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But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. (Num. 11:33)

Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the LORD lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, (2 Sam. 12:5)

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Eph. 4:26-27)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (Eph. 4:31)

Introduction

Few things destroy people faster or more completely than anger. It crushes those it is unleashed upon and it shatters the person who has gotten angry. It often destroys every kind of relationship and even when forgiveness has been requested and granted, things just don’t seem to be what they were. It destroys relationships, homes, churches, governments, and businesses. Uncontrolled and sinful anger is a terrible, terrible behavior/emotion.

Understanding Anger

Anger is an emotion, usually followed by some kind of subsequent action. Anger usually builds on a number of other factors: the person’s overall perspective on life; the person’s understanding of himself; the person’s understanding of the particular situation; how he has been trained to act in various situations; and many more.

There are two types of anger: righteous anger (not sinful) and unrighteous anger (sinful). The following are a few examples from the Bible when anger was not sinful: God expresses anger with sinful mankind (Psa 7:11; Ex. 4:14; Deut. 29:27-28). Jesus became angry with his disciples (Mk. 3:5), and the money changers (Jn. 2:13-17). Paul was angry with the Athenians (Acts 17:16) and told the Ephesians to be angry but not to sin (Eph. 4:26).

Unrighteous anger or sinful anger springs up when we believe that an injustice has occurred against us. We get angry, naturally, when an injustice has occurred. But when the injustice is against us and wounds our pride, we sin. When we sinfully put ourselves into the place of God, deciding what is just and what is unjust and who the victim is, we sin.

Our anger is sinful when it: involves brooding or fretting (Psa. 37 especially verse 8); when we keep a running account of wrongs (Lev. 19:18; 1 Cor. 13:5); when we pretend we are not angry; when we justify our anger; when we return evil for evil (Pro. 29:11, 22); when we attack a substitute (Mt. 5:21-22; 1 Sam. 20 Saul went after Jonathan when he was angry with David). This last one includes yelling at a pillow, punching a bag, and yelling at the counselor.

Righteous anger, on the other hand, will have these characteristics: The godly man will 1) Be wise—he’ll see the big picture (Prov. 29:11) and he won’t let his emotions rule him. 2) Analyze the situation—what is going on? What is at the heart of this issue and/or event? 3) Ask, what is my role in this situation? What has God called me to do or be in this instance? 4) Content to let God take vengeance and orchestrate the right punishment of evildoers. He understands that he has not been called to act for God in this instance. And if he has been called, a prison official for instance, he will do his duty with aplomb and trepidation. 5) Constructive in his confrontation with the others involved in the incident (Gal. 6:1; Mt. 7:1-5). 6) Forgiving. 7) Joyfully move on. He will do this even if he hasn’t the opportunity to confront. He has faith that God is faithful to do what God wants done.

Where Anger Comes From

The Bible tells us that we become angry when our passions are aroused and we either can’t get what we want, or we get what we don’t want. And out of this springs fights, quarrels, and murder. It all goes back to what we think about ourselves with regard to the universe. What is our perspective of things? We need to know that our perspective is governed by what is in our hearts, and our hearts are the center, or the core of our being. What we think, feel, and do when things get hot reveals our heart. It produces our thoughts, motives, intentions, behaviors, etc. Who we are in our heart is who we actually are and who we are is expressed when things get hot (see the three trees illustration).

In The Theology of Christian Counseling, Jay Adams has this to say about the heart’s involvement in our thoughts and behavior:

In order to help us better understand the biblical meaning of heart, let us ask, “What, then, is set over against the heart, if anything;?” The answer is always, without exception, the visible outer man. Worship that one gives with his lips (outer, visible, audible worship) when his heart (inner, invisible, inaudible) is far from God is a good example of this contrast (Matt. 15:8). We are instructed that man looks on the outward appearance, but (in contrast) “God looks on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7). Without multiplying references, it is safe to say that everywhere the Bible uses the word heart to speak of the inner man (or, as Peter puts it in a thoroughly definitive way ‘the hidden person of the heart.’) Plainly, then, heart in the Bible is the inner life that one lives before God and himself; a life that is unknown by others because it is hidden from them (pp. 114-115).

