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Older Children and Honoring Parents (Practical Christianity #7) (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

As we continue our series on Practical Christianity, this is a message for older teens, young adults, and college students about honoring parents. It is natural for this phase of life to present challenges because you are launching into adulthood, and your parents are just old enough now to not remember very well what it was like (ha).

There are responsibilities assigned to parents (like not being exasperating), but this is a message aimed at young people, and it is particularly aimed at this coming summer. Some of you will be going home for the summer, and on top of the ordinary growing up challenges, changes in proximity, time spent together, and different routines are new opportunities to practice honor.

The Text: “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:32).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

The central command of Scripture for young people is to honor their parents, which is the first command with a blessing (Ex. 20:12, Dt. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3). This honor is tied specifically to the fear of God, and failure to honor the age, experience, and wisdom of your parents, grandparents, and other older authorities in your life is to dishonor God Himself (Lev. 19:32). Here, the command is to “rise up” before those with grey hair (Lev. 19:32). It is still a sign of honor in culture to stand when someone of importance enters a room. This is a practical way to show honor to the “face” of elders. This requires respectful words, facial expressions, and tone of voice. All sarcasm, eye-rolling, and dismissive or disdainful talk is a direct assault on God Himself, whose law included the death penalty for reviling parents (Mk. 7:10).

Scripture ties honor and fear together in a number of places: “The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor is humility” (Prov. 15:33). This means that humility is central to showing honor. You can’t learn wisdom if you don’t fear the Lord, and you can’t show honor if you don’t have humility. Humility means being teachable, being eager and willing to learn from your parents and elders, seeking their wisdom and counsel, listening carefully to them.

“Wherefore the Lord said, forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men” (Is. 29:13). Here the prophet describes how people are fully capable of superficial honor and fear. This is a form of flattery and manipulation: it is not from the heart, and it is only the bare minimum and perfunctory. It has the attitude of “I did what you said; now get off my back.” But God sees such insolence, and He is not mocked (Gal. 6:7).

WHEN YOU’VE LEARNED A BUNCH OF NEW STUFF

Part of growing up is figuring out that your parents don’t know everything and aren’t right about everything. And when you go off to rigorous Christian high schools and colleges or just adulthood, you will often find that you learn new things that you were never taught by your parents or maybe your parents even disagree with (e.g. Calvinism, baptism, eschatology, worship). The temptation is pride and/or resentment. But if you just learned it, and you really have grown in wisdom, part of what you also need to learn is humility. Do you now know everything? Are you now right about everything? Not hardly.

Also, remember that there’s nothing quite so rhetorically ineffective as a know-it-all sophomore. Humility is far more persuasive than haughtiness. Some of the stuff you learned might be worth sharing, but you should share it like some fantastic new food or game you discovered. Share it with love and joy. And if your folks aren’t into it, be gracious and patient, not surly.

GETTING ALONG

A lot of the challenges during these years swirl around freedom. If you lived away at college for the year and you go home for the summer, you will have had the freedom to set your schedule and make many of your own choices for 9 months, and then you might suddenly find yourself back home with your mom asking how late you plan to be out or your dad wondering why you’re sleeping till noon. (And just for the record, your pastor back at college is also wondering why you’re sleeping till noon.)

First off, if you’re going home for the summer, then prepare your heart to be under more authority for the summer. They will probably be paying for a lot of your food, not to mention a bunch of other stuff. If you’re living in their house, you need to submit to their house rules. If you’re still in high school and your parents basically provide everything, your central heart attitude needs to be deep gratitude. Don’t be a Dudley Dursley fussing about only having 36 birthday presents.

Second, the path to true freedom is taking responsibility. Freedom is not doing whatever you want whenever you want. That’s actually a form of tyranny: “As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a wicked ruler over the poor people” (Prov. 28:15). Someone who insists on doing whatever they want regardless of how it affects themselves or those around them is a roaring lion or a ranging bear. We might also call you a Democrat. Taking responsibility means using your time wisely, fulfilling your obligations (chores, jobs), thinking about how your actions/plans might affect those around you, and serving your family gladly. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13).

Third, after getting your heart right and embracing your responsibilities, if your mom is still asking if you brushed your teeth, try having a cheerful (not exasperated) conversation about it. Remember, parents are people too.

CONCLUSION: MY LIFE FOR YOURS

The gospel in action can be described as “my life for yours.” Jesus is emphatic: “This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you” (Jn. 15:12). And how has Christ loved you? “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Christ displayed God’s love by laying His life down for sinners like us.

And the thing to note here is that the gospel is entirely one sided. You weren’t a worthy recipient of any of it. It was all grace. This is Christian love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Mt. 5:46 ESV)

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Pet. 3:8 ESV). So the charge is to honor your father and mother, and so be a great gospel blessing to them this summer.

