Christ Church

Parenting Young People 1

Joe Harby on

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Introduction

When it comes to parenting, you have often heard me say that our parental responsibility does not consist in getting young people to grit their teeth and conform to the standard. The task before us is to bring up our children in such a way as to love the standard. This is not possible to do with externally driven rules. It is a function of loyalty, and loyalty is based on love and relationship. We should consider what this looks like.

The Texts

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be a chaplet of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck” (Prov. 1:8-9).

“My son, forget not my law; But let thy heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and years of life, and peace, will they add to thee. Let not kindness and truth forsake thee: Bind them about thy neck; Write them upon the tablet of thy heart: So shalt thou find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man” (Prov. 3:1-4).

“My son, let them not depart from thine eyes; Keep sound wisdom and discretion: So shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck” (Prov. 3:21-22).

“My son, keep the commandment of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thy heart; Tie them about thy neck. When thou walkest, it shall lead thee; When thou sleepest, it shall watch over thee; And when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee” (Prov. 6:20-22).

Summary of the Texts

In the texts quoted, there is a great deal of material—more than I am able to address today. What I would like to do is draw out one basic theme. First, the instruction of your father and the law of your mother should be treated as a garland of grace for the head, and as an ornamental chain around the neck (Prov. 1:9). Second, a young person should take care to bind kindness and truth around his neck, and he does this by not forgetting his father’s law, and by cultivating a heart that keeps his commandments (Prov. 3:3). The result is a blessed life. Third, sound wisdom and discretion is life to the soul, and grace around the neck (Prov. 3: 22). And last, take up the commandments of your father, and do not abandon the law of your mother. Tie them onto your heart, and hang them around your neck. These are not a good luck charm, but Solomon almost speaks of them as though they were. But this is blessing, not luck. This is the triune God of all grace, and not some rabbit’s foot.

Obedience and Glory

Obedience to parents is therefore a young person’s glory. What do you do with what your parents have asked? You do not trudge off reluctantly, muttering to yourself. No, the standard set forth in Scripture is to take what you have been asked to do and hang it around your neck like you would do with an Olympic gold medal that you had just won. If an athlete comes in first in the Olympics, he does not stuff the medal into his gym bag and slouch off halfway through the national anthem, No . . . what do you do with your glory?

A High Standard for All

Now this is the point where many parents are elbowing each other, and praying that their little pill of an adolescent is listening. This is the point where some are doing all they can to refrain from looking down their row to see if somebody is paying attention. But this is not a life of ease for parents, and the glory of raw obedience for teenagers, an obedience that drops mysteriously out of the sky. It does not work this way. Obedience, the kind described here, arises from personal loyalty, and this loyalty arises from love. Where does love come from? As always, God models it for us. What He asks us to do, He shows us how to do. And we love Him because He loved us first (1 John 4:19). And if we want our young people to love us, with grace around the neck, then we must show them how it is worn.

Raise the Standard by Lowering It

If you cannot get the kids to love the standard, then lower the standard. I am not talking about God’s commandments, which you have no authority to lower, but rather addressing the questions that surround your house rules. Lower the standard to the point where everyone in the family can pitch in together. This is not simply “lowering standards,” and “why is a preacher telling us to do that?” It is actually raising the parental standard, which is the real reason we don’t like it. Parents must embrace the task of communicating, in a contagious way, love for the standard.

Now some parents might protest that this is impossible. But what does this example teach the young people in the home? It teaches them that nobody around here has to do “impossible” things, and since the requirement to make your bed, or to comb your hair, or to stop texting so much, are all clearly impossible, then they don’t have to be done. If you want your children to be obedient, then show them how.

Apart from a context of love and loyalty, parental discipline is just clobbering a kid. And since clobbering a kid is not what God said to do, the child is learning the fundamental lesson that in this house, we don’t have to do what God says to do. Instead, we learn to be sneaky enough to not get clobbered.

All Together Now

Each member of the family is supposed to understand that the whole family is a unit. All of you are on the same team. If you have drifted into an adversarial set of roles, then the parents have to do something to stop the game, change the rules, do something that works. Let us suppose the whole family is flunking high school calculus. Wouldn’t it be far better to all go back to sixth grade and pass that grade together?

The standard set in the passages from Proverbs is not an impossible standard. That was not written for angels in Heaven. It was written for us. These things are set before us now.

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Deep Peril, Deep Thanksgiving

Joe Harby on

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Introduction

We sometimes try to cultivate the right heart attitude by denying the obvious challenges and perils in the world around us, and we sometimes try to pretend that we see the “real world” by adopting a cynical and artistic posture toward it all. We think that in order to have an enjoyable thanksgiving, it would have to be in an idyllic Norman Rockwell setting—a cartoon thanksgiving. And if we have attained to the sophomoric wisdom of knowing that there is evil in the world, we think that we are justified in falling back into the profound evil of ingratitude.