The following are some of the underlying characteristics that come along with anger and their Godly counterparts:

Apart from God	With God
Pride	Humility
Defensiveness	Meekness
Control (must rule, power)	Faith in God
Fear (might be hurt or die)	Trust in God
Love (the wrong things)	Love God and love what God has for you
Stands for Justice	God will meet out justice
Strong Desires (must have)	Rejoice in the Lord
Will not discuss any viewpoint other than his	Easy to chat with others
Has a worldly focus	Sees things from God’s perspective
Quarrelsome/contentious	Peaceful, calm
Has no clue about grace	Full of Grace
Provokes others to join him, even against him	Works to maintain the bond of peace

 

Help for the Angry Person

How do you counsel the angry person? The answer to the question depends on the situation. Does he know he has a problem with anger and wants help? Does he know he has a problem and doesn’t want help? Does he know something is wrong, but not what it is? The response to each of these questions would prompt a slightly different direction to take in the counseling process. So let’s assume he knows he has a problem with anger, but gets angry easily. You will want to approach him in a way that reveals his heart to him, but does not fire him up. I suggest that you use the method we taught in the first series of talks.

Why we give homework and what is the goal

We give homework from the Bible so that studying it will reveal that God is God. Your friend needs a new understanding about how he fits into the universe that God has ordained. I often ask people to read Psalm 119 and pay attention to who God is, who the psalmist is and what his situation is, the attitude toward God and his law, and the emotion he displays toward God. The goal here is to have God create a new attitude in the person about who God is, who he is before God, what emotions are all about, and how he should begin to think about others in that context. I have him read passages like Ephesians with special emphasis on 4:26-27. I want the counselee to think about how he might become angry and not sin. I will also point him to 4:31-32 and ask him to think about how he might obey the first part of the passage and fit the second into his life in these particular circumstances. I want him to meet with God in the homework and wrestle with the things God is telling him about anger and love.

Practical Suggestions for the Moment

What we have been talking about has been aimed at the heart, for permanent change. But there are some things that may need to be addressed for the short and immediate term. For example, the man might be getting angry right now and needs some kind of immediate attention, even if we know that it is only short term solution. The first thing I would suggest is that you begin by telling the man to stop getting angry. Saying something like, “In the Name of Jesus Christ, stop it!” actually works and is helpful. Second, suggest to the man that he keep a journal of the events where he becomes angry. This will allow him to see patterns and traits in his story. Third, he needs to anticipate the times when he is likely to become angry and prepare himself to love the other person instead of becoming angry. Fourth, remind him to take as a matter of faith, that God will take care of the other person, “vengeance is mine, says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19). Fifth, point out to him that this is a trial, and God is using the trial to make him more godly when he comes through it well (Jas. 1:2-4). Sixth, suggest that in a moment when anger is not an issue, that he discuss the problem with X in a way that builds up X rather than tears X down. Seventh, point out that God puts up with a lot more from him than he has put up with from X, and God does not respond with anger toward him (Psa. 130:3; 1 Pet. 4:8). Finally, remind him to confess his sin and to confess it honestly including that he meant to say and do all those terrible things because he has hatred in his heart. He knows that it is sin and will never do it again. He needs to do this every time he becomes angry because the more he does it the more he will be convicted of his evil heart and will reach out to God for release and freedom from his passions.

Peeling the Onion

Generally, particular sins don’t appear all by themselves. Anger is one of those sins. It is almost never alone. Anger comes because of something else hidden behind it. People who get angry are generally full of fear: fear of losing face, losing power, being hurt, and a myriad of other things. All this hides an even deeper self-centered sin—pride, self-idolatry, personal god hood. It also reveals fear that goes deeper than what we see on the surface. Fear that people will discover that he is filled with despair, darkness, loneliness, guilt, and shame.

Sometimes this will all come out if you simply ask, “Why do you get angry when this happens?” Many times you will need to go through the questions regarding individual events. But to really deal with anger, the counselee must go down to the core of his heart and have God cleanse him from his guilt and shame. As God does this, the darkness will lift, the loneliness will go away, the despair will be filled with fullness of purpose. With a new heart the counselee will be able to love others with a real love that is actually concerned with their well-being. There will be no sense of Self involved. God will fill the counselee with joy instead of anger.

Recommended Resources

Robert Jones, Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help For A Common Problem

Rick Horne, Get Outta My Face!: How to Reach Angry, Unmotivated Teens with Biblical Counsel

Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger

Peter Wilkes, Overcoming Anger

Wayne Mack, Anger & Stress Management God’s Way

Powlison, David, “Anger: Escaping the Maze,” a booklet from P&R publishers.

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Homework by Bob Somerville

Becoming a doer of the word.  “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.” (James 1:22)  The following questions have been designed to enable you to begin to practice God’s Word in your life.