This is not just “what you’re supposed to do,” it is a great blessing to them and that will be a great blessing to you.

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Biblical Counsel vs. Psychology (Practical Christianity #6) (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

We live in a therapeutic age, and we must acknowledge that humanistic therapies and psychologies have become in large part rival religions to Christianity. While the Dominion Mandate certainly includes studying the

science of the brain, there have been antagonistic philosophies at work in much of the secular therapy world. There are many trials in this life, but God has given us His sure word to comfort our hearts (Rom. 15:4).

The Text: “And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican…” (Lk. 18:9-14).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

This parable is for those who trust in themselves, think they are right, and thereby, whether they know it or not, despise others (Lk. 19:9). Jesus chose for the parable a man from one of the most respected classes (Pharisees) and a man from one of the most despised classes (tax collectors) (Lk. 18:10). The Pharisee prays in the temple with a lot of gratitude, and he is thankful that he hasn’t fallen into many different sins, and for the spiritual disciplines of fasting and tithing (Lk. 18:11-12). The tax collector, on the other hand, stood in the back, and refusing to even look up, simply begged God for mercy (Lk. 18:13). And Jesus says that the beggar went home made right, but the other was not because God exalts the humble and humiliates the proud (Lk. 18:14).

THERAPEUTIC FAILURE 

Much like the Pharisees, the medical profession has been one of the most respected classes in our modern world because of their (often) selfless service in saving and protecting life. But where there is much good, there is also often a temptation to arrogance and pride, and right after that, much evil (think abortion, trans-surgeries, COVID madness). It is often assumed that if someone has good intentions and wants to “help people,” they must be virtuous and doing some good. But we really ought to have a bit more biblical cynicism. Thoreau once said, “If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.” Good intentions are not enough.

Since the explosion of humanistic therapies over the last century, one wonders what good it has done us. As one commentator put it, “Despite the creation of a virtual army of psychiatrists, psychologists, psychometrists, counselors, and social workers, there has been no letup in the rate of mental illness, suicide, alcoholism, drug addiction, child abuse, divorce, murder, and general mayhem. Contrary to what one might expect in a society so carefully analyzed and attended to by mental health experts, there has been an increase in all these categories.” Like the woman in the gospels, we have suffered many things from many physicians, and we have only gotten worse (Mk. 5:26). It is also striking that while therapies have increased, Biblical preaching and counseling has largely cratered, with a great deal of it simply echoing therapeutic mantras.

SELF-ESTEEM VS. DIGNITY OF GUILT

At the very center of the problem with many therapies is an anti-Christian anthropology (doctrine of man). The assumption of much humanistic psychology is that people are basically good and bad feelings and habits are a result of their environment (e.g. what has been done to them, chemicals in their brain, genes, deprivation, weather, poverty, etc.). But Scripture teaches that despite the real challenges in our fallen environments, every human being is born in sin, inclined to sin, and morally culpable for their actions and reactions to their environments (Rom. 3). This is the dignity of guilt. The humanist wants to absolve humans of guilt and so destroys human agency: “it isn’t your fault, it was your dad, your mom, your brain, the weather, the economy…” But by blaming everything else, the humanist destroys the individual’s meaning and value. Some of God’s kindest words in Genesis 3 are “because you have done this…”

And this brings us back to the parable. Humanistic psychology often preaches a gospel of pride and self-esteem: talk about how good you are, how valuable you are, all your accomplishments, think positive. But Jesus says that is the path to humiliation and shame: everyone that exalts himself will be (the Greek word is literally) “depressed” (Lk. 18:14). People are often depressed because they are constantly trying to lift themselves up, prove themselves, have high self-esteem. But the gospel, the “good news” of Jesus Christ, begins with the dignity of guilt: “All have sinned.” And the first step towards healing is bowing your head in true humility and pleading with God: “Be merciful to me a sinner.” And Jesus says, that is the path to healing. Taking humble responsibility for our own sin is the path to being lifted up (cf. 1 Pet. 5:5-7).

APPLICATIONS

Are we saying that all therapists and psychologists and their treatments are evil and worthless? Not at all. We are saying beware. Be careful. Be on guard. Some Pharisees were good men, but Jesus said, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees. Beware of the leaven of the humanistic therapists.

Many modern “psychological disorders” are simply the result of unconfessed sin, sinful lifestyles, and sinful habits. Even when it comes to true medical matters, the Bible teaches that we ought to consider whether we have any unconfessed sin (Js. 5:14-16). When it comes to our thoughts and feelings, we ought to do so even more since the Bible explicitly teaches that unconfessed sin results in feeling awful and loss of joy (Ps. 32).

Just as some medical conditions having nothing to do with personal sin, so too, some psychological disorders are true medical conditions that are simply the result of the Fall (Jn. 9:2-3). And sometimes there is a challenging mixture of both.

