Christ Church

Militant Hospitality

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INTRODUCTION

We live in a day when human interaction is too often mediated via screens & satellites. The scheming of wicked men aim to further isolate us, control us, and convince us it is all for our health & safety. Christian hospitality, in this era and all others, is an act of war on the rebel city of Man.

THE TEXTS

He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor (Prov. 22:9).

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares (Heb. 13:2).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The Proverbs give wisdom in riddle. The godly son is set to the task of searching out that wisdom. This Proverb offers a counterintuitive lesson. Give your bread away & receive blessing. If your eye is set on generosity, you find that by giving away your bread, blessings end up in your barn, cupboards, bed, and offspring. This is a Solomonic way of saying to save your life you must lose it, but if you lose it, you gain it. Wisdom knows that wealth isn’t increased by hoarding, but by generosity and prudent investment.

Two observations can be made about this brief admonition in Hebrews. First, Christians are told to not forget this duty. It’s easy to let days & weeks go by without opening your home to others. Thus, we’re warned of how easily we forget to wield this potent weapon. Second, this hospitality is to be shown particularly to strangers. The admonishment is to be a “lover of strangers;” exemplified by faithful saints hosting angelic messengers on significant redemptive errands.
The OT episodes in view are when the Lord Himself visits Abraham, along with two angels; Abraham responds with hasty but generous hospitality. The two angels then proceed to Sodom for its destruction; but first Lot, like his uncle, bring the angels into his home to show them godly hospitality––only later discovering their angelic nature (Gen. 18-19). Samson’s parents, likewise, spread a feast for a guest that they only later discover to be an angelic messenger announcing a miraculous conception (Jdg. 13). By hosting a stranger, the implication is that you might, though unaware of it at the time, be used in God’s providence to bring about a happy turn of history.

Putting this together, Scripture repeatedly admonishes the saints to practice a generous hospitality. In so doing we find that in giving away of our substance, blessing sneaks back in through the back door to bless not only us but the whole world.

HOSPITALITY: THE OVERLOOKED VIRTUE

Taking a step back, hospitality isn’t a peripheral activity for Christians. It isn’t an optional add-on. Throughout Scripture we are taught to practice the virtue of being hospitable to the stranger. We see this in Moses’ Law, which carved out numerous provisions for how the stranger was to be treated, and why he should be treated with generosity and charity (Ex. 22:10, 23:9; Lev. 19:10, 33, 24:22; Deu. 10:18-19). The stranger, however, wasn’t permitted to violate Israelite Law (Lev. 24:16). But he was most welcome to come in and enjoy the blessings of the covenant community whether permanently (Ex. 12:48, Num. 9:14) or only for a time of sojourning (e.g. Jethro, Naaman, Ruth).

In the NT a requirement laid on elders is that they be given to & love hospitality (1 Tim. 3:2, Tit. 1:8). Likewise, hospitality must be demonstrably present to consider enrolling a widow-indeed (1 Tim. 5:10). Saints are often admonished to remember this good work (Rom. 12:13, 1 Pt. 4:9, Acts. 20:35). Paul describes Gaius as “my host (stranger).” Apparently, hosting strangers & being hosted by a stranger were both expressions of “loving the stranger (Rom. 16:23).” In this regard, Christians endeavoring to be hospitable must learn to be both a good host & a good guest.

MARXIST MARBLES

The “pronoun-invention-Olympics” are merely a symptom of a deeper disease. Rampant individualism has so infected modern man that he’s invented new ways to be isolated. The pursuit of self-expression has entered a new mutation where whatever imagined identity someone wishes to attach to themselves must be affirmed, acknowledged, applauded. Modern man demands that society look like a Venn Diagram of a billion circles, none of which overlap, but which are all encompassed by the State.

Like the London air-raids, the Sexual Revolution, in particular, bombarded all the lawful covenantal bonds. This has left us like a drawer full of marbles, shaken by whatever whims are found in the heart of the WEF, UN, or Social Media CEOs.

Thus, Christian hospitality isn’t simply backyard BBQs. Our hospitality opens the door to isolated, lonely, wandering souls––in many cases with mutilated bodies, haunted by having butchered their offspring, and perverted with a pornified mind––into the warmth of our fellowship with God. And from that union with God, the stranger is brought into our covenantal joy in each other. Our hospitality is militant.

HOSPITALITY AS SACRIFICE

It should be noted that hospitality requires sacrifice. In the OT stories mentioned earlier, the animal was slain to feed the guests. The act of opening your home, pantry, and wine cellar is sacrificial. In the words of Charles Bridges, “Sacrifice, not convenience, is God’s acceptable service.”