1. Using a concordance look up every reference to God’s wrath and anger. As you read each verse try to answer the following questions from that verse. You will need additional paper since there are over 80 references to God’s anger.
   1. What characterizes God’s anger?
   2. What stirs up God’s anger?
   3. What is the result of God’s anger?
2. Now write a paragraph summarizing what you have learned about God’s anger by answering each of the three questions under # 1 above.
3. After doing the above study examine the last 5 times you got angry and ask the question, ‘Did I get upset, irritated and/or angry over something that would have caused God’s righteous anger to be stirred?’ or ‘Did I get angry because my perceived rights were offended?’
4. The Bible teaches that evil thoughts, words and actions come out of what fills our heart. (Study this truth in Matthew 12:34-36; 15:18-19; Mark 7:6-23; Luke 6:45.)   Matt 7:1-5 teaches that we need to examine our own hearts to remove the logs that would hinder us from ministering to others.  Therefore each one of us has a responsibility to examine our own hearts. Ask yourself this question: ‘At whom or what is my anger most often directed?’
   1. At Others –
      • If so record whom and what they do that irritates, angers or frustrates you.
      • Now determine a kind, tenderhearted, compassionate, forgiving response to replace your angry response.
      • Ask God to enable you to respond in the way of kindness, compassion and forgiveness.
   2. At Objects, things (like machinery that doesn’t work), circumstances –
      • If so record what objects, things or circumstances anger you. (Apply Bullets 2 & 3 under 4.a.)
   3. Yourself
      • If so record what you do that angers you.
      • Determine a godly response. If your sin angers you then confess, repent and make a plan for godly change.  (1 John 1:8-10; Pr 28:13)
   4. God
      • What has God done that angers you?
      • Determine God’s ultimate plan in what He has done. (Apply Romans 8:26-39)
      • See Jerry Bridges, “Trusting God” 1990, Nav Press. & Elizabeth Elliot, “A Path Through Suffering,” Vine Books, 1990.
      • Determine to cooperate with God in His plan.
   5. Fight anger with Proverbial Truth
      1. Read through the book of Proverbs.Read one chapter per day for a month.
      2. Record every verse that deals with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, any misuse of the tongue and malice.
      3. Choose the fifteen verses that most apply to your life. Start memorizing one verse per week for 15 weeks.  EVERY TIME YOU REVIEW THE VERSE FOR MEMORY PURPOSES BE SURE TO PRAY AND ASK GOD TO ENABLE YOU TO PRACTICE THE TRUTH OF THAT VERSE IN YOUR LIFE.  (1 John 5:14; James 4:2)  Continue to review all the verses until the project is completed. Review all verses after the completion of the project until they are completely committed to memory.
      4. Do a “Discovering Wonderful Things” study sheet on each verse and ask God to change your life according to the truth taught in that verse. (see the sample sheet attached)
   6. Study James 1:19,20. Do a “Discovering Wonderful Things” study of this verse.  Determine at least three practical steps that will enhance your ability to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
   7. Study Matthew 5:21-26. How are murder and anger compared in the teaching of Christ?  Where does murder start?  In these verses what takes precedence worship or reconciliation?  In these verses who is responsible to go and make reconciliation?
   8. Keep an ‘Anger Evaluation Journal’ this week.
      1. Record every instance of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice. Include things that upset you or caused you to develop an irritable attitude.
      2. Record as follows:
         • Date/Time
         • What triggered the attitude or action?What happened?
         • What type of anger did I exhibit?
         • What was I thinking at the time?
         • What did I actually do?
         • What did I want in the situation?
         • What would God have desired me to do?(Give chapter and verse for your understanding of God’s will in the situation)
         • Make a plan for a godly response the next time this situation occurs.
      3. Putting Away Sinful Anger By Giving Up Your Rights To God
         1. Learn to distinguish between righteous anger (when God’s rights have been offended) and unrighteous anger (when your rights have been offended).
            • Would God be upset by what is happening here?
            • Am I only upset because my rights have been offended?
         2. Know your perceived rights.List them
            • You have a right: to be understood-  to speak your own point of view –  to use your own possessions as you see fit  – to be understood  –  to be loved by your family  –  to use your time as you see fit  –  to choose your own friends or entertainment  –  to travel where you like  –  to a clear reputation  –  to be appreciated  – to marry  –  etc
         3. Know that you get angry when your perceived rights are offended.
         4. Know that as a Christian all of your rights belong to God and give them up to Him.
            • This is your responsibility as a disciple. Luke 14:33; Rom 12:1,2
            • This demonstrates that you are striving to be like Christ. Phil 2:3-11
            • Give each of your listed rights to God.
         5. Balance your expectations:
            • If God does not give a right back to you then thank Him for the test (James 1:2) and ask Him what you can learn from this situation about the fruit of the Spirit. (Gal.  5:22,23).
            • If God gives a right back to you consider it a privilege and thank Him for it. (1 Thess 5:18)
         6. Let all sources of irritation and anger become an alarm clock that turn you to God in prayer. Pray for kindness, tenderness, a forgiving spirit and the fruit of the spirit in your life.  (Eph 4:32; Gal 5:22,23)
         7. Warning!! You cannot give up your responsibilities.

