Christian Living Archives - Page 48 of 61

The Covenant Home 2: Common Sins in Marriage

Joe Harby on August 30, 2015

Introduction

As we consider some common sins committed in marriage by both men and women, remember the context of federal headship. The responsibility for all these sins lies with the husband. A woman can and should recognize her individual sins before the Lord; her husband’s overarching responsibility should in no way lessen her sense of personal and individual responsibility. Properly understood, it should have precisely the opposite effect.

The Text

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was” (Jas. 1:23).

On Seeing the Back of Your Head

The Word of God is given to us in order to enable us to see ourselves. Apart from this, we cannot really see ourselves. When we examine our own hearts, there are many parts of it which we cannot see. In order to see ourselves properly, we always have to hold up the mirror of the Word. This is particularly true in marriage.

Common Sins of Husbands

First is refusing responsibility. As we saw last week, the man is the head (1 Cor. 116 ). His only option therefore is whether he will accept or refuse to face that fact of headship. Many Christian men refuse, and it shows in their marriages.

A second problem is that of refusing to be masculine—In 1 Cor. 16:13 , Paul charges the Corinthians to be courageous in their sanctification. The word he uses is literally act the man. Especially in the arena of marriage, men need to learn to be men.

Third, a common problem is infidelity in the heart. Jesus’ words are well-known. “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). This includes, but is not limited to, lust provoked by magazines, co-workers, daughters and wives of friends, Internet images, movies, songs, daydreams, or anything else you might be able to come up with.

Then there is the problem of harsh bitterness. Paul goes out of his way to tell husbands that love includes a refusal to be embittered by the behavior of their wives (Col. 3:19). Fifth, we cannot leave out the common problem of being a blockhead. Women are complicated beings. Peter requires husbands to treat their wives according to knowledge (1 Pet. 3:7). The Word of God does not permit you to fail this course. Men must study their wives.

Sixth, there is the problem of poor provision. Paul says that poor financial provision for one’s family is tantamount to apostasy (1 Tim. 5:8). This is the case regardless of the reason how the provision failed. An essential element in provision is forethought. And when there is a genuine hard providence—a meteor landed on your business—remember the first principle above.

And last, laziness—one particular reason why many men do not provide adequately for their wives is laziness. “He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich” (Prov. 10:4). This is followed by the close second of excuse-making.

Common Sins of Wives

A very common sin is that of disrespect. God commands that a wife respect her husband (Eph. 5:33). Many wives do not read all those marriage books because they are zealous for righteousness; they read them in order to get more ammo to use on their husbands. Further, they want their husbands to love them unconditionally, but they then return their owed respect conditionally.

Second, there is resentment. While men tend to harsh bitterness, women tend to hurt bitterness. In the emotional realm, women bruise easily (1 Pet. 3:7). Some have concluded from this, falsely, that women have a right to any offense. But in Eph. 4:31-32, Paul tells us what we must do with the sins committed against us. It is as much a sin to be offended as it is to offend.

Third, a common sin is to think as the foolish women do. Many men struggle under numerous temptations for a time, only to have the wife join the dogpile. For example, Job’s wife encouraged him to let go of his integrity, to curse God and die (Job 2:9).
A fourth problem is the “little helper syndrome.” The Bible says that woman was made for the man (1 Cor. 11:8), and she was given to him to be a helpmeet (Gen. 2:20). But nowhere does the Bible say that the Holy Spirit needed a helpmeet. “Let’s see. Where can I find someone to help convict this man of his sins. . . ?”

Another is poor sexual responsiveness. Paul teaches us that one of the purposes of marriage is to provide protection against the manifold temptations out there to immorality (1 Cor. 7:2). But not only are many Christian wives not a help here, they are a positive hindrance. Remember though, the model is to be the Shulamite, and not the latest survey results in some bizarre women’s magazine.

In conservative circles, there can be the problem of pseudo-submissiveness. Many wives want their husbands to take the initiative, seize the leadership… as long as they do what the wife would have wanted them to. But see Eph. 5:24.