However, you don’t have a right to others’ sacrifice. There’s a certain approach to hospitality that imagines that to counteract the poison of individualism all distinctions between individuals must be erased. This is what the cancer cell does. It cannot stay within the confines of its own cell walls, and must invade & overtake every other cell in the system.

Hospitality, while a sacrifice, is still a gift. As such, the glory comes from it being freely, and sacrificially, given. There’s no glory in jack-booted thugs forcing you to house enemy soldiers. But there are many instances of great saints in history who opened their homes, and the case could be made that without their sacrifice we wouldn’t know the names of men like Luther, Calvin, or Tyndale.

NUTS & BOLTS

Do you have a table? Then you can show hospitality. Find recipes that feed multitudes, that don’t break the bank, but taste like you did. Learn to ask good questions & listen intently. Remember names & backgrounds. Knock out a wall if need be. Scrounge for folding chairs by the dozen.

How the buffet line should flow in your home differs from another Christian home. The method is indifferent, but the principle is that Christian homes should be regular hubs of hospitality. This militant hospitality means your home will sometimes have folks in it who don’t have good manners, might be a bit rough around the edges, and need to be brought along firmly but gently. Remember, selfish guests & grumpy hosts are alike a perverse Gospel.

All this requires diligence, patience, and creativity. As with any skill, it takes time to get good at it. The French proverb gets the idea, “You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.” It’ll be messy. Stains will be left behind. But you’re waging war, what did you expect?

STRANGERS NO MORE

Paul tells the Ephesians that while they were once strangers, through the cross they are strangers no more (Eph. 2:19). Jesus tells us that by hospitality to the least of these, we feed, clothe, and serve Christ Himself (Mt. 25:40). Has Christ welcomed You to the Father’s table? Then come. Afterwards, go & imitate Your Father who opens His doors wide, piles the table high, with extra scoops of ice cream all around.

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Love Your Neighbor (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

Leviticus 19 is sometimes called the Sermon on the Mount of the Old Testament, since like the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, it is a collection of moral instructions for God’s people, including the specific command that is the second greatest commandment: “love your neighbor as yourself.” Repeated twice in this chapter, we should understand the whole chapter (and Jesus says the whole Old Testament) as a lesson on that point.

THE TEXT

“And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, Ye shall be holy: for I the Lord your God am holy…”

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Since piety begins at home, God’s people are to fear their mother and their father, keep God’s sabbaths, and not turn to idols (19:1-4). When they offer peace offerings, they may only eat the feast for two days, preventing overindulgence, laziness, and greed – probably implying the need to share and be generous (19:5-8). Related, God requires business owners to leave leftovers for the poor (19:9-10). God’s people must not steal, lie, swear falsely, or rob anyone, even by being slow to pay what we owe, particularly to the poor (19:11-13). All cruelty, especially to the disabled, is condemned, as well as all injustice through favoritism or partiality (19:14-15). All gossip and slander are prohibited as forms of murder and hatred, and if you have a problem with someone, you must talk to them directly (19:16-17). God’s people are to reject all vengeance and grudges, and love their neighbors as themselves (19:18).

While mixing seeds and fabrics may have been prohibited as a sign of distinctions between Jews and Gentiles, this law also points to God’s insistence that His people not confuse and mix the “fabric” of the way God made the world, e.g. male and female (19:19). While justice is to be without partiality, God insists that those with less power (e.g. slaves) be granted greater benefit of the doubt, particularly in cases of sexual immorality (19:20-22). The people were required to trust God for the fruit of their newly planted trees, waiting until the fifth year to eat it (19:23-25). All idolatry is prohibited: whether through consuming blood, pagan hairstyles, tattoos, prostitution, or witchcraft (19:26-31). The chapter returns to where it began, reminding the people to keep sabbath, rise up before the elderly, love strangers as themselves, and keep justice, since God is the Lord and brought them out of Egypt (Lev. 19:32-37).

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF

Jesus and the New Testament writers repeatedly insist that the whole law is found in this summary: love your neighbor as yourself (Lk. 10:27-28, Gal. 5:14, Js. 2:8). This is the law and the prophets, and all the laws are summarized and fulfilled in this one: love your neighbor as yourself (Mt. 22:39-40, Rom. 13:9-10). Love is more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices (Mk. 12:29-33). This completely contradicts those who claim that the law of God is opposed to love, or that the Old Testament was not about the love of God. Love is obedience to God from the heart. But to truly understand the law of God is to see how far short we fall of God’s love.