“DISCOVERING WONDERFUL THINGS” Psalm 119:18 Before you begin to study…Pray for understanding! (Proverbs 1:23) PASSAGE Ephesians 4:31-32       DATE: _______________

 

OBSERVATION What does this passage say?  Write out the text.  Read the text out loud slowly in different translations.  Memorize it.	INTERPRETATION What does this passage mean?  (Define words, see cross-references, and examine the context). Write out the interpretation.  Is there a doctrine (teaching) to know? What declarations of the Gospel are included in this text? How does God’s work in the Gospel motivate you to obedience? What are the imperatives in this text? – Is there a reproof (a sin to avoid)?  Is there a correction (a command to obey)?  Is there instruction in righteousness (practical steps in how to put off the old nature and put on the new nature)? Eph 4:17-32; 2 Tim 3:16.	APPLICATION How does this passage apply to me?  How does this passage show us God’s love & grace given to us in the Gospel? Be specific. Write out the Gospel declarations related to this passage. These may be found in the greater context of the passage.  How should this change my life?  What specific things can I do to apply this truth to my life?  Write down what you are going to do, with whom and for whom and when you will start.	PRAYER Write out a personal prayer praising God for what the passage affirms about God’s work on your behalf and asking God to accomplish in your life what the passage demands.
Eph 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.  (NASB) Eph 4:31-32  Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). 32  And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you. (AMP) 1. God expects me to put away anger, wrath, clamor, slander and malice. 2. God expects me to be kind and tender-hearted towards those who cause me to want to do the above. 3. God expects me to forgive others as I have been forgiven.	Define words like: Bitterness Wrath Anger Clamor Slander Malice Tender-hearted Forgiving Cross References: Colossians 3:12-14	I must cease having a bitter and harsh spirit in my heart towards my boss because he promoted Fred to the job I wanted. I must treat my boss with kindness instead and I must have a forgiving spirit towards him. I must cease from my angry outbursts when others offend. I must evaluate the situations in which I become irritable and loose my temper.  I must discover what it is that sets me off, triggers my anger and I must determine a kind, tender-hearted forgiving response. I must ask God to help me to respond with kindness and not with anger. I must study the forgiveness of God in great detail so that I might forgive others as I have been forgiven. (I will read Forgive as the Lord Forgave You by Patrick Morrison and study The Peacemaker by Ken Sandee to understand forgiveness.)	Father, show me whenever I have any bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking or malice in my heart.  Father help me to put off all bitterness, wrath, anger, and loud noisy complaining. Help me to stop talking about others in a negative way.  Help me cease from my desire to get even with others.  In every situation where I am wronged today help me to respond with kindness, tenderness and a forgiving spirit.  Thank you for forgiving me through Christ and for giving me the power through your spirit to obey you.  In Jesus name, Amen! Fruit in your life! What happened in my life because I applied this truth?

 

 

 

“DISCOVERING WONDERFUL THINGS” Psalm 119:18 Before you begin to study…Pray for understanding! (Proverbs 1:23) PASSAGE:                             DATE: _______________

 

OBSERVATION What does this passage say?  Write out the text.  Read the text out loud slowly in different translations.  Memorize it.	INTERPRETATION What does this passage mean?  (Define words, see cross-references, and examine the context). Write out the interpretation.  Is there a doctrine (teaching) to know? What declarations of the Gospel are included in this text? How does God’s work in the Gospel motivate you to obedience? What are the imperatives in this text? – Is there a reproof (a sin to avoid)?  Is there a correction (a command to obey)?  Is there instruction in righteousness (practical steps in how to put off the old nature and put on the new nature)? Eph 4:17-32; 2 Tim 3:16.	APPLICATION How does this passage apply to me?  How does this passage show us God’s love & grace given to us in the Gospel? Be specific. Write out the Gospel declarations related to this passage. These may be found in the greater context of the passage.  How should this change my life?  What specific things can I do to apply this truth to my life?  Write down what you are going to do, with whom and for whom and when you will start.	PRAYER Write out a personal prayer praising God for what the passage affirms about God’s work on your behalf and asking God to accomplish in your life what the passage demands.
			Fruit in your life! What happened in my life because I applied this truth?

 

 

 

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