And last, there is carping, whining and quarreling. Solomon tells us that the contentions of a wife are an ongoing pain-in-the neck (Prov. 19:13). “But I just wanted him to hear my concerns. Just one more time.”

The Covenant Home 1: The Meaning of Federal Marriage

Joe Harby on August 23, 2015

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Introduction

For various reasons, the word federal is grossly misunderstood today. But our word comes from the Latin word foedus, which means covenant. Thus a federal union, or confederated association, should be understood as one bound by covenant oaths and loyalties. As Christians who understand the importance of covenants in the Bible, we should set ourselves to understand the meaning of federal marriage. This is just another way of saying covenant marriage.

The Texts

“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).

“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body” (Eph. 5:23).

The Face of Marriage Covenants

Some might want to assume that as Reformed Christians we simply have covenants on the brain, finding them everywhere in Scripture. You know, covenant peanut butter and covenant jelly. But this message is not an example of a systematic covenant theology running amok. The Bible speaks to us on this issue plainly.

The adulteress is described in Proverbs as one who forsook the companion of her youth, the covenant of her God (Prov. 2:17). The men in Malachi who complained to God about His lack of responsiveness to their prayers were told that it was because of how they treated their wives. Their wives were described as being their wives by covenant (Mai. 2:14). Marriage is described in the Bible as a covenantal institution. But much more is involved in this than just the word covenant.

The Meaning of Federal Headship

Closely related to the concept of the covenant is the idea of headship. The Bible gives us two important examples of what we might call federal headship. A covenant head is not the same thing as “a boss.”

First, consider what the Bible says about Adam. The relation that exists between us and our father Adam is a covenantal one. Because we are organically connected to him by covenant, when he sinned in the garden, we all sinned as represented in him. He sinned covenantally. “But like men [literally. like Adam] they transgressed the covenant; there they dealt treacherously with Me” (Hos. 6:7 ). And in his sin, we sinned.

We see the same thing with the second Adam. God in His mercy brought us out of sin the same way we were plunged into it. Because the sin of the first Adam condemned us, the obedience of the second Adam rescued us.

“Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come. But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many” (Rom. 5:14-15).

“And so it is written, The first man Adam became a living being/The last Adam became a life-giving spirit” (1 Cor. 15:45).

“For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive” (1 Cor. 15:22 ). When we put all this together, what do we see? Both Adam and Christ are described as the representative or covenantal heads of their people. This is how our sins can be imputed to Christ, and how His righteousness can be imputed to us.

Application to Marriage

Returning to our texts, we see that the husband has a comparable relation to his wife as the one which exists between Christ and His people. This relation Paul describes as one of headship. Because marriage is a covenant union, and because the husband is the head of the wife, this means that his headship is a federal headship. He is a covenant head. We must first grasp what this does not mean. Before authority in marriage can be understood, we must get free of all our individualism. In marriage, we do not have two separated individuals, with one of them in charge. Rather, we have an organic union which is instructed not to be schizophrenic. All “macho man” foolishness is inconsistent with what is described here.

This eliminates the blame game. It means that a husband can no more blame his wife for the state of their marriage than a thief can blame his hands. As Christ assumed responsibility for things He didn’t do, so husbands should be willing to do the same for their wives. How? The place to start is in your prayers.

This sheds light on the central duty of husbands, which is to love as Christ loved the Church. For many Christians this simply means that Christ loved the Church “a lot” and that husbands should strive to do the same. But what it means is that husbands should love their wives federally, the way Christ loved the Church. We may begin to point out what this means, but there will always be far more than this.

A husband’s love should seek to be efficacious love—Christ loved the Church in a way which transformed her. He should embody an incarnational love—Christ’s love for His

Church was literally embodied in His sacrificial life. He seeks to display a responsible love—Christ took on all the sins of His people, And last, it is an instructional love— Christ washes His Church with the Word, as should husbands.

