is about Christ and His authority.

Finally, remember that God’s grace always meets us where we are instead of where we should have been. That’s why it’s grace. And if you’re in a place with your kids where it’s been kind of bumpy or gnarly, start over now.

Grace is God’s gift of starting over. His mercies are new every morning because Christ died and rose again to make all things new.

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Older Children and Honoring Parents (Practical Christianity #7) (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

As we continue our series on Practical Christianity, this is a message for older teens, young adults, and college students about honoring parents. It is natural for this phase of life to present challenges because you are launching into adulthood, and your parents are just old enough now to not remember very well what it was like (ha).

There are responsibilities assigned to parents (like not being exasperating), but this is a message aimed at young people, and it is particularly aimed at this coming summer. Some of you will be going home for the summer, and on top of the ordinary growing up challenges, changes in proximity, time spent together, and different routines are new opportunities to practice honor.

The Text: “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:32).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The central command of Scripture for young people is to honor their parents, which is the first command with a blessing (Ex. 20:12, Dt. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3). This honor is tied specifically to the fear of God, and failure to honor the age, experience, and wisdom of your parents, grandparents, and other older authorities in your life is to dishonor God Himself (Lev. 19:32). Here, the command is to “rise up” before those with grey hair (Lev. 19:32). It is still a sign of honor in culture to stand when someone of importance enters a room. This is a practical way to show honor to the “face” of elders. This requires respectful words, facial expressions, and tone of voice. All sarcasm, eye-rolling, and dismissive or disdainful talk is a direct assault on God Himself, whose law included the death penalty for reviling parents (Mk. 7:10).

Scripture ties honor and fear together in a number of places: “The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor is humility” (Prov. 15:33). This means that humility is central to showing honor. You can’t learn wisdom if you don’t fear the Lord, and you can’t show honor if you don’t have humility. Humility means being teachable, being eager and willing to learn from your parents and elders, seeking their wisdom and counsel, listening carefully to them.

“Wherefore the Lord said, forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men” (Is. 29:13). Here the prophet describes how people are fully capable of superficial honor and fear. This is a form of flattery and manipulation: it is not from the heart, and it is only the bare minimum and perfunctory. It has the attitude of “I did what you said; now get off my back.” But God sees such insolence, and He is not mocked (Gal. 6:7).

WHEN YOU’VE LEARNED A BUNCH OF NEW STUFF

Part of growing up is figuring out that your parents don’t know everything and aren’t right about everything. And when you go off to rigorous Christian high schools and colleges or just adulthood, you will often find that you learn new things that you were never taught by your parents or maybe your parents even disagree with (e.g. Calvinism, baptism, eschatology, worship). The temptation is pride and/or resentment. But if you just learned it, and you really have grown in wisdom, part of what you also need to learn is humility. Do you now know everything? Are you now right about everything? Not hardly.

Also, remember that there’s nothing quite so rhetorically ineffective as a know-it-all sophomore. Humility is far more persuasive than haughtiness. Some of the stuff you learned might be worth sharing, but you should share it like some fantastic new food or game you discovered. Share it with love and joy. And if your folks aren’t into it, be gracious and patient, not surly.

GETTING ALONG

A lot of the challenges during these years swirl around freedom. If you lived away at college for the year and you go home for the summer, you will have had the freedom to set your schedule and make many of your own choices for 9 months, and then you might suddenly find yourself back home with your mom asking how late you plan to be out or your dad wondering why you’re sleeping till noon. (And just for the record, your pastor back at college is also wondering why you’re sleeping till noon.)

First off, if you’re going home for the summer, then prepare your heart to be under more authority for the summer. They will probably be paying for a lot of your food, not to mention a bunch of other stuff. If you’re living in their house, you need to submit to their house rules. If you’re still in high school and your parents basically provide everything, your central heart attitude needs to be deep gratitude. Don’t be a Dudley Dursley fussing about only having 36 birthday presents.

Second, the path to true freedom is taking responsibility. Freedom is not doing whatever you want whenever you want. That’s actually a form of tyranny: “As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a wicked ruler over the poor people” (Prov. 28:15). Someone who insists on doing whatever they want regardless of how it affects themselves or those around them is a roaring lion or a ranging bear. We might also call you a Democrat. Taking responsibility means using your time wisely, fulfilling your obligations (chores, jobs), thinking about how your actions/plans might affect those around you, and serving your family gladly. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13).

Third, after getting your heart right and embracing your responsibilities, if your mom is still asking if you brushed your teeth, try having a cheerful (not exasperated) conversation about it. Remember, parents are people too.

CONCLUSION: MY LIFE FOR YOURS

The gospel in action can be described as “my life for yours.” Jesus is emphatic: “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you” (Jn. 15:12). And how has Christ loved you? “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Christ displayed God’s love by laying His life down for sinners like us.

And the thing to note here is that the gospel is entirely one sided. You weren’t a worthy recipient of any of it. It was all grace. This is Christian love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Mt. 5:46 ESV)

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Pet. 3:8 ESV). So the charge is to honor your father and mother, and so be a great gospel blessing to them this summer.

This is not just “what you’re supposed to do,” it is a great blessing to them and that will be a great blessing to you.

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