This love requires strict justice and fairness in some matters (19:11-13, 15, 35-36), but also loves mercy and generosity (19:9-10, 20-22). Even manners are love in the little things: clothing, hair, standing for the elderly (19:19, 27, 32). Love works hard, honestly, avoiding the need to receive charity, with the goal of being able to give generously to those in need (Lev. 19:5-6, 9-10, 34, cf. 2 Thess. 3:5ff, Eph. 4:28). While civil magistrates have a duty to love God by enforcing strict justice, they have no business coercing the “love” or charity of others. Government programs and the taxation they require only robs people of the opportunity to love freely.

WHO IS MY NEIGHBOR?

When the lawyer asked Jesus who his neighbor was that he was to love, Jesus famously answered with the parable of the Good Samaritan (Lk. 10:29-37). The striking thing is that Jesus shifts the question from “Who is my neighbor?” (object) to “Who acted as a neighbor?” (subject) (Lk. 10: 29, 36). The point is that we are required to have a certain disposition, ready to love. Notice that the so-called rule-followers (the Levite and Priest) are the ones who fail to be neighbors, and the one notorious for breaking rules (the Samaritan) is the one who loves the nearly-dead Jew. The Samaritan is incredibly lavish, and Jesus emphasizes this: bandages, oil, wine, transportation, lodging, further care, future care, and all expenses paid (Lk. 10:34-35).

Most interpreters take the Samaritan to be a type of Jesus, an outcast, come to rescue the nearly-dead human race in Adam, which certainly works. It may also be the case that Jesus intends to be prefigured in the stripped, beaten, and robbed man among the thieves, setting the goal of neighbor-love as ultimately aimed at loving Him, through the least of these my brethren (Mt. 25:40). In either case, the conclusion is that in order to love your neighbor as yourself, you must reckon yourself an outsider, a foreigner, a threat, a criminal, already rejected, having nothing to lose (Gal. 2:20). In other words, love means reckoning yourself as among the rescued, as among the slaves because you were freed from Egypt (Lev. 19:34, 36).

CONCLUSIONS

As we consider our duty to love, we should remember the difference between refugees and apostles from the world. Refugees are fleeing from the world and frequently show up looking like the world, talking like the world, and full of the confusions of the world but they are teachable and hungry to learn. Apostles show up with a message from the world about how backward and narrow-minded Biblical thinking and living is. Refugees are welcome to come and learn and grow; apostles should be corrected a couple times and then not given the time of day (Tit. 3:10).

Throughout the text, the line is repeated: “I am the Lord,” and it seems that this should be taken as shorthand for the bookends: “I the Lord your God am holy” (Lev. 19:2) and “I am the Lord your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt” (19:36). God’s holiness is directed at saving His people, and God’s holiness is bound up with His love. But this holy love is not content to merely “affirm” anyone just as they are or in whatever they want to do or be. No, this holy love is determined to bring Christ into every moment, to see Him in those around us (however weak or foreign or unlovely) until His image emerges clearly in them. We are called to this love because it is precisely the kind of love that God has bestowed upon us.

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The Glory of Parenthood

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INTRODUCTION

The word “glory” means heavy, and so it is, but then when you receive the glory of God, you find that you can- not imagine it any other way. The yoke of Christ is light and only gets lighter, but the burden of the world, the flesh, and the devil is crushing. The gift of children and parenthood is heavy, but it is heavy like a table full of food, like a basket full of fresh fruit.

THE TEXTS

“…and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: and lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Mt. 3:16-17).
“…though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered…” (Heb. 5:7-9).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXTS

God the Father is the perfect Father and Jesus is the perfect Son, and yet we see here at least two principles that we can apply in our families. The first is the glory of parenthood and the parent/child relationship. While the Trinity is certainly a mystery, and the Father and the Son are one God in a way that parents and children are not, our covenantal union with our children is a true analogous union. And if God the Father was right to proclaim His love for His Son, and His pleasure in His Son, how much more so is it important for us to do so in a fallen world? And the fact that the Spirit descends at the same moment, highlights the glory of that love and pleasure. Second, in Hebrews, we see that even the perfect Son learned obedience through the things He suffered. Adam was cut open before he met Eve and there was a dragon in the Garden, before any sin entered the world. If Jesus endured discipline to learn obedience, how much more must our children, if we want them to come into His glory?