The Text

“Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee: And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever. Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things; Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee” (Dt. 28:45-49).

Summary of the Text

The 28th chapter of Deuteronomy contains a list of blessings for faithful obedience, and curses for unfaithful disobedience. The words of the law that are set before the people of Israel then are actually the words of the gospel, as Paul explains it (Rom. 10). They are words of gospel, that is, if we receive them in faith. In the course of explaining these blessings and curses, Moses makes this comment on what unfaithful disobedience actually looks like. The curses will chase down and overtake God’s people, destroying them, because they could not be bothered to do what God had told them to do (v. 45). And what was that? It was not because they had not gone around with pinched and pious faces. The problem was the opposite problem. The curses would rest on them as a sign and a wonder, and upon their children after them (v. 46). And why? Because they had not served the Lord their God with joyfulness, with gladness of heart, for the abundance of their stuff (v. 47). And because they did not serve the Lord with joy, then they might as well serve their enemies with no joy, since that is clearly more fitting (v. 48).

Carnal Wisdom

True faith sees the world as it is, and also sees the world as God has declared it will be. So if we live by faith, we will not be content with superficial gratitude, and we will not be content with superficial ingratitude.Carnal wisdom either opts for the upbeat attitude, and acts as though the world is not full of sin, or it sees the grit and rejects the attitude of triumphant gospel declaration. Churches that fall for the former problem devolve into a condition where the sermons are full of treacle, and the whole church falls into a sentimentalist vat of goo. Churches that drift into the latter error adopt a posture of “too cool to care.” They get their view of depravity, not from the apostle Paul, but from gritty film-makers. The former elevate a cozy community, while the latter embrace an autonomous (and very artsy) individualism. A plague on both their houses—we want to see the world for what it is in order to be able to overcome it. This is not possible unless we, like Abraham, look forward to the city that God is in the process of establishing. God has intervened in human history, He is intervening, and He will continue to intervene. The New Jerusalem descends from the heavens.

Unsheathed Gratitude

So Thanksgiving is not what we fight for. Thanksgiving is what we fight with. Take your celebration of Thanksgiving out of the scabbard. Consider these truths. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Phil. 4:6). The joy of the Lord is your strength “Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Neh. 8:10). And of course we know that thanksgiving looks back on past blessings, but true thanksgiving also anticipates coming victories as well. “Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place” (2 Cor. 2:14).

Thanksgiving Is Not Murmuring Cleaned Up

Some might want to say that they are not complaining, but rather just commenting. Right. Others want to say that the reason they grouse about stuff like Wal-Mart, or pharmaceutical prices, or global corporations, or the Internet, or preservatives, or Nancy Pelosi’s Congress, is that they are bringing a Christian worldview critique to bear. Fine, but where is the joy? A sentimentalist resents having to fight, which is why his fighting, when it occurs, is so anemic. A biblical Christian hates evil, which is not the same thing as whining about it. The fear of the Lord is to hate evil (Prov. 8:13), but it is a clean hatred— glittering, pointed and joyful.

Application This Thursday

And so, we know that the days are evil. “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15-16). But this is what Paul tells us right before he urges us to walk in the Spirit, overflowing with thanksgiving. In what kind of time are we to be filled with the Spirit, singing and psalming in our hearts? In evil days. And he says this right before he says to give thanks for all things (Eph. 5:20). Did we catch that? We give thanks for all things in evil days. We serve a sovereign God. And so, this Thursday, strike a blow for righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, and do it with turkey, stuffing, cranberries, potatoes, and pie.

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Reformation Sunday 2009: The Little One In Our Midst

Joe Harby on

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Introduction

It’s well known that the Protestant Reformers instigated an overhaul of the Roman church system. Luther recovered justification by faith, the centrality of Christ’s life/death/resurrection was reasserted, and right celebration and understanding of the sacraments was worked toward. It’s less well known that the Reformers also worked toward a recovery of faithful Church discipline. One of the great church discipline passages is Matthew 18, but what’s striking and a bit strange is that Matthew shows us Jesus going from little children to church discipline almost in the same breath. The “children of Israel” weren’t paragons of virtue and wisdom. Our children seem barely civilized. So what’s the deal?