Mission, Vocation, and Body Life

Joe Harby on February 15, 2015

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Introduction

As you have heard here before, mission is not something the church does on the side. Mission is at the heart of what the church is. And so, outreach, mission, evangelism, church planting all amount to the same thing. In this fallen world, the church should be about two things—birth and growth, and mission encompasses both of these. This is what Christ told the church to do in the Great Commission. Mission is why we are still here. But we need to be careful with this emphasis because there are some pitfalls.

The Text

“If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body” (1 Cor. 12:17–20).

Summary of the Text

The apostle Paul is discussing spiritual gifts, and in this section is describing what it means to be a member of the body. His use of member is taken as an illustration from the human body, and this means we shall have to think carefully about what it means to have something in common, including having a particular mission in common. If the entire body were an eyeball, then how could we hear (v. 17)? If the entire body were an ear, how could we smell (v. 17)? But God, instead of doing this sort of thing, has placed a number of different members into one body, according to his own good pleasure (v. 18). And, at first glance, it appears that an ear, an ankle, a liver, and a fingertip have very little in common. God did this because He has a higher unity in mind. If we had one big ear only, we would have no body (v. 19), and nothing would get done. In God’s wisdom, we can have multiple disparate parts, and yet have them all working together . . . on a mission (v. 20). But as mentioned earlier, we have to be careful because hand/eye coordination is not as easy as it looks.

Apparent Unity, Deep Unity

A policeman’s eyes and the eyes of the criminal he is chasing can have a great deal in common. They can both be blue, for example. They can both be nearsighted to the same extent, requiring the same prescription. They might go to the same optometrist. And the policeman’s eyes and the policeman’s heart apparently don’t have anything in common— except for the fact that they share the same vocation, the same calling, the same mission, which right now is that of chasing the criminal with the blue eyes. Both the heart and the eyes are doing their part to help catch the criminal. The eyes of the policeman are not thinking about their shared solidarity with the blue eyes of the criminal. But if we were giving a test to third graders, we might have a picture of the policeman’s right eye, the criminal’s left eye, and the policeman’s heart. What would happen if we told the kids to circle the two items that had the most in common? Right. A mistake would happen.

Another Illustration

Think of a submarine at war, with an assigned mission to seek out and sink ships in an enemy convoy. On that submarine you will find sailors who are part of the fire control team directly—the torpedo gang, say, and you will find sailors who are not a direct part of that team—the cook, say.

How does the cook advance the mission of the submarine? He does it by doing the best job that he can at his assigned post. He does it by cooking eggs. At the same time, he is not permitted to be uninterested in the mission of the submarine as a whole. He cannot detach his interests as though they were identical to his job description—as though he were somehow separate from the rest of the crew. He is part of the mission and must share an interest in that mission.

And yet, at the same time, he is not permitted to be so interested in what is going on in the torpedo room that he winds up being a bad cook. That’s no help either. If someone is called to a vocation—then the first thing to do is to be excellent at that calling. If your job is sweeping out a warehouse, and you spend your time leaning on the broom telling everyone else about Jesus, then what you are doing is stealing in the name of Jesus. Doing a poor job in the name of Jesus is a refusal to talk about Jesus honestly.

The two extremes are these: there are evangelism zealots who want every sailor to be part of the torpedo gang. And there are quiet, stay-at-home types who want to cook eggs and never, ever think about the war.

Yes and No

Should all Christians be prepared to share the message of the gospel to those who might ask? Yes, of course. In an exhortation that applies to all Christians, Peter says this: “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear” (1 Pet. 3:15).

At the same time, should every Christian be an evangelist? At the end of our chapter, Paul asks a series of rhetorical questions about various gifts. The implied answer to these rhetorical questions is no. Is everyone an apostle? How about a prophet? Is everyone a teacher? No. Now the gift of evangelism is not mentioned here, but it is included in similar lists of gifts elsewhere (Eph. 4:11), and the body life argument applies. Paul and Barnabas were both missionaries, even though Paul did the bulk of the speaking.

So “evangelism proper” is not something that every part of the body shares in common. We all must have in common a love for God, a love for our neighbor, a dependence upon God’s word, a liberty in prayer, etc. This is what every member in the body should have, provided it is alive and healthy. But the ear doesn’t have to see. The elbow doesn’t have to hear.