OBJECTIVITY OF THE COVENANT

The world loves to talk about “unconditional love,” but there is no coherent foundation for that notion in an evolutionary worldview. If you are in charge of making your own world, your own meaning, your own happi- ness, your own identity, then nothing is fixed, nothing is given (including family). This is the goal of the Leftist revolution of the last 60 years: seeking to redefine human life, marriage, gender, and therefore, parenthood, but this means that if the Federal Government is now the final arbiter of what any of these things mean, it is functionally also claiming to be the judge of what a family is, what parents are, and whether a child actually belongs to certain parents or not. Always remember that a rejection of God’s authority is the first move in vy- ing for His job. It is not whether there will be a god; but which god will it be.

The true and living God has created the world with fixed realities, and one of those is the covenantal nature of all things. All things are objectively in a covenantal relationship with God. You do not get created by God and then exist in a neutral space, with the universe waiting breathlessly to see whether you “consent” to reality. Even if most Christians reject that radical version of existentialism, there has still been a strain of it in modern evangelicalism, where we put all the emphasis on “deciding” for Christ. But Christ is risen from the dead, and our children are “holy” to God (1 Cor. 7:14). Paul does not say that the Ephesian parents should wait and see whether their children want to be Christians before bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the

Lord (Eph. 6:4). We are not waiting to see if they “consent” to Christ, any more than we wait around to see if they consent to food or air or love. It is absolutely true that they must embrace all of these good gifts, including a personal, vibrant faith in Jesus, but they are objectively members of the covenant by baptism. You do not wait to see if they choose to be your children or members of your family, and neither does God. So the question is: can you look down at your son or daughter right now and say the same words the Father said of His Son? And do those words echo in Heaven? You must, and they do, by faith alone in the Father, Son, and Spirit.

SOME BASICS OF DISCIPLINE

Hebrews says that the Lord chastens and scourges every son that He receives, and therefore, if you are not chastened, then you are bastards and not sons (Heb. 12:5-8). Discipline is how parents prove that their children belong to them, and when they discipline their children in the Lord, they are also proving that they belong to Jesus. The Bible clearly teaches that the opposite is also true: failure to discipline is a form of hatred and therefore a false gospel (Prov. 13:24). Hebrews also says that this discipline must be painful, and it must yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11). The particular requirement of the Bible is the use of a rod of discipline: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Prov. 23:13-14). The rod is not the only tool in a parent’s tool- box, but it is an important one. All discipline must be done calmly, cheerfully, and with biblical justice. Another basic principle of parenting is that it is easier to teach and train the younger they are: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Prov. 22:6).

Parenting should consist of lots of joyful teaching and training and practice. Think of yourselves as coaches: lots of praise, lots of drills, show them how to do it, run it again. The rod is particularly for acts of defiance, refusal to obey when you are sure they know exactly what you are requiring and know how to do it. Many children will give you at least one good battle (sometimes multiple battles), and parents are required by God to win because God commands our children to obey their parents so that they may be blessed (Eph. 6:1-3).

CONCLUSION

Zephaniah 3:17 says: “The Lord your God is in your midst; the Mighty One will save. He will rejoice over you with great joy; He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” The prophet says that when God comes, He comes singing. But He doesn’t just come singing, He comes singing a song of rejoicing, a song of celebration. But this is the mind-blowing thing: it’s a song of rejoicing over sinful people. And this is exactly what happened in Jesus.

The song is boisterous, flamboyant, abundant, and loud. It’s like a father standing on a table in a public place, announcing his love and joy over his family. It’s so loud and joyful and embarrassing and wonderful. And this is how God determined to save the world. He determined to save the world through singing a sea shanty, a rollicking bar tune, with fiddles and drums and dancing over His Son in the water, on the cross, and now at His right hand. He is still singing, and the words go like this: free grace, free grace, free grace. And that’s our glory.

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The Glory of Marriage (King’s Cross Church)

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INTRODUCTION

As we have noted previously, sinful humanity hates God, and therefore since it cannot actually strike God, it strikes His image wherever it can be found. This is why there is such vehemence against men and women, and this is why the covenant of marriage has been a central target. The Christian response to all of these attacks should be to double down, recognizing the potency of being joyful men and women and honoring marriage in particular.