Luther posted his theses on All Saints Eve, the great culmination of Trinity/Pentecost Season giving glory to God for all His saints, all His faithful down through the ages. The desire to purify the Church was a desire to love the children of Israel, to rescue the lost sheep of the Church, and to defend them from the wolves that had crept into the Church. I want to explore why the Protestant instinct to recover church discipline was a recovery of Jesus’ requirement that, “Unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Mt. 18:3)

Children

Matthew has three scenarios piled on top of one another, all linked by the subject of “little ones.” In answer to the question “who is the greatest in the kingdom?” Jesus sets a little child (paidion) in the middle of them all (18:1-2). Jesus says that they all must be converted and become like little children to enter the kingdom (18:3) which doesn’t quite answer the original question. Once they have become little children, they must humble themselves like this child (in the midst of them) has who has become the model for kingdom citizens (18:4). Jesus explains that the path to becoming children is through receiving a little child in His name (18:5). And this is the same as receiving Jesus Himself.

Little Ones

Jesus continues, but He broadens his subject matter with the term “little ones” (micron) (18:6). Children are only one subset of this category. This would include all of the insignificant, the marginalized, the humble, the lost (cf. 18:12-13). The warning Jesus gives seems extreme. It reminds us of the Red Sea crossing and the judgment on Pharaoh’s men (Ex. 14-15); it also reminds us of the death of Abimelech whose head was crushed by a millstone (Jdg. 9:53). To cause a “little one” to fall into sin is to become an enemy of God’s people. So rather than causing one of these little ones to fall into sin, we ought to be at war with everything and everyone who does this. Cut off the hands and feet and pluck out the eye that causes “you” to fall into sin (18:8-9). And in case some might have thought that Jesus’ warning was merely hypothetical, Jesus assures them that they have advocates who have access to their Father, the Judge of all the earth (18:10).

One Lost Sheep

Even one lost sheep may seem insignificant, little, trifling, but Jesus says that our Father rejoices more over those little ones, those insignificant ones who have been stumbled, who have fallen into sin and been restored (18:11-13). Nevertheless, our Father’s wishes are that none of these little ones should perish. We should not only receive them, not only protect them, but also go searching for them just as God has done for us in Jesus. All of this comes as the context for the famous passage on seeking out a brother who has sinned against you. This is what should be done when someone does fall into sin (18:15ff). Given the context, part of the concern is dealing with those who do cause the little ones to sin. This is one of the ways we deal with “hands/feet/eyes” that cause us to sin. But this can also be viewed as the way we are to seek the little one who has stumbled and strayed. These are instructions for seeking to bring the sinning brother back into our midst, back into the middle of the community.

Refusal to seek out the lost sheep is refusal to receive little ones in our midst, which is tantamount to refusing to be converted and become like little children. We should point out that getting cast out of the Church is worse than drowning in the depths of the sea. Excommunication is an act that hands an individual over to Satan (1 Cor. 5:5) which is the beginning of being cast into hell. But refusal to discipline, refusal to seek out the straying sheep is allowing the “hand/feet/eye” to remain and is only more fodder for the fire. Note that Jesus closes these instructions with the promise to be in their midst when they are gathered in His name, just like the child in their midst whom they receive in His name (18:5, 20). When they gather as little children, Jesus will be in their midst.

Connecting the Dots

God has been very kind to us as a community, granting us a heart for children, and there are a multitude of examples where that love overflows to the sick, the lonely, the weak, and the straying. But we need to make sure we are connecting the dots from loving our children to loving all the little ones.First, this means seeing the messiness of “little ones” as part of growing up into the wisdom of God. Our children (and all the children in the Church) are types for ministry to the body in general. It’s constant, it’s busy, and it can very easily be frustrating. This means that we need to realize that little ones will act like little ones. Become a child doesn’t mean throwing fits; it means receiving and loving little ones who sometimes do. It’s no accident that Jesus goes from talking about discipline straight into a conversation about forgiveness.

Second, we should not draw a false dichotomy here between loving our little ones and loving the little ones all around us. But we need to have an eye to the big picture. Suppose a brother or sister is in sin, how should you approach them? You should approach them like you would your son or daughter (and vice versa).

Third, the greatest in the kingdom of heaven is the one lost sheep that is found. God the Father rejoices over the little ones that are restored, and therefore so should we. This means that we need to continue to grow up into a community of restoration, rehabilitation, a community that rejoices in finding the one lost sheep. If your child went missing, surely you would not go about as business as usual. The names of those who have strayed from the faith that we pray for week after week should not become ordinary.

It can be easy to think that the messiness of children and little ones means that everything has gone wrong. And of course sin is always wrong. But welcoming the mess, receiving little ones in Jesus name is receiving Jesus into our midst (18:5). When we face the challenges in Jesus name, we are seeking Jesus in the challenge. And this means we are seeking wisdom. We need Jesus in our midst when we gather in His name for discipline (18:20). And we do this by loving the little ones, protecting the little ones. As we learn this wisdom, we welcome the enthroned Child into our midst (cf. Rev. 12:5).

As we celebrate Reformation Day and All Saints Day, we celebrate becoming like little children, rescuing lost children, protecting the little ones, and welcoming Jesus into our midst.

