Christ ChurchOlder Children and Honoring Parents (Practical Christianity #7) (King’s Cross)
INTRODUCTION
As we continue our series on Practical Christianity, this is a message for older teens, young adults, and college students about honoring parents. It is natural for this phase of life to present challenges because you are launching into adulthood, and your parents are just old enough now to not remember very well what it was like (ha).
There are responsibilities assigned to parents (like not being exasperating), but this is a message aimed at young people, and it is particularly aimed at this coming summer. Some of you will be going home for the summer, and on top of the ordinary growing up challenges, changes in proximity, time spent together, and different routines are new opportunities to practice honor.
The Text: “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:32).
SUMMARY OF THE TEXT
The central command of Scripture for young people is to honor their parents, which is the first command with a blessing (Ex. 20:12, Dt. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3). This honor is tied specifically to the fear of God, and failure to honor the age, experience, and wisdom of your parents, grandparents, and other older authorities in your life is to dishonor God Himself (Lev. 19:32). Here, the command is to “rise up” before those with grey hair (Lev. 19:32). It is still a sign of honor in culture to stand when someone of importance enters a room. This is a practical way to show honor to the “face” of elders. This requires respectful words, facial expressions, and tone of voice. All sarcasm, eye-rolling, and dismissive or disdainful talk is a direct assault on God Himself, whose law included the death penalty for reviling parents (Mk. 7:10).
Scripture ties honor and fear together in a number of places: “The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor is humility” (Prov. 15:33). This means that humility is central to showing honor. You can’t learn wisdom if you don’t fear the Lord, and you can’t show honor if you don’t have humility. Humility means being teachable, being eager and willing to learn from your parents and elders, seeking their wisdom and counsel, listening carefully to them.
“Wherefore the Lord said, forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men” (Is. 29:13). Here the prophet describes how people are fully capable of superficial honor and fear. This is a form of flattery and manipulation: it is not from the heart, and it is only the bare minimum and perfunctory. It has the attitude of “I did what you said; now get off my back.” But God sees such insolence, and He is not mocked (Gal. 6:7).
WHEN YOU’VE LEARNED A BUNCH OF NEW STUFF
Part of growing up is figuring out that your parents don’t know everything and aren’t right about everything. And when you go off to rigorous Christian high schools and colleges or just adulthood, you will often find that you learn new things that you were never taught by your parents or maybe your parents even disagree with (e.g. Calvinism, baptism, eschatology, worship). The temptation is pride and/or resentment. But if you just learned it, and you really have grown in wisdom, part of what you also need to learn is humility. Do you now know everything? Are you now right about everything? Not hardly.
Also, remember that there’s nothing quite so rhetorically ineffective as a know-it-all sophomore. Humility is far more persuasive than haughtiness. Some of the stuff you learned might be worth sharing, but you should share it like some fantastic new food or game you discovered. Share it with love and joy. And if your folks aren’t into it, be gracious and patient, not surly.
GETTING ALONG
A lot of the challenges during these years swirl around freedom. If you lived away at college for the year and you go home for the summer, you will have had the freedom to set your schedule and make many of your own choices for 9 months, and then you might suddenly find yourself back home with your mom asking how late you plan to be out or your dad wondering why you’re sleeping till noon. (And just for the record, your pastor back at college is also wondering why you’re sleeping till noon.)
First off, if you’re going home for the summer, then prepare your heart to be under more authority for the summer. They will probably be paying for a lot of your food, not to mention a bunch of other stuff. If you’re living in their house, you need to submit to their house rules. If you’re still in high school and your parents basically provide everything, your central heart attitude needs to be deep gratitude. Don’t be a Dudley Dursley fussing about only having 36 birthday presents.
Second, the path to true freedom is taking responsibility. Freedom is not doing whatever you want whenever you want. That’s actually a form of tyranny: “As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a wicked ruler over the poor people” (Prov. 28:15). Someone who insists on doing whatever they want regardless of how it affects themselves or those around them is a roaring lion or a ranging bear. We might also call you a Democrat. Taking responsibility means using your time wisely, fulfilling your obligations (chores, jobs), thinking about how your actions/plans might affect those around you, and serving your family gladly. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13).
Third, after getting your heart right and embracing your responsibilities, if your mom is still asking if you brushed your teeth, try having a cheerful (not exasperated) conversation about it. Remember, parents are people too.
CONCLUSION: MY LIFE FOR YOURS
The gospel in action can be described as “my life for yours.” Jesus is emphatic: “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you” (Jn. 15:12). And how has Christ loved you? “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Christ displayed God’s love by laying His life down for sinners like us.
And the thing to note here is that the gospel is entirely one sided. You weren’t a worthy recipient of any of it. It was all grace. This is Christian love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Mt. 5:46 ESV)
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Pet. 3:8 ESV). So the charge is to honor your father and mother, and so be a great gospel blessing to them this summer.
This is not just “what you’re supposed to do,” it is a great blessing to them and that will be a great blessing to you.
Biblical Counsel vs. Psychology (Practical Christianity #6) (King’s Cross)
INTRODUCTION
We live in a therapeutic age, and we must acknowledge that humanistic therapies and psychologies have become in large part rival religions to Christianity. While the Dominion Mandate certainly includes studying the
science of the brain, there have been antagonistic philosophies at work in much of the secular therapy world. There are many trials in this life, but God has given us His sure word to comfort our hearts (Rom. 15:4).