THE TEXT

“This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Eph. 5:32-33).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

This is the summary of what Paul has just said in more detail: a husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church, and a wife is to respect and submit to her own husband as the church submits to Christ in all things (Eph. 5:22-24). The particular picture given is that of a head and body (Eph. 5:23), and that image is applied in the command to husbands to love their wives as their own bodies (Eph. 5:28-29). This is because “we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Eph. 5:30). And all of this is based on the biblical teaching that when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh (Eph. 5:31).

HEAD & BODY

One of the key concepts that couples have to continually lean into is covenant. We say this word a lot, but what we mean is the notion of responsibility. Individualists can only think of personal guilt, but it turns out that individualism is already a form of abdication (“am I my brother’s keeper?” Gen. 4:9). We are not mere BBs rolling around in this world; we are individuals united in various covenants (family, church, nation) and covenant-like relationships (schools, businesses, and other associations). In each of these covenants, there are leaders and members. And the thing to note here is that leaders are responsible for what takes place in the organization.

Authority flows to those who take responsibility, but it flees those who abdicate and blame. This is what it means to be the “head.” Responsibility doesn’t mean personal guilt in every instance, but responsibility does mean gladly owning the challenges and problems personally. If you’re the ship captain, not every action on board the ship is done by you, but you’re responsible for it all. Jesus took responsibility for His bride, and this is the model for all leaders, especially husbands. Jesus wasn’t personally guilty of any of our sin, but He gladly took covenantal responsibility for it.

UNIFIED FRONT

One of the central signs of this covenantal thinking and living is driven by the pronoun “we.” As that great Christian calendar verse says, “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15). There is all kinds of room for discussion, different perspectives, and dialogue, but when the husband makes the final decision, the husband and wife must own the decision together, saying, “we decided…,” “our decision…,” “our position…” regardless of whose idea it was. This is the case even when a husband fails to make a decision. Abdication is a decision. This unity is particularly important when there were different preferences and when the decision doesn’t go well. If the husband takes his wife’s counsel and it goes badly, the husband must insist that it was his decision, and not waffle or let it fall on his wife at all. And if the wife submits to her husband’s poor decision, she must not go along with it with a bad attitude or half-heartedly, and if it does go badly, she must not say, “see, I told you so,” or worse, tell her friends, “yeah, that wasn’t mydecision.”

In Prince Caspian, Trumpkin the dwarf volunteers to go on a dangerous mission that he argued against, and Caspian asks, “But I thought you didn’t believe in the Horn, Trumpkin.” And he replies, “No more I do, your Majesty. But what’s that got to do with it? … You are my King. I know the difference between giving advice and taking orders. You’ve had my advice, and now it’s the time for orders.” This is covenant loyalty. Nothing corrodes loyalty and friendship like blaming one another for decisions or talking about your disagreements with others. A husband and wife must be on the same team and present a united front to their kids and the world because they have been made one flesh and because Christ is faithful to His Church. This doesn’t eliminate the need for occasional outside counsel or input, but that should be done as a team, unless it is a true crisis or emergency.

CONFESSION OF SIN & FORGIVENESS

The joy of the Lord is the oil of gladness, and that oil is what keeps all the moving parts in a marriage running smoothly. If there is regular friction, hurt feelings, passive-aggressive criticism, and arguments, you can bet that there is a backlog of sin, bitterness, and resentment. And that means you are not walking in the joy of the Lord. You’re not walking in the light, and you keep tripping over past sins, guilt, and failure. The only way back into the light and joy is through confession of sin, first before God and then to those you have wronged (1 Jn. 1:4-10).

It’s very important that you get right with God first and foremost because if you only confess to your spouse, you will functionally be trying to get from your spouse what only God can give. Fundamentally, when we confess and forgive one another on the horizontal plane, we are only echoing or “amen-ing” what God has already accomplished on the vertical plane. But if you’re not right with God, your apologies can be pure manipulation. We confess because we have confessed to God, and we forgive because God has forgiven. This is how you can have Christian joy regardless of how anyone around you is doing or responding. Both husband and wife must do this individually, but it is the particular responsibility of the husband to take responsibility for his marriage on his knees.

CONCLUSION

We love because He loved us first. We forgive because He forgave us first. We take responsibility because Christ took responsibility for us. He was perfectly innocent, and He became sin for us. He was a spotless lamb, and God laid on Him the iniquity of us all. All of this means that every marriage is a picture of the gospel, a revelation, a mystery of Christ and His Church. The only question is whether it is an accurate picture, a faithful picture, a good picture or not.