In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen!

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Father of Mercies

Christ Church on

Introduction

Under the direction of God, in recent years we have been led to redouble our efforts and emphases on what we call mercy ministry. Whether it is a continuation of our labor in the Ivory Coast, or a new field for mercy work in Myanmar, or locally through Sabbath House, we have been given some wonderful opportunities. So that we don’t squander those opportunities, we need to love and think like Christians together.

The Text

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness” (Col. 3:12-14).

Summary of the Text

In the first part of Col. 3, the apostle tells them that they are to set their hearts and minds on things above, not on things below (vv. 1-4). Doing this necessarily involves mortifying your members which are on the earth, dealing fundamentally with the sins of desire, whether sensual or emotional (5-11). After he has told them to “put on” the new way of being human (v. 10), he gets into specifics. As the elect of God, holy and beloved, they are to put on, in the first places, tender mercies (v. 12). The AV has it “bowels of mercies,” mercy in the gut, mercy where you really live. This is accompanied by kindness, humility of mind, meekness, and longsuffering (v. 12). He then says we are to deal with our quarrels in a forbearing and forgiving way, and we are to forgive each other as Christ forgave us (v. 13). On top of all this, we are to put on love—charity—which is the bond of perfection (v. 14).

Foundations of Mercy

The various words in both Hebrew and Greek that are rendered as mercy can create some confusion for us, but our aggregate understanding of what mercy involves is still sound. One of the things we can see is that the overwhelming number of references to mercy in Scripture have to do with God’s mercy toward us.

As Christians, we begin and end with what God is like. He is the Father of mercies (1 Cor. 1:3). Our mercy is to be in frank imitation of His (Luke 6:36). When Jesus had compassion on the crowd (Matt. 9:36), the word used there indicates that He was moved viscerally; His compassion caused His gut to churn. We would say that He looked at the crowd, and it broke his heart. Now, if He is the new man, the ultimate man, then putting on the new man means that we are becoming like that.

Heart Issues

When we live as a merciful people in the world, we are doing so as the body of Christ. The life of Christ works in us in a particular way.

· Scripture presupposes a certain kind of person as the extension of God’s mercy in the world. Cruelty is one of the central characteristics of the old man, and God’s mercy in the world consists of enabling us, through the gospel, to put on the new man (Col. 3:10). There is no room for mercy within the old man. If we want to have mercy, the old man must die, and the new man must live. As the elect of God, put on tender mercies. We must have the gospel.

· We therefore extend mercy, not on the basis of what the recipient has deserved, but rather on the basis of what we received without deserving it. We have been forgiven (v. 13); therefore we are to forgive. We have received mercy, and there is no better reason for extending it. And there are few better indicators that you have not received it, than a refusal to extend it.

· C.S. Lewis says somewhere that when God tells us to feed the poor, He does not give us cooking lessons. And it is here that we must distinguish between what is unique to special grace, and what we can gather from common grace in the world. You can learn how to cook from an unbeliever, and then go to feed the poor. You cannot learn the meaning of grace, mercy, and love from the nonbelievers. Learning this is crucial because we live in a time when numerous unbelievers claim that they have a firm grasp of the meaning of justice and mercy, and everything in between. Their posing can be revealed as the sham it is by simply bringing up the abortion issue. One of the Hebrew words for mercy is raham, closely related to the word for womb. A womb ought to be the best picture of mercy that our broken world has. But we have introduced stainless steel “choices,” and have made it a place of the most terrible cruelties. Anyone who is fine with that does not have the first inkling of what mercy is.

· Guilt is a terrible motivator in giving. True guilt motivates to one thing only—repentance and confession. False guilt is cultivated by some to enable them to “juice” the giving, but the law of diminishing returns always sets in. Once genuine guilt has done its job, for long term, healthy giving—running a marathon as opposed to a dash or a lunge—gratitude, joy, fullness, and love are absolutely necessary.

So these are our four foundational principles: First, God is merciful. Second, mercy is never earned. Third, those who hate mercy cannot love it. Fourth, perpetual guilt hates mercy.

Learning to Cook

Good intentions are not enough. How many meals have been burned by a cook with a sincere desire to feed the family? Zealous motives won’t make the bottom of the pan any less black. We saw above that holiness of heart is absolutely necessary. But it is not sufficient. Love the poor with your head, and not just your heart. A “good Samaritan” might move a guy after a wreck, and break his neck doing it. The Hippocratic Oath is apropos here— first, do no harm.

Americans in particular have to learn how to stop throwing money around. Secondly, we need to master the distinction between absolute and relative poverty. And third, we need to eradicate every vestige of zero sum thinking. We will be lousy cooks otherwise. But if we have resolved to become good cooks, we have a spacious kitchen before us, and wonderful opportunities.

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