At the same time, the elbow has to be interested in what the eye is seeing. The eye has to be interested in what the elbow is doing. This is because the eye and ear are not seeing and hearing for themselves alone. They are performing their functions on behalf of the whole body.

How do you show interest? Every part of the body is to pray for evangelism. Every part of the body participates in the energy. You can pray, and you can give. You can ask questions about how it went. And of course, the reason we want this body to function smoothly in this way is because it is the body of Christ.

Three Chains IV: Deliverance

Joe Harby on October 12, 2014

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Introduction

We have been considering the ways in which men are held in bondage by fear, guilt, and shame. Fear threatens their safety. Guilt challenges their righteousness. Shame assaults their glory. Given the reality of sin, our response to this has to be true safety, genuine righteousness, and real glory—all given to us by another.

The Text

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Rom. 8:1–6).

Summary of the Text

Those who are in Christ Jesus are described as those who walk according to the Spirit and not according to the flesh (v. 1). For these, there is no condemnation. There are two contrasting laws. One is the law of the Spirit of life and the other is the law of sin and death (v. 2). The former sets us free from the latter. What the law could not do, God accomplished by sending His Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be condemned on the cross (v. 3). This condemnation on the cross did what all the righteous injunctions of the law could not do. This is what enables those who walk after the Spirit to fulfill the righteousness of the law (v. 4). Fleshly minds seek out fleshly things. Spiritual minds seek out spiritual things (v. 5). This means, at the end of the day, the fleshly mind seeks out death while the spiritual mind seeks out life (v. 6).

Freedom from Three Chains

In this passage, we see that the gospel liberates us fully and freely from fear, from guilt, and from shame. Fear? There is no condemnation. We are set free from the law of sin and death. Guilt? The righteousness of the law is now fulfilled in us. Shame? Our minds are elevated to the things of the Spirit.

What Liberation is Like

“When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, We were like them that dream. Then was our mouth filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing: Then said they among the heathen, The Lord hath done great things for them. The Lord hath done great things for us; Whereof we are glad. Turn again our captivity, O Lord, As the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him” (Ps. 126:1–6).

This is a passage of Scripture that brings into high relief what it is like to be saved. Getting saved is only a cliché if you are unaware of the threat, or the condemnation, or the shame. There is good news that can just fall out of the sky on you (like winning a lottery you never entered), but there is another kind of good news—this is the good news that presupposes a full awareness of the antecedent bad news. This would be like finding out that the governor had signed the pardon preventing your execution ten minutes prior to them flipping the switch. You were fully aware of the dilemma, and you are fully appreciative of the salvation.

The Eyes of Faith

We sometimes try to create the exhilaration of “getting saved” by finding some bad sin and wallowing in it for a while. If we can’t get saved, we can at least rededicate our lives. That’s almost as good, right? Wrong. We don’t see the goodness of God by plunging into the badness of rebellion. We don’t need a covenantal and Reformed rumspringa. We see that we were objects of wrath by nature in the same way that we see everything else that is important—by faith. Scripture tells us what we are apart from Christ, and when we consider the bent of our hearts, we can find confirmation enough.

Jesus the Savior

Jesus is our Deliverer. He was named Jesus because His mission was to save His people from their sins. “The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower” (Ps. 18:2).

So then, we are saved from fear of death because Jesus has conquered death, and because we fear God through Him. We are freed from fear. We are saved from guilt over our unrighteousness because Jesus lived a perfect sinless life on our behalf, which has been imputed to us, and He died on the cross as the perfect satisfaction for the penalty we owed God because of that unrighteousness. We are freed from guilt. We are saved from shame because God has resolved to glorify us with His own glory. We are freed from shame.

We walk by faith now. The time will come when we will see what we have been walking toward, and at that time everything will come into perspective. At the same time, because God knows our frame, He has given us an earnest payment of the deliverance to come. He has given us His Spirit as a foretaste of all that is coming, and this Spirit is a seal and guarantee of the life everlasting. When that day arrives we will see it as the culmination of all our days.