Every human marriage falls short of the glory of God, but it is the glory of God to heal and restore. Where sin has abounded, grace abounds still more. This is not only the grace of confession and forgiveness; it is also the grace of repentance, the grace of change, the grace of loyalty, the grace of humility and taking responsibility.

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Self-Deception in Marriage

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INTRODUCTION

Self-deception is truly an interesting psychological phenomenon. I mean, whenever it occurs in your life, that means that you are the one lied to, and you are the liar, and you buy it. “Seems reasonable,” you mutter to yourself.

Now at one level, Scripture teaches that every form of sin, disobedience or unbelief is a form of self-deception. You are living in the world that God made, with all of His self-disclosure operating, and yet you are steadfastly telling yourself that the world isn’t really like that.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: But he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15). “There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness” (Proverbs 30:12). Sin is the refusal to see your relationship to God and His world for what it actually is, and so it is a form of self-deception.

THE TEXT

“He feedeth on ashes: A deceived heart hath turned him aside, that he cannot deliver his soul, nor say, Is there not a lie in my right hand?” (Isaiah 44:20).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Isaiah is speaking the plain stupidity that cuts down a tree (v. 14), and which uses a portion of the wood to keep himself warm, and to cook his food, on the one hand (v. 15), and from the rest of the wood he carves an object of adoration (vv. 15, 17, 19).

A deceived heart is turned aside, meaning that a deceived heart is both deceived and deceiving. The end result is that the idol he has fashioned to deliver him will be unable to deliver him. He should have known this already because he carved his savior out of a piece of wood that he cut down himself.

FOUR KINDS OF SELF-DECEPTION

We have already seen that all sins are self-deception at some level, but there are certain forms of it that might be called “high-profile” instances of self-deception.

Forgetful neglect of application: “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was . . . If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain” (James 1:22-24, 26). The deception occurs in between the sermon and the moment this afternoon when application is called for.

Assumption of innocence: “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). Everyone here is encased in a first-person-singular narrative. And everyone here has a strong impulse to trust the narrator, which is a bad idea.

Neglect of holiness: “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain” (1 Corinthians 3:18–20). We are very prone to self-deception when it comes to the moral demands of the free grace gospel. “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9–10).

Self-serving flattery: “For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself” (Gal. 6:3). Every man wants to be the hero in his own story, and casting yourself in that role is the very worst way of accomplishing this.

A BAD MARRIAGE OR A BAD ATTITUDE

Not all Christian marriages are successful. Some really thrive, most are pretty okay, some struggle along, and a handful are what we would call “bad marriages.” If you would put yourself in that category, I want to suggest one more division that I hope you might find helpful.

One kind of bad marriage is the result of a real mismatch of persons. The conflicts and difficulties arise out of the clashes between very different perspectives. The communicate poorly and problems result. They assume too much in opposite directions and problems result. This does happen, and a lot of good pastoral help is available—in Scripture, with counselors, with good literature.

But the intractable problems are, in my experience, not strictly speaking bad marriages at all. The marriage is just the location where the badness is manifesting itself. What would you think of someone who gave a restaurant a savage one-star review on Yelp, and if you asked him why he did that, the response was that while he was there he got the worst toothache of his life? You should say, yeah, that wasn’t a bad restaurant experience. It was a bad experience in a restaurant.

Intractable marriages problems are often intractable problems in a marriage, not the result of the marriage.

PRIDE, THE GREAT ENEMY

When a self-deceived person marries, they are moving into a room filled with excuses. Opportunities for misdirection and blame-shifting abound. Remember that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jer. 17:9). The thing that deceives such a person is the pride of his heart (Oba. 3), and remember that pride goes before destruction (Prov. 16:18). The self-deceived husband compares himself to himself, and the wife measures herself with herself (2 Cor. 10:12). These are not wise.

I am talking about (and to) the husband who is sullen, grouchy, and angry all the time. He tells himself is not angry all the time because he is not yelling all the time, which tells us how much he knows about it. I am talking about (and to) the wife who is a lazy and undisciplined, and if any real work threatens to intrude, she is sure to develop a serious malady with ambiguous symptoms. These two examples are stand-ins for countless others. The problem, the central problem, is self-deception.

THE MIRROR OF CHRIST

The only remedy for such self-deception is to see yourself accurately, and this can only be done by looking into the perfect law of liberty (Jas. 1:5). But this should not be understood as a detached list of rules. Christ is the end (telos) of the law (Rom. 10:4). Your identity is in Christ. If you look at yourself there, in the mirror of Christ, you do not just see Christ. You also see yourself, perhaps for the very first time.

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