Many humanist therapies arrogantly teach that it is “abusive” to tell people that they have sinned, that they are wrong, or to correct them in any way – especially victims of other sins/crimes or certain classes of people (often women) because correction makes people “feel bad.” But that is like refusing surgery on cancer because it will be painful. But this is the sin of empathy, and in the name of compassion despises people.

This same arrogance often calls biblical spanking of children abusive. But the Bible is extremely clear: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24 ESV, cf. 22:15, 23:13-14). And God disciplines us as His children because He loves us and He wants us to become holy like Him (Heb. 12:5-11). Some trials are God’s fatherly discipline that we are called to endure patiently and joyfully. We do not have some “right” to always feel good.

Humility recognizes that we don’t always understand the connections between the mind and the body, but humility trusts God’s Word above all other words. And humility looks to Christ.

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Chestertonian Gospel (Practical Christianity #1) (King’s Cross)

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INTRODUCTION

G.K. Chesterton was a Roman Catholic who famously saw the beauty and extravagance and personalism of God’s world. Life is an epic adventure, an extravagant stage, an outrageously stunning canvas of God’s glory. Unfortunately, Chesterton believed that Calvinism was a plot to bury all that glory in a pile of fatalism (He knows better now). But the Bible teaches that the doctrines of grace (Calvinism) recovered in the Reformation go hand in hand with his exuberance. Sovereign grace brings the glory into sharp relief.

Robert Capon put it this way, “The Reformation was a time when men went blind, staggering drunk because they had discovered, in the dusty basement of late medievalism, a whole cellar full of fifteen-hundred-year-old, two hundred proof grace – bottle after bottle of pure distillate of Scripture, one sip of which would convince anyone that God saves us single-handedly. The word of the Gospel–after all those centuries of trying to lift yourself into heaven by worrying about the perfection of your bootstraps–suddenly turned out to be a flat announcement that the saved were home before they started. Grace has to be drunk straight: no water, no ice, and certainly no ginger ale, neither goodness, nor badness, nor the flowers that bloom in the spring of super spirituality could be allowed to enter into the case.”

The Text: “Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world: But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son…” (Gal. 4:3-7).

SUMMARY OF THE TEXT

Scripture tells the story of our salvation like a grand adventure. We are all like lost orphan children, trapped and imprisoned in the great dungeon of sin and death (Gal. 4:3). And just when all hope seemed lost, God sent His Son, born of Eve just like us yet without sin, made under the law just like us yet no law breaker, to lead the great prison break, and bring us home to His Father – not only to bring us home but to be adopted as sons (Gal. 4:4-5). Not only have we been adopted, but God has given us the very same Spirit that fills His Son, teaching us to call Him “Abba, Father” (Gal. 4:6). This means that we are no mere servants but true and full sons, and royal sons, with a full inheritance at that (Gal. 4:7).

RAGS TO RICHES

Imagine that one of your ancestors was adopted by a Great King, but through pride and greed was tricked by an enemy and betrayed the King and was disinherited, banished from the Kingdom, and all his descendants were sentenced to work as slaves ever since. But one day a letter arrives at your slave hut, and it is an official legal document, a will and testimony with a deed to a castle. But it isn’t just any castle, it’s the castle of the King your ancestor betrayed, and the will restores all that was lost, making you a lord in the kingdom, and it is signed and sealed in the blood of the Great King’s Son with the words “Debt Paid In Full.”

That is what the gospel is. The gospel is the “good news” that what we thought we had lost forever, what we thought was impossible, has been found and completely restored – the gift of living forever as God’s favored nobility.

DOUBLE IMPUTATION

Theologians call this legal transaction “double imputation.” The gospel is that what is rightfully ours (sin, guilt, and judgment) inherited from Adam has been reckoned to Jesus Christ on His cross, and what was rightfully His (righteousness, holiness, and the inheritance of God), since He was completely sinless and obedient – that has been reckoned to us by faith alone. “For He [God] hath made Him [Christ] to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him [Christ]” (2 Cor. 5:21). “For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: that the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” (Rom. 8:3-4). This double imputation is only possible because Christ came as a new Adam, a new covenantal head. So just as by Adam’s sin, we all inherited sin and death, so by Christ’s righteousness, all who trust in Him inherit His righteousness and life (Rom. 5).

BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD

But there is one more significant piece that really makes a big difference. The Bible teaches that all of this was planned before the foundation of the world: “according as He hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world… having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ… That in the dispensation of the fulness of times He might gather together in one all things in Christ… in Whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of Him who worketh all things after the counsel of His own will: that we should be to the praise of His glory” (Eph. 1:4-6, 10-12). “Sovereign grace” is God’s eternal plot to save.