Three Chains III: Shame

Joe Harby on October 5, 2014

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Introduction

We have been considering fear, guilt, and shame, and we have come to treat the topic of shame separately.

The Text

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb. 12:1–2).

Summary of the Text

The Old Testament saints in the previous chapter were witnesses in their lives to the faithfulness of God. But there is something in this expression which indicates that they are now, in some fashion, witnessing us. They have run their race, and they are now sitting in the stands, a great cloud of them, as we run the race that God has assigned to us. We are compassed around with a great cloud of witnesses. We need to stretch out, take off any encumbrances, which would include any entangling sin, and then run patiently. The expression patiently indicates that it is a long distance run, not a dash. As we do, we look to the finish line. That finish line is Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. He was the first one to run the entire race, and He did it with His eye on the finish line, which was the joy set before Him. The joy and glory He has obtained was what made it possible for Him to hold the shame He had to endure in contempt. He despised the shame, considering it a trifle in the light of the joy that was coming.

Shame in the Sins of Others

Shame is not the same thing as guilt. It often accompanies guilt, but it is not the same thing. In addition, there are times when the sin of one person causes shame in another. This was the case with Tamar when her brother raped her (2 Sam. 13:13). This is the kind of emotion experienced by children who have been abused and violated, for example. This kind of shame occurs when you are sinned against. Another example would be when a lazy son causes his father shame (Prov. 10:5). Another kind of shame happens when you are despised by others because of a righteous stand you have taken. “Let not them that wait on thee, O Lord God of hosts, be ashamed for my sake: Let not those that seek thee be confounded for my sake, O God of Israel. Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; Shame hath covered my face” (Ps. 69:6–7). And in other situations, shame accompanies sins a person has committed himself. This would particularly be the case when the sin is generally despised, and is roundly condemned. A wicked man is loathsome and comes to shame (Prov. 13:5).

Shame in the Hand of God

“Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion together that rejoice at mine hurt: Let them be clothed with shame and dishonour that magnify themselves against me” (Ps. 35:26). “But thou hast saved us from our enemies, And hast put them to shame that hated us” (Ps. 44:7).

God may bring them to destruction in this way, or He may bring His enemies to destruction by making them His friends. “Fill their faces with shame; That they may seek thy name, O Lord. Let them be confounded and troubled for ever; Yea, let them be put to shame, and perish” (Ps. 83:16–17).

Never Ashamed

Jesus Christ was not ashamed as He enacted the gospel in and through His passion. That which Christ was not ashamed to go through, we must not be ashamed to be associated with. “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek” (Rom. 1:16). “For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed” (Rom. 10:11).

This attitude is necessary because this is where the world is always going to push back. “Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God” (2 Tim. 1:8).

Glory and Shame

The antidote to shame is glory. True shame requires real glory. Spurious shame is going to be answered by a spurious glory, but of course it has to be a flawed answer. There is a tight connect in Scripture between the two categories of glory and shame. The sons of men are rebuked for turning God’s glory into shame (Ps. 4:2). God disciplines sinners by changing their glory into shame (Hos. 4:7). A debauched lifestyle uses shame for glory (Hab. 2:16). Paul rebukes false teachers, whose glory is their shame (Phil. 3:19).

This is what gives the cool shame its authority. The cool shame represents worldliness, which in its turn is a rival system of glory. When the devil tempted the Lord, one of the things He showed Him was all the kingdoms of the world and their glory.

But Scripture gives us a striking contrast between the wise man and the fool. “The wise shall inherit glory: But shame shall be the promotion of fools” (Prov. 3:35).

There are two rival kingdoms in this world, and they have inverted systems of shame and glory. What they consider the ultimate disgrace we may embrace, and why? Because our understanding of glory is not theirs. Our understanding of glory has to do with a suffering servant exalted to the place that is above every name. Ours comes to the cross, and then to the crown. This is why, when the apostles were flogged, they were able to rejoice in it. “And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name” (Acts 5:41). It is an honor to be dishonored. It is a grace to be disgraced. And all this is only possible in and through the cross.