The Text: “And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican…” (Lk. 18:9-14).
SUMMARY OF THE TEXT
This parable is for those who trust in themselves, think they are right, and thereby, whether they know it or not, despise others (Lk. 19:9). Jesus chose for the parable a man from one of the most respected classes (Pharisees) and a man from one of the most despised classes (tax collectors) (Lk. 18:10). The Pharisee prays in the temple with a lot of gratitude, and he is thankful that he hasn’t fallen into many different sins, and for the spiritual disciplines of fasting and tithing (Lk. 18:11-12). The tax collector, on the other hand, stood in the back, and refusing to even look up, simply begged God for mercy (Lk. 18:13). And Jesus says that the beggar went home made right, but the other was not because God exalts the humble and humiliates the proud (Lk. 18:14).
THERAPEUTIC FAILURE
Much like the Pharisees, the medical profession has been one of the most respected classes in our modern world because of their (often) selfless service in saving and protecting life. But where there is much good, there is also often a temptation to arrogance and pride, and right after that, much evil (think abortion, trans-surgeries, COVID madness). It is often assumed that if someone has good intentions and wants to “help people,” they must be virtuous and doing some good. But we really ought to have a bit more biblical cynicism. Thoreau once said, “If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.” Good intentions are not enough.
Since the explosion of humanistic therapies over the last century, one wonders what good it has done us. As one commentator put it, “Despite the creation of a virtual army of psychiatrists, psychologists, psychometrists, counselors, and social workers, there has been no letup in the rate of mental illness, suicide, alcoholism, drug addiction, child abuse, divorce, murder, and general mayhem. Contrary to what one might expect in a society so carefully analyzed and attended to by mental health experts, there has been an increase in all these categories.” Like the woman in the gospels, we have suffered many things from many physicians, and we have only gotten worse (Mk. 5:26). It is also striking that while therapies have increased, Biblical preaching and counseling has largely cratered, with a great deal of it simply echoing therapeutic mantras.
SELF-ESTEEM VS. DIGNITY OF GUILT
At the very center of the problem with many therapies is an anti-Christian anthropology (doctrine of man). The assumption of much humanistic psychology is that people are basically good and bad feelings and habits are a result of their environment (e.g. what has been done to them, chemicals in their brain, genes, deprivation, weather, poverty, etc.). But Scripture teaches that despite the real challenges in our fallen environments, every human being is born in sin, inclined to sin, and morally culpable for their actions and reactions to their environments (Rom. 3). This is the dignity of guilt. The humanist wants to absolve humans of guilt and so destroys human agency: “it isn’t your fault, it was your dad, your mom, your brain, the weather, the economy…” But by blaming everything else, the humanist destroys the individual’s meaning and value. Some of God’s kindest words in Genesis 3 are “because you have done this…”
And this brings us back to the parable. Humanistic psychology often preaches a gospel of pride and self-esteem: talk about how good you are, how valuable you are, all your accomplishments, think positive. But Jesus says that is the path to humiliation and shame: everyone that exalts himself will be (the Greek word is literally) “depressed” (Lk. 18:14). People are often depressed because they are constantly trying to lift themselves up, prove themselves, have high self-esteem. But the gospel, the “good news” of Jesus Christ, begins with the dignity of guilt: “All have sinned.” And the first step towards healing is bowing your head in true humility and pleading with God: “Be merciful to me a sinner.” And Jesus says, that is the path to healing. Taking humble responsibility for our own sin is the path to being lifted up (cf. 1 Pet. 5:5-7).
APPLICATIONS
Are we saying that all therapists and psychologists and their treatments are evil and worthless? Not at all. We are saying beware. Be careful. Be on guard. Some Pharisees were good men, but Jesus said, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees. Beware of the leaven of the humanistic therapists.
Many modern “psychological disorders” are simply the result of unconfessed sin, sinful lifestyles, and sinful habits. Even when it comes to true medical matters, the Bible teaches that we ought to consider whether we have any unconfessed sin (Js. 5:14-16). When it comes to our thoughts and feelings, we ought to do so even more since the Bible explicitly teaches that unconfessed sin results in feeling awful and loss of joy (Ps. 32).
Just as some medical conditions having nothing to do with personal sin, so too, some psychological disorders are true medical conditions that are simply the result of the Fall (Jn. 9:2-3). And sometimes there is a challenging mixture of both.
Many humanist therapies arrogantly teach that it is “abusive” to tell people that they have sinned, that they are wrong, or to correct them in any way – especially victims of other sins/crimes or certain classes of people (often women) because correction makes people “feel bad.” But that is like refusing surgery on cancer because it will be painful. But this is the sin of empathy, and in the name of compassion despises people.
This same arrogance often calls biblical spanking of children abusive. But the Bible is extremely clear: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24 ESV, cf. 22:15, 23:13-14). And God disciplines us as His children because He loves us and He wants us to become holy like Him (Heb. 12:5-11). Some trials are God’s fatherly discipline that we are called to endure patiently and joyfully. We do not have some “right” to always feel good.
Humility recognizes that we don’t always understand the connections between the mind and the body, but humility trusts God’s Word above all other words. And humility looks to Christ.
Grace to Wayward Children (Christ the Redeemer)
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