CONCLUSIONS

Chesterton thought that this doctrine of predestination (Calvinism) was a terrible thing because he thought it turned God into a monstrous puppeteer and destroyed the beauty and excitement of Christian life. But Scripture says just the opposite. God’s absolute sovereign grace underlines two things about our salvation: It was utterly impossible for us, and it is all His mercy (Eph. 2:5-9). We were dead, and God made us alive. That is the beginning of the most epic adventure.

If God were not absolute goodness and beauty and life, we might grant that His absolute sovereignty could be a downer. But if the most brilliant, creative, and perfectly gracious and personal Author is telling the story, how could the story be anything less than wonderful? We are His characters. This world is His canvas, His symphony. This story is His surprise party.

All our doubts come down to one central fear: but what if God isn’t good? And the answer to that is: He sent forth His Son to make us His sons.

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Forgiven Families (The Well-Pleased Father #4) (King’s Cross)

Lindsey Gardner on

Introduction

The oil of gladness that keeps the engine of fellowship running smoothly is forgiveness. The forgiveness of God in Christ is what motivates the forgiveness we extent to one another, as well as all the kindness and compassion.

Scripture is abundantly clear that those who call themselves Christians who will not forgive those who have wronged them, cannot be forgiven by God (e.g. Mt. 23ff). We pray this regularly: “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This is not a “works righteousness,” as though we are trying to earn God’s forgiveness. It is rather the natural overflow of receiving God’s complete forgiveness.

The Text: “… Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph. 4:29-32).

 

Summary of the Text

Going back to the creation of the world, words (and therefore attitudes) are powerful: God created the universe with His Word, and since people are made in the image of God, our words and thoughts have the power to build up or tear down (Eph. 4:29). The Spirit hovered over creation in the beginning and filled the builders and craftsmen of the tabernacle (e.g. Ex. 31:3ff), and ungracious speech grieves Him (Eph. 4:30). Corrupt and destructive words flow out of bitterness, wrath, and anger (Eph. 4:31). Our ministry of grace and edification is to be full of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, all because the Father has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32). Just as the Father is building His Church into a temple by His Spirit, the Spirit is working in and through His people to build generational families that reflect His glory.

 

As You Have Been Forgiven

How does the Father forgive His people?

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him” (Ps. 103:12-13).

“I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins” (Is. 43:25).

“Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? He retaineth not his anger forever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; and Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (Mic. 7:18-19).

“In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace” (Eph. 1:7).

“To Him give all the prophets witness, that through His name whosoever believeth in Him shall receive remission of sins” (Acts 10:43).

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9).

 

Forgiveness is a Promise

Forgiveness is a promise not a feeling. This is the basis of God’s forgiveness: His covenant promises of forgiveness are sealed in the blood of Jesus. If you wait until you feel like forgiving, you are making your feelings the standard and bitterness can often develop. But all human forgiveness is simply agreeing that the blood of Jesus was shed for that sin and promising to consider it paid for.

This is why it is important to confess your sins to God first and receive His forgiveness before going to your neighbor. Your neighbor is not actually taking away your sin (only God can do that). Sometimes a confession is trying to get out of a mere human what only God can do. This is the difference between “getting something off your chest” and reconciliation.

This is also why it is a high-handed blasphemy to refuse to forgive your neighbor; it is insisting that the blood of Jesus is not good enough.

In a healthy family, the words “please forgive me” should be relatively common to hear, followed quickly by the promise: “I forgive you.” And Jesus insists that we must forgive seventy times seven for the same offense (Mt. 18:21-22). This is part of being compassionate and tender-hearted. If you are honest with your own heart, you know the way sin and evil creeps in. You know how much you have been forgiven. As Jesus says, whoever is forgiven little will love very little, but whoever knows they have been forgiven much, will love much (Lk. 7:47).

And wherever forgiveness has not yet been asked for, you ought to have forgiveness waiting and ready for them. As far as it depends upon you, there should be grace in your hearts.

 

Applications

Generational Grace: “Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation” (Ex. 34:7).

One of the ways we need to practice generational mercy is upstream as well as downstream. This means parents need to make sure they are not harboring any bitterness or resentment toward their own parents or anyone. As you forgive those who have sinned against you, you are passing down mercy rather than guilt to your own children and grandchildren.

Practice Restoration: Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). This is what we call “keeping short accounts.” As soon as sin happens, we want to be dealing with it as quickly as it happened (just like other spills and messes). Don’t let dark clouds hover over your kids (e.g. time outs, grounding, etc.). When discipline has occurred, make sure sin is confessed, forgiveness is extended, and fellowship is fully restored.

Sometimes you’ve practiced bitterness (or guilt), and those thoughts and feelings keep coming back. So have your gospel tennis racket ready to bat them away: Christ died for that. And in place of those old thoughts and words, put on gratitude, compassion, and kindness. Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely… meditate on those things, with the smiling pleasure of your Father at the center of all of it.

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